Cowboy at the Crossroads

by Linda Warren

  “Why didn’t you just let me die, Blanche?” Edie asked. “It would’ve been to your advantage.”

  “Honestly, Edie, it never crossed my mind. It should have. I’m surprised it didn’t.”

  “Me, too,” Edie murmured. “You’re still leaving Triple Creek,” she added as an afterthought.

  “I know, Edie.”

  “As soon as possible.”

  “I know.”

  There was a pause, then Edie asked, “Where will you go?”

  “I’ll probably get an apartment in Houston. I’ve never been on my own before. It’ll be a new experience.”

  “An apartment?” Edie thought about that for a minute. “I don’t think Pa would want you living in an apartment.”

  “Well, Pa’s not here, now is he?” Blanche said cheekily.

  “Enough!” Cord said angrily. “I’ve had it. I’m tired of all the fighting and bickering. It stops now. I can’t deal with any more. Blanche isn’t going anywhere. She’s staying at Triple Creek. Pa would want it that way and frankly so do I. Blanche is my mother. Even though I have a hard time with what she did, she is still my mother. Do you have a problem with that, Edie?”

  “No. No, I guess not,” Edie answered quietly.

  “I’ve got to get some air,” Cord said, and strode out of the room.

  “What’s wrong with him?” Edie asked.

  Blanche started to tell her about Mona, and Becca quickly followed Cord. She found him in a waiting area, pacing.

  “Cord,” she said softly. She moved to put her arms around him, but he backed away. A tiny fear took root inside her.

  “Is Blanche ready to go?” he asked in a cool tone. “I’ve got to get back to Nicki.”

  She tried again. “Cord.”

  He held up a hand. “No, Becca, I don’t want to talk. I just want to go home.”

  Becca watched him for a second and knew he was fighting a battle within himself. She would give him time. But she wanted to hold him, to comfort him, and it was so hard not to.

  “I’ll get Blanche,” she said, and walked away.

  LIKE THE JOURNEY in the ambulance several hours before, the ride to Triple Creek was silent. No one spoke a word and the silence was getting to Becca. Cord was shutting her out. She could feel it as strongly as the heart beating inside her. He was in pain and he needed to share that pain in order to assuage it. How did she make him see that?

  Nicki was excited at their return and had a million questions. She couldn’t understand why Blanche and Becca were so dirty. The blood had dried to a dark stain, and fortunately Nicki thought it was dirt. Blanche and Becca went to get cleaned up and left Cord with all the questions.

  Supper was another silent event, except for Nicki’s chattering. Afterward, Becca took her upstairs to put her to bed. Cord didn’t follow. The broken door to Becca’s room had been removed and Nicki didn’t notice that it was missing. As Becca was reading Nicki a story, Cord came in to kiss his daughter good-night.

  Cord looked at Becca, “Can I see you downstairs?”

  “Sure,” she said. When she’d finished the story, she joined him in the den. She sat on the sofa and Cord paced in front of her.

  She held her breath waiting for his words because she sensed she wasn’t going to like them.

  Cord knew what he had to do, but the words wouldn’t come. In his head he had it all worked out; his heart was another matter. When he closed his eyes, he could see Mona about to inject Becca with the needle. If he’d been a few seconds later, Becca would be dead—like Anette. Because of him.

  Suddenly, he turned and said, “I want you to go back to Houston.”

  Becca bit her lip, trying to maintain control of her emotions. “Why?” she asked simply.

  “Because it’s what I want.”

  “Why?”

  “Dammit, Becca, you don’t belong here!”

  Her eyes met his. “Then, why do I feel as if I do?”

  They stared at each other for endless seconds, then he dredged up every ounce of courage he possessed and said, “You don’t. You belong in Houston with an elite circle of friends. You’re not cut out to be a cowboy’s wife.”

  Her eyes didn’t waver from his. “Then, why am I in love with a cowboy?”

  “I want you away from this place,” he shouted. “There’s nothing but pain and suffering here. Can’t you see that? I couldn’t for so long, but I can now. I killed Anette. I couldn’t see what Mona was doing to her. I should have. I should’ve been there for her. I won’t hurt you like that. I’d die before I let that happen.”

  Becca stood. “Then, why are you hurting me now?”

  He drew a ragged breath. “I’m not, and you’ll see that in time.”

  “I won’t,” she said. She tried to touch him, but he backed away.

  “No, don’t touch me” came out as a strangled plea, and she knew nothing was going to change his mind. She tried desperately to restrain the tears that were threatening to overtake her. But she wasn’t leaving without a fight.

  “So Mona wins.”

  “What?” He seemed disconcerted.

  “She wanted to break us up and she’s doing exactly that.”

  He blinked. “That kind of logic might work on Nicki, but not on me. I can’t handle you being here. I just can’t take any more. Go, please.”

  She wanted to argue with him or throw a temper tantrum like Nicki, but she could see how badly he was hurting. He needed time to adjust to the turbulent events that had happened. And she told herself again that she would give it to him. Even though she didn’t want to. Walking away from the man she loved would truly be the hardest thing she’d ever have to do.

  He turned to leave the room.

  “Cord,” she called.

  He stopped.

  Please, he prayed. Just go.

  “I’m not leaving without saying goodbye to Nicki. She’s been through too much—I can’t desert her. She has to understand and accept why I’m leaving.”

  “I know that, and I wouldn’t expect any less of you.” With that, he left the room, and Becca’s heart broke into so many pieces that the pain became unbearable. She sank onto the sofa and began to cry.

  CORD WALKED QUICKLY to the barn and flipped on the light. He grabbed a bridle off the rack, then moved to the gate. He whistled and Apache came trotting up. Slipping the bridle over his head, he guided him into the barn. As he slung a saddle onto Apache’s back, Gus strolled in.

  “What’re you doing?” Gus asked.

  “Nothing,” Cord muttered.

  “Shouldn’t you be at the house with Becca and Nicki?”

  “There is no Becca anymore,” Cord said as he swung into the saddle.

  Gus frowned. “What’re you talking about? Cord, what’s wrong with you?”

  Cord didn’t answer. He pulled his hat low and kneed Apache. As the horse cantered out, Cord embraced the evening’s warmth. He gave Apache his head and they headed toward open range at a full gallop. Faster and faster Apache ran, and his hooves hitting the ground were the only sound in the darkness. They cut through the air like an arrow—sharp and steady. On and on Cord rode, driving the horse as well as himself. He had to keep going. He had to keep the memories at bay.

  Apache was panting and sweaty when Cord finally pulled up. He sat for a moment rubbing Apache’s neck. “Sorry, boy. I’ll let you rest.”

  He slid from the saddle to the grass, walked a few yards away and sank to the ground. He buried his face in his hands, unable to ignore the truth any longer. He had almost gotten Becca killed. He couldn’t get that thought out of his head. He loved her and wanted to make her happy, but he had endangered her life. Just like he’d endangered Anette’s.

  He couldn’t drag Becca into his misery. She deserved better than that. Colton had warned him; he should have listened and not gotten involved with her. Now he was hurting her, but she’d get over it. She had a brilliant career waiting for her and she’d find the right man in Houston. He wasn’t the ma
n for Becca. He lay back on the cool grass and watched the dazzling display of stars. A coyote howled mournfully in the distance, echoing the pain in his heart. He wasn’t the man for Becca, he told himself again and again. Even if she was the woman for him.

  BECCA HURRIEDLY TRIED to wipe away the tears as Blanche walked in, but she didn’t succeed.

  “What’s the matter, sugar?”

  Becca didn’t see any reason to lie. “Cord asked me to leave.”

  Blanche’s eyes grew big. “You’re joking.”

  “No, he’s all torn up about Mona and Anette. He’s blaming himself, and I can’t reach him.”

  “Hell’s bells, you’re not leaving, are you?”

  “Yes. I can’t stay here if he doesn’t want me to. And if I can’t reach him, our love means nothing.”

  “Sugar, give it some time and it’ll work itself out.”

  She wiped away another tear. “I’m not sure. I have to be back in Houston in a few days, anyway. I was just hoping not to leave under these circumstances.”

  “Cord loves you. I know he does.”

  “Yeah.” She blinked back more tears. “But I don’t think he’ll let himself remember that.” She took a breath. “Would you do me a favor?”

  “Sure, sugar, anything.”

  “I have to tell Nicki in the morning and I’d appreciate it if you were there for moral support. I’m not sure how she’s going to take it.”

  “I’ll set my alarm. I’ll be there.”

  Becca swallowed. “Also, would you be there for her when I’m gone? She’ll need someone besides Mrs. Witherspoon.”

  “Sure, sugar. I’m getting into this grandmother thing.”

  “Thanks, Blanche.” She stood. “Now I’d better go pack.”

  “Becca,” Blanche said, and Becca turned.

  Suddenly Blanche hugged her. “You know something? You’re the only woman I’ve ever really liked.”

  Becca was thrown for a second, but she returned the hug and hurried away. She had to or she’d cry her eyes out.

  BECCA DIDN’T SLEEP MUCH. She’d packed all her things; everything was in her car. The only thing left was to talk to Nicki, and she wasn’t looking forward to that. But it had to be done.

  She was hoping she’d have a chance to talk to Cord one more time, but he was nowhere in sight. He didn’t show up for breakfast, and she wondered where he was. It wasn’t like him to miss getting Nicki ready in the morning, but then, Cord wasn’t acting like himself. She’d thought they were soul mates and could reach each other on any level, but pain had obliterated the bond they shared. There had to be a way to get it back. The love she had for Cord wasn’t going to disappear.

  Becca took Nicki into the den and pulled the child onto her lap. Blanche stood in the doorway.

  “What’re we gonna do today?” Nicki asked, and Becca’s throat closed up.

  Becca rubbed her little arm. “Remember when I first came here and I told you I was a doctor and I took care of girls and boys like you?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Well, it’s time for me to go back to my job.”

  “Why?”

  “Because those girls and boys are waiting for me to take care of them.”

  “But you take care of me.” Nicki’s bottom lip began to tremble.

  Becca kissed her cheek. “You will always be my favorite patient, and Blanche will bring you to see me and you can call me anytime you want.”

  “You bet, sugarplum,” Blanche said heartily as she came in and sat down. “I’ll load you up in the Caddy and we’ll head to town. You can see Becca’s office and you might even meet some of those kids Becca treats.”

  “That’s a marvelous idea,” Becca said, remembering the play group she’d been thinking about for Nicki. “There’s a play group in my building, and you can come and play every day or whenever you like.”

  Nicki twisted her hands. “There’s kids there? Kids I can play with?”

  “Yes.”

  “But…”

  Becca could see Nicki wasn’t quite sure; her eyes were already bright with tears. Don’t cry, Nicki, Becca was praying. If she cried, Becca knew she wouldn’t be able to leave. Tough love really was tough when the heart was involved.

  “You know what, sugarplum?” Blanche said. “I’ve got this red feather boa that would look super on you, and I bet I could find some red high heels, too.”

  “Oh boy!” Nicki’s eyes lit up and she slid from Becca’s lap. “I can wear your heels?”

  “You betcha, but you’d better give Becca a hug before she leaves.”

  Her little arms encircled Becca’s neck. “I love you, Becca.”

  Becca fought back tears. “I love you, too, sweetie.”

  Blanche led Nicki away. At the door Nicki waved at her and Becca waved back, her heart in her throat. Nicki wasn’t going to cry, but she would if she didn’t get out of here soon.

  She ran into the kitchen and hugged Della.

  “I’m so sorry,” Della said. Becca had told her the whole story.

  “Sometimes things don’t work out the way we plan.”

  “We’ll miss you.”

  “Bye!” Becca ran out the door to her car.

  She backed out and headed for Houston and her life. But she couldn’t help thinking that the scene in her rearview mirror was her life—the only life she wanted.

  CORD WATCHED HER LEAVE from an upstairs window. She was gone. She was safe. His heart wobbled inside him, but he was doing the right thing. They’d had a moment out of time and he would never forget it. But his loss would torture him for the rest of his life. That was exactly what he deserved.

  BECCA WENT DIRECTLY to her apartment and unpacked, but she was restless. She suddenly had to see her mother. She drove to the clinic, but Emily was with a patient so she waited in her office. There was a family photo of the four of them on Emily’s desk. Becca picked it up, staring at the smiling faces. They were happy, and she needed that happiness right now.

  Emily entered the office and stopped, her surprise almost comical. “Becca! What are you doing here?” she asked in a startled voice. “Oh, it’s so good to see you,” she said as they embraced.

  Emily drew back. “Your hair’s longer and you look…different.”

  “How?” Becca asked.

  “I don’t know, but…” Emily gazed into her eyes. “You’re all grown-up.”

  “Yeah, Mom. I don’t even say jeez anymore,” Becca said with a touch of mirth. “I’m all grown-up.”

  “I guess I’ve never really accepted that before.”

  “No, I don’t think you have.”

  “Oh my, I have a grown-up daughter.” Emily pushed dark hair away from Becca’s shoulder. “And she looks so sad.”

  Unable to stop herself, Becca burst into tears, and Emily held her tight.

  “What is it, angel?”

  “I’m in love and…and it hurts.”

  Emily seemed to need a moment to absorb this, then she led Becca to a chair and got her a glass of water. “Tell me all about it.”

  Becca didn’t leave anything out. She told her mother every detail except the intimate part, which belonged to her and Cord alone.

  “Oh my.” Emily brought a hand to her chest. “I’m so thankful you’re okay, and your face has healed nicely, too.”

  Becca took a sip of water. “I know you and Dad will be upset that Cord’s older, has a marriage behind him and a five-year-old daughter—but I love him and I love Nicki.”

  “Your father and I want you to be happy. That’s all we’ve ever wanted for you.”

  Becca frowned in puzzlement.

  “What is it?” Emily asked.

  “All these years I’ve been trying to be the daughter you wanted. I didn’t want to disappoint you again.”

  Emily pulled up a chair and faced her. “Angel, you have never disappointed us.”

  “Yes, I did,” Becca refuted. “When I found out you were my mother, I did all those crazy things to hurt y
ou.”

  Emily gently removed the glass from Becca’s grasp and set it on a table, then she took her daughter’s hands in hers. “That was a traumatic time for all of us. You wouldn’t have been human if you hadn’t responded in some way. You had so many emotions to get out of your system.” She squeezed her hands. “You have never disappointed Jackson and me,” she said again. “Our love is unconditional.” She eyed Becca for a moment. “Did you choose medicine because you thought I wanted you to?”

  Becca considered that and she had to be honest. “In part, I guess I did. I always wanted to be like you, but I enjoy being a doctor and I don’t regret that decision.”

  “I’m glad, because you’re very good with kids.”

  “For a while now, I’ve felt this restlessness and I couldn’t figure out what it was.”

  “Have you figured it out now?”

  “Yes.” She looked at her mother. “I’d fit myself into the mold of being Emily’s daughter. Your little girl. But the woman in me was clamoring to be released. I kept pushing her back, because deep inside I believed that once the woman surfaced, I’d lose something precious.”

  “And did you?”

  “No.” Becca smiled. “I gained so much more. And I know that no matter what happens, you and Daddy will always be there for me, whether I’m a little girl or your grown-up daughter.”

  Emily patted her hands. “Yes, we will.”

  “Oh, Mom, love is hard.”

  “Yes, but it also brings great rewards.”

  “I’ll try to remember that.”

  “You’re coming to dinner and I don’t want to hear any excuses. Scotty hasn’t seen you in ages and Grandpa George is in town.”

  “Yes, I’ve missed everyone, and I can’t wait to hold Scotty.” She needed to hold Nicki, too—and most of all, Nicki’s father.

  Cord, how can you do this to us?

  THE NEXT FEW DAYS weren’t easy. Becca had trouble sleeping and she didn’t feel like eating. She talked to Nicki and to Blanche every day; the child was doing fine. Becca was grateful for that. Blanche said Mrs. Witherspoon hadn’t come back and that Cord kept Nicki with him most of the day. When Nicki wasn’t with him, she stayed with Blanche. Becca didn’t know why he’d chosen to do this, rather than rehire the nanny or send Nicki to a play group, but she was sure he had a reason—one that made sense to him, anyway. Blanche also said that Edie was home and recovering well. The Prescotts had gone on without Becca, and she’d never felt so alone in her life. She had her family, but Becca—the woman Becca—needed a whole lot more.