Where I Need To Be

by Jamie Hollins

  “Don’t give me excuses. You just didn’t try hard enough,” her dad had replied.

  Was that what he would say when she told them she hadn’t been able to keep her marriage from failing? That she just hadn’t tried hard enough? That the wind would always blow and there would always be an endless amount of problems but she’d just made excuses and hadn’t put in enough effort?

  “Hello? Honey, can you hear me?”

  Megan shook the depressing thoughts from her mind. “Yeah, sorry, Mom. I’m here. I promise to be home for Christmas, okay?”

  “I should certainly hope so!”

  Katherine McKenna’s shrill voice shot straight out of the phone’s speaker and lanced directly into Megan’s eardrum. As a retired school teacher, her mom didn’t have much to do with her time. She filled her days knitting, organizing functions at her church, and incessantly calling her children.

  Sean had learned the art of avoiding their mother’s nosiness long ago. Megan never had. She would always acknowledge that she was fortunate for having a loving mother and father. But when it had come time to pick a university, Megan had loved the idea of Chicago. The thought of getting away from her mother’s watchful eye and all the pressures to be perfect had been the deciding factors. It was far enough away that she could be independent but close enough that it’d only take a short plane ride to get home.

  Avoidance really worked when you had nine hundred miles of separation.

  “How will you spend Thanksgiving then? Are you hosting friends?” her mom asked, resignation heavy in her tone.

  “Yes, we are.”

  That wasn’t a lie either. Although we wasn’t Megan and Niall. It was Megan and Calli.

  Earlier in the week, Calli had asked Megan if she was planning on traveling back to Boston for Thanksgiving. Even if she could have afforded a plane ticket or if her car could have actually survived the drive, she wouldn’t have gone home.

  Calli had roped Megan into sharing hosting responsibilities for a Thanksgiving dinner party for her friends. And by sharing, that meant Megan would do all the cooking while Calli footed the bill.

  “Very well,” her mother sighed. “I won’t keep you on the phone, dear. I have to go help your father with something anyway. He’s ordering new upholstery for the booths at his Cambridge restaurant and wants my opinion.”

  Megan smiled. Her father was going to get her mother’s opinion regardless of whether he asked for it or not. “All right, Mom. Give Dad a hug from me, please.”

  Disconnecting the call, she walked up the busy sidewalk toward the front of the auto garage. Conversations with her mother always left her feeling exhausted, and she really wished she had some more emotional energy for the next person she had to deal with.

  When the caller ID for the auto garage had popped up on her phone yesterday, her breath had hitched with excitement. Hearing Janie’s voice on the other end had disappointed and relieved Megan at the same time.

  Truth be told, Megan was dying to see James again. She wanted to hear the low rumble of his voice and see the smile in his eyes. Yet she was a little apprehensive because they needed to talk about what had happened. And hopefully, what would continue to happen.

  Hitching her purse up higher on her shoulder, she rounded the corner of the building and pushed through the front office. Janie looked up from a magazine she was reading on the counter.

  “Hi, Ms. McKenna.” The brunette smiled brightly. “How are you today?”

  “Fine, thank you. How are you?”

  “Fabulous. I love your shoes, by the way.”

  Megan looked down at her metallic gold Prada loafers. “Thank you. They’re super-comfortable.”

  Janie smiled and scanned through a rack of file folders before pulling out hers, presumably. “Okay, so it looks like with parts and labor it has come to two hundred fifteen dollars.”

  Megan handed her overused credit card to the woman. Spending money on her shitty car was like spending money on dental work. She’d pretty much rather spend it on anything else.

  As Janie ran the card, Megan glanced through the large windows that separated the office from the garage. Her breath caught when she spotted James talking with two other guys. She hoped she didn’t sigh out loud so his office manager could hear her, but she almost melted into the counter she was leaning against. He looked just as gorgeous as she remembered.

  He was holding a grimy black piece of metal and pointing to something attached to it. It must have been heavy because his bicep bulged, and she could see the thick cords of muscles strain in his forearm. The two guys he was talking to were nodding in agreement with whatever he was saying. She stopped herself from nodding too.

  Boy, did she have it bad for James Foley.

  “Alrighty,” Janie said, bringing Megan’s attention back to the present. “Just your John Hancock on this work form and on this receipt please.”

  Megan scribbled her signature where Janie indicated and returned her credit card to her wallet. “Anything else you need from me?”

  Janie shook her head and handed over the car keys. “Nope, you’re all set. I think James brought your car around front.” The woman looked beyond Megan and pointed out the door. “Yep, she’s right there.”

  “You refer to cars as girls too, I see,” Megan joked.

  “Yeah, these guys rub off on me. Some of them even name their cars.”

  Janie’s smirk made Megan laugh. She was just about ready to ask Janie to let James know that she needed a word with him when the man himself walked into the front office.

  “Hey,” he said, his smooth voice rumbling as he finished wiping his hands with a rag.

  He sounded slightly rushed, like he’d run over to catch her before she left. Maybe he was just as anxious to see her as she was to see him.

  “Hi,” Megan replied.

  She was glad to hear her voice didn’t shake like the rest of her. Not more than five days ago, she’d added this man to her very short list of sexual partners, and being in the same room as him now was causing all sorts of abnormalities in her body. Primarily, weak knees and a racing heart rate.

  “I’m glad I caught you,” he said. “Do you have a minute for me to show you something on your car?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  She hoped this was just a ploy for the two of them to have some privacy. He pushed open the door and ushered her through.

  As they walked side by side to her car, he asked, “How have you been?”

  “Good.”

  She looked over at him, hoping to catch that sparkle in his eye that warmed her from the inside out. But instead of making eye contact, he just nodded and looked straight ahead.

  When they reached her car, he rounded to the opposite side and bent down next to her front right tire. “See this?” he asked, pointing to her tire.

  She shuffled closer and bent forward, thinking he wanted to get out of view of his gawking co-workers. She watched his face, which lacked any sort of readable emotion.

  “Yes.”

  He looked up at her and frowned. “Megan, you’re not looking. Look here.”

  Her eyes moved to where his finger was pointing. He actually wanted her to look at her tire. Dear Lord. Suddenly embarrassed, she bit her lip and nodded.

  “The tread on these tires is worn down to the point where they’re not safe for winter conditions. You’ll slip and slide all over the street with even a trace of ice or snow.”

  Bristling with embarrassment, she stood up. “It seems like every time I come here you’re telling me something else is wrong with my car.”

  He rose from his crouch and turned toward her, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’s because there is always something wrong with your car.”

  James’s tone was one she recognized easily. It was the same tone she used every day in her classroom when she was talking to a student who wasn’t paying attention. Her earlier embarrassment quickly turned to irritation.

  Her car was becoming—
had become—a money pit. It wasn’t worth all these repairs she was making. She needed to get from her apartment to school. That’s it. She’d only bought a car because it would be more convenient in winter. Maybe she should rethink taking the bus.

  On top of that, it was pricking her pride that James was acting like they hadn’t fucked each other five days ago. His words, not hers. Megan didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but it sure as hell wasn’t a matter-of-fact conversation about the tread on her tires.

  “How much?” she asked.

  “For four inexpensive tires, you’re probably looking at two hundred eighty dollars without installation.”

  “And with installation?”

  He studied her for a second before answering, “Installation is free.”

  “I don’t need a handout,” she snapped. “If you usually charge people for installation, then I’ll pay for installation.”

  He shook his head. “You’re not people, princess.”

  When he’d first called her sweetheart, she hadn’t minded. She actually liked the endearment. But the way he’s just said princess implied something not altogether very nice.

  “Did you call me that because you think I’m spoiled?”

  Narrowing his eyes at her, he hesitated. “I would guess you were probably spoiled at one time. But you’re not spoiled now.”

  She pulled in a long breath through her nose. He was right, of course, but she wasn’t in the mood. This meeting wasn’t going anything like she’d thought it would.

  Suddenly her head hurt, and she rubbed her temples with her fingertips. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with him. She felt silly for arguing. She’d let her frustration at her constant outflow of money, the tiring conversation with her mother, and her attraction to him get the best of her.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get snappy with you. I’ve just had a long day. Thank you for pointing out the safety concern. How soon do you recommend I order these tires?”

  He furrowed his brow as his deep brown eyes searched her face. “Beginning of December at the latest.”

  “All right,” she replied. “Then that’s what I’ll do.”

  James rubbed the back of his neck, still regarding her seriously. Her limbs felt heavy, and the thought of going home and taking a nice long bath sounded better by the second. But things between the two of them needed to be resolved, and she didn’t want it hanging over her head for however long it would take for them to run into each other again.

  “We need to talk,” she said at the same time James muttered, “Listen—”

  They both smiled awkwardly.

  “You first,” she replied.

  ###

  He’d never seen Megan look this out of sorts before. Something must have happened. He hoped it wasn’t anything to do with her fuckwit ex-husband. Just the thought of that asshole had him balling his fist tightly.

  Surveying her, he hoped to God she hadn’t walked all the way from school. She wasn’t dressed warmly enough for the chilly temperatures that had settled into Chicago over the past day or two. She had on flats, a long, flowy olive dress, and a thin tan leather jacket.

  Megan nibbled on her lower lip as she looked everywhere but at him. He desperately wanted to ask her what was bothering her, but he stopped himself. She wasn’t his. It was none of his business.

  He needed to be straight with her.

  “About Friday night…” He paused before deciding to begin a different way. “I need to be upfront with you and tell you that I’m not interested in a relationship. I’ve got a lot going on in my life with the shop and with my son. And a steady woman just doesn’t fit into my plans at the moment.”

  She nodded but didn’t say anything. Shit, if she broke into tears in his parking lot, he didn’t know what he would do.

  “I like you, Megan. I sure as hell liked what happened on Friday, and I’d like to see you again. But beyond that, I can’t give you anything more.”

  “So are you saying you’d like to date but not exclusively?”

  Was that what he was saying? That he wanted to date her?

  “If by dating you mean periodically getting together and having sex, then sure, let’s go with that.”

  As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he could take them back. He was being honest, but it had made him sound like a dick.

  She looked skyward and smiled. “Thank God. That’s exactly what I was going to say.”

  He frowned. “You were?”

  “Yes!” She laughed. “What a relief. I had a lot fun with you. But jumping back into a relationship…I just can’t right now.”

  “So we agree on this?” he asked incredulously.

  “Absolutely.”

  Huh. Wasn’t that something?

  “Oh, but there is one thing I did want to add,” she said, grimacing slightly.

  He knew there had to be a catch.

  “If we’re…” She looked back toward the garage at the guys congregating around the open doors, pretending not to eavesdrop. “If we’re sleeping together, I’m not going to hold you to being exclusive, but I would hope you could extend the courtesy of letting me know if you meet someone else who you’d like to sleep with.”

  He couldn’t help it, he let his chuckle slip. He wasn’t laughing at what she said. It was perfectly reasonable. He was laughing at the idea of wanting any other woman when he had Megan in his bed.

  “That’s fair,” he replied. “And I’d expect the same courtesy from you.”

  Smiling, she extended her hand. “Deal.”

  He frowned, taking her outstretched hand. Instead of shaking it, he lightly tugged her toward him. “Sweetheart, I’m not shaking your hand like we’re conducting some business deal.”

  She blinked, her mouth falling open before she closed it quickly. Pulling her hand from his grasp, Megan clutched the strap of her purse. “Of course, I’m sorry. That was stupid.”

  He smiled, taking a step closer and leaning in slightly. “Not stupid, and you have nothing to apologize for.” He watched as her eyes fell to his lips and he liked the way this woman thought. “Now tell me…when can I see you again?”

  She swallowed before nibbling on her lower lip. It took everything he had not to reach up and pull her rose-colored lip down with his thumb. James knew all of his employees were watching. They’d stopped the pretense of being busy the moment he’d pulled her toward him.

  “How about we do dinner this weekend?” he asked. “It’ll have to be late, after Cade goes to bed.”

  She nodded slowly. “I’d like that.”

  “Saturday around nine o’clock?”

  Her clear blue eyes smiled as she nodded again. “It’s a date.”

  “It’s a date,” he repeated.

  Grinning, she walked around to the other side of her car and opened the door.

  “I was serious when I told you about the tread on your tires. You need to get them changed,” he called over the roof of the car before she could slide inside.

  “Okay, I’ll make sure to take care of it. I know this mechanic who’ll probably install them for me for free.”

  She smiled before sitting in the driver’s seat and closing the door. Resting his hand on the top of the window frame, he bent down and peered into the car. She fumbled with some buttons on her door before the passenger-side window noisily slid down.

  “This mechanic friend of yours…he sounds like a really nice guy,” he stated.

  “Oh, he is.” She stuck the key in the ignition. The Honda stuttered for a second before the engine turned over. “And I plan to thank him for his generosity.”

  Before he could respond, she gave a small wave and rolled out of the parking lot. He stood there for a minute, watching her take a left before she disappeared from sight. Smiling to himself, he walked back toward the front office. One of the guys milling around at the opening of the nearest bay door whistled.

  “Damn, boss,” he teased, causing the two other men
standing there to chuckle.

  “I don’t pay you to stand around eavesdropping,” he said, hoping his tone sounded stern enough. “Get back to work.”

  The three men quickly turned into the garage, but not before James heard them snicker. After entering the front office, he circled around to the back of the counter and pulled out Megan’s file. He made a note about her tires and that he’d notified her of the need to replace them.

  He felt Janie’s eyes on him the entire time. Without looking up, he asked, “Something to say, Janie?”

  His office manager moved closer and leaned an elbow on the counter. “Megan McKenna wouldn’t happen to be the reason the surveillance system had been turned off over the weekend, would she?”

  Jerking his head up, he frowned at Janie. Her eyes were bright with humor that she could barely contain as she sucked on a red lollipop.

  “Why would you ask that?”

  She shrugged. “Well, Ms. McKenna wasn’t on the schedule when I left the shop on Friday evening, and her car wasn’t in the parking lot. But when I got here on Monday morning, her car was here and you’d put in an order for a new exhaust on Saturday afternoon.”

  “So?” he replied.

  Janie leaned a little closer and whispered, “And I saw a condom wrapper in your dust bin when I collected the trash.”

  Fuck. He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out the right thing to say here. Fuck.

  “For future reference, the next time you want to have some hanky-panky in the garage, I’d suggest the far back corner between the rack with all the fuel additives and where the fire extinguisher is hanging. It’s completely out of range of any of the cameras.” She stuck the lollipop back in her mouth and moved over to her chair.

  “Do I even want to know how you know that?”

  After a moment, she pulled the lollipop back out of her mouth, and without looking up from her magazine, she simply said, “Nope.”