Sal

by Mick Kitson

  Peppa didn’t know whether to run or not and she sat on the bed in the bender wishing she had a phone so she could phone me and ask what to do.Then the woman came back with a stack of sticks and some bigger bits of wood and she snapped the longer branches up and got the fire going.

  Then she went ‘Good?’ to Peppa and Peppa said thanks.

  The woman went off again and Peppa could hear her pulling sticks out of the undergrowth and snapping branches. And all the time she was talking and muttering and sometimes she laughed like there was someone else there. Peppa came out of the bender and watched her. She was bundling sticks and wood under her arm and striding about pulling and snapping and muttering all in her language.

  The woman came back and made a pyramid fire and then started stacking more wood next to it and Peppa sat by it and the woman watched the fire burning for a bit and then said ‘Good’ again.Then she went off to get more wood and eventually there was a huge pile all snapped to the right length stacked by the fire.

  Peppa didn’t feel scared of the woman and she didn’t think she’d tell on us so she put the kettle on and said ‘Are you wanting a cup a tea?’ and the woman said ‘Yah, tea’ and sat down opposite Peppa and warmed her hands. The kettle boiled and Peppa made her tea with milk and sugar in it like we have and the woman drank it and said ‘Good.’

  Peppa said ‘Can you speak English?’

  And the woman said ‘Yes I can. My name is Ingrid. I am a doctor. I prefer to speak German. Can you speak German?’ and Peppa said she didn’t and the woman said ‘Then I shall teach you.’

  And then the woman said ‘I too live in a bender. Mine is larger and better constructed than yours.’

  Peppa said ‘My sister made it. She’s gone to town to get food.’

  And then the woman stood up and said ‘Good. Thank you for the tea. Do not allow the fire to go out again. You now have a plentiful supply of wood.’

  And off she went.

  Peppa told me all this the night I got back when she was eating the steak I got her and I had corned beef and we both had beans. I started to worry about Ingrid because now someone knew where we were and they could tell, and if people came looking for us and asked, they might say ‘Aye there are two lassies living in a bender up there in the woods.’

  But Peppa said she wouldn’t and that we could trust her because she lived in a bender too and she was out on her own in the woods and she didn’t look like a wanky walker in a cagoule and walking boots. In fact she sounded like she looked like a witch and I said that and Peppa said ‘Aye she did.’ But Peppa seemed to trust her and she was okay about it so I thought I wouldn’t worry. I was really tired after walking all the way back with the food so I left off telling Peppa about the stuff on the internet till tomorrow and we stacked up the fire and went to bed.

  Because Ingrid spoke German and looked like a witch it made me think of the Nachthexen in the Second World War at the Battle of Stalingrad which is my favourite battle in a war. Nachthexen means ‘night witches’ in German and it was the name the Germans gave to the women who flew Russian bombers at night and attacked them. So I told Peppa about them and I had told her before but she likes it.

  They were a women-only squadron of bombers and they flew really old flimsy biplanes made of cloth and wood and they could only carry six bombs at a time. They flew slow, but the little biplanes could dodge the German guns and fighter planes and then they went so slow that the German planes stalled which means their engines stopped working in the air. Also the Nachthexen used to shut their engines off when they were coming in at night low over the Germans so they didn’t hear them and they could drop bombs right on them. The Germans thought the sound of the wind on the gliding planes was like a witch’s broom.They killed loads and loads of Germans which is fair because Germany had invaded their country and killed loads of Russians and they started the war and they murdered all the Jews.The German soldiers were so scared of the Russian women they called them Nachthexen and they thought they were witches and demons because nobody else dared to fly at night and bomb them so they thought they were magic. This happened in 1942 and 1943 when they were fighting over Stalingrad which was a city in southern Russia that is now called Volgograd. I saw a film called Enemy at the Gates about snipers in the battle that I really liked and then I read about it on Wikipedia. Peppa fell asleep when I was telling her all this stuff and we were both really warm.

  The next day we went to the loch fishing for Pike with the plugs and wire traces. It was sunny and it felt warm in the sun and the wind was only light. As we walked down I told her about the internet stuff and Maw in a rehab, and about the papers and the search for us and the CCTV. She was worried about Maw but I said it was good they were going to try and dry her out and stop her drinking and she wasn’t in jail so they knew she didn’t kill Robert.

  Peppa said ‘What will happen if they find us?’ I said ‘I’ll get arrested and charged with killing Robert and you’ll get put in care.’

  And she got upset then and bit her bottom lip and looked down and stopped walking. Then she said ‘But I’m glad you killed Robert.’ And I said ‘I know’ and she said ‘You can just tell them why you did it and why we ran and they might let you go.’

  I’d thought of that too. I’d thought about telling about Robert before, and him saying he was going to go in Peppa’s room and him hitting Maw and being drunk and stoned all the time. But I knew the first thing that would happen would be he’d get arrested and we’d get taken and split up because that was what always happened. Plus nobody would believe Maw didn’t know and she might get charged with abuse or neglecting us and go to jail. I had read stories about it on news websites, where the mother got charged and went to jail and the stepdad went for longer because he was the one who did all the bad stuff like killing a baby or starving a little girl, but they said the mother let it happen and she got done too. They always blame the mother of any kid who gets abused or hurt, but it is always the man who does it.

  Peppa said ‘Can we go and get Maw? You said we’d get her and she could come and live with us in the forest.’

  ‘Aye but not now Peppa. She needs to get better from drinking. She needs to go into a recovery programme. Ian Leckie said that in his tweet.’

  ‘When she’s better will we get her?’

  I said ‘Aye we will’ but I didn’t know how.

  I had explained to Peppa about Maw having a disease called alcoholism which is an addiction to alcohol that makes you stop being normal and makes you need to drink all the time like Maw, and fall asleep and cry and not look after your kids. It also makes you accept the unacceptable in other people and have a high tolerance of inappropriate behaviour it said on one of the websites I read about it. Like with Robert. She just let him hit her and take her money and hit us because she had a disease that made her think it was alright. It is caused by having a different chemistry in your brain that makes you want and crave the thing that is making you ill and you don’t even know you’ve got it and you deny you’re ill. Maw used to go ‘I just need a wee drink Sal to make me calm down’ and I’d go and get a can or a bottle of cider I’d hidden for her. She called it a ‘wee drink’ but it was never a wee drink.

  If they got us and I got charged with killing Robert they would charge me with murder not culpable homicide because they would know I had planned it and in Scottish law if you plan it and arrange it you can only be charged with murder and that would be a life sentence of at least about twenty years in prison. So even if I told them why I did it, it wouldn’t matter because the law in Scotland says if you plan it then it is murder. And I planned it for months. I read a lot about doing a murder and charges and the way they put you on trial and defences.The only defence I would have is that I am mad and I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong. But I am not mad and I knew it was against the law and I still did it. And I don’t think it was wrong. If someone is going to destroy everything and doesn’t care, or if they want to pull everybody else into th
eir own evil then you have to kill them. When I was stabbing Robert I felt calm and happy and I knew it was right. Like the Nachthexen had to kill the Germans.

  Peppa ran on down to the loch through the bracken and past the warren where we got the first rabbit. Bright sunshine is not good for Pike fishing and they stay in the shade so we walked along the beach and climbed along the loch edge to where there were trees and overhanging branches putting shade in the water. There was a big tree that had toppled in and it was half under and that was a good place for Pike which are ambush predators and wait in weeds or submerged trees to dart out at little fish going past.

  I set up the rod and tied on a trace and a plug which was white with a red head and had a rattle in it which sends out soundwaves that attract Pike. I showed Peppa how to take off the bail arm and hold the line with one finger, then bring the rod back and flick it forwards, aiming at the sky if you wanted it to go far and then point the rod after the plug as it went through the air. She tried a few and got it and started flicking the plug out and wobbling it back along by the tree. I sat and watched her and thought about how to cook a Pike if we got one. They are bony and you have to try to get the backbone out but I could do that with my Bear Grylls knife.

  Peppa said ‘I think it’s stuck Sal’, and she was trying to wind the reel in and it wasn’t turning and the line was tight all the way out to by the tree. Then there was a huge splash and a swirl on the water and Peppa fell back on her bum still holding the rod and shouted ‘Sal I’ve got one.’

  The rod was bending right over and the line was cutting and zooming across the water away from the tree and I said ‘Reel it in Peppa!’ and she started trying to reel it but it was too strong, and the rod kept jerking and banging where it was fighting. It was a big one. Peppa said ‘Sal you do it’ and I took the rod off her and felt the weight and the tugging of the fish through it and the spool was spinning and taking line off where the Pike was running away out into the loch. The line was only ten pound which is 4.5 kilos and I was scared the Pike was heavier than that and it would snap it, but it held and I got the rod up high and let it absorb the bucks and kicks from the Pike, then I reeled in as hard as I could and the Pike jumped and we saw it flash out and curl above the water, all gold and yellow in the sunshine. Peppa went ‘It’s a fucking monster!’ and it was. It splashed back in and I kept the line taut and reeled in more. I said ‘We’re gonna get this Peppa’ and I reeled in more.

  It was close in now and we could see it going like a torpedo with the plug in its mouth and the line cutting through the water to the rod. I kept reeling and it seemed to stop pulling and jerking the closer it got to the shore. I shouted to Peppa to get a stick and she ran into the trees and I could hear her crashing and snapping in there. I walked backwards up the beach and started to drag the Pike up out of the water, and the line was so tight it was pinging and twanging with the weight of it. I dragged it so only its tail was still in the water. And it was big. Its head was the size of mine and its mouth could’ve taken it all in. It looked like it was grinning at us. Peppa ran up with a stick about two foot long she’d snapped off a tree, and I put the rod down and got the stick and swung it back as far as I could and belted the Pike on the back of the head as hard as I could.

  With the smack of the stick it went all tense and then shuddered and whacked its tail back and forth.The plug was hooked into its mouth by both trebles at the side. The Pike shuddered again and then it went still but its eyes were open and it grinned.

  Peppa went ‘Bloody hell Sal.’

  She knelt down next to it and put her hand out to touch its head. I was just going to say ‘Don’t’ when the Pike suddenly turned its head and opened its mouth and snapped. Peppa sprang back and screamed, clutching her hand and wrist, and I saw blood spurt out from it and she screamed again and I hit the Pike again.

  Peppa was hopping along the shore holding her hand and shouting ‘It fucking bit me. It bit me. Bastard!’ I ran to her and looked and there were three long slashes streaming blood down her hand and onto her wrist. I breathed and told myself not to panic but my heart was slamming and I felt dizzy when I saw her blood. It was pouring out and dripping on the stones. She was holding her hand out and screaming as it bled and red was running down her arm and onto her T-shirt.

  I said ‘Hold it up and squeeze above your wrist’ and I pulled off my fleece and vest and ripped the vest open. She was going ‘Aaah bastard!’

  I got her hand and bound it as hard as I could with the vest, round and round as tight as I could get it and she was going ‘It’s sore Sal, it’s sore.’ Some blood was coming out from under the vest and a patch of red was swelling up in the middle. I said ‘Keep it high’ and she held it up above her head and blood dripped down her arm. I got her to sit and breathe deep and keep her hand up and the blood seemed to stop and there was just a patch the size of a 50p in the middle of the vest. I got one of my laces out of my trainers and pulled my fleece back on and then I bound the lace round her forearm to make a tourniquet and stop the bleeding. I kept saying ‘It’s alright Peppa, it’s alright.’

  She said ‘Will I bleed to death?’ and I said she was being daft. She said ‘I thought it was dead’, and I said ‘So did I. It is now.’ And we looked back up the beach and it was on its side, still, with its silver belly towards us.

  ‘That is one big bastard’ said Peppa.

  ‘I should’ve brought the first aid kit. I will next time’ I said.

  I told her to stay where she was and keep her hand up and I went and kicked the Pike to make sure it was dead and it jerked a bit and then went still again and I got the hooks out and wound in the plug onto the rod. Then I got my knife and cut its head off and it was big and heavy and I had to push with all my weight to get the knife through its backbone. Then I gutted it and it was full of spawn in big lumps that looked like orange peel.

  I chucked the guts and the head into the loch and then I got the rod and lugged the Pike up over onto my shoulder. Even without its head it was as long as my legs.

  Pike have razor sharp teeth that grow in rows and can cut through even thick fishing line. The teeth have an anticoagulant on them which makes wounds bleed a lot and stops them clotting. This is to help them hunt because they can bite and injure a fish and then just watch it bleed to death before they eat it. Peppa was right. They are bastards.

  I carried the Pike and the rod and Peppa walked up slowly from the loch holding her hand up. She kept stopping and saying ‘It’s throbbing Sal’ and I just walked with her. The sun had gone in and it started spitting rain on a westerly breeze and off over the loch the clouds were dark. It took a long time to get back up to the bender and by the time we got there it was raining hard and we were both soaked and the fire had gone out.

  I dumped the Pike and got Peppa into the bender and got her Helly Hansen and put it on her and let her lie there. The wood pile had got soaked and I was angry that I hadn’t stacked some inside to stay dry when we went off. A lot of survival is planning, stopping, thinking and planning and trying to see what can go wrong and thinking about what will happen if things change. I hadn’t done that in the morning because the sun was out and Peppa was excited about fishing and I was happy because I’d got back safe from town and was with her again and we were still free. So I didn’t stop and think before we left and that was a lesson for me because now we were cold and wet and didn’t have a fire.

  I couldn’t make a fire in the place we had it and I had to try and start a small one in the entrance of the bender where the rain couldn’t get it. I found a few drier sticks in the bottom of the pile and stacked the rest in the bender to dry. Then I found some twigs and leaves and dry grass in the bender that was still dry and made a tinder bundle. You have to strike the steel and flint and get a big spark onto the tinder and then let it smoulder a bit and then blow it slow and steady until it grows and glows, and then if you keep blowing air through it, it will burst into flame and you can lay it down and use small dry twigs and g
rass to get it going. I had seen it done loads of times on YouTube and so far I’d had no trouble with the fire.

  But the tinder was still a bit damp and I couldn’t get the spark to take. I struck and struck and struck and big flashing sparks dropped down onto the bundle but nothing took. Peppa was just lying on the bed watching and she said ‘Sal I’m hungry.’

  I stopped and got her some cake and bread and nuts and dried apricots from the backpack.We had a bit of boiled water in the kettle and I got her a drink of water. After she’d eaten she said she was cold and she got into the sleeping bag and pulled the blankets over her.

  I kept on at the tinder with the striker and wished I’d brought a lighter or some firelighters. Fire isn’t just good for cooking and staying warm it’s good for your spirit.When we got here all those days ago I was tense and angry and doubting everything we’d done and I was getting snappy with Peppa when I was doing the first shelter. But as soon as we got the fire going I felt better. Just sitting and looking into it and feeling the heat makes you calm and you feel like you belong where you are. And sitting there on the first night by the fire I felt like what we’d done was right and killing Robert was right and everything would work out for us. And that was the fire that made me feel that. That’s why you can’t neglect your fire like I’d done that morning.

  I was striking and striking and the rain was hammering down now and splashing in onto my legs and onto the spot where I wanted to make the fire. I went further in and brushed the ground dry of leaves and twigs down to the soil. I kept on striking and letting the sparks drop onto the tinder bundle but it was still not taking. Sometimes a little ember would start and glow and then just go out. Every time it did I felt worse and every strike that didn’t work made me feel more sad and tired.

  In a crisis in survival you have to stop and think and plan. The SAS Survival Handbook says the most important factor in long-term survival is attitude. The way you think affects your chances of thriving. If you are negative and only think things are going to get worse or you can’t go on then you will start acting like that. And the more you think and act like that the worse things get and the more you make bad decisions. And that is when you have to stop and think and plan and take action to make the situation better. Even a small thing can help.