“After all, the great and mighty Nicholas Temple Barrett couldn’t possibly have been doing anything other than slumming during that period.”
At her use of the word slumming and the way she made it sound, like the vilest of swear words, Nick felt the color leech from his face and knew what was coming next. “Cause after all, isn’t that what you so specifically told me you were doing while you availed yourself use of my body?” The last few words were dripping with so much anger and pain that Nick felt as though she had stabbed him straight in the heart. “Did you think I’d be unable to remember what you said? For real? Well, let me tell you something Mister Tycoon, I’ve had eight very long years to go over that statement in my mind and if you think I’d ever forget you’re crazy”
His worst nightmare, the lowest moment of his life was on a constant loop in her mind and there was nothing he could do about it. She had been on the receiving end of a powerful, calculated slap in the face at his hands. Eight years of remorse, denial, excuses and regret crystallized in his head. He had denied their relationship and betrayed the love they’d shared. His foolish belief that his deliberate cruelty when they parted would somehow set her free to go on and live a full, productive and happy life had been a sham from beginning to end.
His safety net, that ridiculous notion that he alone had martyred himself on the altar of family responsibility had been totally eclipsed by the realization that he’d ripped open a wound in her soul that still festered. His words and actions that horrible autumn day came back to him in vibrant clarity. The look of pained anger burning in her eyes right now made a neat segue to another memory when those eyes, in which he’d liked to lose himself, had projected back at him a depth of emotion so perfect and loving that no length of time nor separation could erase.
With each step forward they seemed to also struggle with several moves back. Just when he felt that a stumbling block had been cleared, another one, sometimes more deadly than the previous, lurched into view. As if the hurried farewell letter offering no clear explanation of his behavior weren’t enough to dig his grave that blasted phone call when she’d tracked him down in those first days after Randolph’s death certainly was.
Caught off guard he had been juggling waves of desperation when first he heard her voice. What unfortunately followed was a blistering, snark-laden put-down intended to set her free. He’d said all sorts of stupid, hurtful things, any cliché ridden response he could muster. He knew he was destroying what they’d shared but such was his mindset at the time. To learn now how the words he had used had been tearing her soul to shreds all this time was a bitter pill to swallow.
Spreading his hands wide in a gesture of supplication, Nick said the first thing that came to his heart. “Shannon, I can’t keep apologizing for what happened. At some point you have to decide whether you can forgive my ….. hurtful…. actions.” His anguished voice and eyes blazing with unwavering regret made her take a mental step back.
He was right. She kept hurling bombs his way of raw emotions and hurt which she’d been nursing since that last horrible encounter. She was mad for sure, but not completely blind. Everything, absolutely everything he’d done and said since the moment when they’re worlds collided again had been an attempt to right the terrible wrong he had wrought. He allowed her to say some beastly things to him, things which were not in her character at all, and took it all with a tortured acceptance because he knew he deserved whatever she could dish out.
She thought back over all which he’d told her since they’d been forced together in this surreal, emotionally difficult reunion. If he hadn’t wanted to make amends he could have dumped her at the front door and taken his leave. Instead, he was still here. Still trying to explain. Still trying to show her something that she was going to great pains to deny.
It hadn’t been the money which had taken him from her. The words he used had been spoken in haste, during a time of confusion and stress. She had to see beyond that horrible frozen-in-time moment or else there would be no future for them. The thought of going back to her empty, isolated existence made her stomach sink. In the final analysis though she was terrified that if she opened her heart to him again, there was still a chance, he could just walk away as he had shown her he could before.
Releasing a heavy sigh laced with anxiety Shannon looked away and shrugged. “I shouldn’t be sorry for telling it like it is Nick, but I am.” Fixing her attention on the suddenly fascinating floor, she scrunched up her face and grimaced “Can’t seem to help it.” she whispered.
Nick watched silently, hoping she could find a way to allow some light back in to their tortured relationship for all this dark, negative energy was chipping away at the tiny gains they’d been forging, thrown together as they were in this unusual situation.
Flexing her ankle while she studied the movement, Shannon finally looked up at him after several tense moments of loud silence saying, “It doesn’t hurt as much today, you know.”
Accepting the change of subject as her way of defusing the emotional conversation Nick moved the stool next to where she was sitting and lifted her bruised foot to his lap. He began gently massaging her calf and lower leg, while they both sat in thoughtful silence and let the calm return after the storm.
Hours later she heard him rattling around in the kitchen doing god only knows what. Judging by the impressive delivery of groceries that had appeared a while ago she sensed he had also taken control of her pantry as he had with everything else.
They needed to talk, she knew that; but every time they attempted to open the lines of communication in any real way, her anger or hurt would overtake the conversation causing them to carefully retreat to a tense politeness that couldn’t stand forever.
At some point a suitcase had appeared, probably sent over from his hotel. She had sat in overwrought silence while he availed himself of the shower room and changed at last into fresh clothes. Shannon’s tortured attempts to ignore the image of a very naked Nick washing his impressive body in her wide open shower were pathetic at best.
When he had emerged from her bedroom she’d seen that he’d chosen an informal outfit with another pair of snug jeans topped with an old t-shirt that for some reason set her nerves twitching. It would have been easier to hang on to her angry feelings toward him if he’d been dressed as the ruthless business tycoon she knew him to be. She couldn’t quite muster that same incandescent bitterness when he appeared before her, barefoot and casual.
Reflecting on her own choice of attire, Shannon had opted for serene and relaxed by dressing in soft and comfy yoga pants and a baggy shirt. The clingy stretch pants outlined her womanly curves in a way that perhaps was not wise in this situation and the loose shirt did more to accentuate her bountiful breasts than she first realized.
While he had been in the shower she had ruthlessly braided her wavy tresses in a long, tight plait which hung over her shoulders while a pair of warm, bright pink socks covered her feet. Well, she sniffed in irritation, she might look comfortable but this odd state of affairs was anything but.
In the kitchen Nick was going through the motions of preparing a hearty dinner for the two of them as though keeping busy and paying attention to domestic detail was going to magically stop the chaotic emotions churning inside him.
Somewhere during the hours of quiet introspection he had realized that just a few weeks ago he’d been locked in intense negotiation with a powerfully connected Asian tycoon over a deal worth hundreds of millions which came with global political ramifications. Hell, the damn State Department had even sent discreet inquiries his way to find out what was or wasn’t developing.
He’d been prepared, had done months of intense research. With a touch of ruthless arrogance he’d approached the negotiating meetings with a singular focus; to simply throw down his requirements and then say, “In or out?” That Nicholas Barrett dealt from a hand of supreme self-confidence with never any doubt whatsoever that he would walk away with his desired outcome r
ealized.
He’d come to California on a high, the deal having turned out even better than he’d hoped, looking forward to some much needed down time. Sun, fun, family. It all seemed so simple and yet, now look, Nick thought.
Mr. High and Mighty with the swaggering overconfidence was without warning or expectation, up to his eyeballs in the most important negotiation of his life and feeling like he didn’t have a leg to stand on.
As if all of yesterday wasn’t enough with its dramatic reveal, medical crisis and the emotionally overwrought, explosive aftermath. No, heaven forbid! Let’s add some more, he bit out in his rampant thoughts.
The events of the morning were going to be etched forever in his memory and try as he might he still didn’t know how to deal with all that he’d discovered. All which they were discovering.
Gone was any sense of self-assurance. Nick hadn’t a clue what to say or do next. There was no plan just an ever intensifying jumble of feelings and memories keeping him off balance.
Pulling a tray of ingredients from the refrigerator, Nick set about gathering what he’d need for the grilled steak and potatoes dinner he was making for them. He might be uselessly tongue-tied and clueless where Shannon was concerned but he did have a sense of order and grasp on what was needed to at least be able to feed them properly.
No culinary novice, Nick actually enjoyed cooking and got a special thrill from anything involving fire so he was pleased when he discovered a state-of-the-art stainless steel chef’s grill installed on Shannon’s lovely private patio. Now this he could do, Nick thought with silent confidence. He’d impress his wounded little bird, who clearly wanted so badly to fly away from him, with his domestic skills and hopefully over a pleasant relaxing meal they could try again to find a way to bring them closer instead of this deafening, silent separation.
As he moved confidently around Shannon’s enormous well-appointed kitchen, Nick busied himself with the task at hand while thinking that he may not have an exact plan as of yet but he did have a desired outcome. At least that was a something to keep in mind.
In the living room Shannon was restlessly flicking through the unseen pages of some random magazine when Nick appeared from the kitchen area which had been emitting glorious aromas for the past hour making her tummy rumble in eager anticipation.
Without a word he marched up to the sofa where she reclined with her injured foot nestled in a stack of pillows, giving her scant seconds to throw down the useless magazine she’d not really been reading, before he calmly picked her up and marched back in the direction of the dining room.
The silence was becoming ridiculous Shannon thought but no matter how she tried, words just wouldn’t form fully enough to find their way out of her mouth. While she worried about her sudden lapse into muteness she had unconsciously been touching his neck again, where her arm was held around his shoulder. Not the first time she’d caught herself all but stroking the area around and under his ear when her fingers had contacted skin. In fact, she seemed to automatically find and connect with skin each time he picked her up or came close in any significant way.
Her mind might be screaming are you stinking crazy but her body was most definitely screaming something else. Was it instinct or reflex. When he came near she touched him. Had to. Without thought or pretense. Just because she had to.
She was sending him mixed signals and she knew that too, and didn’t like herself so much either for doing so. She disliked the games men and women played and by choosing isolation over complication she felt herself above all the mess and drama she saw in the relationships around her. She should just make it clear that she wasn’t interested in exploring a future and have that be it. Signal sent. Over and out. Who was she trying to kid, Shannon sniffed in dismay.
Each time she entertained walking away from this strange opportunity they’d been given, she felt a frantic sense of loss and doom that stopped those thoughts dead in their tracks.
She didn’t know what any of this meant and maybe all that was really happening was a way for them to get real closure; but she did know that she liked when he picked her up and she even liked the way his gruff take charge attitude grated on her nerves.
By the time they reached the high ceilinged dining room with the subdued lighting coming from beautiful tiffany inspired lights, Shannon had determined to be calm for whatever followed and to try not to over-react to every little thing. Maybe that was a good way to make a fresh start.
He had set the table with her vintage multi-colored dinnerware; it was all casual and soft. No sharp edges for them to get caught on; the perfect metaphor for what they would face across from one another at a dinner table.
Settling her comfortably in one of the wide, sturdy mission style chairs arranged around the wide wood table situated at the center of a magnificent room surrounded on two sides by windows, Shannon couldn’t help but express quiet pleasure at his efforts.
“Nick, this is lovely. The table, the lights. S’wonderful.” she croaked out.
Clearing her throat and trying again she added “Something smells delicious.” And she didn’t mean him, although truth was, her senses had been overcome with the scent of him.
Reminding himself to just keep breathing and to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, Nick tried for calm even though he was oddly anxious. He wanted this dinner to be perfect and at the moment he doubted his ability to make that happen. Telling himself he was being foolish, he decided to let things unfold as they were meant to and tried to relax a bit.
Inclining his head a fraction to acknowledge her compliment Nick announced with the enthusiasm of a world class chef, “I’ve prepared grilled marinated cowboy steaks with grilled potatoes dressed in rosemary vinaigrette with an au gratin made with grilled vegetables.”
As the words tumbled out of his mouth Nick laughed at the end and added with a deep grin, “Clearly, the theme of this meal is grilled! I hadn’t realized until right now that I must have been operating on one track of my mind!”
His deep laughter at the realization of what he’d done was the perfect ice breaker allowing Shannon to join in with a delighted giggle. Men, she thought. They’d grill ice cream if they could!
Clapping her hands like a child at a party Shannon smiled into his laughing gaze saying, “Mmmmm…..grilled beast! I’m so excited!” She hoped her reference to a jokey term they’d used for whatever odd animal was turning on a spit over a fire at meal times on the African continent would bring happy memories to the conversation.
Beaming like a lucky man after her funny reminder of better times, Nick went into super butler mode which made Shannon giggle even more. “May I offer you a beverage, miss?” he asked with mock solemnity as he bowed low over his arm.
“Just hurry up and feed me!” Shannon laughed.
He gave a softly sexy growl and said, “As you wish, my lady!”
Shannon stayed as she was, virtually on the edge of her seat as Nick returned to the kitchen. She watched the twinkling lights bounce off the crystal and silver on the table and listened to her heart while she waited for him to return.
The meal that followed was beyond delicious. Better than anything she’d ever had at her table making Shannon smilingly declare, “You are going to make someone a wonderful wife, Nicholas Barrett!”
His answering grin and the shocking slash of color that framed his prominent cheekbones made her heart skip more than just one beat.
“Oh my! This is incredibly delicious Nick.” Shannon cooed after her first few bites of food. “Where did you learn to cook like this? It’s fabulous!” she trilled excitedly taking another bite and then another in wide-eyed wonder. “If I remember correctly, you could barely spread peanut butter on bread!” she said laughing while continuing to ooh and ahh over the incredible meal Nick had prepared.
“Actually,” he shrugged, “I took a cooking class. Might have been all thumbs before but now…well, I can pull off an entire six course meal.”
Befor
e she had properly swallowed what was in her mouth, Shannon’s shocked “You took a what?” made Nick all but fall down laughing. He’d well and truly shocked her. Taking up the advantage his unexpected comment had delivered Nick plowed ahead now that he had her undivided attention.
Chuckling as he forked a huge chunk of perfectly grilled steak into his mouth Nick and pantomimed his own eye rolling enjoyment which brought another smile of delight from his dinner companion.
Shannon tried to wrap her mind around the concept of Nick taking a class in anything, much less something as mundane as cooking, while she delighted in each delectable morsel. “You are a man of many surprises it seems!” she teased.
“However did you find your way to the culinary arts? Seems like an odd choice considering how peanut butter challenged you were!”
“I know, right?” Nick laughed. “It wasn’t planned believe me. Just sort of happened. A couple of years ago I was checking out a high-end retreat and spa that our hotel division had opened. I prefer first-hand information so with a little subterfuge and careful travel planning I took my mother for a lavish get-away to test the quality of the experience our guests would receive. Staying anonymously so we didn’t get any special consideration, we checked in and then made arrangements to indulge in spa treatments and a whole host of healthy living workshops. The cooking class was just one of what was on offer. I also took a wine tasting class and learned the fine art of water color painting! We had a ball. Mom so enjoyed the facility and luxurious amenities that she took her posse of lady friends there for a retreat not too long ago.”
“Well you must have been an excellent student because this is so much more than just cooking, Nick” Waving her hand in emphasis at the glorious meal spread on the table before them Shannon said, “Anyone can learn the basics, but this…THIS is something else altogether. I love the layers of surprising flavor in the side dishes, the textures and the way everything compliments each other. You always were an over-achiever!” she ended with a giggle.
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