But he has a point.
“You can’t give up your life to watch over me, Marcus.” My hands land on my hips before I can stop the movement, and I see Marcus try to hide his smirk. Smart arse.
“Well, that’s why it’s not just me. It’s the other guys too, and we aren’t giving up anything. Your safety is more important than anything else.”
“I can look after myself.”
“Maybe, but we are going to be here anyway.” Marcus declares.
I can see that I won’t win this argument tonight, and if I’m being honest with myself, having him here does make me feel safer and less lonely. My mind wanders to Ayden again. The stupid thing is controlled by my broken heart. All I can think about is Ayden and what I’ve lost.
“He’s okay, you know,” Marcus says softly, gaining my attention again. “He checked himself into rehab on Monday, so he’s doing the right thing and getting the help he needs.”
“But... He didn’t relapse. He was forced.” Muz had threatened to shoot him and then have his way with me before shooting me if Ayden didn’t inhale whatever the white powdered lines were. If I ever see Muz again, I’m going to take that gun and ram it up his arse and smile while I pull the trigger!
“Even so, the addiction is strong, and now he needs to get his head right so he can get back on track. The place he’s at has great counsellors to help with that. It’s a voluntary clinic. He can leave whenever he wants.”
I turn away from Marcus as my eyes glass over, my anger waning briefly as I consider what Ayden must be going through. I didn’t know my heart could break anymore, but in this moment, it does.
CHAPTER TWO
A warm body shifting behind me pulls me from sleep the next morning. My mind instantly thinks of Ayden, and it takes a moment for my brain to remember that Ayden isn’t here. I stiffen as the scent of Marcus reaches me, and my eyes shoot open.
“You don’t have to look so terrified to be waking up next to me.” Marcus nudges my shoulder, and I glance over it to see a foot. My confusion must show on my face, which is obviously why Marcus starts pissing himself laughing.
Sitting up, I push my messy blonde waves off my face to take in the situation. We are on the couch in the front living room. Marcus is up one end of the couch, and I’m up the other, and we share the same blanket. Did I sleep next to his big smelly feet all night?
“What happened?” My voice is hoarse, not ready to be used yet. I don’t miss the way Marcus’s eyes darken and lock onto my lips. Shit! Ayden really wasn’t kidding about Marcus having a crush on me. I need to make sure he doesn’t get the wrong idea about what’s going on here.
“You fell asleep ten minutes into the movie. I wasn’t sure if I should wake you and tell you to go to bed.” Marcus pulls himself up to sit, dragging his hand through his dark hair to try and tame it. It’s no use, though. He’s going to need a shit ton of water to get rid of that bed hair.
My memory slowly clears as I watch Marcus. Last night we decided to watch a movie after I revealed I’d been having trouble sleeping. Knowing me better than I thought, Marcus put on Guardians of the Galaxy, one of my favourite movies. That’s all I remember.
“So why didn’t you wake me?” Keeping my eyes trained on his, I search for the truth in his response.
He shrugs. “You said you hadn’t been sleeping lately. If I had woken you, then maybe you wouldn’t have gone back to sleep. Turns out you slept all night, so not waking you was the right decision.” Marcus grins smugly.
It’s true. I slept all night. The last time that happened was when I was in Ayden’s bed, wrapped in his arms. Memories of my time with Ayden fight to devour me, but I push them away, not ready to feel the slicing pain in my heart.
Looking across my living room to the other couch lining the wall, my brows shoot up before returning my glare to Marcus.
“You could have slept on that couch.” I point to the very empty, unused couch.
“Nah, you were kind of hugging my feet, so I couldn’t move without waking you. I paused the movie and went to sleep too.” Marcus smirks, “Well first, I watched you drool for about ten minutes, and then I went to sleep.”
I instinctively grab the cushion I’d used as a pillow to sleep on, and chuck it at Marcus, hitting him in the head.
“The fact that you watched me sleep is creepy as fuck Marcus!” I leap up from the couch, righting my Metallica t-shirt that twisted in sleep, and ignore the deep laughter filling the room.
Storming out, I head to the kitchen to boil the kettle. Over the last week, I have discovered coffee, and now I crave it. Who needs food when you have coffee in your life?
Marcus lets out a long, drawn-out yawn and follows me, going to the fridge. His black sweatpants and grey hoodie are a little creased, but with his bird's nest hair, it all ties together.
“How is the fridge full? Did you go to the shops when you got back?”
“Supermarket delivery. I didn’t even have to set foot outside my house.” I hold a mug up to Marcus, “Coffee?”
“Yes, please,” he nods, “You want me to cook some eggs?”
“You cook?”
Marcus straightens from the fridge, grinning, “I’m not just a pretty face. I can do shit.”
Jesus, he’s like his cousin. Well, kind of. They look different, but you can tell they are related. They are apparently the same smug arseholes, though. How did I not pick up on that when I was getting to know Ayden? What am I thinking? I hardly know Ayden. I was in his life for not even two weeks before he kicked me out of it.
“Sure, knock yourself out. But you clean what you dirty. I hate doing dishes.” I turn away from him and fix his coffee.
“Yes, ma'am.”
While Marcus cooks, I sit at the kitchen bench and watch. I’ve missed having him around over the last few years. I mean, he’s still been around, but not in the same way. It’s never just the two of us shooting the shit anymore.
“Are you going to school today?” I ask. It’s only 7:30, so he has plenty of time to get there for the last day of school for the week.
“Yep. I have a Math assessment today, so I can’t ditch.” He looks up from the pan where he’s scrambling eggs on the stove. “When are you coming back to school?”
School. Not a place I want to be at, but I know I have to return. I reluctantly called them on Monday, thinking I would have to speak to that useless piece of shit Principal Reynolds, but he wasn’t there. Instead, my call was put through to the new Acting Principal Rogan.
Cynthia Rogan definitely took me by surprise. She doesn’t sound like the typical catholic principal. This lady openly swore down the line and confessed that the old principal was the scum of the earth who needs to be locked up with paedophiles and murderers.
I loved this woman instantly!
She knew who I was and what had happened to me when she got placed in the role after Miss Dice put in a formal complaint to the board of education and the police. The office ladies had told Miss Dice that Principal Ryland turned a blind eye and allowed my dad to drug me and basically kidnap me. I guess there are some decent people out there after all. At least Fox Pines Catholic College has a decent principal now.
“Ah, yeah, I’ll be back next week, I guess. Just waiting for this bruising to go away.”
Marcus turns the stove off and moves to stand in front of me on the other side of the bench.
“It’s still pretty bad. What if it’s not gone by next week?”
I shrug, “Then I go with a bruised face.”
Marcus is quiet for a moment, his eyes roaming my face, and something like guilt twists his expression. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner, Lex.”
I don’t like seeing the pain in his eyes as he stares at me. I also don’t like or want pity.
“I made sure no one noticed Marcus. Even Abbey didn’t notice.”
“Ayden did.”
I cringe, hearing his cousin’s name.
“New rule!” I slide down off
the stool and rummage through the cupboards to get plates for our food. “No saying his name.”
“What? You don’t want me to say A-,”
“Ahhh!” I yell, causing Marcus to stop what he was about to say.
He frowns, “I can’t say my cousin's name?”
“Correct.” I place two plates on the bench trying to avoid Marcus’s eyes.
“Why?” He dishes up the eggs while I start on the toast.
“It doesn’t matter why. I just don’t need to hear his name right now.”
Marcus pauses briefly, watching me, probably trying to gauge if I’m being serious. He must get the hint because he keeps his mouth shut as we continue moving about the kitchen to finish making breakfast.
We eat silently. It’s not a comfortable silence like it was with Andrea, Ayden’s mum, when I was with her in Melbourne. I guess Marcus and I really do have some mending to do in our friendship. When he looks at me, he sees a girl with boobs. But when I look at him, all I see is the friend I grew up with.
After breakfast, I reluctantly go up to my room while Marcus does the dishes. Yes, I was serious about that. I hate doing dishes.
Since I don’t have anywhere to be today, I slip on my jeans and throw my SlipKnot hoodie on over my Metallica t-shirt that I slept in. I don’t care if I smell or look like shit; that’s the least of my problems. My hair gets thrown up in a careless, messy bun, and I slide my feet into my black Ugg boots. I don’t have anyone to impress.
I hate my room now. It’s a real struggle just to step inside it. The door is still missing, and everything in it reminds me of the night that Mike assaulted me. I’ve been sleeping, or at least trying to sleep, on the couch every night, and I use my mum’s bathroom downstairs. There’s no way I’ll be stepping foot inside the upstairs bathroom anytime soon, not after what happened with Mike. Most of my clothes are still in my bedroom, though. Maybe I should move them down to my mum’s room? At least until she gets home from the hospital. Whenever that will be?
At first, I didn’t know why I came back to the house that holds all of my nightmares. I knew I had to come back to Fox Pines because that’s where my life is. I had intended to stay in the town’s only motel, The Foxy Pine. I was wrong. Once my feet left the train, they led me back here. This house may hold memories I’d like to forget, but it used to feel like home, and it’s the only home I have. Mike’s attempt to break me failed. This is my house, and that fucker better not think he can come back here ever again.
“Lex?”
Marcus startles me out of my thoughts, making me jump. I hadn’t realised that I was staring at myself in my dresser mirror, and I don’t know how long I’ve been like that, or how long Marcus has been witnessing it. I do that sometimes now. Lose time. I think I just fall so deeply into my thoughts that I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing. Who knows? My head is screwed up worse than it’s ever been.
I turn to Marcus, trying to appear normal, so he doesn’t see how embarrassed I am.
“The doors.” Marcus looks over his shoulder towards the bathroom. Not only haven’t I been back in there, but I avoid looking through the open doorway because the shower is the first thing I see. I also avoid looking at the brownish-red bloodstains on the carpet in the hall, which Valarie’s mum obviously couldn’t successfully scrub out.
Marcus turns back to me, looking uncomfortable, raking his hand through his thick brown hair. “I’ll fix them this weekend. Or maybe tonight. Do you know where the doors are?”
“In the back shed.” My voice sounds dead, and my heart feels cold.
Marcus frowns at me, worry etched across his face, “You okay?”
I give my head a single shake before moving past him out of my room.
“You can shower in my mum’s en-suite if you need to before you leave.” I keep walking, descending the stairs, and Marcus calls out.
“That’s okay. I’ll sneak back home and shower there before school.”
Going upstairs always succeeds to push my rage to the surface. It’s all-consuming, and I make no attempt to push it down. It’s as if I need to feel the anger. I can’t say that I like it, but I just know that I need it right now.
Marcus leaves for school after following me upstairs and trying to make conversation with me. It’s no good, though. I’m in a dark place again, and he can’t reach me.
I spend the day the same way I have every other day since getting back. I go for a run on my mum's treadmill that she used twice before using it to hang washing on. I pound the shit out of Mike’s boxing bag in the garage and use his weights to push the limits of my weak girly muscles until the burning gets too much. I troll the internet while eating lunch to see if there’s any news on my dad or Mike. So far there’s nothing. Both of those fuckers are still out there, just waiting for the right moment to pounce. I can feel it in my bones. I haven’t heard from either of them, but I know it’s only a matter of time before I do.
As with every other day, I call the hospital where my mum is staying, only to be told that she’s still not accepting calls. I try to reach out to Abbey again via email since that’s what worked the other time. Still nothing from her either.
Just when the loneliness and isolation start to overwhelm me, I get a message from Marcus in our group chat that includes Simon, Garrett, Jared and Shaun.
Marcus Grady
Heads up, Lexi. We’ll be over around 5pm.
Lexi West
Who’s we?
I know he means the guys in the group message, but what can I say. I’m lonely and want a conversation, even if it’s brief.
Simon Hastings
All you need to know is that I’ll be there. No one else matters.
Shaun Bossier
Dude. She won’t care about you once I walk through the door.
Garrett Cole
Marcus man, maybe you should have sent Lexi a PM.
Having these idiots in the chat isn’t a good idea!
Marcus Grady
I’m beginning to see that!
Shut up, dickheads!
Jared Crowley
Don’t worry, Lex. Stick with me. I’ll protect you from these idiots.
Simon Hastings
Who are you calling an idiot? Idiot!
Garrett Cole
That’s it, boys, keep showing Lexi how smart you are!
#digyourowngrave
Simon Hastings
Did you just use a hashtag on me, Cole?
Marcus Grady
I’m pretty sure Gaz used a hashtag on all of you.
Jared Crowley
How are you anyway, Lex? Ready for a night of gaming?
If I recall correctly, you owe me a rematch of Fortnite.
Wow, he has a good memory. We spent an entire weekend playing it at Simon’s months ago.
Lexi West
Firstly, you’re all idiots!
Secondly Jar, isn’t Fortnite like, so last year?
Simon Hastings
Ha! Burn!
Jared Crowley
Shut up, Hastings!
Lexi, Lexi, Lexi. Fortnite will never die!
Shaun Bossier
Fortnite is totally dead!
Jared Crowley
Says the tosser who still pulls himself over Mario Kart and his ancient Nintendo console!
Lexi West
All right, guys. Piss off and do your schoolwork. Stop interrupting me.
Garrett Cole
What are you up to anyway, Lex?
Lexi West
Homework.
It’s a total lie. While I have been keeping up with the work, my teachers have emailed me, it’s not what I’m doing now. I’m not about to admit to them that the rage consuming me is sending me down a dark and lonely path, and today I’m plotting my revenge against Mike in my head.
Simon Hastings
Of course, you are Lex. You’re always the A-grader.
Not for a while now, but he doesn’t need to know that.
&nb
sp; Garrett Cole
That’s great, Lex!
Simon’s sour because you haven’t been around for him to copy work off.
Simon Hastings
Shut up, idiot! I don’t need to copy anyone. I’m a genius.
Marcus Grady
If you’re a genius, then I’m a fucking supermodel.
Shaun Bossier
A genius at being an idiot!
Simon Hastings
Shut up Bossi, at least I’m not too chicken shit to slip my hand down a chick’s pants!
Lexi West
Ah, guys? Maybe you can take this conversation somewhere else?
To a different chat, perhaps?
I don’t want to hear about where your hands have been.
Simon Hastings
In Bossi’s case, it’s where his hands haven’t been.
Shaun Bossier
Shut up, idiot!
Lexi West
Bye!!!!!!
I’m laughing as I put my phone down. I hate to admit it, but I miss those guys. I’ve always gravitated to boys, and no, I’m not talking about being attracted to them. I mean that I feel more myself around males. Well, those ones anyway.
Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2) Page 2