Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2)

by Sarah Jane Duncan

  “What?” Simon looks confused and turns back to his mates in question.

  They all see what freaked me out and roar in laughter. Simon turns his hazel eyes back to me, confused.

  “You need to fix that.” I point my eyes in the direction of his crotch, and he looks down to see what we are all aware of. He laughs and tries to push his erection down or something. I don’t really know, but the damn thing bounces back up in the loose grey trackies he is wearing. OMG, is he even wearing jocks underneath?

  “There’s only one thing that’s going to fix this, Lexi,” Simon says with a devilish look on his face.

  “Hastings, man! Not fucking cool!” Garrett snaps, leaping up from the floor, his face reddening in anger, but I don’t flinch at Simon’s provocative suggestion.

  “Oh, yeah?” I smile seductively at Simon and step down off the couch. “Shall we?” I put my hand out and watch the internal battle twist his baby face.

  The boys stare wide-eyed at us, and I hear Marcus curse under his breath when Simon puts his hand in mine. As I lead Simon out of the room, I give the boys a wink which Simon doesn’t see, and I guide him to the front door ignoring the confused looks I receive from them all.

  “Let’s go out here where we can have some privacy.”

  Simon just nods eagerly at me as I open the door and drop his hand, gesturing for him to go out first. Because he is thinking with his dick and not his head, he doesn’t even question why I’m leading him out the front door. Idiot!

  “You can come back in when your wood has gone.”

  Simon turns to look at me in confusion before I slam the door in his face and lock it.

  Laughter roars from the boys in the living room, but I ignore it, as well as Simon’s persistent banging on the door, while I walk away to use my mum’s bathroom.

  My trip to use the bathroom alerts me to the fact that my dreaded monthly has reared its ugly crimson head. The thing is, for once, I’m damn happy to see the red monster, and I slump with a sigh of relief.

  It was over a week ago that I gave Ayden my virginity. A night I will never forget, and even though things didn’t end so well between us, I will always cherish it. I may not have known Ayden that well, or for very long, but for the briefest time, we shared a bond, a connection that I’m quite certain I will never find again.

  We were careful and used protection, but the bitch devil in the back of my mind has been reminding me that condoms aren’t 100% foolproof, and I’ve been fearing that with my luck, I may have fallen pregnant. The whole having to flee to Melbourne thing left me without my birth control pill, so yes, seeing the blood is a huge relief. It also may explain why I’ve been finding it harder to control my emotions today.

  I take a moment to splash water on my face in the hopes it will make me feel better. It doesn’t. Sunken dull blue eyes look back at me in the mirror. I hardly recognise them or the face they live on. There is no more swelling on the left side of my face, but the bruising is still there, more green than purple now, which must mean it’s getting better. Under each eye sits dark shadows, which looks worse because of the sickly paleness of my skin. My cheeks hold no colour, and my lips are the lightest shade of pink I’ve ever seen them. Even the waves in my blonde hair look like they can’t be bothered, and fall limp.

  I should probably care a little more about my appearance. Maybe brush on some mascara or dust on a little blush, but it all seems too much, too hard. The outside of me looks just as lifeless as the inside of me feels.

  When I force myself to leave my mum’s room a few minutes later, the sound of porn has been replaced by gunfire on the PlayStation, and Simon no longer pounds on the door. My phone vibrates in my pocket with a message, and I smile, already knowing it’s from Simon.

  Simon Hastings

  I’m sorry. It’s gone. Promise.

  I don’t respond, but instead, walk back past the living area to the front door and open it. Simon has his arms wrapped around his shoulders, trying to stay warm.

  “Sorry, Lex.” Simon’s usual clown grin has vanished, replaced with worry and shame.

  Shit! Guilt hits me like a Mack Truck. He probably didn’t deserve how I treated him.

  “I’m sorry for being a bitch, Simon. Word of warning. It’s hard for me not to be one right now.”

  Simon steps inside and closes the door behind him. “You have every reason to be a bitch. I mean… not that you are a bitch. I’m not saying you’re one. I mean…”

  I laugh at Simon’s fumbled words. “It’s okay, Simon. I am a bitch. I’m not in denial about that.” I shift nervously and grin, “What exactly would you have done if I had gone out there with you?”

  A blush creeps over Simon’s face, and his dimpled chin sinks in further. I chew the inside of my cheek to hide my grin, but I can tell his bright hazel eyes pick up on it.

  “Fucked if I know. I was hoping you would take the lead.” I laugh at his honesty, and he joins in.

  “Come on, Woodie,” I turn and go back into the living room with Simon on my tail.

  “Hey! No way! That’s not going to be my new nickname.” Simon protests, gaining everyone’s attention.

  “What’s that, Woodie? You say something?” Garrett teases, sending everyone into fits of laughter.

  “Serves you right for watching porn on my TV while I was in the same room!” I snap, trying to sound angry. I fail. They can see my grin.

  “Bossi just needed a few tips to brush up on his lack of game.” Simon steers the conversation away from him again. Smart boy.

  “Fuck off, Hastings! I get more pussy than anyone in this room!” Spanish Casanova, AKA Shaun gloats.

  And this argument goes on and on.

  Considering how the boys found me when they came over earlier, I’m in a better mood with every passing hour. Their presence makes me feel lighter, and I eventually join in and play Fortnite with Jared before we all call it a night.

  I thought they would go home, but I was wrong. Confused, I watch the boys disappear into my house, and I shoot Jared a questioning glare, but he shrugs and gives me a knowing smirk. Marcus and Garrett stroll back into the living room a moment later, their arms clutching piles of pillows and blankets.

  “Ah… what’s going on?” I squeak.

  Marcus drops the blankets to the floor as Shaun and Simon enter the room with their arms packed with blankets too.

  “Slumber party!” Jared announces.

  Marcus hands me the blanket we’d used the night before and leans in to whisper. “You want to cuddle my feet again?”

  Raising my brow, I snatch the blanket off him. “You can sleep on the floor or on the other couch, just like you should have last night!”

  Marcus chuckles and moves to the other couch without argument. I don’t miss the questioning looks Marcus gets from the guys, but thankfully, no one asks us to elaborate.

  “Hey, guys?” I ask, gaining five sets of eyes. “Where do your parents think you are?”

  “Their parents think they are at my house.” Simon declares, puffing his chest out like he’s proud.

  “Where do your parents think you are then, Simon?” I ask, eyeing where he has just dumped his armful of blankets on the floor.

  “They think I’m at home. You know what they’re like, Lex, too busy attending snobby parties in the city to pay much attention to what I’m doing.”

  Pity sits heavy in my chest at the reminder of what Simon’s parents are like. They are lovely people, always nice and welcoming, but they often go on trips away, leaving Simon to his own devices. The wink, which is more like a blink that Simon gives me, is his way of saying don’t think too much about it because he doesn’t.

  Simon, Garrett and Shaun make their beds for the night side by side where they had been sitting earlier to watch porn, while Jared makes his bed at the foot of the couch I am occupying. Marcus shakes his head from the other couch, grinning before laying down and scrolling on his phone.

  “Ah - Jared.” I whisper,
not wanting to get everyone’s attention, “If I need to pee in the middle of the night, I might step on you.”

  Looking up in amusement, Jared simply shrugs, “I’ll take that chance.”

  “Der, there’s plenty of space in this room. You don’t have to sleep under my feet.”

  Jared grins at my use of his childhood code name and sits down on his makeshift bed, shuffling his legs under the blanket.

  “Well Six, there may be plenty of space, but I figure if I sleep here, then no one can get to you without getting past me first.”

  My brows shoot up, nearly reaching my hairline, and I frown, looking from Jared to the other guys in the room. What’s Jared talking about? These boys won’t hurt me.

  “Not them,” Jared interjects, “If your fuckhead brother or dad comes here, then they’ll have to kill me before they can get anywhere near you.”

  I don’t know what to say to that. I don’t want Jared to get hurt. I don’t want any of them to get hurt, but I am also scared. I’ll never admit how scared I am out loud. I’m too stubborn for that.

  “We’re here for you, Lex. Each one of us. We will never let anyone hurt you again.” The certainty in Jared’s voice is convincing, yet I worry that his statement has more than one meaning. He knows, hell, they all know that I’m hurting from the way things ended with Ayden. The guys can’t protect my heart from that sort of pain, although right now, I kinda wish they could.

  I give Jared a small smile before laying down on my side to get comfy on the couch, and he follows suit on the floor below me. With the faint glow of the TV filling the room, I look down over my friends as they shuffle around, trying to get comfy on the floor. I feel bad. There’s no way it’s comfortable for them down there, but I desperately don’t want them to leave, so I stay quiet.

  They each have their phones in their hands, either silently playing a game or checking their SnapChats. I join them and take my phone out to recheck my emails—still nothing from Abbey. I don’t understand why I haven’t heard from her. Maybe her parents have taken all of her devices off her. But that can’t be right. Marcus said he contacted her last weekend. It’s now Friday, so anything could have happened in that time, I guess. Ugh, it’s eating me up not knowing what’s going on with Abbey. Maybe I will take a walk to her house on the weekend. Surely her parents won’t be rude enough to my face and turn me away?

  As if my heart isn’t quite aching enough already, I decide to torture myself again and look back over Ayden’s messages. I go back to our first messages when we were two strangers. Looking at them again shows me how fast we connected. It was instant, really. Sure, I pushed him away at first, but he never gave up. I scroll past the video he sent of his version of a lap dance from a magazine cut out, and then past the video I sent him in return of my crack house. I know now that it was my way of trying to tell him I was in trouble without admitting it. Most of our messages make me smile, but not the last one he sent.

  I’m so fucking sorry!

  I have to fight every instinct in me not to reply to him. I can’t let my selfish needs get in the way of what’s best for him, though, and what’s best for him isn’t me. A single silent tear rolls from my eye without warning, and I brush it away quickly, hoping no one witnessed my moment of weakness.

  Shaun is the first to put his phone down and close his eyes. Marcus and Simon are next, giving in to the need to sleep. Garrett stays awake longer. I can see that he’s reading something on his phone. Maybe a kindle book? It’s a long while before he turns his phone off and rolls on his side to fall asleep, so I’m surprised when Jared’s hand reaches up to grip mine from where he is laying on the floor in front of the couch.

  I let him pull it down to rest on his chest and peer over the edge of the couch to see his sleepy eyes looking up at me.

  “Try to sleep, Six.”

  I shouldn’t keep holding his hand, but I do, and that’s how I fall asleep.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  I might just be feeling paranoid, but I’m fairly certain everyone is looking at me. I didn’t want to come to the boy's footy, but they weren’t taking no for an answer. Staying at home hidden away suited me much better than coming out into the world where my bruises are visible to everyone.

  I’d overheard Marcus and Jared talking in the kitchen this morning when I was in my mum’s room getting dressed after my shower. They were worried about leaving me on my own and not just because my brother could show up at any time. I’m pretty sure they think I’m a nutcase.

  They wouldn’t be wrong. I’m all kinds of fucked in the head right now, but I’m not a danger to myself… At least, I don’t think I am. My eyes move to my hands, where small scratches remind me of my meltdown in Mike’s room yesterday afternoon. I wonder how long I would have stayed in that crazed state if the boys hadn’t come over? Shit, maybe they’re right to be concerned.

  “You cold Lex?” An arm wraps around me, and I welcome its warmth. Spring is due to start tomorrow, but you wouldn’t know it from the arctic blast hitting us today. I glance up to meet Garrett’s warm smile and push out a fake one in return. Garrett doesn’t smile often, so when he gifts me one, I always return it.

  “It’s bloody freezing today.” I tug on my black beanie, making sure my ears are covered.

  “You want my coat?” Garrett asks, and I immediately shake my head. He looks warm in the puffy coat he wears.

  “So, what did you do to your finger, anyway?” I shift the attention to Garrett’s finger, which is taped up and secured to a metal rod to keep it straight. I hadn’t wanted to pry yesterday when I saw it, but I have no problem prying today. Like I’ve said before, I’m good at deflecting.

  Garrett’s blue-grey eyes dart to his bandaged hand before he shakes his head. “Let’s just say the other guy's face is worse than my finger.”

  My brows shoot up. “Now I really want to know what happened. Who’d you hit?”

  Garrett shifts uncomfortably but doesn’t remove his arm from me. “Tony Anders.” He doesn’t elaborate.

  “And what did Tony Anders do to piss you off?”

  “Let’s just watch the game.” He keeps his eyes trained on the oval where Fox Pines is playing Woodall Ridge. All the guys are in the side today, apart from Garrett. His injured finger means he has to sit on the sidelines and support his teammates.

  Unlike Marcus and Jared, Garrett didn’t grow up with us. He moved to Fox Pines a few years ago from Redfield and fell into the boy's group through footy. He’s always been kind to me, even though I know he has a temper. I’m not sure if his temper is just a trait he’s always had or if something happened to make him feel anger so consuming that he has to release it. I totally understand that sort of anger now.

  Unfortunately for Garrett, if he doesn’t already know that I’m not going to give up so easily, then he’s about to learn. Not because I’m nosy, but because I have a feeling that it has something to do with me.

  “We can watch the game while you tell me about your run-in with Tony.” I insist, working to keep a straight face.

  Garrett chuckles, looking down at me, a strand of his wavy brown hair falling over his right eye. He’s about the same height as Ayden. His eyes are blue like Jared’s and Ayden’s, but Garrett’s has light flecks through his, making them appear more grey. Neither Garrett’s nor Jared’s eyes seize my heart the way Ayden’s do, though.

  “What are the chances that you’re going to let this drop?”

  “Zero chances, buddy. Spill.” I give him a toothy grin, and he chuckles before clearing his throat.

  “Tony is currently receiving dental treatment from my fist because the fucker stood by and watched your dad carry you unconscious out of the school. He saw you go into the office. He even overheard the office ladies speaking about how it’s wrong that your dad is trying to force you to leave with him, and then he watched your dad carry you out. The little prick is fucking lucky dental work is all he needs.”

  Holy shit! I’m actually lost for
words. Not because Tony Anders is a dip shit that didn’t man up, but because Garrett stood up for me, and even now as he speaks, sounds so fiercely protective. My stupid eyes fill with hot tears, so I quickly turn my head and blink them away, but Garrett notices and tugs me closer to his side.

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “I’d do it again in a heartbeat, Lex.”

  These guys. I don’t know what I’ve done to be lucky enough to deserve their loyalty. I knew we were all friends, but I never knew until this week how much our friendship means. Hell, it feels like more than friendship. These guys feel like my family.

  It’s hard to concentrate on the football game playing before me. My mind is a mess flitting between memories, both good and bad, and the new things I’ve learnt since coming back home. Glancing around the oval boundary, I search to see if Abbey or any of the girls from school are here, but I don’t spot any of them. Abbey’s boyfriend, Daniel, doesn’t play football, so I assume she is with him somewhere, and since it’s cold as fuck outside today, I’d say the weather probably kept the other girls away.

  Thankful the footy finally finishes, I’m surprised when the boys announce that we’re going to Simon’s for the night while his parents are away. I think about arguing my case to go back home for a night of silence, but it’s for that reason that I don’t. I don’t want to be alone.

  It’s not uncommon for the guys to have people over for a night of celebrating after a footy win or even a loss. The difference with tonight is that they don’t invite anyone else. It’s just us in Simon’s big house, and every time they get a message or call from one of the girls from school, they ignore them or shut them down, refusing to let anyone else join us. I’m sure they are doing it for my benefit, and I love them for it.

  For the second night in a row, we have pizza for dinner. I have a single slice, and the boys try to force more into me, but they lose that battle. Stubborn should be my middle name! After eating, Simon brings out a box filled with bottles of alcohol, and the boys start drinking. Even though my mood is flat, I join them to have a few drinks hoping it will numb my pain. When the relaxing buzz kicks in, it has the desired effect and calms my anger giving me a sense of peace as I sit lazily in a beanbag, happily watching the boys hang shit on each other and talk footy while trying to play pool in Simon’s rumpus room.