Mr Matthews nods, happy with my answer; thank fuck.
“When was the last time you punched the bag?” He’s studying me, and it’s making me squirm.
“4am this morning.”
His brows shoot up, “That’s pretty early, or really late depending on the way you look at it. Shouldn’t you have been asleep?”
“Sure, if sleep is easy to come by,” I admit.
“You aren’t sleeping?” He looks concerned, his bushy brows pulling together.
“It depends on the day.” I’m being vague on purpose because I don’t want to talk about it. Next, he’ll be asking about my nightmares and a whole heap of bullshit that is no one’s business but mine.
“What happens on the days you can’t sleep?” He asks, and I sigh.
“Can I go?”
“Not yet. Let’s chat a little more.” He’s being sterner today, and I don’t like it.
“I really don’t want to. Haven’t you figured that out by now?” I shoot him a glare, but he only grins.
“How about a change in conversation?” He suggests.
“Okay. How’s Amy going? You two getting hot and heavy yet?” I cross my arms over my chest and grin.
“Deflecting won’t help Lexi.”
“Will walking out? Because I’m happy to do that.” He’s going to get sick of me and kick me out eventually, right?
“I hear you’ve made some new friends. That must be nice.”
“Good deflection Stephen.” My quick comeback makes him chuckle.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” He asks, and I frown.
“What business is that of yours?”
“It’s none of my business, but I thought that might be a happy topic to talk about.”
“You’re shit out of luck there, Mr Matthews. That topic is nothing but heartbreak.” I don’t mean to reveal that. It just comes out on its own as if someone else is talking. I realise then that it's my heart talking and not my brain.
“So you have an ex-boyfriend?” He’s tried to broach this subject with me before, but I pretended to be interested in girls. Why is this line of questioning even necessary? And why did he have to make me think about Ayden again?
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” I look at my hands fidgeting in my lap.
“What’s his name?”
“You don’t need to know his name.” I snap, and he nods.
“Okay. How old is he?”
“He’s eighteen.”
“An older guy, hey? Does he go to this school?” The bell goes indicating the end of recess, and I’m about ready to flee.
“Maybe. Maybe not.” That’s the truth too. I have no idea if Ayden is coming back to Fox Pines.
“What did he do to break your heart, Lexi?”
I hesitate, feeling the burn of tears in the back of my eyes. I don’t want to cry. I take a moment to fight them off, and when it lessens, I respond, “He didn’t do anything. It was me that ruined his life. Tainted it with the sick world I live in. He’s better off without me.”
Mr Matthews frowns, “Does he agree with that?”
A knock sounds at the door and Mr Matthews calls out, “Hold on a minute, please.”
I stand ready to escape this man and his questions.
“Lexi, wait.” He stands as well, looking serious. I raise a blonde brow waiting for him to continue.
“Next time you feel so angry that you need to explode, I want you to come straight to my office.”
“If I do that, Mr Matthews, then I’ll be in here all day.” I ignore whatever he says after that and swing the door open to leave, but then I freeze.
My entire body heats, from my toes to the tip of my head, when I come face to face with eyes as blue as a summer sky. Ayden Mitchell, my Ayden Mitchell, is standing in front of me.
I want to speak, or yell, or cry, or do something, but I’m frozen on the spot drowning in those familiar eyes that draw me in and hypnotise me.
“Oh, hi, Ayden. Come on in.”
Ayden’s eyes flick over my shoulder to Mr Matthews and then back to mine. I wait for him to say something, but he doesn’t.
“Ayden mate, you’ll need to step aside so Lexi can leave.” Mr Matthews says, unaware of what’s going on before him.
The longer we stare at each other, the more anger that turns those piercing blue eyes into a storm. That’s okay though, I’m all about angry right now too. I step forward, not waiting for him to move, and I push past him, nudging my shoulder into his side on my way out of the room.
Part of me wants to go back and leap into his arms. Another part of me wants to scream in his face and let out all the hurt that surrounds my heart. The part that wins, though, is the part of me that feels the need to flee. I consider going home, but I’m too scared. What if Mike’s there? Or whoever is stealing my stuff? I could go to the library, but the anger bubbling at the surface of my control is too intense, and I need to let it out.
Needing a distraction, I head to my double PE class. As I walk across the campus, my mind replay’s the expression on Ayden’s face. What the fuck is his problem? Why the hell did he look so pissed for? And why didn’t anyone tell me he was coming back? Fuck him, and fuck everyone else.
PE has already started when I walk in, and I ignore Mr Foster and head to the girls change rooms. I’m furious. I’m livid. I need to hurt someone, and I need to do it now. Once I’m changed, I go into the stadium and spot Allison. She wasn’t here last time we had PE, and after today, she’s going to wish she didn’t show up.
Today’s activity is Soccer, and I can see that all my guys are on the same side, so I grab up a yellow bib to indicate that I’m on their team too, and run out into the game honing in on my target. What happens on the field stays on the field, right? Or I should say floor since we are playing indoors today.
I watch the ball in play and assess the situation quickly before running towards Allison. She sees me coming, her dark brown eyes widen, and I read her lips saying “Oh fuck” before she turns and runs in the other direction. She’s not quick enough, and I leap on her back, tackling her to the ground.
I get a mouthful of her chocolate brown waves before the whistle sounds, and strong arms wrap around me just as I’m about to pound my fist into her. My legs flail, and I growl in frustration as I’m dragged in the other direction.
“Calm down, Lexi,” Jared growls in my ear, so I relax a little, happy that for once, it isn’t Marcus trying to control me. When we’re far enough away, he puts me down and releases me.
“What was that, Miss West?” Mr Foster yells, his over sunned face reddening in anger.
“What? Aren’t we playing football?” I ask innocently.
Snickers sound around me.
“Not Aussie rules football Lexi. This is soccer. No tackling!” Mr Foster shakes his head, walking off.
“Well, that’s boring,” I say before shooting Allison a glare.
The boys jog over to us, noticeably confused. Well, except for Simon, he seems happy.
“You okay, Lex?” Garrett asks, but I ignore him as I seek out Marcus. He’s standing back, which is odd because he’s always front and bloody centre in my face telling me what to do lately.
Stomping towards him, I let the anger show on my face and his eyes go wide just before I shove him in the chest.
“What the actual fuck Marcus!”
“What?” His brown eyes go round in innocence, and he takes a step back.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me he was back?” My chest rises and falls with heavy breaths. I’m on the edge of a very steep cliff right now, and I’m not sure that I’m going to be able to step away from it.
“Who’s back?” Simon asks from behind me.
I keep my focus on Marcus, and he opens and closes his mouth like a damn goldfish, obviously struggling with words.
“Who’s back, Lex?” Jared asks, and I realise Marcus has kept this information from all of us.
The whistle blows, and Mr Foster call
s for us to take positions again, but none of my boys move.
“You could have fucking warned me, Marcus.” A tear slips free, and I turn from him, needing space between us. A lot of fucking space.
I push through the boys, but Jared grabs my hand halting me briefly.
“Six. Who’s back?”
I look up into the eyes of one of my oldest friends and let him see the pain swimming in my own.
“Ayden,” I whisper before pulling away and taking my spot for the game to resume.
I don’t miss the round of curses falling from the boy’s lips as I retreat or Garrett’s voice as he tears strips off Marcus.
“What the fuck, man! That’s information we should have all known about!”
I take my anger and focus it on the game, letting my competitive side come out in full force. While everyone else’s aim is to kick the ball in the goal, mine is to hurt Allison. I am relentless in my endeavour to make her suffer. I stay near her for the whole game. Sticking my leg out to trip her or nudging her hard whenever Mr Foster isn’t looking.
Even though I get concerning looks from the boys, they don’t try to stop my attacks on Allison. It’s like they know I need to get my aggression out, so they just watch on at the monster I unleash.
While my anger stems from my family and the way Tasha and her merry bitches have been treating me, I realise that I’ve been bottling up anger to do with Ayden as well. I’ve been telling myself that he is better off without me. That I tainted his world. But the selfish part of me is truly hurt by the cruel words he said with such distaste the day I walked away from him in Melbourne.
I know I should probably go to Mr Matthews instead of unleashing my wrath on Allison, but there’s just one problem. I can’t go to him because he is with Ayden right now. Ayden fucking Mitchell. The guy that took my virginity, took my heart, and then destroyed me.
That’s not right, though, is it? I know I’m being irrational. If I were a better person, I’d admit that I was the one who happily gave him my virginity, who freely gave him my heart, and who tainted his life, leaving him no choice but to demand space.
Today, I’m not a better person. I am tired. Exhausted. Scared and confused. I am hurting so brutally on the inside that I almost wish I could come face to face with Mike and let him beat the shit out of me because it would be less painful than what my heart is suffering.
Ayden Mitchell pushed his way into my life and broke down my walls. He made me care about him. He made me think there could be a better life. He made me trust him. In this moment, I realise that what he did to my heart is the biggest betrayal I’ve endured.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Who pissed you off?” Bell stands before me with her midnight black hair in her Wednesday Addams braids, wearing her typical indifferent expression.
“You, if you don’t get out of my face!” I snap, and holy shit, I get a fucking grin out of her.
“You’re always pissed off. Today is different, though. Who do you want to kill?” Bell makes no attempt to move, so I step around her and sit on the steps at the back of the school stadium.
“Girl, are you on your period?” Dale sits next to me, screwing his nose up in a cringe while sweeping his hand through his mop of sandy curls.
“Maybe.” I lie, not wanting to talk about the real reason I have fuck off written across my forehead.
“Here, this might help.” Dale offers me the joint he’s smoking, and I don’t even hesitate to take it.
Bringing it to my lips, I drag the smoke in, letting it seep into my lungs, and I close my eyes, savouring the feeling, eager for the effects to kick in.
“Queen Lexi is being naughty. Can I be naughty too?” I open my eyes to peer up at Rhys. She’s grinning down at me, which makes me smile. “Sure, if you have your own joint.”
“Girl, that’s my joint you have.” Dale quips, and I roll my eyes at him before taking another drag.
“You gave it to me because I’m on my period.” I grin, blowing the smoke up into the sky as Dale makes a gagging noise.
“You little liar. You’re not pissed because of your period. It’s because of Ay-.”
“Rhys, don’t you dare say his fucking name!” I hiss.
“I like the angry version of you,” Bell states matter-of-factly, and I roll my eyes.
“I do too. It’s turning me on.” Rhys smirks at me before snatching the joint and taking a drag.
I don’t try to get it back. She probably just did me a favour. The last thing I need is to go to my next class baked out of my mind. I also don’t want a repeat of losing my memory, or to become a drug fucked zombie like my mum and Mike.
Shit, why do I keep making bad choices?
“Everything turns you on, Rhys.” Tillie nudges Rhys with her shoulder before taking the joint from her and having her own fill.
“I’m a sexual being. What can I say?” Rhys seductively drags her hands over her breasts and cups them.
“You could keep it to yourself. I don’t want to hear that shit. Or see that. Stop groping your tits!” Dale hisses at Rhys, and she pokes her tongue out.
Dale and vampire boy, whose name I found out is Alister, starts talking about some game called D&D that they are going to play this weekend, and Rhys nudges Dale over with her foot so she can sit next to me.
“You okay?” She asks, taking my hand in hers. Her tone is serious, so I meet her gaze and shrug.
“I saw him just before lunch, coming out of the counsellor’s office. You didn’t know he was coming back?” Rhys’s voice is low, and I appreciate her not blabbing it to everyone. This shit is personal.
I shake my head and then rest it on her shoulder. Rhys lays her head on mine and takes the joint off Tillie to take another drag before holding it to my lips so I can have one last intake before it’s all gone.
“I can feel your phone vibrating in your pocket.” Rhys giggles. “It’ll be your reverse harem trying to find you again.”
“Probably,” I feel relaxed, but not as relaxed as I was on Saturday night when I got wasted at Simon’s.
I purposely don’t take my phone out of my pocket to check the messages. I can’t deal with the guys right now. I just need a breather, so I selfishly enjoy the company of my new misfit friends for the rest of lunch.
When the bell goes for last period, I drag my feet to my new Psychology class. Another new class care of Abbey’s stupid parents. I mean, why the hell would I be interested in psychology? This is just another class I’ll probably fail because it has no relevance to my interests or my ability.
Ms Harding, my year eight science teacher, is standing at the whiteboard writing something that I don’t understand when I walk in. A quick look around the room, and I’m ready to turn and walk the hell out.
Ayden is in this class. Seriously?
To make matters worse, the only empty seat is at the table next to his. Not happening.
I walk to the back of the room where Sally Davis is sitting and glare down at her.
“Move!”
“What?” She looks at me, confused.
“I want this seat, Sally. Move.” I can feel eyes on me, but I ignore the onlookers and keep my focus on the red-headed girl cowering before me.
“But, there’s a spare seat over there.” She points and I smile. It’s not a friendly smile.
“Yes, I know. That’s your seat. Go fucking sit in it.”
“Is there a problem, Lexi?” Ms Harding’s voice travels from the front of the room, so I turn to her.
“Nope. Sally was just telling me she wants to sit closer to the front, so I’m being kind enough to swap with her.”
Miss Harding smiles, “That’s nice of you, Lexi. Thank you.”
“Anytime,” I smirk and turn back to Sally, who’s bundling up her books to move.
When the desk is free, I sit and open my laptop. Unfortunately, even though I will myself not to, my eyes still seek Ayden out. I quickly regret that when I see the disappointment etched acr
oss his face. The frown he shoots me across the room almost breaks me, so I glance down at my laptop screen, fighting back tears and the need to scream.
Taking my phone out, needing to distract my thoughts, I go on the group chat and read through the usual messages that the boys send me when I do a runner from them. Then a notification lights up the screen with a message from Ayden.
I debate whether to open it. I’ve been waiting to hear from him since I sent the drunk text, and now that I have, I’m not sure I want to know what he has to say.
Of course, I’m lacking the ability to control my curiosity, so I open the message.
Ayden Mitchell
What was that? Since when do you act like Tasha?”
Oh, he did not just compare me to Tasha fucking Pritchard?
Lexi West
<< middle finger emoji >>
Ayden Mitchell
We need to talk.
Lexi West
<< middle finger emoji >>
Ayden Mitchell
How old are you?
Lexi West
<< middle finger emoji >>
Ayden Mitchell
Lex, come on. We should talk.
Lexi West
To you, my name is Alexis!
I look up from my phone to watch Ayden as he reads my message, and he flinches before shooting me a glare. Oh man, even his glare is hot.
I stick my middle finger up at him and watch as his face turns from a glare to a grin.
Shit! I look away quickly, hoping he doesn’t see how he affects me, knowing that a stupid blush is most likely on my face.
I decide to put my phone away and ignore him for the rest of the class, knowing that I need to learn whatever the hell one is meant to learn in a psychology class. I fail, though. By the time the bell goes, I realise I have no idea what Ms Harding was even speaking about.
I wait for Ayden to leave with the flow of students and then hurry out, eager to get detention over and done with so I can get out of this wretched school. Rhys is in detention once again. Apparently, detention is a daily ritual she performs due to ignoring the dress code rules to express her individuality. She hasn’t not had a detention after school for a couple of years. I wonder what she’d do if she didn’t get one?
Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2) Page 13