SAVAGE POET: A Dark, New Adult and College Romance

by Jax Hart

  “Fuck!” I lifted my head, slapping the wheel. I’d never get my first kiss back, but I’ll be damned if he’d be the one to get any more of my firsts.

  In my mind’s eye—I pictured that smirking devil with the sea-green eyes. The man who consumed me. I wouldn’t rest until he’s been banished from this earth into the pits of hell itself. If not for what he did to me and my family, just for making me want to feel the things I felt when he touched me.

  Zio was still asleep in his chair. I picked up the remote and clicked off the tv. The smell of Roque clung to me. Shaking my head, I entered my bathroom feeling nothing but self-loathing.

  How could I let him do this to me again? How does this devil always seem to win?

  Undressing quickly, I entered the shower practically scrubbing my skin raw. I needed to get better at this whole male and female thing. I’d been training in the art of espionage and self-defense, but my flaw was not knowing how to protect my female nature from seduction. I wouldn’t let it happen again. I’d need to learn that sex is just sex and not let hormones ever make me weak again.

  Turning off the taps, I quickly towel dried and went back to my room to get into bed. It was very late, but sleep was elusive. His brilliant eyes. They’re all I saw.

  One time. I’ll allow myself to give in to what happened just this once and then never again.

  My fingers crept into the waist band of my panties. My fingers moved faster and faster. I felt his breath in my hair… his low growl of approval as I let him win—let him conquer me.

  “Salvatore!” I gasped, coming in waves of disgust and loathing.

  I was hunting him, but I was the one trapped by my very own prey. His laser-like eyes somewhat blue, mostly green always haunted me. No matter where I went. No matter how much time passed, I was still stuck in that moment somewhere between life and death. No matter what, it’s always the two of us locked together in the dark. Tonight, was no different.

  In some sick way, we might belong together. Me, the girl he practically killed just to be re-born.

  “Ugh!” I slammed my fist into the mattress wishing it was his smug face. Disgusted at how much he wins even though he doesn’t know I’ve started playing our game, I bounded out of bed and washed my hands. Steeling, myself, I raised my head and met my own eyes in the mirror. “War. I must become Diana the goddess of war. Romina is the girl he hurt. Diana is the woman who will bring him to his knees…”

  With resolve, I turned on my desk lamp and opened my laptop. Since sleep wouldn’t come anyway, I might as well start preparing for battle.

  “Again.”

  Sweat poured from my brow, threatened to blind me. My muscles screamed to stop. But I raised my fists and jabbed again. My trainer, Carlos was ready and blocked the shot.

  Spinning fast, my left leg lifted giving a swift kick at his ankles. He jumped over them and answered with a quick punch to my side.

  “Fuck!” I faltered back and he took the opportunity to plow me over, pinning me to the mat. But I squirmed like a snake, lifted my hips and let him feel the softness of my core.

  “Diana. Stop.”

  Carlos was a professional and since that night in the closet ten days ago, I’ve been trying to practice my wiles on him. He was only in his mid-twenties though and a ripe young thing like me must feel good to him on some level. Instead of stopping, I wrapped my hands around his neck and let my tongue taste the sweat on his light latte colored skin.

  He flinched, vaulted off me and grabbed a towel. “Enough. If you keep this up, I can’t train you.” He picked up his water bottle, slammed through the backdoor and let it shake behind him.

  “Well shit.” Pushing myself up, I reached for my own towel. Carlos was the best. If he dumped me, I’ll never get better. Pulling my hoodie on, I followed him but gingerly opened the door to the alley.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He spun fast turning to face me. “What the hell is up with you girl?”

  I swallowed hard. “A guy.”

  He snorted. “No shit. But I ain’t him. You can’t touch me like that. For one it’s illegal and I ain’t gonna do time again. I chose a different life, you feel me?”

  I nodded. “Sorry.”

  He grunted, “Whoever this guy is he isn’t worth you, Diana.”

  “I know that…” I twisted the ends of my sweatshirt in my hands.

  “We’re done for the day. Cut this shit out and I’ll still train you, but we need to re-group. For now, we need to make your mind stronger, we’ll train your brain to fight… ignore the pain, ignore the emotions… in the moment when you face your opponent, you’ll morph into something else.”

  “…That’s what I’ve been trying to do. How? How can I get there?”

  “Not by doing time like I did. But I can share with you everything I learned when I was on the inside. I had to change in order to survive. You’ve never been in a world like that. Where nothing exists except for the instinct to survive.”

  “You don’t know that,” I whispered huskily, remembering the feel of Roque’s hands around my throat.

  “The fuck? Who? I want a name. Now!” Carlos’ fists ball.

  “It was a long time ago. I was a child.”

  “That’s even more reason.”

  I swallowed hard. “Thanks for the offer. But I want to take him down myself.”

  He studied me intently. “I get that.”

  “Good. I’m sorry for being a pain in the ass. But please don’t quit on me, okay?”

  “Fine. But no more bullshit. We’re gonna train harder than before mentally and physically.”

  I pushed off the brick wall. “Good. I’m ready. Let’s get back to work.” Lifting my chin, I turned around and open the door. He followed me back into the gym and this time when we grappled on the mat I was focused as hell. My mind was blank. All I thought about was how to take down my opponent…searching for weaknesses while trying to get in his head and find his next move before he makes it. The two of us sweat and spun, strained and shook. He might’ve outmatched me in years and weight, but I had heart and grit; enough to make him even wonder what hit him as I popped Carlos with a quick jab to his throat and smiled wickedly as he fell back.

  We called it a night and after a quick shower, my heart sunk noticing Zio waiting.

  “Zio?”

  “Get dressed. Quickly.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  He checked the locker room again to ensure no one else was here. When he did speak his hiss was low and full of fury. “What have you done? All this time we waited. It was almost perfect.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Silencio!” His weathered face was full of tension. “The Salvatore’s and The Lamatti’s are all over Princeton. They’ve descended like locusts. My connections have told me they’re looking for two high school girls. One with light skin and cork-screw curls. The other… small in stature with long brown hair and dark eyes.”

  My heart pounded furiously.

  “I-I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry? You’re sorry? If they find me…they’ll make the connection to you. We’re both supposed to be dead. The Fiorelli’s aren’t supposed to walk the earth unless they’re ghosts. And for decades we were living, breathing ghosts. You just couldn’t wait until it was time, eh? I trusted you, Romina. I trusted you not to fuck up.”

  I hung my head, wrapping the towel closer around my shivering body. “What can I do?”

  “Nothing. It’s too late. We must become gypsy’s again and move.”

  “No! I like it here!”

  “You should’ve thought of that before you crashed his college party. It was reckless and dumb. We’ll be lucky to lay low and escape. They’ve got all the main roads under constant surveillance.”

  “So? We live like hermits as it is. No one knows us. Besides. If we leave, they’ll know. If you pull me out of school…they’ll find out and trace us.”

  “I know,” he sighed. “It won’t be easy to run this ti
me.”

  “So, what if we stay? What could he possibly want with me? I’m illegal for him to date…surely he won’t want to draw attention?”

  “The Salvatore’s pay off more law enforcement people than all the cartels in Mexico. You think he’ll care?”

  “Fine. I’ll dye my hair blue, pierce my nose and date someone my own age,” I snap my fingers.

  He waved his hand. “No. I’ll take care of it. You get dressed.”

  Shame filled me. Zio’s been so much to me and I’ve let him down. I’ve never disobeyed him, or ever done anything that could put us in jeopardy. But I knew I’d made a grave mistake. There might not be any option but to run. My shoulders sagged.

  On the way home Zio stopped at a drugstore. Pulling my hoodie low, I bought a box of bright blue hair dye and some bright pink lipstick. Using an app on my phone, I bought more colored contacts this time is deep indigo. Blue hair and blue eyes.

  Zio grunted when I told him. “Eat. You need to get fat.”

  “Are you serious? I trained hard. I burned too many calories.” He grunted, pulling into a fast food drive through. He ordered a loaded burger and large fries with a super-sized milkshake. “This is child abuse!”

  He responded by shoving a handful of warm, salty fries in my mouth.

  “Mmm, they are yummy though.”

  “Go to your room,” Zio commanded when we got home. I didn’t even talk back. I finished wolfing down the food and opened the blue hair dye. I wished I could call Tati for help, but I knew I needed to keep her at a distance in case she’d already been made. How could I tell her to stay away without telling her why?

  I tapped my fingers on the counter and waited while my hair was full of blue dye. Taking out my cell, I called her and hoped she believed the lies about to spill from my mouth.

  “Girl? Where are you? Casey is having a party at her place. Her older sister is at Chappa Delta at Princeton…I hear she invited some of the frat guys…”

  I smacked my head, leaving a blue handprint on my forehead. “I can’t. I’m grounded. Zio found out about the last party.”

  “What? How?”

  “He has an anti-theft GPS app on his phone. When he checked his cell the next morning I was busted.”

  “Damn your old uncle is smart.”

  “I know.”

  “Fine. Sneak out. I’ll drive.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can. You owe me.”

  “For what?”

  “Um, ending my night with Le Blanc. I heard he’s going… looking for a certain high school girl.”

  “That means…”

  “Yes, it does. They’ll all be there. Johnny, Rafe, and Ralph.”

  “His name isn’t Ralph.”

  “Oh yeah, what is it then?”

  “Ass-wipe.”

  “Well, ass-wipe has the hots for you. I’m parking down the block. Get your ass out on the roof and jump down. You’ve got two hours.”

  “Shit!” I exhaled as she ended the call. Pacing with the blue sudsy dye plastered to my head, I make my way downstairs.

  The only venerable part of my heart was pierced at Zio asleep in front of the TV again. I couldn’t do this to him; force him to run again. Not after he saved my ass so many times before. I needed to fix this shit with Roque tonight. I needed to convince him our ten minutes in the closet was just a fluke… that there was nothing special about me—the soon to be blue haired girl just winging it through high school. Now, how to play it? Clingy? Boring? A drunk druggie?

  Lost in my thoughts, I tucked the old blanket around Zio.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, gently kissing his cheek as I turned and walked quietly back upstairs then jumped back into the shower to rinse my hair.

  But the blue just wasn’t enough. Hiding my eyes was my greatest armor. I texted Tati back asking her to bring whatever goodies she can pack quickly. Her mom does more than just regular haircuts and highlights. On the weekends, she often makes extra money working at an underground drag bar. The shit in her arsenal could make any washed-up girl look like a million bucks.

  But I didn’t want to look like a million tonight. I wanted to look fierce in an almost scary sci-fi kind of way. Roque is old world. He might be young but old school values were ingrained on him. He’d never go for a girl so punk and edgy. I was a surprise who looked hot that night. Tonight, I wouldn’t resemble that girl one bit.

  I put on a pair of skinny jeans and high-top chucks pairing it with a blue hoodie, soft and faded to the point tiny holes showed through the sleeves.

  I snuck back into the kitchen and poured some convection sugar into a sandwich bag with a few aspirin to make it look like crushed up pills. I almost giggled as I pictured the look on his face if I snorted it in front of him. He was going to lose his mind—and not in a good way. His high-school sweetheart is going to be a badass rebel from hell.

  I didn’t even need to sneak out via the roof. But I did triple check the alarm and all the deadbolts as I scurried down the block to Tati waiting in her grandfather’s old Toyota.

  “How did you snake that again?”

  “The same way you did the Explorer. Mom’s out making money at drag night and grandpa fell asleep at six.”

  I shook my head. “I so never want to grow old.”

  “You look like…?”

  “I know. I want it to be this way.”

  She paused taking me in. “Why? Are you scared he’ll find out you’re a virgin?”

  I swallowed hard. “No. Because I’d never give that to him. I... I need him to just go away for Zio’s sake. Zio… he dumped Johnny Lamatti’s aunt hard. Back in New York, Zio dated her and then dumped her when she wanted more—she went crazy and stalked him. When I was only ten, she tried to have me kidnapped by the Lamatti outfit as payback for her broken ass heart. If Ralph and Johnny find me… they’ll find him.

  “What? That’s crazy? That was years, ago right? Surely Johnny won’t give two fucks?”

  “Who knows? His aunt’s on her third husband.”

  “What happened to the first two?”

  “They disappeared. Please Tati, I can’t do this to Zio. He likes it here. I don’t want to move anymore.”

  “He’d make you move?”

  “He’s already nervous about the Lamatti presence in Princeton over the past week. He barely leaves the house. Maybe he’s just a crazy, old man. But Tati, he’s my old man. You get me? He’s all I got.”

  “Yeah, I get that. Okay, here.” She handed me a make-up case, “use the blue lipstick and go heavy on the black eyeliner. He hates street or steampunk.”

  “I know.”

  “You did your research.”

  “You have no idea,” I murmured as I flipped the visor down and got to work. Tati started the engine and pulled out. We arrived at the party in less than fifteen. I had more boring brown lenses in. The twinge of guilt I felt for even faking out my only friend passed, as I asked her to wait for a minute so I could fix my contacts. She didn’t see me take the brown ones out then pop the blue ones in.

  I looked electric. I was the blue in flame. I wanted to look ugly but somehow all I did was be pure fire.

  “Fuck, D. Your plan might backfire.”

  “It could. But it won’t.” I pulled out my baggie.

  “D? What the fuck? No. Hell, no.”

  “Don’t worry, Tati. Here,” I opened the bag and dipped a finger in the sugar. “It’s baking sugar.”

  “Genius.” We high fived. “Are you ready?”

  I popped a shoulder. “Never more.”

  Just like the last party we were at; we walked past a few groups as we approached the house. Conversations stopped. Eyes gawked. Something was up. They were waiting for us to show, which meant word spread that Tati and I were some fucked-up sort of guests of honor or some shit.

  I felt it; his gaze on me. It was hard and hot, pinning me down and yet I walked closer. Finally, my blue gaze collided with dark eyes that were just as on
fire.

  He stood silent at the top steps, waiting for me. He knew I’d show. Almost commanded it. But as we were about to reach the steps, I banked left, act bored, and stood in line to grab a beer.

  I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop the smug grin trying to appear. His sharp exhale felt like razor blades slicing across my back. I reached into a plastic bucket filled with ice, taking out the first thing my hand grabbed. I popped the top and turned around.

  “Oh, hey.” I acted dumb. “Have you seen my friend?” I moved past as if he was just some guy; not one who leaves a lasting impression.

  His eyebrow lifted. He didn’t say one word as he inspected me. It’s a test. Am I playing him or was he already played into thinking, dreaming and hoping I was real last time we met?

  I shuffled on my feet, letting my free hand nervously fidget with the metal zipper on my hoodie. “I need to find her.”

  He blocked my path. “Dude, I need a hit. Soon. I only came here hoping to find one. Hey, wait—your friend Johnny, he’ll hook me up right?” I leaned back on my heels hoping to give him a wide-eyed blue look of innocence. His face was stone. Hard. Cold. But he was pissed. It was evident in the way his jaw clenched and the muscle in his cheek ticked. The way his balled fist made its way to his front pocket.

  “Sure.”

  Surprised, I went with him as he grabbed my hand and led me inside. He out maneuvered me again. Called my bluff. My palms sweated. Would I really do this? How far was I willing to take my act? Keeping a clear mind was my number one rule of both offense and defense. We walked past couples grinding, past people playing cups, past all the bullshit. I expected him to go upstairs but instead he opened a basement door. I couldn’t see the bottom step. It was cloaked in muskiness and darkness.

  “No.”

  “What? How bad do you need your fix?”

  I eyed him and the black void below. “Look. I need one okay. But someone fucked me up a while ago and I can’t go down there.”

  He processed my words. One hand stroked my cheek. “I’d never let anyone, or anything hurt you.”