by Anne Malcom
“Decaf.” I muttered to the pan in disgust. I flipped a pancake onto a plate and was preparing to pour another one when I felt it. I grabbed my stomach, the glass jug slipped from my hands and shattered on the floor. Cade was by my side in a second, Dad was on his feet phone in hand. I was impressed with their reflexes.
“What’s wrong Gwen?” Cade looked terrified with his eyes glued at my stomach.
“I’m calling the doctor.” Dad declared.
I smiled, catching them both off guard. “I’m fine both of your calm down, Dad hang up the phone.” I grasped Cade’s hand and put in over my belly. His eyes widened. “She just caught me by surprise that’s all.” I said softly relishing the feeling of my baby kicking at Cade’s hand.
Cade seemed hypnotized for a second then he shook his head, he didn’t move his hand from my belly but he put the other under my legs and carried me to the table.
“I don’t want you cutting yourself.” He explained, a twinkle in his eye, I knew he was remembering back to a time not so different than this, apart from the fact I was carrying his spawn now. Our moment was broken when Dad and Amy rushed over.
“Supes kicking let me feel!” Amy demanded placing her hand beside Cade’s.
“Gotta know if my grandkid’s gonna be an All Black.” Dad put his hand there too.
Three heads looked up at me smirking before they released their hands, well actually two did. One very masculine, tattooed hand stayed sprawled over my swollen belly. I covered it with my own, looking into the grey eyes of my man, his expression sending a warm feeling to my toes. We stayed like that, staring at each other silently enforcing a bond that would keep us connected forever. The little person inside me that we both created out of love, the baby that will forever be ours and would be loved by countless people. Cade framed my face and pressed a firm but chaste kiss on my lips.
My father, bless him, broke the moment. “What are you two lovebirds up to today?” He asked his tone light, and happy. Not that fake cheerfulness that he had ben putting on for two months, protecting his girls from the depths of his grief, being strong for us. No, this was genuine, the warm feeling continued to sneak its way into my heart, then I did something I hadn’t genuinely done for two months. I smiled. “Well father, I thought I could show Cade around town, then go for a drive up to Malcom’s peak.” I informed him, turning to Cade I continued. “Let’s see how you handle New Zealand life my hunky American.”
“Nice meeting you Cade, you’re not a bad bloke…for a Yank. You take care of this girl.” Gray barked at Cade gruffly, giving him a firm handshake. His eyes softened towards me and then to my belly.
“This baby comes home with an accent, we got problems.” He roughly kissed my head then sauntered off to his table. I giggled and looked over to Cade, who just shook his head and took a pull of his beer.
It had been an eventful day, showing Cade ‘around town’ didn’t take long considering our town consisted of one main street, a handful of shops and three cafes. That didn’t mean we weren’t busy. We stopped off for a coffee, and as was per usual in a small town such as ours, we bumped into a thousand people I knew. This normally didn’t bother me too much, considering I didn’t make it home often and I genuinely liked most of the people. But this was one of the first times I had been out and about since the funeral. I hated the sympathetic glances, the hand squeezing, the ‘how are you holding ups?’ everyone meant well but it was suffocating. Thankfully I had a hunky biker who distracted most of the well meaning locals away from their pity party and into a full scale interrogation. With some overly friendly arm touches and eye fucking from the younger, female, generation. I had narrowed my eyes at this and stuck my belly out rubbing it in front of them, communicating that I was pregnant with his child. Some people. Thankfully we escaped unscathed and spent the rest of the day driving around the countryside, even Cade’s usual hard exterior cracked taking in the beauty of home. I could tell he liked ‘Malcolm’s Point’ considering he stood taking in the view of our little valley silently for a good five minutes before jumping me and making love to me on the bonnet of my Dad’s truck. It was amazing. Apart from the fact I was slightly worried my fat pregnant ass would make a huge dint that would be hard to explain.
After those activities I figured Cade would be thirsty so I took him to our local pub. On arrival we were swamped down with greetings, hugs (for me), firm handshakes and back slaps (for Cade). The reception was slightly different from that of the café, as the patrons here tended to be old, gruff, farmers and laborers who didn’t drool all over my drool worthy man and hand out condolences. Instead they gave Cade wary looks, glancing at his attire and tattoos’ with speculation, and more than a little protectiveness. A lot of these men knew and respected not only my father but also my…Ian. Which meant they took it upon themselves to be secondary protectors of my honor. Sweet but also annoying. Especially when your 15 and hanging out at the only 24 hour fast food joint at 3 in the morning, more than a little tipsy, and one of the men happen upon you then take it upon themselves to drag you home.
But when I was 25, knocked up, and devastated from loss I found it comforting. I was worried for a split second they would take him outside and try and rough him up a little, considering they all knew he had been MIA for two months, no matter it was not his fault. But thankfully they hadn’t. Another thing that I was thankful for was the fact they didn’t treat me like some victim of loss that needed to be handled like glass. They shot they shit, some giving Cade withering looks, most giving him shit (that he took remarkably well), and then they raised a glass, “To the best brother son, and rugby Forward we knew.” I choked up a bit on that one, but raised my lemonade and bit back the tears.
“Anyone else going to approach the table trying to kill me with a scowl then try and crush me bones with a handshake?” Cade asked evenly.
“Oh probably, it’s not even happy hour yet.” I told him sweetly.
He smirked, rubbing his hand on my thigh. “I like this for you baby. That you got so many people who obviously care about you, respect you, got your back. It’s special, this whole damn place is spectacular.”
I scrutinized the pub with fake interest, taking in the dated stools and tables, the slightly stained carpet and the faded yellow paint.
“Well spectacular isn’t the word I’d use for this particular establishment, I’m glad you like it all the same.”
Cade grinned outright, and what a sight to behold that was. “Fuck I’ve missed your smart mouth.” His hand moved from my thigh to brush my belly lightly.
“This town, this country. It’s freaking amazing babe, I see how you love it so much.” He regarded like there was something else moving in his mind.
I didn’t have time to ask him what because hurricane Amy strolled through the door. I swear conversation stopped and every head turned to look at my best friend. Granted, in a small town pub in New Zealand, strangers stuck out like a sore thumb. But this way something else, a drop dead gorgeous girl like Amy strolling into this place was like a fish jumping out of water and walking around on two legs. It also didn’t help she was dressed like she was about to head off to a five star dinner, not indulge in some hearty, honest, pub food.
Her long red hair tumbled around her shoulders, a mass of curls. She had on a grey, long sleeved knit dress that went down to her ankles and had huge slits up both sides, it was skintight, not leaving much to the imagination. She wore modest (for her) heeled ankle boots and a camel colored draped leather jacket. Definitely not the jeans and thermals most other women in here were wearing. Well with the exception of me, I was wearing leather leggings, a cashmere charcoal sweater, and knee high boots. Everyone around here had accepted my inability to wear the local uniform years ago, but they hadn’t seen the likes of Amy. She was joined by my parents, who spotted us and waved. My father went off to the bar no doubt to get drinks, but was deep in back slaps and man hugs before getting anywhere near. Mum spotted a couple of friends and waved Am
y on.
“Sup skank, biker dude, Supe.” Amy patted my tummy, sitting herself beside me.
“Hey whore.” I replied, Cade did a chin lift, grinning.
“This your local watering hole before you starting sipping cosmos in the land of velvet ropes?” Amy asked, taking in our surroundings, winking at some of the men still staring.
I snorted. “You could say that, though I could count the times I’ve gotten drunk here on one hand, I was usually out looking for trouble, not staying in the one place I couldn’t find it. Not with all these guys around anyway.” I smirked. “Although, there was one night I did beat them all in a skulling competition.” I spoke a little louder, just so my neighbors could hear.
“You hustled us girl, which means you didn’t win anything, you forfeit on account of deceit.” Bluey, one of the losers of that night exclaimed passionately.
“We agreed we do not speak of that night.” Louie scowled at me before turning to contemplate his beer.
“I’ll take you on right now, rematch little girl.” Seventy five year old Elliot declared, standing from his stool raising his beer.
I pointed down to my stomach, “Not really in the position to chug beers on account of the little human growing inside me.”
“Hmmph excuses, excuses.” Elliot rolled his eyes at me before rejoining the men, a couple glaring in my direction. I blew them all kisses, turned back to Cade and Amy.
“It’s still a sensitive subject.” I explained.
“How long ago did this happen?” Amy asked grinning.
“Oh about six years ago.” I deadpanned and Amy burst out laughing.
Cade just gave me a look before he pulled my in for a kiss.
“Looks like you’ve been holding out on me and the boys Gwen.” Cade whispered, eyes twinkling.
“Oh just you wait biker boy, I’ll whip all your asses once I get this little sucker out.” I told him, deciding it was time to put some of those cocky assholes in their places.
I waited for Amy and Cade to laugh, or even smile. It was a joke, I thought I was pretty funny, but there faces turned serious and I was met with silence. I felt like Ben Stiller doing stand up.
Cade cleared his throat, an intense expression on his face. “You planning on coming home to Amber then Gwen?” He asked softly.
Realization dawned, my offhand comment had been given these guys a much needed clue as to my plans of the future. Was I going back to Amber? This place, this town was my home it always would be. It held a huge chunk of my heart, contained people who I loved, respected, grew up with. It had been an amazing place to grow up, somewhere where I had no worries, the horrors and reality of the world outside rarely touched me here. I had always thought I would eventually come back here and raise a family. But in my mind that was always someday. It was way in the future, an undedicated date I had given little thought to. A twenty something girl living a glamorous lifestyle in New York barely thinks of the future, apart from wondering about Louis Vuitton’s next handbag collection. But this was now. Not someday vaguely in the future, and I had a lot of other people to consider in this decision, not just myself. As much as the idea of staying here, where nothing ever changed, or would change, appealed to me, I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t stay in the place where everyday I would have to drive down the road Ian and I would have four wheeler races on, drink in the pub he brought me my first legal beer, take my child to the school where he and I had gone. It would shatter me.
“Yeah.” I replied quietly, “I’m coming home.”
I woke up for the second morning to be encased in Cade’s arms, my back snug to his chest, his arm protectively cradling my belly. I instantly felt it. Different. For the first time in two months I didn’t feel like a thousand pound weight was pressing down on my chest, making me almost physically unable to get out of bed, to face the day. I felt happy. Then I felt guilt. So strong it washed over me like nausea, settling in my stomach. A tear rolled down my cheek and I held my body taught trying to stop myself from shaking with silent sobs.
Cade’s arms tightened around me. “Gwen? What is it? Are you okay?”
He flipped me on my back, hovering above me worried eyes searching my face.
I looked at him a beat then burst into tears. He sat back on the bed pulling me into his arms, I buried my face into his shoulder and tried and stop but the tears kept coming. Cade rubbed my back.
“It’s okay baby.”
I didn’t say anything for a while, my emotions churned through me, rendering me speechless. How could I talk if I didn’t even know what I was feeling?
Cade pulled me back slightly, to meet my no doubt tear stained eyes.
“Want to talk about it?” He asked softly.
I bit my lip. My silence, my denial has been the only thing keeping me together the past two moths.
“I woke up, with you, after last night having such an amazing day with you, and a night with my friends and family. I woke up and I was happy.” I hiccupped, “But how can I be happy? My brother’s dead, His life is over. I’ll never see him again, and now I feel so guilty for being happy because he’s gone.” My voice broke on the last word. “I’ve been trying so hard to be strong, for Mum, for Amy, for Dad and for the baby.” My breath caught, I tried to calm myself.
Cade yanked me up so I was straddling him, his hands framing my face.
“You don’t need to be strong baby. I’ve got you. I’m going to take care of you, and our Bun.” One of his hands moved to my stomach. “You’re going to be happy, and you aren’t going to feel guilty about it, because one day you’re going to realize all your brother wanted in this world was for you to be safe and happy, and he wouldn’t want you stopping living your life because you were clinging onto his.”
His grey eyes searched mine, he looked strong, determined, like he would do anything for me.
“I love you so much.” I whispered.
“Love you too baby.” His hand pulled me down to his mouth and he slowly kissed me, hands running up to me breasts caressing them.
I moaned, deepening our kiss, craving him, needing our connection. He roughly squeezed my nipple, sending a rush of heat between my legs. I rubbed myself against his growing erection, both of us already naked. His hand moved between us to my clit. I gripped his shoulders hard as his circled it with his thumb.
“Cade.” I whimpered.
“Come for me baby.” He growled, eyes never leaving mine.
I cried out as my orgasm rushed over me, Cade didn’t let it stop as he thrust in from underneath me while I was riding the last wave. He grabbed my neck pulling our foreheads together. His mouth met mine for a frenzied kiss before he moved to my nipple, sucking it. The sensation shot through my sensitized breasts and I shuddered.
“You’re going to come again Gwen,” Cade commanded roughly.
I didn’t answer but I felt myself building, Cade clutched my hips pounding into me hard and deep. I managed to stifle a scream as I came, feeling myself clenching around him milking his release. I collapsed on top of him, rather clumsily with my belly between us. Cade lifted me off him, tucking me into his side, pulling my leg over his body. I felt him dripping from between my legs. So could he, because he slipped his hand down there, I shuddered still feeling sensitive.
“My come dripping from your pussy, my baby in your belly, fucking perfect.” He grunted, bringing his fingers to my lips, I opened my mouth and sucked, tasting our combined fluids.
Cade claimed my mouth. “Still the hottest piece I’ve ever had. I’m the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.”
I rested my chin on his shoulder. “You won’t be saying that when I’m in my third trimester when I’m fat with swollen feet and a screaming bitch because I can’t fit into heels.” I told him seriously.
“You won’t be fat you’re fuckin pregnant and beautiful. And I’ll just have to find a way to keep your mind off your feet.” He declared, rubbing my breasts thoughtfully.
“Well right now my mind
is on food. Bacon in particular, with banana and maple syrup.”
Half and hour and a shower later I was happily munching on my plate of deliciousness, my breakdown a distant memory. Cade sitting beside me chomping on some eggs helped a lot.
“Sweetheart, are you sure you want to eat that for breakfast? That baby needs some nutrients.” My mother asked me, entering the kitchen. She looked down at my plate with a raised eyebrow.
“Banana is full of potassium Mum.” I declared.
“And what is bacon and maple syrup full of?” She countered, setting a green tea beside me.
“Happiness.” I said without missing a beat.
Cade chuckled beside me and Mum shook her head with a smile.
“Where are Dad and Amy?” I asked between mouthfuls. It was after ten and Amy was usually down here inhaling her eighth cup of coffee by now. My father could be anywhere, considering he was up at six.
“Your father, believe it or not is teaching Amy how to ride a quad bike.”
My mouth dropped open, luckily I had swallowed my food already.
“No way?” I pushed my chair back, my breakfast forgotten. “I’ve gotta see this!”
“They’re out at the back paddock, you want to take the truck?” Mum smiled. I was guessing she’d already seen the spectacle.
I grabbed my jacket, slipping on some gumboots, Pink Hunter boots mind you.
“No I’ll just take a bike.” I glanced at Cade, who up until now had been smirking into his breakfast, now he was glaring at me.
I gestured the universal ‘come on’ at him. “Hurry up, don’t you want to see this? We’ve got two more bikes in the shed.” I yanked up my second boot and straightened, opening the door. Moving at his usual macho speed of light, Cade was beside me, blocking my way, arms crossed. Now it was my turn to frown.
“What you doing big man? Put your boots on or I’m leaving without you.” I was already figuring out tactics to get around him.