Soldier

by AKM Miles

  “Don’t,” Soldier said.

  “What?” Dillon asked, just as eloquently.

  “Don’t go thinking I’m somebody special. I’m not.”

  “Yeah, you’re sitting in the dark holding a troubled child while he gets the first real sleep in weeks, I think.” Yeah, Soldier was special, all right. “And you’re keeping me warm, and you don’t think you’re special. Why?”

  “I just don’t know how to deal with people. I try to stay away from them.”

  “Why, because of your scars? They don’t matter. I know we all have stories to tell, probably some horror stories, but we’re all good. Anyway, I guess I should go in.” Dillon hated to. He was caught between nervousness and excitement. “I’ve been out here too long now. The others will be getting nervous. It’s a shame to wake him up.”

  “Go on in. Do what you have to do to get the others down. I’ll be right here. He can sleep as long as he can.” Soldier seemed strangely reluctant to let the child go. Gom obviously made him feel... something. Dillon didn’t bother trying to figure out what it was. “You can come back and check on him. I’ll sit here all night if he needs it that bad.” Dillon bet he would, too.

  Dillon snorted softly and said, “Sure. You’re not special at all. I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I trust you. I’m going to get the others to bed and then I’ll come back and see about Gom. If you’re sure?”

  “Go on. He’s fine.”

  Dillon was reluctant to leave the man’s side. He’d felt safe and warm and even a little excited by Soldier. He went back to his duties in the house, taking a last look before he went in the door. Soldier hadn’t moved at all. Dillon knew Soldier wouldn’t. The man would sit there, motionless, and let Gom get the rest he needed. It was so amazing to Dillon that Gom had gone into such a deep sleep just by being near the man. He shook his head. Something else.

  He got the boys ready for bed and ended up having to tell them a story to get them settled. It was probably an hour later that he slipped out the door again. He had a blanket with him, and he’d made Soldier a sandwich and had one of the last of the apples for him.

  “Has he even moved?” Dillon whispered as he sat beside Soldier. He set the food down on the blanket between them.

  “No. Thanks. I’ll eat the sandwich and save the apple. They all asleep?”

  “Yeah, finally. I had to tell them a story tonight. They were worried about Gom not being there. They all come from different places, but they quickly became protective of each other.”

  “How many?”

  “Seven, counting Gom.”

  “All with bad history?” Soldier winced.

  “Pretty much. They...” Dillon stopped when Gom gasped and started to jerk and fight against Soldier’s hold.

  “Hey, now, shhhhh. It’s okay, little one. I’ve got you. Soldier won’t let anything get you. Shhhhh... relax... that’s right... shhhhh.” Soldier’s hand went back to smoothing over the boy’s back and he looked relieved when Gom settled down again. Gom slipped back into deep sleep. Dillon was just amazed.

  “He okay?” Soldier asked, quietly.

  “Evidently. Usually when he wakes up like that, there is no getting him back to sleep. He’ll sit in a corner and cry and cry, never making a sound. I think I’d like to hear him scream and cry sometime.” Dillon voice dropped to a whisper as he related Gom’s anguish. “It’s always without sound. I think he had to learn to not make noise to get by. Makes me crazy to think of who hurt him.”

  “Do you know who?”

  “Yeah,” Dillon said, and then more softly, “his mother.”

  Soldier made a fist and then slowly released it. He asked, quietly, “How old is he?”

  “Daniel says he’s eight, but he’s so small. He acts more like five and looks it, huh? We go with eight.” He looked at Gom, resting so completely on Soldier’s shoulder. “I wish I knew more. I do what I do for them, but I don’t know so much. They need so much.” He shrugged a little, his voice wavering a little, letting some of his insecurities show.

  “Does he need to see somebody?”

  “Would he do well in counseling? Of course, there is no way he can get any right now, but I wonder what he’d be like if he could get some of his... pain... fear... anger, whatever, out. Maybe soon, we could get something like that set up. When we’re more established. I know they need more than I can give them. I fear that I’m not doing them enough good.”

  “Yeah, right.” Soldier put a “duh” in that.

  “I take care of their immediate needs. I know that. But sometimes it’s just not enough and I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this at all.” Self-doubt colored Dillon's words. “Maybe they’d be better off in regular Social Services. But for these few, it didn’t work.”

  ***

  “Where would they be without you? Is that what you need to ask yourself? Where would Gom be? Where did he come from to begin with?” Soldier was intrigued by how these boys came to be here.

  He thought Dillon was wonderful for doing what he did. He could see problems, though. It seemed that if Social Services ever got hold of this, they could all be taken away. That would be horrible for Gom, he knew, and probably for the ones he hadn’t seen. What had Dillon meant by regular Social Services?

  Gom squirmed a little, trying to get closer to Soldier. He put his arms up around Soldier's neck and settled again, sighing deeply. Soldier looked over at Dillon.

  “What do you want me to do? I’ll sit here all night if he’ll get some sleep. You said he needs it bad. I’m afraid if we move him, he’ll wake up and that will be that.”

  “Maybe we should try. You need some sleep, too.”

  “Okay, here goes.” He leaned forward and tried to pull Gom’s arms from around his neck. Gom grunted and clung. Dillon tried to pry him away from Soldier, but they both stopped when Gom cried out.

  “No. Please. I’ll be good. No noise. I sorry. See. Shhhhh... please...” Gom wiggled and squirmed and Soldier eased the boy back against him again and shook his head at Dillon.

  As soon as he was tightly held against Soldier’s shoulder again, Gom settled and placed his face right into Soldier’s neck. Gom's lips touched the skin on his neck and Soldier couldn’t help the shiver that ran through his body. This precious child had been abused, hurt, scared.

  “Leave him. Here, let’s do this.” He slid off the log onto the ground, using it for a backrest. He motioned for Dillon to cover them with the thin blanket. Dillon slid down and covered all three of them, then retrieved the sandwich for Soldier and handed it over.

  “Please, eat. I’ll stay here 'til morning, too. The others sleep through the night with no problem. Shoot, waking them up is the problem. Thank you for being his bed tonight.”

  Soldier smiled. No problem. He ate the sandwich, not even caring what was on it. When he finished it, he said, “Thanks. Come on over here and keep warm.”

  Dillon didn’t hesitate. It was summertime in Texas, but tonight it was cool. Soldier had seen Dillon shiver. It was chilly and he wanted to be close to this man, wanted to get to know Dillon, know his story.

  Soldier gathered Dillon close and they settled in to sleep in the backyard of the house one of them owned and the other lived in. Life was really strange sometimes. Dillon turned a little and settled more comfortably against his shoulder. Soldier leaned his head and smelled Dillon’s hair. How long had it been since he’d smelled shampoo on someone else and been turned on by something that simple? He very gently rubbed his chin over Dillon’s hair, enjoying the softness. Dillon’s head rested against Soldier’s neck on the other side from Gom, and Dillon, like Gom, sighed deeply right before falling asleep.

  He was already more interested in Dillon than he should be. He remembered Dillon touching his face. He shivered and he was hard in seconds. He almost groaned. What a day it had been. He’d been forced back into the world of people. It wasn’t so bad with these two. He wondered what tomorrow would bring. He settled into his half-awake d
oze and hugged the two in his arms.

  Soldier felt almost whole for the first time in more than two years. He’d had a purpose in the Army. He was good at what he did. He was getting a little of that feeling back. He was protecting, caring for, serving. One small, who had stolen a part of his heart that he had thought long frozen. The other, larger than the first one, who he was afraid would steal another part.

  Chapter Three

  “Soldier...?” Gom’s soft little voice by his ear.

  “Mmmmhmmm?” Soldier’s answer was just as quiet.

  “Did I wake you up?” Gom sounded a little afraid.

  “Nah, I wasn’t sleepin’.”

  “Yer eyes was closed,” Gom responded, pulling his head back to look at Soldier.

  “Yeah. Restin’ ‘em. I don’t sleep much.”

  “Me, either. Too scary. I sleep good on you. Thank you for holdin’ me. Are you tired of me?”

  “Nope. You tired of me?” Soldier couldn’t resist teasing him.

  “Silly. You feel good. I’m not scared with you. I gotta pee.” Like the child he was, Gom’s conversation hopped from one thing to another like a bunny.

  “Okay. Up you go. You can go over there by that tree.” Soldier nodded his head to the side, indicating a tree over by the back corner of the yard.

  “Outside?” Gom’s brows were heading for his hairline as he asked the question.

  “Of course, outside. That’s one of the best things about being a boy. Didn’t you know?”

  “Nuh-uh. Can I really?” They were still whispering, though Soldier doubted that Dillon was still asleep. He was probably enjoying the conversation.

  “Of course. You don’t do it out in public, but back here in your own backyard with nobody watchin’, go for it.”

  “Neat.”

  Gom got up carefully, trying not to jostle Dillon, and went over to a tree and stood a minute. He turned back to Soldier as if to ask if it was okay. Soldier nodded at him and was tickled when Gom smiled at him. Gom took care of business and headed back.

  He came and stood by Soldier. It was still very early, barely light out. He was waiting for an invite, it seemed.

  “You want back under here for a little while longer?”

  “Can I? I have not ever had good sleep like last night. Can I try to sleep a little more?” Soldier couldn’t imagine anyone turning that down.

  “Come on. Don’t bump the big guy.”

  Gom slipped down onto his leg and settled in again, just like he’d slept last night. It wasn’t long before he was sound asleep.

  This time, the whisper came from the other side, “First time I’ve ever been called the big guy.”

  Soldier smiled a little, “Compared to him, you are.”

  “I should get up. You have to be cramped and sore. Did you sleep at all?”

  “I got enough. You?”

  “You are good to sleep with... on... I mean... shut up, Dillon. Got a shovel? I could dig a deeper hole.” Dillon blushed as he stammered through that.

  “’S okay. I’m glad you slept. Don’t worry about it. I’m not going to jump you. Even knowing we’re both gay, I wouldn’t ever expect anything. I know I’m not all that anymore.” Well, why don’t you just run off at the mouth? “Not that I ever was, uh,can I borrow that shovel?”

  Dillon snorted softly and said, “I was just thinking the same thing. I think you are all that, and more. I would be interested, if you, I mean, well, if you would be...”

  “You? As good-looking as you are, and as good a person as you are, would be interested in me? Right.”

  ”Are you talking about the scars? I don’t look at you and see scars. I would like to know more about you, hear your stories, even tell you some of mine, but I know what kind of man you are.”

  “No, you don’t.” Soldier was blunt.

  ***

  “Yeah, I really do. You’re a loner. And I’d venture a guess and say you’re lonely. You’re strong. You’ve had a long, hard road after getting hurt and the hurts just keep on coming.” Dillon knew he was right as Soldier sat immobile. Dillon could read people.

  “I don’t like to...” Soldier started, but Dillon cut him off.

  “My scars are less and I deal with it every day. You care about people that you don’t even know. You step in to help.” Dillon hoped he wasn’t upsetting Soldier, but he kept on. Yeah, he knew this man pretty well.

  “You’re making me sound like some do-gooder. I’m a loner, have been since I got out. I don’t deserve all these kind words.” Soldier said, closing his eyes for a moment. Dillon wondered if Soldier was wishing things were different, that he was not so alone.

  “You sat uncomfortably all night and held a child just so he could get the sleep he so desperately needed. Just for that, I could kiss you. I mean, thank you. I am really going to have to invest in a really big shovel, huh?” Dillon ducked his head, embarrassed that he kept saying things that made him look foolish.

  “Dillon, if you ever want to kiss me, you just give me a signal and I’ll find a way to make it happen. God, just the thought of having that sweet mouth on mine is enough to make me... hell, I’m gonna have to start digging with my bare hands if I don’t shut up.”

  Dillon finally pulled away from his comfy nest against the big man’s shoulder and looked him in the eye.

  “Hey, this is probably the only time we’ll be on the same level, with me sitting up and you slumped down like that. This might be our only chance. Kiss me?”

  “What about Gom?” Soldier asked. “Though I gotta tell you, I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone so badly in his life. Just once. Just a taste.”

  “Is he still out cold?”

  “Yep.” Soldier said.

  “Let’s chance it. We’ve only got a few minutes before I have to go in and start breakfast, okay?”

  “Bring it here, Dillon. I want a taste.” Dillon leaned the few inches necessary to bring their mouths together. Dillon felt Soldier’s hand on the back of his head. As if he was going to go somewhere!

  He opened his mouth and let Soldier do whatever he wanted. It had been so long since he’d felt another mouth on his. He couldn’t even remember. Oh, sweet heaven. This man, this huge man, knew gentle.

  Dillon had expected Soldier to more or less attack his mouth, and he’d been okay with that, but Soldier was tentative. Soldier licked across his top lip, then pushed his tongue part way in and touched the tip of Dillon’s. Soldier pulled back and Dillon followed. That was evidently what Soldier wanted. Soldier sucked on Dillon’s tongue and had him breathing hard through his nose.

  Soldier moved his fingers on the back of Dillon’s head and groaned a little. Dillon shivered against him. He pushed back into Dillon’s mouth and the kiss took on a little more bite. Soldier swept through and staked a claim, one that Dillon gladly gave up.

  Dillon knew he’d do anything if Soldier would keep on kissing him. He took great pleasure in meeting and playing with the tongue moving back and forth into his mouth. Mercy, he knew what it simulated. Lord, he couldn’t even begin to think about that.

  They both heard Gom sigh and jerked away from each other. No freaking out the kids. They stilled, stunned. Dillon knew he was hooked. He wondered if Soldier was as into this as he was. God, he hoped so. And how weird was that?

  Did the man have a last name? Or even a first one? He doubted he’d been born Soldier. What did he do? How did he live?

  Dillon had a thought as Gom woke up and started to move a little. He watched Gom snuggle and raise his arm to pat Soldier’s face. Gom was a goner, no doubt about it, but how did Soldier feel about all this?

  “I need to know something, Soldier.” Dillon would just ask him.

  “Ask.”

  “What do you see happening now? I don’t mean... uh... you know... I mean, about you and us and the boys and, well, do I tell them about you? I don’t bring strangers into their lives. It’s just too dangerous. But you’re different.” Dillon talked quietly, looking right
into Soldier’s eyes. “I know Gom will want to, but if you want to stay away from all of us, that’s up to you.”

  This whole situation was so bizarre, he didn’t know how to go forward. He looked to Soldier for answers.

  “Believe me, this is new to me, too. I haven’t talked to anyone in ages, really talked. It’s been way longer since I even touched anyone, much less held or kissed them. I’m as freaked out as you are. But I feel good being with you and the little one here.”