by AKM Miles
“Oh man, do we really get to eat that?” Soldier didn’t have any trouble identifying the voice.
“I hope so. How many can you eat, Randy? I bet I can fill you up this morning. Want some juice?” Soldier grinned at Hungry Randy.
Tommy came in, rubbing his eyes, and his got bigger at the stack of pancakes on the table with the growing pile of bacon beside it.
“Wow, there’s juice?”
Soldier began to get the idea that juice was the true luxury for these guys. He wished he could take them out and shop with each one of them. He vowed to talk to each one and find out their special favorites and make sure they got them. Not a big deal, but it would make them feel important. Maybe they could have a day for each one. Randy Day, Tommy Day... now that bore thinking about.
They had a wonderful, filling breakfast. Soldier was amazed at the amount of food that was devoured. He couldn’t stand thinking about how hungry these guys had been. No more, he vowed.
Soldier asked them all to go find something to do so he could talk to Dillon for a bit. He needed to get some ideas about how he could help without stepping on Dillon’s toes.
First, he wanted to know what needed to be done most to fix up the house. Above all, Soldier wanted to spend some time with Dillon, just to talk and get to know him. There were two sides to this and he needed to know how to juggle them and make both of them work.
They found themselves back on the log with the boys cleaning up and promising to stay inside. Soldier had a hard time not reaching out and pulling Dillon to him. He wanted to do so much with this man. Soldier just wanted him, period.
“We’re in sort of a unique situation. I need to know so much. I also find myself wanting so much from you and there is just no way we can do anything... of a personal nature... in the house with the boys.”
“I hear that.”
“So, can I put something out there to you and see what you think?”
“Sure. Shoot.”
Soldier wanted Dillon to know he wanted this, but not at the expense of the boys. “I have a suite of rooms at a hotel not far from here. Is there any chance we could get some time together soon... away from the house? I know you leave sometimes. But you never stay away for long.”
“I try not to leave them long. Sometimes Daniel comes and stays with them or sends someone from the shelter. If it’s a really short trip, Tommy watches them, but he’s too young to be made responsible.”
“I won’t take a chance on harm coming to them. But I find myself wanting some private time with you.” The thought had Soldier hard and ready to jump the guy like he’d promised he wouldn’t do.
Dillon faced Soldier. “Yes. We can sneak away sometimes. I want to spend time with you, too. We’ll find a time. I meant it when I said I missed you. So, what else do you want to know?”
“How much can I do without being too presumptuous? How careful do I have to be? I want to buy some stuff for the house... beds, table, chairs, washer, dryer... stuff that we need, but I don’t want you to think I’m taking over.”
“Don’t worry about my toes. I’m just freaked out about all these changes,” Dillon answered.
“I want to work beside you. I don’t want attention brought to the house that could get you in trouble, either. How do you handle things like bills and so on?” Soldier had really been wondering about that one.
“The utilities are kind of paid for by the guys at the shelter and that’s where I hear about the boys who need us most. The shelter is mostly for transients, but sometimes they get, or hear about, boys who need a different kind of home.” Dillon spread his arms a little to gesture to the house.
“Under the radar, so to speak.” Soldier used the words Dillon had earlier.
“Yeah, boys that would just not do well at all, anymore, in the system. There are plenty that Daniel turns over to the Social Services and it works out fine, but for some of these kids, it would just do them so much more harm. In some cases, that is what they’re running from. The system is great when it works, but sometimes you get bad people who do really bad things. My boys get hurt and they run. They can’t go back.” Dillon looked at Soldier, obviously needing his understanding.
“Are they all from here? I mean, would it be bad for them to be seen? Would they get in trouble, taken away, recognized? Is anyone looking for them? I mean, like Gom’s mother? How did he come to be here?” Soldier was really worried about that.
“You might want to hold onto my hand, because when you hear this, you’re going to want to tear something apart. If you’ve got hold of me, you might be more careful.” Soldier could tell that Dillon was sort of playing, but not.
Dillon took Soldier’s hand and started to talk. “His mother was a crackhead. She was wasted most of the time from when he was little on. I don’t know how it lasted so long without someone finding out.” He shuddered and squeezed Soldier’s hand. Soldier wasn’t sure if it was for his comfort, or Dillon’s own.
“When he was found, she was dead on the floor in the bathroom. He was sitting on the toilet, tied to it, with his clothes on. He was wet and dirty. No one knows how long he’d been there.”
It was all Soldier could do not to cry with that vision in his head.
Dillon’s voice quivered with anger and compassion. “He had marks on him from a recent beating and he was crying, of course with no sound. It was probably the smell that finally brought someone there. I gather it was an awful scene. He ran away from two different foster homes because they yelled at him for wetting the bed, but he... he has a hard time going to the toilet.”
“No wonder,” Soldier muttered roughly.
Dillon flinched, but he went on. “He goes, but it’s a real test of his bravery every time he walks into a bathroom. Uh, Soldier, I’m going to need that hand. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. Hey.” Dillon put his other hand up and caught a tear that rolled down Soldier’s cheek, catching in the cracks and crevices of his scars. “Aw, man. I know. It hurts to even hear it said out loud. He’s such a sweet, loving, needy little boy. How could…”
Soldier stopped him with his mouth. Just put his over Dillon’s and kissed him quiet. He couldn’t bear to hear any more.
“Do you know,” he finally began to speak quietly, “I never cried... during all the shit I went through. Not once. Not when they told me who all died... the ones I didn’t get to... not when I was in so much pain I wanted to just die, not when I thought my life was over anyway.”
Now his voice began to break a little. He shook with anger. “But the thought of that little boy tied to the fucking toilet, looking at the dead woman who beat him and tortured him, makes me want to scream and cry and... you were right. I want to hurt somebody. Thanks for holding on.”
Soldier eased his grip on Dillon’s hand and massaged it gently. “I’ll calm down. He doesn’t need that. Are they all like that? Stories like that? 'Cause I want to know, all of it. I don’t want to say or do something to hurt one of them because I don’t know what their biggest fear is, you know?” God, he’d have to be strong.
“Yeah, they’re all pretty bad. I’ll fill you in. But I think this one tears at you more because you already love him. You’re a good man, he says. You really are.”
Soldier shook his head trying to get himself together and asked, “So, can I go shopping in a big way? I have both our names on the deed to this house and this land. It’s ours, so there should be no problem anywhere with us buying stuff and bringing it in. Maybe it will look like we’re setting up house. Let’s look at how the rooms are set up and see how many beds and stuff we need.” Not a bad idea, Soldier thought. Now he was thinking with goals in mind.
“There’s so much, Soldier.”
“I’ll arrange to take over the bills so no one will ever be able to take anything away from you all. I want to do so much, but only if you want me to.” Please want me to.
”Hey, anyone who wants to help my boys is okay with me. I just was never able to tell anyone before. That
it’s you, and that I want you like crazy, makes it even better. You’re not stepping on my toes. How could I not welcome help for my boys? Sure, bring on the stuff.”
“Thanks, Dillon.”
“We’ll get Gom and go around making lists of things that need to be done and what needs to be repaired. The stairs come to mind.” Dillon smiled for Soldier, so Soldier knew it was all right.
“Another thing. I’m not planning to come in and buy them a bunch of frivolous stuff like big screen TVs and music boxes and so on. This is all necessary stuff. I did have a couple of thoughts, though.”
“Shoot.”
Soldier told him about the special day idea. Getting together with each boy, and since there were seven, each having their own day with their favorite things for meals and maybe even play stuff. The other idea Soldier mentioned made Dillon’s eyes light up.
“Oh, how cool. Uh... you asked if anyone would recognize Gom. No. He’d be safe if he was seen in public. He’s just scared. I bet he’d get over that if it meant spending time with you. He is certainly the one for that job. You’re a good man, Soldier.”
They headed back in to make lists and talk to the boys about what they thought needed to be done most. They discussed who would help out with what and they were all promised one-on-one time with Soldier and Dillon that night for a special project. Meanwhile, Soldier was going shopping. He asked Dillon if Tommy could come help... was it safe for him to be out and about?
“Sure. I think so. Tommy, you want to go with Soldier and help him choose beds and linens, a table and chairs, and even a washer and dryer? He could use the help and I’m needed here. We’ve got some cleaning to do and things to move around out of the way. Gom will help me today. Then, maybe tomorrow he can help Soldier with another project. Sound good, guys?” Dillon got Gom’s nod and grinned at the eager little boy.
Soldier waited to see if Tommy would agree to go with him. Tommy simply stood up and walked over to him without saying anything.
“Tommy, you don’t have to go if you’d be uncomfortable leaving here. Let me know how you feel. I can do this alone. I’d just like the help and some company, you know?”
Tommy said, quietly, “I’d like to help you. If you’re sure you want me?”
“Yep. You’re the man for this job. Let’s get the list and head out. We’ll be back this afternoon, guys.” Off they went.
***
Soldier had expected a quiet ride to the furniture store and that’s what he got. He hadn’t thought Tommy would be talkative and he wasn’t going to grill the boy. He passed a few comments about this or that just so Tommy wouldn’t think he was grumpy, but pretty much let the boy get used to being with him and out of the house. Before they got out, though, he asked Tommy a question.
“You feel safe with me? You’re not nervous now, are you? If you have a problem, don’t you hesitate to tell me and we’ll split.”
“I’m fine, sir. I want to help you.” Tommy said, clearing his throat, obviously trying to make his voice strong.
“You can call me Soldier. Let’s go look for beds and stuff for the kitchen and a washer and dryer here. Then we’ll go somewhere and get sheets and things. You can help get cool sets for the little ones.” He figured Tommy knew them better so he’d have good ideas.
“Sure,” Tommy said.
“I don’t know about all household shopping. We’ll learn together. Then... you can decide where we have lunch before we hit the grocery again. Looks like we need juice. Lots of juice.”
“Juice is good.” Tommy looked like just the thought of orange juice made him happy.
Soldier and Tommy had a ball picking out a couple of bunk bed sets and three twin beds, and a queen-size for Dillon’s room. (Maybe someday he’d get to share that.) They got a really heavy-duty washer/dryer set and a table and chairs big enough for everyone to have a seat at the table at the same time. Tommy’s eyes were huge when they were done.
“Are you a billionaire?” Tommy muttered as they headed back to the truck.
“Not quite. But I have enough to outfit this house and keep you all in food. I haven’t spent any in years, had no need to, and now I find I want to do this and it makes me happy.” Soldier was amazed at how happy it did make him to spend all that money doing for others, making other people happy.
“Now off to Wal-Mart and we’re going to get stuff for the beds, some big fluffy towels and washcloths. You can help me get a few games and things for the boys to play. We’ll get the juice and some more food for the guys there.” He wanted Tommy to feel like he was in on some of the decision-making. “How about stuff for brownies tonight? And some vanilla ice cream to go with them?”
“How come you’re being so nice to us? You don’t even know us. We could be really bad boys and you’re spending all this and doing things to make us... happy. It’s weird.” Tommy probably doubted everyone’s motives.
“Tommy, I don’t know your story. Why you’re here or what happened to you. Trust me, I have no ulterior motives. I just like what Dillon is doing and I like the idea of helping young boys in trouble. I don’t want anything back from you all except respect.”
“You won’t want us to... you know... do things to you? Like...” Tommy blushed and didn’t continue. Soldier could tell he was getting agitated thinking about... what he was obviously thinking about.
“Hey. Look at me. Never. Hear me now. I will never expect anything like that from any of you. I don’t believe in molesting, exploiting, or hurting young kids. Don’t you worry, ever, about that.” Soldier looked at Tommy to make sure he was listening closely. He was.
“I’m glad you’re paying attention to me, Tommy. If you find the others are thinking anything like that, I expect you to tell them not to worry about me. You’re safe with me, Tommy, I swear it.”
“Good.” The relief in the young voice was enough to make Soldier want to spit nails. He figured he knew part of this boy’s story. Damn.
They had a good time shopping for the other things on the list. They got lots of food again and, of course, lots of juice. Finally, they were done and back in the truck.
“What would you like for lunch? We’ll have to drive through and get something and eat on the way home because we have all the cold stuff in the back.” Soldier explained things to Tommy like the boy was older, hoping to make him feel important. He figured Tommy was pretty grown up for a young boy. Too much so, to Soldier’s way of thinking. Damn it.
“The furniture people are coming by at about three, so we’ll have to keep the boys out of the way. We’ll have to check with Dillon on that one.” Soldier said, thinking out loud.
“Can we go to McDonald’s? I had some of their fries once and they were good, hot and salty.” That was quite a speech from Tommy. McDonald’s it was. Soldier ordered the works and they sat in the parking lot and ate some of it, then finished on the way home. Soldier could tell that Tommy was one happy kid right then. Soldier couldn’t wait for tomorrow’s outing with Gom.
What Soldier really wanted was an outing with Dillon. Oh, he really wanted that. He’d been without for well over two years, so he could wait a little longer, but it was different now. He had someone that he was so very hot for. He wanted Dillon more and more all the time, but the logistics were a little daunting. They couldn’t leave the boys. They couldn’t just go sleep in the same room with them there. He sure didn’t feel like explaining his and Dillon’s being gay. Whew. There was nothing like a little self-control to build a man’s character.
That night, it became painfully obvious how few clothes these kids had. Soldier and the man from the store had set up the utility room and he was getting a load of wash in, and the load wasn’t that big, even with stuff from each boy. What had they done before?
Soldier figured Dillon had carried them somewhere to get it done. Okay, more shopping. When they met with the boys tonight, they’d get sizes and clothes preferences. Shoe sizes, too. He’d need Dillon on that trip. Ooooh, he’d get time with
Dillon, even if it was just in a department store. Down boy. He thumped himself.
“Doesn’t work, I’ve tried it.” Dillon said from the doorway.
“Works for a little while, 'til you show up anyway. Man, I want some face-time with you. Been thinking about it a lot.” Soldier looked at Dillon hungrily.
“Yeah. I’m there with you. Thinking, I mean. After everyone is asleep tonight, let’s go out to the log, or the truck, or something. God, just a good kiss and I’d probably blow.”
“Oh, yeah, keep talking like that, why don’t you? That’ll help.”
Dillon laughed and Soldier mock-frowned at him. He asked about shopping for clothes for the boys. They decided it would be later in the day since the morning was for Soldier and Gom’s project.
“I think I could get Daniel from the shelter to come and stay for a few hours while we go shop for some clothes for them... and maybe stop by your hotel for a couple hours of... face-time, as you called it.”