Say Love (Lost & Found #2)

by C. L. Stacey

“What an odd thing to say. Because of course that raises questions, Ari. You didn’t even try to ease me into this, you went straight for the fucking kill.”

  “Since when has that ever been an issue with you?” I argue back. “Aren’t you usually straight to the point? I know about your night with Lucia.” His eyes widen at my knowledge of him screwing my friend. “Yes, Caleb. Girls talk, too.”

  Bringing a hand to his forehead, Caleb slowly paces the floor. “What exactly is it you want from me?”

  “Just. Sex.”

  His jaw pulls tight when he bites down, then his feet stop their pacing, and he turns to look at me. “That’s it?” He looks slightly disappointed.

  “I know all about you, Caleb. You’re simple. It’s one of the many reasons why I came to you.” I step toward him, and he suddenly looks frightened by the reduced distance. “No strings attached, I swear. That’s what you’re all about, right?”

  Something shifts in his soft blue eyes. “I don’t know, Ari. Is that all I am?”

  Seeing that I’ve offended him somehow, I retract. “I trust you. Wholly. I adore the crap out of you, Caleb. You know that. I’m not looking for love. I’m not looking for special. I’m looking for someone I can trust not to complicate things by making it weird. Do you not fall under all these conditions?”

  He doesn’t provide me with an answer, just stands there silently.

  I just chucked myself at a man who clearly doesn’t want me. I’m in nothing but my underwear, all but getting on my knees to beg for it, but he still won’t budge. He still looks offended, and he hasn’t so much as glanced at my body, eyes still glued to my face.

  He wanted a kiss at midnight. Then he said that the kiss was meant to hurt Randy. It didn’t mean what I thought it meant. Maybe it did something for me, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it did anything for him.

  Maybe the fact that he’s known me for so long makes me disgusting. I didn’t think to consider that before.

  Embarrassed by the sudden realization of that fact, I step back and bend to retrieve my dress from the floor.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Finally, he speaks.

  “I’m cold and embarrassed, Caleb. I’m going home.” I step into my dress. “I’m sorry for this. I didn’t realize how repulsed by me you’d be.” I tie my halter back up and turn to locate the rest of my things.

  “Repulsed by you?”

  “Yea.” I slip into my coat then walk over to where I’d left my clutch. “It’s okay, I understand. I’m a little pissed at myself right now, but I understand.”

  Caleb catches me by the arm before I pass. “You understand what, exactly?”

  “Given our long history, you only see me as a sister. And who wants to have sex with their sister?” I answer my own dumb question with a dry laugh. “This was stupid. I’m sorry.”

  He pulls on my arm when I step away from him. “For the past three months, I’ve been through about a million different scenarios, all of which end up with you under me and on your back, Ari. So guilt-ridden by these thoughts, I’ve tried every humanly thing possible to try and wash you from my mind. Don’t fucking tell me you understand, you have no fucking clue. Of all the ways you could’ve approached me with this, I never imagined it’d happen this way. So give me a fucking minute.”

  “You what?” I blink dumbly back at him, registering barely half of what just spilled from his mouth.

  The next few seconds go by in a blur. One, he closes the space between us with a single step forward. Two, his hand wraps over the nape of my neck. Three, he fuses our lips together with a kiss that leaves my head swimming.

  Maybe no kissing, kissing seems like a bad idea. I can’t think clearly with his tongue in my mouth.

  “Oh, my God…” I moan when his fingers tighten their grip in my hair.

  “You do not repulse me. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  His forehead comes to rest against mine, and I feel him shake his head. “I’ve wanted this for so long, Ari,” he mumbles between kisses, each one coming softer than the last.

  No kissing, no kissing. But I can’t stop the kissing, and I definitely don’t want him to stop the kissing.

  My mouth moves with its reply. I don’t realize what comes out until I actually hear it. “Me, too.”

  With each article of clothing to leave our bodies, my need for him burns hotter. I almost shout for joy when Caleb moves us backward, leading me to where I hope is the bedroom.

  Needing to come up for air, I pull back, walking… walking… and then all I see is ceiling when I fall back against the mattress.

  That was not at all sexy.

  “You okay?”

  With a hand covering my face to hide the embarrassment, I lift the other to answer with a thumbs-up.

  “Rules?” Caleb climbs onto the bed, moving himself up my body until he’s settled right above me.

  “Huh?”

  “Do you have any?”

  What an excellent question. I never considered setting any. It takes me no time at all to come up with two very important ones. “Don’t let this change anything.”

  “Wasn’t going to let it.”

  “Don’t tell my brother.”

  “Wasn’t planning on it.”

  “That’s all. Do you have any?”

  “No. Never.” Caleb gently pushes my legs apart, and my heart hammers away.

  Leaving me to sit back on his knees, Caleb tilts his head to inspect me, and my face burns hot with embarrassment. “Stop it, don’t do that.”

  “Don’t do what?” he asks, still staring.

  “Stop looking at it like something’s wrong with it!” I scold.

  The way his lips curl slowly with his signature grin causes a wild fluttering in my stomach. “Oh, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, Ari… trust me.”

  “Then why—”

  “It’s perfect,” he interjects, running his hand up my thigh, fingers teasing my folds.

  Every muscle in my body tenses under the touch of his hand, and I suck in a sharp breath, suddenly very aware that it’s Caleb touching me. Caleb, the guy who used to come home for the holidays; the guy who my parents consider a son; the guy who’d scare off my dates; the guy I’ve had a crush on since the first day I laid eyes on him.

  “Why are you closing your eyes?”

  My eyes fly open at the sound of his question. “I wasn’t aware that they were. I’m sorry.”

  “Do me a favor.” His fingers proceed with their agonizing torture, touching me everywhere but where I need him.

  “Okay.”

  “Don’t close your eyes,” he says.

  “Okay.”

  Caleb rewards my easy compliance by gently pushing two of his fingers inside of me, nice and slow, giving my body time to stretch around them. My chest expands, pressing up into his when I suck a huge breath in. “Jesus, Ari… you’re beautiful,” he whispers.

  The line I drew before deciding to do this begins to blur the second those words leave his mouth. I’ve never felt more vulnerable than I do now.

  When Caleb lowers his head toward the last place I expect, I panic and clap my legs together.

  “What the hell are you doing?” He takes hold of my knee, separating my legs.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I blurt, closing them again.

  “I’m about to paint you a fucking picture. What the hell does it look like I’m doing, Ari? Stop closing your legs. I’m hungry. I want to eat.”

  “You want to what?”

  Caleb arches a brow when he comes to realize something. “Has Randy never—?”

  “Never.”

  “Why?” A look of both disbelief and disgust mars his features.

  “He told me he didn’t like it.”

  With a laugh to mock my idiot ex, Caleb shakes his head. “What a cunt.” Then he separates my legs again. When I move them together, Caleb smacks my thigh. Not in an abusive way, but in warning.
“He may not have liked it, but I do. I bet you everything I have it’s because he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing.”

  “And you do?”

  “Stop trying to strangle me with your thighs, and I’ll show you.”

  “How often do you do… that?” I ask, curious.

  Caleb reads into the question and shakes his head. “Only when I know the woman well enough. Which isn’t very often when I put it that way, I guess.”

  “Then maybe you’re not as good as you think you are,” I tease.

  His mouth spreads with a grin. “Wrap your legs around my neck and say that to my face,” he challenges me, and my face heats at the boldness of it.

  Caleb teases the inside of my thigh with the tip of his finger, and I gasp when he playfully pinches my clit. “Yes or no, Ari? It’s up to you. I won’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable.” I answer his question by spreading my legs, and he responds with a satisfied smile.

  The soft kisses he plants along my skin drive me wild, anticipation building the closer he gets. Getting close enough without actually touching me, Caleb breathes me in and laughs when he hears me utter a curse under my breath.

  “Watch your mouth, Ari.”

  “You’re being cruel— Oh!” I gasp loudly when his warm mouth makes contact with my sensitive flesh.

  With the sound of his moans vibrating deliciously through me, I writhe under him. Caleb takes hold of my thighs, guiding my legs over his shoulders, and I wrap them loosely around his neck.

  Threading my fingers through his hair, I pull when he fucks me with his tongue, whimpering when his mouth comes to suck on my clit. His name falls from my mouth in the form of a breath. It’s all I can manage in my current state, wanting to lose myself while trying to focus on not strangling him with my thighs at the same time.

  Between the determined strokes of his tongue and fingers, I’m lost. Caleb hooks his arm around to rest a hand over my stomach, pinning me down, then he grips my thigh with the other, holding me open to him. I release the hold I have around his hair, clutching at the sheets beneath us instead, and I beg him not to stop.

  A sudden burst of energy rips through me, and I lose my mind when his tongue flicks over my swollen bundle of nerves. I press toward his mouth, all but screaming his name when my orgasm hits me hard and fast.

  I struggle to regain my senses, watching him through heavy lids as he rolls on a condom.

  “You are as good as you think you are,” I happily surrender. I just don’t have the energy to lie. Not that I want to anyway. That was way more than I bargained for.

  “And you tasted better than I ever imagined you would.” He dips his fingers into me, eliciting a moan.

  “What does it taste like?”

  In answer to my curious question, Caleb leans in, pressing our lips softly together, and he slips his tongue into my mouth to offer me a taste.

  When the intimacy of the act registers with me, I break away, turning my head to the side.

  Caleb pulls up, and I can feel his eyes on me. “What was that?”

  I turn to face him again. “Nothing.”

  “You just turned away from me, Ari. What the hell was that?” He asks a fair question, but I don’t really know how to answer it. “Are you having second thoughts? Please tell me now. I don’t want to do this if you’re having doubts,” he says, providing me with an out. It’s in no way nasty or insincere, his concerns are genuine.

  “No, it’s not that. I promise it’s not.” I wrap my legs around his waist, bringing him closer, but he resists by pulling away.

  “Did I make you uncomfortable?”

  “No!” I blurt. “God, no, it’s just…”

  “Just what?”

  “A kiss makes all of this too… personal.”

  “And my taking your virginity isn’t?”

  “I don’t know, I—”

  “Never mind. No kissing, then,” he says, accepting my random rule. “But are you sure you want to do this?”

  “Do you not want to?”

  Caleb pulls up, keeping his hands planted firmly on either side of me. “Ari,” he laughs as he stares down the narrow space between us. “I’m suited up and harder than I think I’ve ever been. My wanting to do this is not the problem here. I’m asking about you.”

  “No, I want to.” I’ve always wanted to.

  To make certain that I’m not feeling pressured to do this in any way, he asks me again. “You’re sure?”

  I nod.

  “What’s wrong?”

  His question makes me frown. “Nothing.”

  “You look worried.”

  “Do I?”

  “You look scared, actually.”

  I slide a hand down his chest, and Caleb nuzzles my ear. Then my fingers move to wrap around his cock, and Caleb shudders softly above me.

  “What are you doing?” he whispers into my neck.

  “It’s going to hurt,” I state. There’s no question. I have no idea how he expects to push something so big through something so small.

  “Probably.”

  “Can you make it smaller?”

  He laughs, and I giggle when the feel of his breath against my skin is too much to bear. “We don’t have to do this.” Caleb picks himself up again, making me tighten my grip around him. “Ari…” He stares fearfully down at my hand, now clutching him too tight for comfort.

  “I want to do it.”

  “Loosen your grip, please.” Caleb’s hand closes carefully over mine, and I let go.

  As tired as my body feels, my desire for him remains. I still want what I asked for, and what I asked for was him. “I want to do this,” I say again. “I want you.”

  “You have me,” he says, instilling confidence in me. “But you’re scared—”

  “I think every girl is for their first time.”

  “Maybe so. But that’s not how I want to do this. I don’t want you to be scared of me…”

  “I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of what your thing will do to me.”

  “So you’re scared of me. My thing is attached to me!”

  “No!” I argue back, exhaling an aggravated breath. “Just fuck me, Caleb, don’t be such a woman!”

  “Wow, now I’m totally psyched to do it!”

  A laugh comes bursting from my mouth, and I bring my hand up to cup his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

  Caleb turns his lips into my palm, planting a soft kiss against it. “Don’t be sorry, I just want you to be ready.”

  “I am ready. I swear I am.”

  “Then try to relax.”

  “I am.”

  “You’re tensing,” he counters.

  “You’re about to shove yourself into me, Caleb. Give me a break!”

  “I can’t. I’ll only end up hurting you more if your body resists me.”

  “Are you kidding me—my body is ready, Caleb. It’s never not been ready, I’ve always dreamt of my first time to be with you!” My lips clamp together the second the final word leaves my mouth. I did not mean to say all that. Obviously. I’m embarrassed again.

  Caleb freezes, staring silently down at me. “You what?”

  Desperately wanting to change the subject, I try to come back with something witty or clever.

  I have nothing.

  Losing my patience with his stalling, I snap. “Nothing, you whore. Just do it!”

  “No, what did you just say?”

  “Just do it.”

  “No, before that.”

  “Nothing, you whore.”

  “Ari!”

  “You’re right, I’m not ready.” I close my legs and push my hands against his chest, but he doesn’t budge.

  His eyes scroll over my face, mouth tipping with a smug grin, and it’s absolutely mortifying. “Ariana Andrews…”

  “What?” I say through gritted teeth.

  “How long have you been planning this?”

  “Fuck off, Caleb.”

  His smile falls away, and I freeze und
er the stare of his icy blues. “What did I say about that mouth of yours, Ari?”

  “Fuck you! Don’t make me mad!”

  Caleb reaches down between us and forces my legs apart. “Want to do this? Fine. We’ll do this.”

  “Really?” I beam up at him.

  A shocked cry leaves my mouth when Caleb sinks his fingers back into me, then his lips are at my ear. “I hope it hurts,” he growls.

  “You’d have to be big enough,” I goad, fighting the urge to moan when he twists his fingers, creating a beautiful sensation I can’t even begin to explain.

  “You’re real funny.” Caleb pins my wrists against the mattress with his other hand, hanging his head directly above mine.

  “Really? I wasn’t trying to be.” I moan when his thumb closes over my clit, gently massaging it in time with the movement of his fingers. I’m kicking at the sheets, frustrated with need. “Stop torturing me, Caleb. Just do it!” I push my hips up into him.

  Pulling his fingers back, Caleb dips them slowly into his mouth to taste me.

  “Please!” I yank on my hands, but his grip holds them steady.

  His hand comes down, bringing my leg over his waist, and I do the same with my other. “Let’s go with the Band-Aid method, how would you prefer I do this?”

  “Huh?”

  “I imagine this next part’s going to hurt, so I want you to make this call. Rip or peel, Ari?”

  “Oh.” I consider it carefully. “I honestly don’t know. What do you think I should do?”

  “Sadly, I am one pussy short of being able to impart such wisdom. Perhaps you should’ve asked Randy before we left him tonight.”

  Another laugh I fail to contain bursts from my mouth. “I’m sorry,” I croak.

  “Just don’t laugh while I’m inside you, and we’ll be fine.”

  “I’d like to get the pain out of the way, so rip,” I give him my answer.

  I relax my body like Caleb advised I do. I try not to think, but the pain is all I can think about. The second I feel him press up against me, my nerves spaz out of control.

  “Look at me,” he commands. My eyes pull up to meet his. “Don’t think about it or you’ll tense up.” I nod. “Relax, Ari.”

  “Okay, I am.”

  I inhale a deep breath in, and the minute I let it out, Caleb thrusts his hips forward without warning, and my mouth drops open with a loud gasp.