“I—”
“Save it,” she snapped. “The choice to get pregnant was taken out of my hands. The only decision I was entitled to was what to do with my baby. My parents raised me to believe that love is unselfish. I did what I thought was best for my son.”
Her gaze met Matt’s. “I spent a long time thinking ‘why me’ and ‘it’s not fair.’ But when I saw that sweet baby boy for the first time…”
Her eyes burned. She could feel the tears poised and ready to fall. “I couldn’t wish it away anymore.” Her voice had turned gravelly, she knew, but her emotions were too raw to alter her tone. “He wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t gone through all the pain and grief.
“And somewhere along the way, I realized that if I hadn’t given him up for adoption, he wouldn’t have you in his life. And I’ll never regret what you’ve done for him.”
When tears gathered in his eyes, she knew it was time to go.
Matt took a step toward Dani.
She held up a hand in a stop gesture. “There’s nothing left to say.”
“Yes, there is. Dani, I want—”
“Stop. I get it.”
“I want you to stay.”
She took a second and met his blue eyes. “No, you don’t. You’re dealing with guilt and sympathy and probably a bit of gruesome curiosity.” She focused on him for effect. “There’s nothing here for me, Sheriff. You’ve made sure of that.”
The sound of the boys approaching had her peering out the window. Time’s up. She handed Matt a long white envelope. “My personal information is inside. I swear to you that I will never return to Lake Bliss. My car’s in the shop again. As soon as it’s ready tomorrow, I’ll be leaving.” She couldn’t bear to think of Matt spending the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, always worried that maybe she would return. He deserved peace. “I’ll never contact Sam.”
She scrubbed a hand over her face, her tears streaking down her face as if her soul were leaking. “I hope that someday he might want to know his birth mother and that you’ll allow him to contact me.” Even though that could be years from now when he’d no longer be a little boy. When he’d tower over her, his voice deep, his face full of whiskers, she’d welcome him into her life.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like for Sam to have Larry. They’re great together.”
“Dani, you love that dog.”
“Not as much as Sam does.” Dani swiped again at her face. “Can I say good-bye to him? Please? I know it’s for me, but it’s also for him. He needs closure. I can’t just leave.”
Matt nodded. “Sure. Okay. Say what you have to say.”
With a palm on the door, she paused. While she focused outside the door, she said in a choked-up voice, “Thank you for loving my son.” She stumbled off the porch like a drunk taking those first unsteady steps. When Sam galloped in her direction, looking like he was bursting with news and wanting to share them with someone he loved, she thought her heart might break for good.
Chapter Fourteen
Matt was speechless. Breathless. A coldness hit him that he felt all the way to his core. She’d lied, yes, but not to manipulate. Not to hurt. Only to heal herself and protect the boy she’d given birth to. Though he wasn’t sure she could be trusted and he still couldn’t completely discern her motives, he could understand why she’d want to see Sam. And as much as he didn’t want to, he thought maybe he could understand why she’d hadn’t told anyone who she really was.
He stepped closer to the porch screen and stood off to the side next to a support beam. He chastised himself for eavesdropping, but he couldn’t tear himself away from the sight. And regrettably he admitted to himself that he wasn’t entirely sure he could trust her. Trust what explanation she’d give Sam for her leaving.
Sam caught up to her. He gave her a goofy smile before lifting his string of fish. The pride showed in his eyes, and not to disappoint, his son’s brave private-duty nurse stretched a wide smile across her face and clapped her hands in joy.
Sam’s focus switched to Dani’s face. It was easy to see her red-rimmed eyes, the streaks her tears tracked through her makeup.
“What’s wrong?” Sam clung to his fish and stepped closer to Dani. “Even though you’re smiling, your eyes are sad.”
Matt’s heart lurched. Now he knew where Sam got his sensitivity.
Dani dropped to her knees in front of Sam. “Honey, I…” She closed her eyes and bent her head as if trying to find composure, but then focused on him. “I’m leaving, Sam. It’s time for me to go.”
Sam shook his head. “No. No, you can’t go yet. You told me you were staying until I went back to school. That’s a long time from now. You can’t go.” His eyes lit with tears. He shuffled his feet as if he were ready to charge into her arms.
“Honey, I’ve had to change my plans. As soon as my car’s ready tomorrow, I’m going back home.”
Their eyes caught and held. Matt couldn’t deny the bond he saw between them. An unspoken, mother-to-son connection that couldn’t be named. Shouldn’t be broken.
Sam tossed the fish on the ground as if the joy of catching them had gone.
“I want you to know, Sam, that this has been the best summer of my life. The time we’ve spent together is very special to me. I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget you, honey.”
“I won’t know you when I’m grown up?” His eyes radiated panic.
Matt’s gaze slid over Dani’s beautiful face. Her big brown eyes registered such enormous pain that for a minute, Matt wondered if she were physically ill.
A sob escaped before Dani could cover her mouth. “Probably not. I think our time to know each other was this summer.”
Sam hurled himself into Dani’s arms. She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close. Her eyes squinted shut, eyebrows furrowed. Her face was contorted in agony, and Matt felt it all the way to his soul.
“I don’t want you to go,” Sam cried. “I thought you’d stay forever. I thought you and my dad would maybe get married or something, and you’d never leave.” Sam pulled back from Dani, his gaze searching her face. “What did he do? Sometimes my dad can push on things and tick me off, but he says it’s only because he loves me. Did he do something to you?”
Matt drew in a ragged breath. Touché. Let’s see—he’d called her a liar, told her he never wanted to see her again, and kicked her out of town. All in the matter of one conversation. A voice inside his head told him it was warranted. Wasn’t she just another pretty woman he’d trusted and who’d betrayed him?
Another woman—another one of Sam’s mothers—who’d now walked out on an innocent boy? But unlike when Gina had left, Matt had forced Dani out of Sam’s life. He shouldn’t be feeling guilty about anything that had happened. This was best for Sam.
Yet his heart said differently. His heart said the three of them were family. Matt sucked in a breath at the realization. That’s what she’d done to him. And Sam. She’d created a home—not a house where he had furniture and parked his car, but a home where they shared love and fun and passion.
Home was Dani. No matter where they were or what they did, her presence made it a home. A family.
And he loved her.
Dani held Sam at arm’s length and caught his attention. “No, honey. This isn’t your father’s fault. It’s mine. Only mine. I wasn’t truthful about something. I’m the one to blame.”
Sam eyed her with surprise. “You lied?”
“Yeah, Sam. I did. And I was wrong.”
“If you ask him, Dad will forgive you. He believes in second chances. He says that all the time. If he doesn’t give you one, then he’s the liar.”
Sam’s words hit Matt square in the gut. And his gut was telling him if he loved Dani enough, he could forgive her and give her another chance.
“This isn’t your dad’s fault. He’s a good man, Sam. If you grow up to be even a little bit like your dad, you’ll be an amazing person. And don’t ever doubt that he loves you mor
e than anything in the world.”
Matt closed his eyes and hung his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I’ll miss you, Dani.” Sam wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. Matt’s little man had been through a lot lately. He’d found love and hope with Dani, and now his life was once again being crushed.
And Matt was to blame. But he couldn’t take sole responsibility.
“I’ll miss you too, honey.” Once again, she pulled them apart. She dipped a finger under her neckline and retrieved her necklace. She slipped it off and placed it around Sam’s neck. “I want you to have this. Maybe every now and then you’ll think of me when you see it, huh?”
Sam’s eyes widened. “But this is your lucky charm. You won’t have any more good luck.”
Dani smoothed her palm over Sam’s cheek and followed it with a gentle kiss. “It’s given me the best luck I could ever have hoped for. It brought me to my s—” She bit her bottom lip until her teeth made imprints. “It brought me to my special friend. You.”
“I hope we get to see each other again.” Sam dug around in his pants pocket. He pulled out his rabbit’s foot. “You can have this.” He placed the good luck charm in Dani’s palm. “You’ll still have good luck and it will remind you of me. And maybe someday we’ll get our wish to see each other again.”
…
Later that evening, Dani studied the setting sun’s reflection on the blue-green water like she’d find some answers out in the horizon. Larry, her steady companion, sat next to her, head resting on her leg. She methodically smoothed the soft fur on his head with an occasional scratch to his ears.
“I’m leaving tomorrow, bud.” In response, Larry whimpered as if telling her he didn’t approve of her decision. “You’re the lucky one. You get to stay.”
While she’d spend the rest of her life trying to live with an aching heart. A heart that was now mostly a cold, dead organ. Would the pain go away when she died? Or would she endure an eternity of agony?
As if on schedule, the mosquitoes skimmed the water’s surface. If she didn’t return to her cabin soon, she’d be swarmed. “Come on, Larry. Time to go.”
She turned from the water and headed for shore. Larry’s toenails clicked across the worn wooden slats of the dock. Across the water, Jack fussed with a lighter at one of the fire pits. Beside him, Matt unloaded an armful of wood. She couldn’t hear their conversation. But the movement of their mouths stopped when they caught sight of her walking toward the shore.
Larry sat, his front feet restless. Dani kneeled to wrap an arm around his neck. She rubbed the top of his head, followed it with a few kisses. “Thank you, bud. You’ve put a smile on my face every day I’ve had you. Can’t ask much more than that.” She buried her head in his fur, letting it absorb her tears. “I’ll miss you. Be a good boy.” His response was a big, wet lick on her cheek.
Larry whimpered again. Dani let go of him and stood. He looked up at her then at Matt and Jack, as if torn on where to go. “You don’t have to take sides.” She patted him on the back. “Go on.”
Larry made his way to the end of the dock. He stopped and turned to look at Dani.
“It’s okay.” She placed the palm of her hand over her mouth.
He slowed his pace and went to stand between Jack and Matt, who rubbed a hand across the dog’s head.
Her heart wasn’t strong enough to look at Matt even though she knew she’d never see him again. When nobody moved, she stepped off the dock, then sprinted for her rental. She’d pour a glass of wine, take a shower, and maybe find the interest to work on her cookbook for an hour or so. Plus, she still had some packing to do so that the minute her car was ready tomorrow, she could leave town.
…
“Look, man, I know you’re hurting.” Once Jack got the fire going, he pulled two beers from a small cooler. “If you need relationship advice, you’ve come to the wrong guy. I don’t know squat about hanging onto a woman.”
Matt accepted the beer Jack offered. “Apparently neither do I.”
Emotionally exhausted, Matt sank onto a wooden Adirondack chair next to the man who’d been his best friend for the better part of twenty-five years. Larry sat at Matt’s feet while he rubbed the dog’s back.
“She loves that dog,” Jack said. “Can’t believe she’s not taking him.”
Matt twisted off the bottle cap then took a long pull of his beer. Such a strong woman for such a little package, Matt thought. Why didn’t she just tell him to go to hell and take what she wanted instead of abandoning the dog she loved? Matt sat forward, his arms resting on his thighs, and thought about that.
He jerked his head up to look at Jack. “Even though she loves him, she knows he’ll be happier with Sam.” Matt stood, paced in front of the fire. “There’s a difference between abandonment and having so much love that you put something—someone—above your own happiness. To care so much you want them to get a second chance.”
“I’ve seen you do that plenty of times with Sam, like bringing your mom to live with you.” Jack poked at the fire. “I guess it’s all about choices. We’ve all got to make them. Sometimes we do it right and other times we suck at it.”
“Her only choice was to keep her identity a secret if she wanted to make sure her son was happy. She had a lot to lose. Yet she took the chance to see her son because she loves him.”
“If the roles were reversed, I think you might have done the same thing.” Jack poked at the fire. “You’d have done everything you could to see your child.”
“I think truth is a funny thing. It makes a huge difference when you find it.”
“What do you mean?”
“What if I’d found out right in the beginning that Gina was on birth control? That she never wanted a child. We wouldn’t have adopted Sam. But I found out after the adoption went through. So depending on when I learned the truth, it’s possible I wouldn’t have Sam in my life.
“Hadn’t thought about that.” They eyed each other a minute. “That means—”
“Yeah. Maybe there are different times for the truth to come out. If Dani had revealed her identity as soon as she hit town, I’d never have let her near Sam.”
“Can’t blame you there. Not after the crap Gina dished out.”
“But then, I’d never have fallen in love with Dani.”
He moved toward the fire, chucked in a few wayward branches. Mesmerized by the yellow-orange flames that moved gracefully with the breeze, he thought about life’s choices. Everybody had to make them. And how many different things could influence the choices you made?
“She’s beautiful, intelligent, and she loves kids. Hell, she’s even my son’s real mother.” He slapped Jack on the shoulder. “With her, I could have everything I’ve always wanted.”
“So now what?”
“I’ve got some thinking to do. I’ve got to talk with Sam.”
Jack took a swig of his beer. “I think by morning you’ll have a plan.”
Matt tossed his beer bottle in the trash. “Remember in kindergarten when Mrs. Cherry thought we were brothers?”
Jack shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
“All these years, that’s what you’ve been to me. It never mattered that I didn’t have a real brother, because I always had you.”
Jack looked at him with a hint of unease in his eyes. “What the hell, Matt? You writing greeting cards now or what?” Jack grabbed a beer out of the cooler, twisted off the lid, and smacked the bottle into Matt’s hand. “If you touch my thigh or ask me to sit on your lap, I’m outta here.”
Matt chuckled. “See? You always know the right thing to say. I can’t remember the last time I smiled.”
No, that was a lie. The last time he’d smiled was when he had made love with Dani.
Chapter Fifteen
Matt pushed through his back door, dropping his keys on the counter. He shuffled into the kitchen and sank into a chair. He crossed his arms on the table. The rooster clock ticke
d away the seconds.
He’d hurt Dani. He knew that. He thought on some level she would understand. And understanding meant forgiveness. Didn’t it? Did he stand a chance in gaining her forgiveness for the horrible things he’d said to her? Could he make her understand that each of them had made mistakes because they both loved the same little boy?
He swiped his hands through his bristled hair. He had to make this right. If not for himself, then for Sam. Matt may have lost her love, but it didn’t mean his son had to.
Sam entered the kitchen and plopped down in a seat across from Matt. “Whatcha doing?”
“Thinking.”
“About Dani?”
“Yeah, about Dani.”
Sam fiddled with the lacing on his ball glove. “I love her.”
Matt focused on his son. He loved her. Wasn’t that the bottom line? Wasn’t that the most important thing? “I do too, Sam.”
“What are we gonna do?”
Matt straightened his spine and let out a sigh. “Don’t know.”
“You better come up with something good.”
Matt smiled. “I think I’ve got a plan. But first, bud, there’s something I need to tell you about Dani.”
…
Early the next morning, with her pulse beating a steady rhythm behind her eyes, Dani shoved another carton into the cargo area of her SUV. She was working on too few hours of sleep and a headache from one too many glasses of wine. A few more boxes and she’d be done. She’d drive away from Lake Bliss and the people she adored.
After one last look through the cottage, she made her way back to her car. Driving was the last thing she wanted to do, especially with her head feeling like it might explode at any minute. But she had to get away. She’d drive a few towns over and find a place to spend the night before continuing the rest of the way home tomorrow.
Keeping her eyes straight ahead, Dani made her way past the bungalows. She drove toward town, berating herself. She’d known better than to get involved with Matt. Sometimes for an intelligent woman, she could be amazingly stupid. How could she think that his love for her would be stronger than her deception? She’d been wrong. And she’d lost Sam in the process.
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