Learned Behaviors (Higher Education)

by Jayce Ellis

  “Her to be popular and you to be straight?”

  “Yep. And for a while it worked. People flocked to her and I enjoyed her company. But I wasn’t trying to take it further than that, and she didn’t like it. She pushed, and eventually I said okay, and next thing you know...” He trailed off and left the sentence unfinished.

  “She got pregnant with me and her parents kicked her out because of it.”

  It had more to do with him being Black and Sara’s family not going for “the mingling of the races” than anything, but no way was he going there. “Right. Gran was furious with us, but also adamant that her kid was graduating high school. So Sara moved in, we had you, and for a while tried to make it work.”

  T shifted in the chair and flipped her hair over her shoulder. Jaq glanced at her once they stopped at a light. “What?” he asked.

  “Did she know you were gay?”

  He chuckled. “I told her, but I don’t think she really believed it. Maybe she thought I said it just to let her down easy, but I’d always been honest with her. After you were born and I still wasn’t interested, I think she got the picture.”

  “You think that’s why she left?”

  He had no clue, and he’d never really reckoned with it. For a long time, he’d insisted T see a therapist to deal with any issues she may have had about Sara leaving. But they’d never really talked about it, and it seemed like that had been a mistake on his part.

  “Your mom and I were never suited for each other, T. We’d always have been better as friends, and if we hadn’t had you, that’s all we would have been. And I’m so grateful we weren’t just friends, because I wouldn’t trade you for the world. And regardless of what’s happened, I’m sure she feels the same.”

  Tanisha sniffed and nodded. “That your nice way of saying she left you and not me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I know, Daddy.” She leaned her head against the window and fell quiet for the rest of the ride, and Jaq wondered what other critical fuckups he’d made as a father.

  Chapter Seven

  Matt sat in the driver’s seat and sighed as Angela typed away on her phone. She’d been on it since they got in, and after a few stifled attempts at conversation, which she’d responded to with one-word answers, he’d given up and turned on the radio for the rest of the trip. He shouldn’t have felt such relief as when a car door shut next to them and Tanisha knocked on Angela’s window. She yelped and scrambled out, Matt following at a slower pace. He paused next to JaQuan, who looked at him like he couldn’t quite believe Matt was there. Boy, he knew the feeling.

  “They’ve gotten close quick,” JaQuan commented as they walked behind their daughters toward the entrance.

  “I guess that’s not surprising. You find someone and latch on, especially when you don’t know anyone.” JaQuan nodded and fell silent, and Matt silently cursed himself. He could apparently kill any attempt at conversation.

  What was surprising, to him at least, was that JaQuan had a teenaged daughter. Matt knew from Patti, who adored JaQuan with something fierce, that he was only in his mid-thirties. Which meant he’d been a young father, and there’d never been any mention of a mother. It explained a lot of JaQuan’s seeming overprotectiveness, the way he’d rescheduled things at the drop of a dime during negotiations.

  Matt risked a glance at him. The side of his mouth was tipped up in a grin, the fondness for his daughter evident. He coughed loudly and Tanisha screeched to a stop in front of the door, grabbing Angela by the wrist.

  “Daddy doesn’t let me open doors,” she said as JaQuan reached them and pulled it open.

  “Umm, why?” Angela frowned at him with something akin to disbelief, but all he did was raise his brow.

  “Something something expectations,” Tanisha said, waving her hand in what was clearly faux exasperation.

  “Whoever you date better open the door for you,” JaQuan said, his voice a little gruff. He nudged her gently, and she and Angela walked in ahead of them.

  Matt stood at the rear and held the top of the door for JaQuan to precede him. His breath hitched, and Matt swallowed the low rumble in his throat. After Laurel’d left and Patti apologized, they’d fallen into true professionalism, their initial tension gone in the face of the sheer amount of work they had to do. That hadn’t stopped JaQuan from playing a starring role in his mind, that thick body open and willing to let him have his way. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken up this many mornings, hard and craving release. His hand was getting one hell of a workout.

  They maneuvered through the tables to one near the back. Halo held a chair out for Tanisha to sit, and she flushed a deep red. Halo sat beside her and pulled out her phone, and Tanisha rested against her shoulder. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her so content, like there was nothing in the world except the woman leaning on her.

  JaQuan watched them for a second, and Matt wondered what was going on in his mind. Did he look at them and feel the twinge of envy Matt did? For a moment he remembered the good times with Diane, when he woke up to morning blow jobs and great sex and genuine camaraderie and companionship. He’d convinced himself he didn’t miss it, but the picture in front of him obliterated that lie. JaQuan looked at him, shrugged, and took the inside seat, closest to the full window. Their knees brushed when Matt sat and he shuffled his seat, but there wasn’t far to go. That didn’t upset him nearly as much as it probably should. If anything, he wanted to move closer, but he wasn’t sure if JaQuan would welcome his advances or reject him out of turn.

  “What’re y’all looking at?” JaQuan asked them after a short bout of silence.

  “Just a makeup video,” Angela said, not looking up.

  “Alissa, Jackie, Shayla, Nyma? Someone new?”

  Matt had no clue what he was talking about, but Tanisha smiled at them, her eyes sparkling. “Jackie and Angel. They’re so cute.”

  “His makeup is bomb,” Angela added.

  “I still want some of those highlighters,” Tanisha said, fixing her dad with a pointed look.

  JaQuan huffed and looked at Matt, then shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Almost thirty dollars for some damn highlighter. You want that, you can pay for it.”

  Tanisha stuck her tongue out without responding, but put the phone away at her dad’s gentle cough when the server arrived. They ordered and Tanisha looked like she itched to go back to what she was watching. JaQuan pierced her with a look and she let her hand fall with a slightly chagrined smile. “I’ll wait ’til we’re done.”

  “Thank you, sweet pea.” He took a sip of his water and turned his attention to Angela. “So, Angela, what’re you studying?”

  Angela started talking about her interest in chemistry and Matt wondered at the light in her voice. He knew she was a chem major, but whenever he asked how things were going, she told him fine and shut down. Now, he listened as she opened up about wanting to create her own skincare and makeup lines, or maybe become a dermatologist specializing in darker skin. And JaQuan engaged her, asking follow-up questions and showing genuine interest. Matt wanted to follow suit, but he contented himself with observing, not doing anything to mess up the vibe. This was where his focus should be. On reconnecting with his Halo and her siblings, not on fucking the hell out of the man sitting next to him.

  Halo’s phone rang just as the food arrived. He knew that tone, knew it was her mother, and nodded when she stepped off to take the call. It was probably about Josh’s wedding, and Diane was always direct, so he didn’t expect it to last long.

  He was right. Halo returned in just a few minutes and settled back into her seat. “How’s the wedding planning going?” Tanisha asked, taking up residence against her shoulder again.

  “Good. Mom’s about to do a food tasting. My brother, Joshie, is engaged and Mom is all in with the preparations,” she explained to JaQuan. “She was just c
alling to make sure you’d showed up today,” Angela finished, turning to Matt.

  Matt closed his eyes. Diane had sent him text messages and emails every day for the past week reminding him, and it didn’t matter how many times he responded, she followed up with another one the next day. Part of it, he knew, was guilt, her wanting to make sure Halo wasn’t forgotten in the whirlwind that was wedding prep, and he dug his fingers into his palms to tamp down the frustration of Di’s micromanagement. When he opened them, Halo, Tanisha, and JaQuan were all watching him, and he waved his hand. “Ignore me. I hope you were able to give Mom a good report,” he said, knowing his irritation seeped into his voice.

  Halo snorted and dug into the meals Matt hadn’t even noticed were delivered. For a moment, there was silence, until JaQuan asked her, “When’s the wedding?”

  Matt’s stomach clenched. He hadn’t told anyone about the launch date for the project, sure that if he could just go hard and get the collection squared away, with no issues left to resolve, it wouldn’t matter that the items dropped on Black Friday.

  The wedding date.

  “Day after Thanksgiving,” Halo answered for him. “We have a whole weekend of activities planned.”

  “Oh, that’s cool,” Tanisha jumped in. “People are going to have a ton of time off.”

  JaQuan figured it out first and frowned, looking first at Angela, then Matt, before taking another bite of his steak. Then Tanisha stopped and tilted her head before continuing. “Dad, that’s when the collection drops, right? Black Friday?”

  Matt didn’t wait for an answer. He watched his daughter. Her face was open, curious, and he knew when the pieces clicked together. The way her nostrils flared and she gingerly set her fork on the plate. The way she blinked rapidly to keep from frowning—or crying. The way she rolled her lower lip in to keep from yelling.

  JaQuan winced, but nodded. “Yeah, we’re hauling ass to launch then.”

  “The one you’re working on with Dad?” Halo’s voice was deceptively quiet, like she just wanted to make sure they were talking about the same project, and Matt had no doubt JaQuan was wholly unconvinced by that quiet calm.

  “Correct.”

  Angela hummed and cut herself another bite of steak, popping it into her mouth even as her eyes shot pure flame at him. Tanisha was the only one seemingly oblivious, and Matt couldn’t be sure that was accurate either. She was a bubbly, vivacious personality, pure joy to be around, and he didn’t think one bit of it was a façade. But through it, Matt saw how she watched people, their body language, the way their words and expressions didn’t always match. Yeah, Tanisha was exuberant and keeping the vibe chill, and was absolutely maneuvering this discussion away from the heavy shit.

  For his part, JaQuan seemed keen to roll with Tanisha’s whirlwind conversation, and eventually Halo relented and joined in. Matt listened, wishing for the first time that he knew anything about Black beauty vloggers to contribute. That he didn’t feel quite so displaced.

  He snorted quietly, then tensed when he felt a hand squeeze his knee. JaQuan didn’t turn, didn’t so much as glance in his direction, but that touch. That warmth on his leg, just enough to keep Matt grounded and not wandering off into his own self-pitying world. His dick tingled, the synapses in his brain misfiring as he considered laying his hand on top and traveling that hand up higher to cover him where he’d fantasized about it.

  And then it was gone, replaced by JaQuan hanging his head while the girls laughed. “How?” he whined. “How’d they talk me out of sixty dollars for two damn highlighters?”

  “Because it’s a collaboration and you love me,” Tanisha said, joy and mischief lighting her face. “I’m taking the lighter one,” she finished with a nod.

  “Yeah, you ain’t got no choice with your light-skinned ass.” Halo flicked Tanisha’s lobe before she sat back and let her arm fall across Tanisha’s shoulder.

  “Whatever, chick. It’s gonna be lit, and the darker one will look amazing on you.” She trailed a hand over Halo’s cheekbone. “Here,” then across her collarbone, “and here.”

  Angela gazed at her with pure adoration. Tanisha returned it, then bit her lower lip and pulled away. Next to him, JaQuan’s mouth had dropped open, and he stared at his daughter like he’d never seen her before. Matt understood. He hadn’t expected this either, but it explained a lot.

  JaQuan cleared his throat, his face morphing from astonishment to a slick amusement, which had Tanisha flushing even deeper. “Y’all ready to go?” he asked, fishing his wallet out for his card. Matt hadn’t even noticed that the bill had been dropped off and followed suit. He was out of it today.

  They finished and walked outside, the girls walking ahead and stopping at their cars. They went to the passenger side of JaQuan’s car, while Matt stopped by the driver’s side of his own.

  “Thanksgiving, huh?” JaQuan asked.

  Matt sighed and tilted his head back to stare at the sky. “Yeah, got the news the same day Nichole asked me to handle Kingsley.” He looked at JaQuan dead on. “I can’t not go.”

  JaQuan’s face scrunched up. “Of course not. We’re just gonna have to bust ass to get there.”

  “I know it. And I haven’t RSVP’d, which I’m sure Halo’s mom told her. I just...if something goes down, I feel like it’d be more of a disappointment to RSVP and not show than to not RSVP at all.”

  “Didn’t you just say you’ve got to be there?”

  Matt blew out a frustrated breath. That was the same internal war he’d been having. “Yeah.”

  JaQuan was quiet for a few seconds, then stood and clapped him on the shoulder. “We’ll talk later. Let me get my girl home.”

  Matt wanted to kiss him. “Thanks for coming out,” he said instead, ignoring how rough his voice sounded. “And for letting me vent.”

  “That’s not venting, Matt.”

  “Well, thanks for listening anyway.”

  He stared, quiet as JaQuan searched his face. His good intentions were floundering, and he stepped forward. JaQuan’s eyes widened, his mouth dropped open and a harsh sound escaped, then he took a step back.

  “Yeah. Yeah,” he said again, clearing his throat. That seemed to be his thing. “No problem. I’ll check you later, right?” He backed up a few more steps, then rounded the hood to reach his car.

  Matt climbed in his vehicle and waited the few minutes it took for Halo to finish. The ride back to the dorms was quiet, and Matt found it more than a little funny that they were probably both deep into thoughts about the Reynolds family. Funny indeed.

  * * *

  Jaq was sure he’d regret this later, but he squared his shoulders and rapped on the door to Matt’s office. He’d taken over the smaller conference room for those “rare” occasions when he said he’d need to check in with other Bernhardt clients and needed more space to spread out. Those occasions were happening nearly daily now, and Jaq knew he was stressed. Jaq was the same, putting his daytime hours into one project and squeezing the other three or four into a few hours in the evening. Matt was perfectly polite at work—a bit of bite to him that caught others off guard but no longer fazed Jaq—but the strain around his mouth and eyes, the semi-permanent furrow in his brows, undercut the professional demeanor he strived to maintain.

  He heard footsteps and the door opened. Matt stood there, looking as delicious as ever with his sleeves rolled up and his tie loosened, but his posture was stiff and his eyes red. “’Sup, JaQuan? You need something?”

  Jaq didn’t think Matt’d ever addressed him by his full first name, preferring Mr. Reynolds at work even though he addressed everyone else by their first names. It rolled off his tongue and down his spine, and all he wanted in the moment was to hear it in the quiet dark of the bedroom with nothing to disturb them.

  “Jaq? Are you okay?”

  Jaq shook himself and straightened. From JaQuan to Jaq i
n one sentence. Poor man’s walls were crumbling. “Yeah, I am, but you’re not,” he said, answering the actual question.

  “Come again?”

  “You’ve been burning the midnight oil and your face is gonna freeze if you keep frowning like that.”

  Matt snorted and stepped back, letting him into the room. “You sound like my mom.”

  “And mine, and they’re right. Or hell, maybe not, but let’s not find out, okay?”

  The soft grin Matt gave him was laced with weariness. Jaq knew the feeling. He’d been working twelve-to fourteen-hour days during the week and putting in time every weekend too, and he was drained. But that wasn’t why he was here.

  “I bet you haven’t gotten a present for your son,” he said instead.

  One brow rose. Two weeks ago Jaq would’ve called it imperious; now it just seemed surprised. “I haven’t,” Matt said softly, running a hand over his head and collapsing into a chair. “Haven’t even checked to see where they’re registered.”

  “His name’s Josh, right?”

  “Joshua. And his fiancée is Chandra Jenkins.”

  Jaq tapped on his phone, waited a beat, then snickered. “They’re at Bernhardt’s. Of course. Let’s go.”

  “Go where?” Matt stood and grabbed his jacket, following Jaq out the room.

  “Pentagon City. We can pick him up a present.”

  Matt stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Why are you invested in this?”

  Shit, I don’t know. Matt’s touch made Jaq want to step into him, to stop pretending he wasn’t going crazy with need. At first he’d convinced himself it was all physical. Just an itch that needed to be scratched. But Jaq had watched him this weekend. He’d seen the frustration on Matt’s face when he couldn’t follow or contribute to the conversation, and how Angela didn’t make much effort to include him. Surely that was based on whatever relationship they’d had while she was growing up, but how much worse would it be if he missed his son’s wedding, or showed up empty-handed. And it made Jaq want to take care of him. This. Take care of this.