Learned Behaviors (Higher Education)

by Jayce Ellis

  “Their mother was always there.”

  “Must’ve been nice to have one of those around.” Jaq threw the covers back and climbed out of bed.

  Fucking hell. Matt leaned against the headboard and ran a hand down his face. What had just happened? Had he really turned himself into a victim of his own creation?

  Matt heard the shower running and cringed. He wanted to be in there with him, but Jaq clearly needed some cooling-off time. He couldn’t say he blamed him.

  Matt walked out front and powered up his computer, Jaq’s words ringing in his head. Even as he wanted to fight, to argue that Jaq didn’t know him well enough to talk about his priorities, here he was checking launch day stats. He could be forgiven for being hyper-vigilant, even though it didn’t look like it even registered for Jaq, notwithstanding his being the one who mentioned it. Matt’s job was to make sure everything went smoothly. That he had no phone or text messages was a good sign, but he didn’t get paid to leave anything to chance.

  He heard the bathroom door open but stayed out front, giving Jaq some time to himself. When he walked out a few moments later, Matt’s mouth fell open. He was dressed in slim-cut suit pants and a starched white shirt. Matt checked the time. The wedding was in a few hours. He needed to get ready too, especially since he was in the bridal party. But what he wanted to do more than anything was ravage the man standing in front of him, who even in his anger looked so insanely delicious it was hard to think straight.

  Jaq looked up and grinned, a crooked thing that tipped the side of his mouth up. He walked up to Matt, laid a hand on his shoulder, and squeezed. “I don’t want to fight. I know you meant to be there.” He kissed Matt’s forehead and his eyes darkened. “Go on and get dressed.”

  Matt stood and set his hands on Jaq’s waist, tugging him closer. “I don’t want to either. You know I’m sorry about last night, right?”

  “I know. And it’s not my business. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  Matt pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for caring enough about my family to say something. I’ll be out in a few.” He walked by and popped Jaq on the ass, satisfied to hear the grunt of pleasure.

  He scrubbed himself down in the shower, his warring need to check sales and movement colliding with his desire to lock away the world and stand with Jaq by his side for his son’s wedding.

  A phone rang, and he heard Jaq’s muffled voice from the bedroom. He finished drying off and wrapped a towel around his waist, then opened the door. Jaq sat on the bed, the phone still in his hands, shaking from head to toe.

  “Jesus, Jaq, what is it? What’s wrong?”

  Jaq looked up at him, his eyes wide. The phone fell to the ground next to him. “It’s Tanisha.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jaq tried to suck in air but choked. He felt the thud of Matt dropping to the bed next to him and pounding his back while he coughed it out. White spots formed behind his eyes and he blinked rapidly, trying to clear them away. The last thing T needed was Dad having a panic attack hundreds of miles away. The fist on his back turned to circles, the touch a comfort.

  “Hey,” Matt said, tipping Jaq’s chin up. “Hey, look at me. What happened?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. Gran said she’s at the hospital. They’re waiting for someone to tell her what’s wrong.”

  In the distance, Jaq heard a sound, an almost incessant ringing in his ear. It took him a few seconds to recognize it as his phone, until Matt answered it and stepped away to speak. His voice was low, and try as he might, Jaq couldn’t make out what he was saying.

  Not that it mattered. He had to go, to get back to his baby. He stood, wobbling for a second before he regained his balance, then grabbed his luggage out of the closet and dumped it on the bed. Matt frowned but didn’t say anything, instead continuing his conversation with whoever was on the line.

  Jaq rushed to the bathroom and scooped out the few personal items he’d left by the sink, tossing them haphazardly in the suitcase. A hand on his arm stopped him, and he startled at the sensation.

  Hold on, Matt mouthed at him.

  Like hell he would. Jaq pulled away, but Matt caught him by the wrist and tugged him close. He grumbled a few more affirmatives into the phone, then said, “Ms. Reynolds, why don’t you talk to Jaq for a minute? You’ll explain it better than I can.”

  Matt handed him the phone, ignoring Jaq’s scowl, and patted his shoulder before walking off. “Yeah, Ma?”

  “Tanisha will be fine. She had an asthma attack after a Thanksgiving morning run or some foolishness, and her friends got scared and called an ambulance. Her peak flow is already back to normal, but they want to keep her there overnight for observation.” Gran’s voice was strong and sure, like this was just another scraped knee or whatever injury Tanisha had been prone to growing up.

  “She’s at the hospital? Shit, I’ve got to get there.”

  “Stop cussing. T is fine; the doctors are being overly cautious because she was brought in by a truck. She’d be home by now and you’d be none the wiser but for that.” Her voice went stern and Jaq braced himself for the scolding. “Don’t you dare abandon this man tonight to deal with this. Your daughter did everything right, just like you taught her. You don’t need to come up here and rescue her.”

  Intellectually, Jaq heard her. In reality, it was like talking to air. “Yeah, okay, Ma. I gotta go.”

  He clicked off before she could respond, knowing she’d give him an earful later. But he didn’t have time for this. His daughter needed him, and he wasn’t going to play happy-go-lucky wedding guest hours away from her when he could be at her bedside where he belonged before she was released.

  Jaq hurried to finish packing and wheeled his suitcase to the front. Matt had put on his tuxedo pants and shirt, and god, he was stunning. A stab of remorse shot through him, especially when Matt turned to face him. His face had gone carefully blank, almost as blank as it had been the first time they’d met.

  “Guess Mom couldn’t convince you to stick around, huh?”

  “I need to be there.” He was not arguing this. The voice in his head that said she’d be fine, that Gran had this, that there was nothing he could do because she’d be in the hospital overnight anyway, could go straight to hell.

  “Jaq,” Matt said, walking to him and rubbing his arms up and down, “I know you’re scared. You have to be. But it’s one night, your mom is already there, and she’s already said she’s fine. They’re keeping her overnight for observation anyway. There’s not much you can do for her. Stay, have an evening here before you dive back in. Your mom didn’t sound too concerned.”

  Jaq scoffed. “I know it’s easy for you to foist off your responsibilities to someone else and deal with it later, but it doesn’t work like that for me.”

  Matt wheezed in a breath and Jaq’s stomach fell. No matter how panicked or on edge he was, that was a horrible thing to say. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Matt adored his children. Jaq was being an asshole for no reason. And his apology, one that sat at the ready, stayed there. Silent, even as Matt’s body language entirely shut the fuck down.

  “You’ll need to get to the airport,” Matt said, grabbing his phone and turning his back to Jaq.

  “The airport? Why—” He stopped short. Of course. They’d driven here in Matt’s car. Jaq didn’t have any transportation of his own. Fuck.

  “There’s a flight leaving in an hour. You want on?”

  “Umm, yeah. What airline?” Jaq said, rummaging through the front pocket of his duffel bag for his own phone.

  Matt waved a hand at him. “Don’t worry, I got it. You’re all set. Ride will be here in five.”

  “You’re not driving?” Why did that hurt?

  Matt gave him a wan smile. “Bridal party is due downstairs in ten minutes. I can’t miss that too.”

 
; Fucking hell. “Matt, I’m...” Sorry was on the tip of his tongue, but was he? It didn’t matter what Gran said. No matter how bad Tanisha’s asthma had been before, she’d never been hospitalized, and Jaq couldn’t convince himself to write that off as her being fine.

  Matt seemed to read his thoughts, because he didn’t prompt Jaq to finish, instead grabbing his tuxedo jacket and Jaq’s suitcase from the floor and heading to the door. “You ready?”

  Jaq nodded, his brain numbing as the weight of what he was doing settled in on him. He was abandoning him at his son’s wedding, and couldn’t even fashion an apology for being an ass on the way out. Matt was polite, almost impossibly so, not even tossing back the snooty snark he’d gotten used to on the phone. This Matt was one he didn’t know. One who absorbed all the insults thrown at him with a pleasant façade and kept his head down and feet moving forward.

  The elevator ride was quiet, a tension he’d never felt nearly swallowing him whole. Matt ignored the guests in the lobby, those yelling out for him to take pictures before he stood by his ex-wife’s side with their son, on what was supposed to be a joyous day. Jaq had planned to be in the offing, standing staunchly by Matt’s side. Now Matt would stand alone. And still, the words to apologize wouldn’t come.

  A car was waiting in the front, and Matt settled Jaq’s stuff in the back seat before turning to him. “You sure you got everything?” he asked, keeping his eyes focused on Jaq’s shoulders.

  He could hardly make his mouth work, but he eventually nodded. “Pretty sure. If I missed anything, well...”

  “I’ll make sure it gets to you.”

  Jaq looked up. Not I’ll get it to you. Not We’ll make arrangements when you get back. For all Jaq knew, Matt would have his assistant mail anything back to him. For all he knew, this was the last time he’d see Matt. A garbled sound ripped through him.

  “You need to go,” Matt whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the shell of his ear. “Take care of Tanisha. I know she’s all you’ve got.”

  Which meant Jaq didn’t have him. Not anymore. Maybe never.

  Matt stepped back and spun on his heels, leaving Jaq staring after him until he disappeared from sight.

  * * *

  The flight to National landed ten minutes early, and Jaq practically bulldozed people to get off the plane, calling out half-hearted apologies as he went. Funny how he could apologize to them but not to the equally innocent Matt. He ordered a ride while he raced to the front, and was at the hospital within half an hour.

  He walked in to find Gran in the waiting room, eyes closed, her ankles crossed, an open magazine lying flat across her chest while she dozed. The complete lack of concern brought him to an absolute standstill.

  “Gran, how’s Tanisha?”

  She startled and sat up, then shook her head. “Lord, you done left that man by himself on his son’s wedding. He’s gone spend the whole night with people asking where you are. That poor boy.” She tsked, shaking her head like her sympathy was for Matt and not him or Tanisha.

  “Gran, don’t.” Jaq had mostly managed to ignore the uncomfortable feelings that sliced through him while on the plane, the heaviness on his chest when he remembered Matt’s vacant eyes as he turned away. He didn’t need the reminder. “I feel bad enough as it is. Is she okay?”

  “Okay? She got friends in there visiting now, laughing and cutting up.”

  Damn. “Have you been in to see her?”

  “Briefly, but I have time. They’re the ones she was running with and they were terrified. I’m waiting for the nurse to bring them back and then you can go. She’s real sweet. Black woman. You know I love to see that.”

  Before he could comment, Matt’s friend Kendra rounded the corner and came to a sudden stop in front of them. “JaQuan? Hey, what are you doing here?”

  Jaq frowned. She was wearing scrubs, and he noticed a few stray hairs on the legs of her scrubs. Spitfire. Was she...did she...was she the nurse Gran had been talking about? He didn’t miss the way Kendra looked him up and down before realization hit and she took a step back.

  “Oh, shit,” she whispered, then clapped her hand over her mouth and looked around to make sure no one had noticed. He couldn’t imagine cursing went over well on the job, even though it matched his sentiments exactly.

  “My daughter was admitted here,” he said, then gestured to Gran. “This is my mom.”

  “Tanisha Reynolds, of course. I didn’t put it together before,” she said, then looked between them. “I should have. You look just like your mother.”

  He knew she wanted to ask. As close as she and Matt were, there’s no way she didn’t know today was Josh’s wedding. And from the way Jaq was dressed, it was an easy guess where he’d come from.

  Thank god for keeping it professional. “Tanisha came in having an acute respiratory attack. She was given one nebulizer treatment, and after the doctor listened to her lungs, decided on a second, to be on the safe side.” She started to say more, but turned at the laughter coming from down the hall, and girls Jaq assumed were Tanisha’s friends, from the way they waved at Kendra and Gran, walked out.

  “Well,” Kendra said, “you can go on back.”

  “Gran, you want to go?” he asked.

  “Nuh-uh. I’ve seen her. You go on so she can get some rest.” Gran looked at him critically. “You look like you need some too. Bet you ain’t been sleeping for a whole different reason though.” She smirked and walked away, and Jaq ignored Kendra’s grin as he followed her down the hall.

  Tanisha was lying in the hospital bed, tubes hanging from her arms and out of her nose, looking paler than he could ever remember. His heart stopped.

  “She’s fine,” Kendra said from behind him. “She knows exactly how to handle an asthma attack. You taught her well. She’s probably worn out from laughing it up for so long.”

  Jaq tried to smile and went to sit at her bedside. He checked the pulse ox and breathed a sigh of relief. It was in the high nineties. She was truly going to be okay. Tanisha grinned at him. “Hey, Daddy.”

  “Hey, sweet pea. How you feelin’?”

  “Like I don’t ever have to run in the cold again,” she said, and Jaq laughed. Tanisha wiggled her fingers and Jaq took her hand in his. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

  He looked up. “For what?”

  “For being such a brat about you and Mr. Donaldson. It’s okay with me if you date him.” She sighed and tears watered the corners of her eyes. “I just missed her so much and it kinda didn’t feel fair, you know? But I was acting about as immature as she called me.”

  Jaq chuckled softly. “You’re not immature. This was your first serious relationship. Besides, I’m not sure you have to worry about that anymore.”

  Tanisha frowned, then seemed to take in his appearance for the first time. “Were you at Angela’s brother’s wedding? With Mr. Donaldson?”

  Jaq nodded. Jesus, was she supposed to have been there with Angela?

  The tears that had threatened began to fall and god, was there anything worse than seeing your baby cry? “Daddy, you didn’t have to come back up here for this. You should’ve stayed there. Gran was here.”

  “Not a chance. No way I was letting you go through this alone.”

  She tightened a finger around one of his. “I wasn’t alone, Daddy. My friends were here, and you know Gran wasn’t going anywhere. You don’t have to drop everything for me anymore.”

  “I will always drop everything for you. You’re my daughter.”

  “I’m also an adult. Technically. But I feel bad for Mr. Donaldson. Now he’s at the wedding all by himself. He doesn’t have anyone to dance with.” She yawned and shifted on the bed, pouting when the IV limited her movement. “He’s alone, and my Angie’s alone, and that’s got to suck at a wedding.”

  Alone was more than a state of being, and now, sitting next to the person wh
o’d been his sun for over half his life, he felt that loneliness more acutely than ever. “He’ll be all right, sweetheart. They both will,” he whispered, and said a prayer that he truly was.

  She hummed, a sleepy little sound. “Yeah, but will you?” She drifted off to sleep before Jaq could figure out an answer to her question.

  Kendra walked back in and smiled at him, but didn’t ask any questions about the elephant chilling in the room. She checked Tanisha’s vitals, marked something down on the clipboard attached to the bed.

  “About time,” Kendra said softly, listening to T’s soft snuffles. “Those nebs gave her a headache,” she said, referring to the nebulizer treatments Tanisha was all too familiar with, “then made her hyper. Looks like it finally caught up to her.” Kendra looked at him, and he knew she wanted to grill him, but she didn’t. “You want me to set you up with a cot for tonight?”

  He hadn’t even thought about it. Jaq scrubbed a hand over his face and nodded. “Let me talk to Gran and let you know, okay?”

  “Sure. I’m off in a few minutes but I’ll let the night nurse know you’re out front.”

  “Kendra,” he said as she walked to the door. She stopped with a hand on the handle and turned back. “Thank you for taking care of my daughter.”

  She smiled. “It’s my job, but also my pleasure. Thank you for taking care of my friend.”

  Jaq huffed. “Pretty sure I screwed the pooch on that one.”

  Kendra shrugged and opened the door. “Matt’s no peach. I’m sure there’s plenty of groveling to go around.”

  Then she was gone, and Jaq was left with nothing but his own thoughts for company.

  Chapter Twenty

  Matt stood behind Diane and Erik, waiting to walk down the aisle toward their seats in the front row. He ignored her frown, her obvious curiosity about where Jaq was, and kept his gaze at the closed doors. She angled her head and muttered, “Fucked up again, didn’t you?”