Barf the Barbarian in Red Nail (The Chronicles of Barf the Barbarian Book 2)

by Michael White

  “We will never out-run it!” She shouted and he shook his sword at her angrily.

  “We can try!” he screamed, trotting back towards her and trying to get her to drag her towards the city which seemed as far away as ever.

  “No.” she sighed. “Tell me, Barf. Did you ever see my act at Bungo-Hop’s circus?”

  “Circuses are not quite me.” he said sullenly as the ground began to tremble underfoot as the titan approached them. “Unless there is a reward involved, of course.” He thought about it for a second longer as the creature continued to race towards them. “The clowns are quite good I seem to remember.”

  “Well you missed out.” she said, standing up straight again and smiling at him widely. “Come here. Make a step out of your hands.”

  “What?” he asked, glancing nervously over her shoulder. From behind came a monstrous bellowing sound that was drawing nearer by the second. Already the ground underfoot had begun to tremble at its approach.

  “Trust me.” she said. “Join your hands together ad make a step. I will stand on it.”

  “Why?”

  “When I tap you on the shoulder throw me into the air with all of your strength.”

  “You are serious aren’t you?”

  “Very. Come on. Make a ladder.”

  “I thought she was a dancing girl.” said Humdinger, “Now it seems she is a head case too!” Barf sheathed the sword and knotted his fingers together.

  “Half turn so I can see the creature's approach.” she said and as he did so she gasped for the behemoth was almost upon them, its eyes glaring as it charged towards them, its jaws clenched and then it released a mighty roar that echoed across the plains as its victory approached. Valerie gulped and put her right foot into his hands.

  “When I tap you on the shoulder throw me with all your might, remember.” she said. “Once you have done that throw yourself to your right as far as you can.”

  “You’re crazy.” he said and she tutted.

  “Not at all.” she held her sword firmly in both of her hands and winked at him. She gave one glance as the creature reached them and it bellowed a cry of pain and victory. Valerie tapped Barf on the shoulder and with all of his strength he threw her into the air.

  “Alllllllllley Oop!” she shouted and Barf stood transfixed, forgetting to move as she somersaulted through the air, high above the creature and then fell like a hammer of death towards it. She landed on its head and raised her sword high,

  Die!” she screamed and buried her sword into the top of the creature's skull directly between its eyes.

  The creature gave a strange confused grunt and fell to its knees instantly. Yet it momentum carried it forward a little further, and so Barf had to quickly leap to one side as the beast ploughed into the earth, slowly coming to a halt ten yards away. It gave a small bleating sound and lay still. Valerie pulled her sword from the creature's head, wiped it on its back and then somersaulted neatly down to the ground.

  “There.” she said, “Problem solved.”

  “Are you quite sure you worked for a circus?” Barf asked cautiously.

  “Quite so.” she said, smiling. “Though dragons are hardly my speciality.” she said brightly, “But one does what one can. In principle, it’s most likely the same as a horse. Not quite like a dragon really, though.”

  “Not a dragon.” said Barf sulkily.

  “Whatever.” she said, noticing Barf closing the leather pouch on his sword belt, presumably as a precaution to another argument breaking out as to what was - and what was not - a dragon.

  “Come.” he said, looking at the huge body of the dead creature. “We must hurry. If more lizards come out of the woods after us then we are in trouble.”

  The city looked to be still very far away across the plain, much farther than it had looked from the crag. They walked towards it, yet they both constantly looked behind them to the receding forest, almost expecting a disturbance in the thickets at any time. But far behind them on the edge of the plain nothing disturbed the silence of the wood. They staggered on as the sun set and darkness was gathering about the plain, though the stars shining above lightened this a little, making stunted ghosts out of the cactus growths that grew all about them.

  “No cattle. No ploughed fields.” muttered Barf. “How do these people live?”

  “Perhaps the cattle are in pens for the night or the fields and pastures are on the other side of the city.”

  “Perhaps. Yet I did not see them from the crag.”

  As they walked on the moon came up behind the city, reflecting its pale blue light eerily across the towers and minarets. Valerie shivered at the sight of it, for against the light of the moon the city had a sombre, sinister look. Barf seemed to gather the same impression for he stopped and glanced about him, staring at a circular patch of cactus that was reflected in the moonlight nearby.

  “We will stop here.” he said, cutting at the circular bed of cactus with his sword to form an opening. “It is no use approaching the city gates of a night. They would never let us in. Apart from that we need rest and we do not know how they will receive us. A few hours’ sleep will put us in a better shape should we need to fight or flee. We will be safe from snakes in amongst the cactus anyhow.”

  Valerie looked fearfully back in the direction of the forest behind them.

  “What if one of those things comes out of the woods?”

  “We will keep watch.” he said, “I will go first.” They crawled into the small but comfortable space between the thick cacti and Valerie lay down to sleep. Barf sat down in the opening cross legged and drew his sword, placing it across his knees, his back to her. He was staring at the city that looked as if it was still a few miles away, its tall walls and buildings beyond that shrouded in darkness that was in relief with blue - white moonlight that shone down upon it. Yet not a single light shone from spire nor tower. It was a great black mystery.

  “It’s very silent, isn’t it?” said Valerie dreamily behind him.

  “It is.” he grunted, “Not just the city, but the plains too. No sounds at all.”

  “Wake me when the moon hits its zenith.” she said and she hardly had time to realise that he had not replied, for already she was asleep.

  ***

  Valerie woke with as start as a grey dawn swept across the plain. She sat and rubbed her eyes. Barf was squatting before the cactus, cutting off the thick pears and carefully removing the spikes.

  “You didn’t wake me!” she said, “You let me sleep all night!”

  “You were tired.” he explained. “Besides, I am used to it. I snatch sleep like a panther waiting besides the trail for a deer to come by. My eyes sleep as my ears keep watch.”

  “Besides, he was polishing me.” said Humdinger brightly as Barf used it to dig at the cactus spikes. “Well he calls it polishing. Me? I’m just glad of the attention, if you catch my drift.” Valerie stared at the sword lost for words.

  “I can’t believe I am hearing this.” she hissed and pushed Barf out of the way and stood on the plain facing the city.

  “Nothing.” said Barf from behind her. “No traffic. No people. Not any sign of life on the walls and the gates remain shut. I am beginning to get a bad feeling about this.” He stood and handed her a pear from the cactus plant and she sucked and chewed on it greedily, glad for the moisture and food it provided.

  “We may as well get going.” he said, beginning to slowly walk towards the city across the plain. “If the people in that city are going to slit our throats they may as well do it now before the day grows warmer. The sun will rise in a few minutes and the heat of the plain is growing already in anticipation.”

  As they walked, the sun rose behind the city, turning its spires and minarets to a sinister crimson.

  “Black in the night against the moon and crimson against the sun.” grunted Barf, “Blood red it is. I do not like this city.”

  Onward they walked, noting as they did so that no road led to the city
from the north and that as they drew nearer to the walls of the city there were still no signs of life at all. Even the plains themselves bore no signs of cultivation or animals. Yet there were small irrigation ditches between the dust covered plain.

  “Once it was ploughed and bore crops I think.” muttered Barf, “The ditches bear testimony to this.”

  “Not now though.” said Valerie, her eyes scanning the city walls for any sign of movement. There was none. “These ditches are half filled in in places, some overgrown with cactus. If they were ever used, then that was quite some time ago. The fields speak of neglect and abandonment.”

  They carried on walking as the walls began to draw nearer, and the gate that presumably led into the city that was firmly closed. Still there were no signs of life, neither from the plain that they stood on, or the city itself. Barf looked to the sky. There were no birds there. Just a total, unbroken silence.

  “It is just as silent as the forest.” said Valerie. Barf nodded in agreement.

  “More so.” No spearheads or helmets gleamed on the battlements above, no flags or shields were raised. There were no calls of warning; no trumpets sounded. No challenge against their approach was raised from the city at all.

  The sun was high on the eastern horizon when they reached the wall and stood in the shadow of the great gate in the northern wall of the city. Rust flecked the hinges of the great gate, and spider webs hung thickly from the hinges and braces of the door itself. The silence was absolute.

  “It doesn’t look like it has been opened for years.” said Valerie quietly.

  “Why are you whispering?” laughed Barf.

  “I don’t know. I get a very bad feeling about this place.”

  “A dead city.” said Barf, “It may explain why the ditches were overgrown and fallen to ruin, no crops or herds in the fields.”

  “Where did they go though, the people who built all of this?”

  “I am more interested in why they went.” said Barf darkly, “Yet it matters little, for I doubt we shall ever know. Still. A city as large as this, even though abandoned, will still have treasures and jewels ripe for the taking, cobweb covered or not. Can we open the gate? Let’s go in and have a quick look around.” Barf leaned his shoulder against the huge gate and thrust all of his weight against it. There was a dull snapping sound and the gate slowly moved inward an inch. He put his back against and there all his weight behind it and pushed harder. Slowly the gate opened a little more. By the third shove the entrance was open just enough for them both to slip through one at a time. Barf went first, his sword drawn, and Valerie followed, blade in hand as well.

  They emerged into a wide avenue that led south through a multitude of large, red stone buildings. Further into the city as the avenue led out of sight towards the centre of the city larger buildings with high towers and minarets rose high into the still desert sky. The silence was complete, and fell across the entire city like a mantle. Valerie turned to examine the inside of the gate and saw a badly rusted bolt had fallen to the floor from the door.

  “I thought I felt something break when I pushed the gate.” said Barf, kneeling to examine the large fallen bolt. “This is so badly rusted it broke clean off when I pushed against the gate.”

  “Best close it again.” said Valerie, “We wouldn’t want one of those lizards turning up and getting in now, would we?”

  “Good idea.” said Barf, and putting his back up against the gate slowly shoved it closed again.

  “Barf.” said Valerie, trepidation in her voice as she stood looking down the long-deserted avenue, “If the people deserted the city why was the gate locked from the inside?”

  “They must have used another way out.” said Barf with not complete conviction. “Keep your eyes open.” he continued, “This place chills me.”

  Slowly they began to walk away from the entrance way and into the city, heading south through the wide avenue. Dust blew in their footsteps as they walked, the buildings all intact but showing no sign of habitation or damage at all.

  “Here.” said Barf, waving Humdinger at what looked like a house as they walked past, “Let us check inside. Be careful. “

  “I will.” said Valerie, pushing him aside and walking into the house.

  “Hello!” she called out, “Anyone at home?”

  Barf walked after her, muttering to himself as he went. She was standing in a large room that was furnished with a wooden table and chairs, a staircase led up. On the table were dust covered earthen pots and dishes, but that was all. Valerie went up the short staircase and looked over several rooms containing reeded cots on the floor, but again they were covered in dust and looked abandoned somehow. In one room a tapestry hung from the wall, and Barf poked at it with his sword, shaking the dust off it.

  “Atchoo!” said Humdinger.

  “Bless you.” said Valerie. Barf was busy examining the tapestry.

  “Look here.” he said, “This tapestry shows men. Of what race I do not know, the artist has not shown, but it is men nonetheless.” Valerie nodded and they returned downstairs and then back out into the street. They continued in a straight line, heading south, taking great care not to deviate from their route and so not get lost. As they went they tried several houses at different intervals, and although some had more or fewer rooms, more storeys or furniture, they all remained completely empty of anything other than dust or long forgotten and discarded furniture.

  Eventually they began to tire, the oppressive silence seeming to seep into their bones. Valerie seemed to be losing patience with their progress so far and sat down, stretching her feet out before her.

  “We can’t just keep on trying houses at random. We need to have a better plan than that.”

  “We need a higher viewpoint.” said Barf, “Then if nothing else we can identify buildings other than homes or markets. An official's house would be good, a palace even better. Then we can help ourselves to whatever bounty we can carry and be on our way.”

  “We will carry on then.” said Valerie, standing and pointing off into the middle distance, “I have watched those towers there drawing closer all afternoon and I think if we strike out for them now and make for them before the sun sets without any diversions then we may be there before night falls.”

  “Good plan.” said Barf, and so they set out towards the towers before them, the shadows of the city growing large around them as they set a good pace south through the city. “At least we know that the city did not fall to plague or disease.” he said brightly.

  “No bodies.” said Valerie.

  “Or skeletons.” said Humdinger. “Or body parts, organs, perhaps mummified remains, heads on spikes, half eaten corpses or zombified undead stalking the…”

  “Alright.” growled Barf, “Enough.” Instantly the sword fell silent.

  They trudged along for another hour, the towers and spires growing larger overhead until eventually they stood at the foot of a large red stone tower that rose high above them. They walked into a large open area at the back of which a single wide staircase led upwards.

  “Let’s go.” said Barf and they began to climb, the sides of the tower completely enclosed as they rose higher and higher up the stairs.

  “Whatever they used this for the occupants must have been really fit.” gasped Barf as they went round and round, climbing higher and higher as they did so. Eventually they emerged gasping onto a large open flat top of the tower. A waist high wall rose all around the edges of the roof. They were both surprised to find that night had already fallen during their long ascent, and that already the moon was rising high into the sky.

  “That took longer than expected.” said Valerie.

  “I can’t feel my feet.” grumbled Barf, but they both walked to the edge of the parapet and looked down onto the city that was bathed in moonlight below them.

  “It’s beautiful.” she said and Barf grunted, pointing off further south.

  “There.” he said, “There is a large square cl
earing with large buildings around it.

  “Some sort of communal area?” she asked, but Barf was more interested in the building behind the empty square area.

  “That’s a palace or I am a Wompian merchant’s jockstrap.”

  “Steady.” said Humdinger.

  “That’s where all the loot is.” smiled Barf, “mark my words. Still. No point in heading there tonight. Not in the dark. This makes an excellent, well defended spot to make camp. We shall stop here for the night.”

  “Not much of a camp.” said Valerie, “No food or water. They will be needed on the morrow.”

  “We shall set forth at dawn’s first light.” said Barf, “We will not tarry. Just take whatever loot we can find and be out of here and back on the plain heading south as soon as we can. This time tomorrow, Valerie, we shall be millionaires.”

  “Really?” said Valerie.

  “Really?” said Humdinger and Barf nodded solemnly. They both stretched out on the tower floor and took turns to watch. Valerie strained her ears as she began to fall asleep, but there was nothing to be heard. Nothing at all.

  ***

  “Maybe another mile.” said Barf to Valerie’s query as to whether they were there yet as they headed towards the large square that they had spotted from the top of the tower. When they had woken, Barf had spent a good long time scouring the city for any signs of movement or activity at all. Finding none, he stared at the large building on the other side of the clearing. “Definitely a palace.” he had muttered, and soon after they had set out. They trudged on as the sun slowly began to rise in the sky and soon the buildings began to thin out and become larger in size until they reached a large open area devoid of any buildings at all.

  It was flat and all red rock, and looked as if once it was some sort of meeting place, for there was a large lipped flat area at one side of it, and the bowl was stepped so that the centre was a little lower than its four long edges.