Threading My Prayer Rug
Page 32
Calvert Barksdale, executive editor at Arcade Publishing, for his thorough editorial guidance, clarity in direction, and meticulous attention to detail. Having a responsive editor went a long way for giving me a comfort level with the pace and direction of the book; and Skyhorse Publishing, for placing their confidence in me and giving me the chance to tell you my story.
My teacher, Sidney Offit, who taught me the craft of memoir writing, and whose words of encouragement kept me moving.
Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, whose spiritual counsel gave me the confidence to share my personal opinions on religious issues.
Alice Cody, Michele Duffy, Mary Burrell, and Marcia Osofsky—my writers’ group—for patiently listening to me read out my chapters, month after month, critiquing, challenging, motivating, and being my focus group from the prologue to the closing chapter.
My friend Kim Mack Rosenberg, who opened doors for me and helped me navigate the world of publishing.
Zakawat Jah, Alan Segal, MD, Vincent Taylor, Aneela Arshed, Asim Rehman, and Brinda Ganguly, for graciously agreeing to read the manuscript and give me critical feedback; Jan Goodwin for reading the early draft of a chapter, providing her counsel, and mentoring me; Jenny Golub, for reviewing the synopsis for the book and educating me in the skill of writing; and in particular, Mary von Aue, for reviewing my manuscript and helping me find my voice.
My friends who walked with me at every step, helping me cross those milestones; and Kirstin Boncher, who lugged her photography equipment to my apartment, set up a studio, even selected the Pakistani attire, and instructed me in the art of modeling (at my age), as she snapped away with her camera.
My twenty-plus family members who humored me by entering into a book-naming contest. The winners: Asim and my daughter-in-law Brinda. I love the title!
And finally, my family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances who have shaped my life. Thank you for being part of my story and part of my life.
GLOSSARY
Words and phrases translated from Urdu, the national language of Pakistan.
Aashian jal gaya, gulsitan lut gaya: the opening verse of a love song, which translates as, “The abode is extinguished, the garden vanquished”
Aba Jan: (honorific) dear Dad
Aba Jee: (honorific) similar to aba Jan, referring to one’s maternal grandfather
acha: OK, yes, will do
acha jee: OK, yes, will do
alif: first letter of the Arabic and Urdu alphabet
Alhamdulillah: Praise be to God
Allah hafiz: God be with you (said in lieu of “good-bye”)
ameen: amen; also a ceremony to commemorate a child’s completing the recitation of the Qur’an
Ami Jan: (honorific) dear Mother, referring to one’s maternal grandmother
Apa: honorific for elder sister or any woman older than oneself
arsi mushuf: ceremony of placing a mirror for the bride and groom to see one another for the first time
Assalam Alaikum: Peace on you; Muslim greetings
Baji Jan: (honorific) dear elder sister
baarat: the groom’s wedding party
bhabi: sister-in-law; brother’s wife
Bhai: honorific for brother, male family member
Bhaijan: (honorific) dear elder brother
bhangra: Pakistani folk dance
Bismillah: In the name of God; uttered as a blessing before starting anything
Chaand Raat: night of the new moon
chaat: salty and spicy salad of fruit or chickpeas and potatoes
charpoi: bed with a wooden frame and knitted jute rope for a mattress
chowaras: dried dates; distributed to guests to celebrate special occasions
Daadee Amma: (honorific) dear Grandmother, referring to one’s paternal grandmother
Daada Jan: (honorific) dear Grandfather, referring to one’s paternal grandfather
daal: lentil curry
daal tarka: sizzling sautéed onions poured over daal
dhobi: washerman; picks up soiled laundry from a house and cleans it
dholak: hand drum
diwan: armless couch to sit upon in lieu of a bed, with cylindrical pillows; divan
dua: supplication
dupatta: long scarf wide enough to drape over the head, shoulders, and bosom
Eid gah: location for Eid prayers, usually in a large open space
Eid mubarak: Eid greetings
fatwa: legal opinion issued by a Muslim jurist on a specific topic
gao takya: cylindrical, colorful pillows, used on a diwan
gharara: bridal outfit, with wide-legged flared pants, a short tunic, and a dupatta
ghazal: a song of love and longing; poetic lyrics
gori: white female; used to describe an American/European woman
gora: white male; used to describe an American/European man
gota: sparkling metallic thread used as trimming for dupattas; stitched on the edges
guthra: Arab head cover
hadith: sayings and deeds of Prophet Muhammad
halal: permissible
haram: forbidden
hijab: woman’s head covering, usually a scarf or dupatta
iftar: breaking of the fast at sundown
imambara: congregation for Shia commemoration ceremonies
Insha’Allah: God willing
Isha: obligatory night prayer
Isra Meeraj: Prophet Muhammad’s night journey to Jerusalem and to the heavens and a meeting with God
jalabeeya: Arab women’s long dress
jelebi: candy in the form of orange pretzel-shaped spirals filled with syrup
jannah: paradise; heaven
jee: yes; OK
jeetey raho: may you live long
jeevay banra: may the groom live a happy life
jhumka: earrings with dangling hoops
jihad: to strive in God’s way
joota chupai: literally, hiding the shoe; the tradition at weddings of removing the groom’s shoe to hold for a symbolic “ransom”
jumma: Friday congregational prayers
keema: ground meat
keema matar: ground meat with peas
khair mubarak: greetings to you too
khaloos: sincerity
khattak dance: a group dance performed by men in the north of Pakistan
kheer: rice pudding, Pakistani style
Khuda hafiz: may God protect you; a Muslim good-bye greeting
khush raho: may you be happy; a prayer offered by an elder to the bride
kiran: sparkling metallic trim for dupattas that extends as a fringe
ladoo: yellow, meatball-sized traditional candy for celebrations
lehanga: bridal gown
luddi: folk dance, performed in a group, mostly by girls
mahr: monetary gift given by the groom to the bride
mamoon: mother’s brother; maternal uncle
masha’Allah: by the grace of God; blessing offered when praising someone
masjid: mosque
master sahib: honorific for head tailor or teacher
maulvi: Muslim cleric; an imam
mayoon: tradition of keeping the bride-to-be at home
mehndi: henna-painting ceremony the night before the wedding
Milad-un-Nabi: Prophet Muhammad’s birthday
milad: ceremony commemorating Prophet Muhammad’s birthday
mithai: Pakistani candy
mubarak: congratulations; greetings
muezzin: the person who recites the call to prayer in a mosque
naan: flatbread
naat: poetry sung in praise of Prophet Muhammad
nazar: evil eye
nikah: Muslim marriage ceremony and contract signing
palak gosht: spinach and meat curry
paratha: fried and crispy flatbread
pullao: gourmet rice dish
qurbani: sacrifice; the term used for sacrificing the lamb
rihal: an X-shaped foldable bookrest fo
r placing the Qur’an during recitation
rooh afza: sweet, rose-scented herbal and fruit drink
roop: glow; associated with a woman in love or pregnant woman
rukhsati: saying good-bye to the bride and giving her a send-off
sahib: (honorific) sir
salaam: peace
salaam alaikum: peace be upon you
salami: cash gift bestowed on the bride and groom by their in-laws, welcoming her or him into the family
salat: obligatory prayer, performed five times a day
sari: formal women’s wear wrapped around the waist and draped over one shoulder
sehra: a headdress made of garlands of flowers worn by the groom, and draped over the face
shalwar kameez: tunic, with loose trousers; customary Pakistani outfit for men and women
shariah: Islamic legal system; the literal meaning is “the way to a watering hole”
sheer khorma: dessert made with vermicelli, milk, raisins, and nuts; served on Eid and other festive occasions.
sherwani: a long coat-like garment worn by men on formal occasions
shukr: thank you
surma: kohl powder eyeliner
suhagan: married woman
suhoor: breakfast before daybreak prior to starting one’s fast
surah: chapter(s) in the Qur’an
tabla: set of two hand drums
tarana: national inspirational song
taraweeh: Ramadan congregational prayer, offered after the night Isha prayer
tasbeeh: string of beads for reciting names of Allah, similar to rosary beads
thobe: Arab ankle-length garment, usually white
tikka: bridal jewelry in the form of a pendant that rests on the forehead and is pinned in the hair
ubtan: body cream used by brides
ummah: community or nation of Muslims
Urdu: Pakistani national language
wa alaikum assalam: and peace upon you too; Muslim greeting said in response to “salaam alaikum”
walima: post-wedding reception given by the groom’s family
warq: dessert garnish made with silver pounded into a fine, paper-thin layer
wudu: ablution; ritual cleansing performed before prayer
ya: a prefix to the name of the person one is addressing; a linguistic marker roughly like saying, “Oh you”
ye: last letter of the Urdu and Arabic alphabet
zakah: charity
zhikr: remembrance of God
Khalid and me seated with Mummy and Daddy at my wedding. Standing are Auntie Hameeda, Uncle Rehman, and Aba Jee.
My engagement without the fiancé, and with Auntie Hameeda and Rehana.
Uncle (my appointed guardian for the marriage ceremony) asks, and I sign the nikah form.
Khalid signs the nikah form. Also shown are Uncle, Uncle Rehman, the maulvi, Khalid, and Daddy with our kid brothers.
Khalid gains unauthorized access to my bedroom after the nikah; my cousin tries to show him my face, a friend pushes my head down, and Tallat protests at the breach of protocol.
My mehndi. Auntie Hameeda applies mehndi, Mummy looks on, and I try to peer through the veil.
His shoe taken by Neena, Khalid negotiates the buy-back price.
Khalid and I see each other through the mirror.
Our wedding portrait, taken after the walima.
With my classmates at College of Home Economics, standing, fourth from left.
Saqib and Asim at their mommy’s graduation in New York.
Director of Compliance and Managed Care at University Hospital, Newark.
Asim’s Ameen, as he recites the closing chapters of the Qur’an.
Sunday school registration day.
Saqib receives Sunday school graduation certificate from Borough President Ralph Lamberti.
Asim receives the Bismillah Award from Boy Scouts of America and Borough President Ralph Lamberti.
The Pakistani bhangra dance at the Harmony Day Fair. Asim performs his solo, as Khalid beats to the tune.
Asim offers morning prayers on Mount Sinai in the Sinai peninsula in Egypt. He was doing a semester abroad at the American University at Cairo.
Saqib’s mehndi. Khalid and I lead the procession, Asim and his friends holding the canopy over him.
Saqib’s mehndi. Saadia receives a gift of bangles from me.
Saqib’s wedding. Daddy ties the sehra garland over his turban. Standing: Khalid, Mummy, Daddy, Arshed, me, Salman, Neena, Aneela, and Asim.
Saqib’s nikah. Hands held in prayer, the imam is flanked by the fathers, the mothers are seated next to the bride and groom, and the two witnesses are at the back.
Asim’s mehndi. Saadia and I put mehndi on Brinda and Asim.
Asim’s wedding walima. Mummy gives Brinda her salami.
My parents on their third wedding anniversary.
With Daddy in the weeks before he passed away.
Raising funds for autism research.
National Autism Association NY Metro Chapter rings the opening bell at NASDAQ.
Offering Muslim prayer at the 9/11 Unity Walk.
Press conference at City Hall. Interfaith leaders speaking out against hate speech in subway ads.