“Maya Bear, I know it’s hard to understand but this is more adult stuff your dad and I have to work out. Honey, you know your dad decided that it was best that you live with him until a judge decides. What I need for you to do is tell him. Tell them all how you feel and what you want.”
“But why Mom, I just want both of my parents and for things to be normal again.” Maya was crying now.
“Oh Maya.” Alena bit her lip and balled up her fist, holding the phone to her chest so Maya wouldn’t hear her.
“Maya, please don’t cry. You know I love you so, so much. I’m doing all I can, baby. Okay? Mom’s doing all she can to get you back. Please honey, put your dad on the phone.”
When Gabriel took the phone Alena had to take a deep breath to stay halfway in her right mind.
“Do you see her? She’s hurting, Gabe. You’re hurting Maya. Whatever this little crusade has been about for you, I want you to look at Maya right now. She needs me, she needs her mother. How can you look her in the eyes and continue with this bullshit?”
“We’ll see you in court,” he said before he hung up.
Alena stood there, her fists still clenched with rage and tears streaming down her face. Michael took her into his arms from behind and kissed her temple.
“Stay the course, love. You’re almost there.”
They had done little more than make love for two days straight but this was the old platonic Mike holding her. She blotted her face with the sleeve of her robe.
“I’m getting my daughter back. No matter what.”
Just then, across the room, a sudden movement caught her attention. Something twitched and then lunged from behind the drapes. Its black form made Alena step back.
“What is it?” Michael asked.
“It’s them. They’re here. The Shetani…” Alena let herself be comforted by the strength of Michael’s arms around her, but her eyes remained fixed on the corner.
“No matter what,” she repeated.
FOURTEEN
“All rise!” barked the court bailiff. “The honorable Judge Francis W. Lathrop is presiding on the bench.”
Alena stood up quickly without looking at the table where Gabriel and his lawyer were seated in the courtroom. Judge Lathrop settled into his chair, the legs creaking under his ponderous weight. A shock of white hair standing up in a crew cut gave the impression of ex-military. Thick black glasses sat on the bridge of his nose and his hands looked like those of a boxer, with twisted knuckles and bent fingers.
“This court is now in session,” announced the bailiff.
God, please help me, Alena silently prayed. Give my baby girl back to me… please…
“I have read and reviewed the case for custody for minor child Maya Ford as it pertains to either joint custody with visitation, or sole custody with either Mrs. Alena Ford or Mr. Gabriel Ford.”
Against her better judgment, Alena impulsively raised her hand.
Judge Lathrop looked up over the top of his papers, pulled his glasses down the bridge of his nose and said… “What can I do for you, Mrs. Ford?”
Alena had enough courtroom time to know that she should tread lightly when it came to the approaching a judge but she felt desperate.
“Your Honor, I just want the court to know that the Plaintiff left me and my daughter in the precarious situation of homelessness when he decided to leave our marital home knowing that it was on the tail end of a foreclosure. It was a fact he kept hidden from me. Even then it took him several days before he contacted me and expressed any interest in our daughter’s welfare.”
She felt Gabriel’s white hot gaze on her as she spoke as confidently as she could.
“He has kept our assets frozen from me and, yes, as a result I had to relocate to a much more affordable living arrangement. But all the while I have kept my child safe, fed, and she continued to attend one of the top private schools in Manhattan. Your Honor, please, I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve given my child the absolute best I could. You’ve seen in the file that I’ve recently secured employment, which will soon lead to a new living arrangement,” she pleaded.
“Mrs. Ford, you do know that I’ve heard your testimony already,” the judge responded sternly. “You are an attorney by profession are you not? Perhaps proper counsel could have advised you of the workings of this courtroom.”
Gabriel and his attorney snickered loudly enough for Alena to hear.
“I understand that you’ve made your best and most earnest effort to provide for your daughter. I must remind you that the court must rule on what is best for the child. In the circumstances presented to me today that appears to be placing the child in the father’s care. In the case for physical custody for minor child Maya Ford the court awards temporary full physical custody to the Plaintiff Mr. Gabriel Ford. The Defendant Mrs. Alena Ford shall be awarded visitation on alternating weekends as outlined in the order. The court shall reconvene on the matter in the three months. At such time, the presiding judge will review the Defendant’s appeal for a change in custody order. Mrs. Ford, the court would advise that you retain counsel prior to that date. It is so ordered. This court is adjourned.”
The thud of the gavel tore something loose within Alena. It pounded into her gut and slowed all of her senses. The scenes following Judge Lanthrop’s words passed like movie stills. One still showed Gabriel with a smug grin on his face, one hand in his Armani suit pocket, the other shaking his lawyer’s hand. The next image was of Gabriel hulking over her wearing a black cloak. His voice seemed unfamiliar, as if it was from another time, but it held his same sneering presence. It was then that the revelation hit her. Gabriel was Master John Ashby. The veil was getting thinner.
Nigger wench must I remind you who you are? You ain’t nothing, girl! You have nothing! You go on your way and give me this child or I will have you whipped again! And this time I will kill you! She had indeed been lashed again, this time through her heart and through her soul.Don’t you go forgetting that I own you! Now get, nigger! Get!
She was Sarah. It was her own lifetime that she had stepped into when she set foot on that plantation. Gabriel as Master Ashby had already taken her children then and here he was again, back for another. She gasped loudly. Suddenly her awareness was back in the courtroom where all eyes were on planted on her in stunned silence.
“Mrs. Ford! Mrs. Ford! Are you all right?” The bailiff asked, rushing to her side.
“Mom!” She heard Maya scream then she slid from the chair and crumpled to the floor.
“Mrs. Ford, are you hurt?” The bailiff asked, helping her to her feet.
She glanced at Maya who was dressed in her Sunday best, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hated that Maya had to witness any of this. Gathering herself, Alena glared back at Gabriel.
“I will never stop fighting. You will not steal this one from me,” she said just above a whisper. A shadow slid across the judge’s bench and perched itself over Maya. The Shetani were on the move.
FIFTEEN
As soon as Alena stepped inside the apartment, Michael sensed the air of defeat in her silence. Her face held no expression, as if life had left it. She could only solemnly nod her head, struggling to find words.
“I didn’t win,” she managed finally. “I’m her mother and I didn’t win.” And then Michael sensed her distance.
That night her body lay slackened in his arms. She no longer found solace in them. Grief had sealed her in a daze as tears streamed down her face through the day into the next night. By the third evening, the numbness finally began to lift. She had barely spoken more than a few words to Michael and she could finally feel enough to know why. She’d held her tongue until she could not stand it. “Mike, you should go. I need to be by myself for a while,” she said in a rush.
“Okay. I understand. I’ll be back in a few hours. What do you want to eat for dinner later?”
“I mean it’s time for you to go back to your own place.”
“Oh. You want me out-
out? Alena, I know that you need space right now and that you’re very upset, and hurt but I’m not leaving you alone like this. Not like this. You need someone, Leen. Let me help you. My heart is broken right along with yours, but it’ll work out for you in the end, I can feel it.”
She clung to his hand and met his gaze.
“Mike, I mean it,” she said. “You’ve always been there for me. It’s always you catching me, helping me clean up my messes. You’ve been… a dream. But this is the leg of my battle I have to fight on my own.”
“Oh come on, Leen. This is me you’re talking to. The last thing you need is—”
“Michael let me be a true friend to you for once. Leave. Go back to Lola. Go to your kids. What you have in them is real, Mike, it’s real love. And I know you still want her, more than you want me.”
The tender concern on Michael’s face darkened with guilt. He knew that, despite his love for Alena, what she was saying was true. He looked into her eyes for a long moment. Alena waited for him to deny it.
“You didn’t think I heard you two talking? I know she wants you back. And I can feel your love for her even when we’re together. I’m not even going to try to fool myself anymore. I know she’s where you belong. You know it too.”
“But Leen, I do love—”
She cut him off again. “I’m a big girl, Mike. It’s okay. We’ll all be okay. Just like you always tell me. Go to them.”
The sturdy resolve in her look and tone left no room to convince her otherwise. He stuffed his belongings back into his leather duffle, crossed the living room and stopped at the door.
“You sure about this?” he asked, his shoulders sagging.
Alena nodded.
“All right then. Take care, Alena.” He kissed her cheek softly and she watched as her best friend walked away. She crossed her arms and stood there long after he had disappeared down the steps as more tears welled in her eyes. Eventually she turned into her apartment to face her grief alone.
Loneliness descended on her. She felt so desperately isolated and invisible that she needed to peer into the mirror a few times to confirm that she did, indeed, still exist. Alena tried soaking her sadness away with a hot bath. She sank into her bathtub and let the lilac infused water soothe her body and warm her heart. Gloria’s words reverberated in her mind, “the time has come when you will need to sharpen your own sword.”
She tried to stay her mind on all of the grand, divine promises that had been made to her but she felt nothing worth trusting in. Since meeting Mary Magdalene, she reasoned that her life had only gotten harder and hurt even more. I’ve been sharpening my sword since I was four! Where the hell is the reward? she thought. Where’s the sweet nut beyond this hard ass shell of a life? What the hell is it all worth if I’m miserable? Her head ached with the unanswered questions, her heart felt heavy in her chest. She slammed her fists angrily into the water sending it sloshing over the edge of the tub and drenching the rug below.
Alena dried herself and climbed into bed, but she could find neither peace nor sleep. It was dark morning when Alena heard the low voice murmuring. “End it. End it all. Just kill yourself,” the sinister voice urged.
It startled her at first and she shot up in bed her knuckles white as she gripped the edge of the mattress. “No one cares about you, anyway. Your little girl is with her rich, white father now. If she wanted you, you would have won custody. She doesn’t. You have just those measly weekends with her now, and you know, out of sight, out of mind.” As it spoke, it’s dark, mesmeric voice became hypnotic.
“Maya will soon enough forget you and probably even grow to despise you. You lost because you’re unworthy of her. You’re an irresponsible mother just like Gabriel said. She has a new white mother now who will be all that you aren’t. They’re probably off right now having a beautiful family moment. So kill yourself and make everyone’s life easier, especially your own. Michael doesn’t even want you anymore. He’s just been tolerating you because he pities you. Where is he now, Alena? He’s back with his wife where he’s always wanted to be. He only used you as his whore until she came back around.
A terrible pain began to take hold of Alena’s insides.
“You’ll never be good enough to be anyone’s one and only. That’s why your father did those things to you. You’re just a lonely, bitter woman. Just look at you. You’re still just as ugly as you were as a kid; dark and ugly like mud. Pathetic. No matter what you do your life will never be any different, Alena. Just end it! You’re alone and you always will be.”
Alena’s eyes fell on the bottle of Merlot on the side table.
“That’s it. You’ve got the right idea now.” It said. “You won’t feel a thing and there will be no mess to clean up after you’re gone.”
Alena staggered to the bathroom and gathered all the medication she could find from the cabinet: aspirins, painkillers, even vitamins. It didn’t matter. She emptied the bottles into a pile on her bed, clutched the neck of the wine bottle and took a long swallow.
“That’s it. Take the pills now. And take enough, Alena dear, don’t fail at even your death!” The voice growled with grim satisfaction.
A vision of Maya’s face flashed before her. She was motherless and could not be consoled.
“No! No! No!” Alena cried, flinging the bottle of Merlot across the room, where it shattered against a wall. Her stomach felt like it was being twisted. “I want to live! I’m going to live! Help me! Help me God, wherever you are. Mary, help me now! Please! I can’t leave my child in this world alone,” she pleaded in pain with a wire thin semblance of hope.
“Do it, fool! Or we will!” The dark voice roared.
Suddenly Alena began to retch and choke violently as something wicked rose from her throat. She heaved forth a column of black smoke that unfurled from her mouth and swelled into a manlike form. It drew itself up to full height, towering over her. The being’s skin had the texture of decaying wood covered in a slimy film. Its face was that of the Beasts that had invaded her heart. It glared at her through the same fiery glowing eyes, pouring its fetid scent over her.
The creature engulfed her in its thick brutish arms and long tapered fingers topped with claw like nails. It wrapped them tightly around her throat, pinning her down on the bed. Gagging, Alena railed against it with all her strength. Her blows against the thing were futile. Neither her fists nor her nails could injure its slimy arms. She thrashed against the mattress in her efforts to twist out of its deathly grip.
“Hail! Hail in the name of Christ!” She remembered Mary’s words of power and screamed them at the top of her lungs. The Beast curled its fingers tighter.
“Hail in the name of Christ!” She bellowed even louder this time and with all the belief she could find within.
Suddenly brightness poured in from the floor mirror. The shaft of light grew more and more intense, until it drenched the bedroom completely. Then the dark being vanished. Alena slowed her ragged breath and then walked cautiously to the mirror. She was unsure of what was happening, but whatever or whoever was responsible for the light she instinctively felt had come in peace. Standing before the mirror, she searched for the source of its illumination. Looking at it she was surprised to see that the reflection inside of it was not her own. It was a woman of startling beauty. Her iridescent black eyes looked back kindly at Alena. She was smiling and beckoning her forward with a graceful finger.
The woman let out a throaty laugh. “Well, are you coming or are you not?” she asked.
Alena pressed her palms flat against the mirror’s cold surface. With a firm push it yielded to her touch and her hands sunk into it. The woman clutched Alena’s hands and helped her through until her entire body had emerged through the other side of the mirror and into the clearing of a beautiful forest. From this new dimension, Alena could see the world she had left behind on the other side—her bedroom, the now bare mattress, the splattered Merlot on the walls.
The sight of the woman took A
lena’s breath away. Her magnificent skin was chocolate brown just like her own. The jewels dripping from her golden headdress glowed with the same dazzling brilliance as Mary Magdalene’s crown of light. A single red parrot feather was perched in the center of it. In her delicate hand she clasped a fan of peacock feathers. Garlands of red hibiscus were draped around her long, elegant neck. Golden combs swept up half of her thick beautiful hair. The other half of her long locks was draped over the firm swell of her naked breasts. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Alena. Bangles of pure gold climbed up her wrists and ankles, chiming with her every move.
“Welcome to my grove, Alena, my daughter. I am Compassion but most know me as Oshun, the Great Queen, the African Goddess of Love, Sensuality, Wealth and all that is sweet. You have heard my voice many times. I speak to you through your intuition. I am the power who urges you to pleasure and joy, to help you live the life your soul has chosen. I am your fiercest defender. I am she who heals, and I am your mother,” Oshun said with her grand smile and a wink.
“You may call me Yeye Oshun, meaning Mother Oshun.” Despite her intoxicating feminine allure, Oshun spoke with great strength and authority.
“You saved my life. Thank you.” Oshun’s presence heartened Alena, and she felt a strange urge to bow.
“You have saved your own life. You are fighting for it and, My Love, you are winning,” Oshun assured with a wide smile. “Your savior is the light of God, the name above all names, Yashiya. When you stand firm in the light, you cannot be destroyed. The Shetani attacked you because they sense that your belief in the light within you is growing stronger. Their darkness is the absence of that light. When light shows up, the Shetani cannot exist. Darkness cannot tread on holy ground. When they could not break you with their latest assault in the form of the court’s verdict, they used their greatest weapon against you, your own inner thoughts.”
“Yeye Oshun, they attacked me with more than my thoughts,” Alena said. “That thing was definitely going to kill me just like it almost convinced me to do!”
A Fistful of Honey Page 13