“You must remember that the Shetani are masters of illusion. Their might lies in your disbelief in your own power. That beast is made purely of dark consciousness. It has no power to take away your life unless you give it away. It can only manipulate you. Those entities know all of your familiar thoughts, imaginations, beliefs, dreams, fears, insecurities; they know you. They know your heart and how very broken it feels to you at this time,” she said, waving the shimmering feather fan.
“Through your rage and fear they were able to infiltrate it and strike with their most poisonous arrows. This is not the first time they have urged you to destroy yourself. The Shetani travel through lifetimes and even generational bloodlines until they are stopped. It was during your lifetime on that plantation that they used the same manipulating forces as they did just now.”
“Yes, I know. I was a slave woman wasn’t I? And my soon to be ex-husband Gabriel, he was the slave master. Gloria was Old Mother, and she’s the Oracle.”
“You are correct, but only about yourself and the one you call Gabriel. Gloria is not the Oracle.”
Alena shrugged. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, does it? I didn’t defeat the Shetani then and I only barely did now. I’m sure they’ll be back. It’s too much, Yeye Oshun. The same pain that drove me to kill myself back then is still with me. I’m not strong enough. In fact, I’ve never felt weaker. I lost my child! I don’t trust God. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust anyone.” Alena almost choked on the bitterness she felt.
“I’m angry! And I want out! Why is my load so damned hard when so many people have their soul mates, their families, and I’ve been cursed since childhood with pain and poverty. I’m thirty-three for god sakes! I should be enjoying my life, instead, I’m heartbroken, barely hanging on and barely living. Is this what God calls loving His children? What kind of God would let my so-called Savior die so that we can live life more abundantly and then let us suffer so deeply?”
She was so filled with rage she could barely breathe.
“I’m tired of being treated like trash because I was born a black girl. I’m tired of being told I’m too ugly to love, too strong to be protected. I’m tired of being shamed for who I am. Haven’t I given enough? How many lifetimes of struggle is enough contribution to usher in a change? I didn’t sign up to be a martyr, and if I did, I cancel the contract. I cancel the contract!”
Alena lowered her weeping eyes in shame and prepared to be rebuked for insolence. But Oshun only smiled at her with patient unconditional love.
“Take heart, my daughter.” Oshun draped her hands softly over Alena’s shoulders. “You have not been cheated out of a good life. Beyond appearances, you are living a grand one. You are not weak, far from it. You have not lost your child, and you have not lost your power. You have only forgotten how to use them. You have forgotten the magic of your honey.”
She whirled around and began to walk toward a lush grove of enchanting trees and flowers, her beautiful headdress bowing gracefully. Alena followed as the goddess continued to speak.
“You must learn to trust both Divine Order and Divine Timing and do not lean solely on your earthly understanding. Do not see through the clouded eyes the world has given you. See your life through the eyes of your Divinity. What you do matters. Who you are matters. If you do not show up fully the entire Universe is impacted, and there will be consequences for all of humanity.” Oshun, took Alena’s hand in hers until she met her eyes.
“God has not and will never forget you or your needs. You must trust and surrender into our arms, Alena. The journey of human existence is a spiral, not a straight line. On every ring awaits a new learning, a new level of awareness and mastery. You are responsible for what you choose to create on this earth plane. The desires of your heart wait on you to reach these new levels, to be fully awakened and conscious to receive them. This and many other painful lifetimes you have lived have not been in vain. My Beauty, you must accept that which is required of you. Every second of your life on Earth has equipped you for your purpose. To fulfill a destiny as grand as yours you must learn to overcome the pain of the human experience. What you did in front of that church caught the attention of sympathetic whites, abolitionists. Your death was a catalyst for that heinous pattern to end. It gave momentum to the movement for slavery’s abolishment. You have the ability to consciously choose for yourself this time. I am here to help purify you so that you can remember your true self. Come.”
SIXTEEN
Oshun led Alena through her magical grove. The goddess’ curvy hips flowed in her elegant, almost leonine gait, and from around them a flowing golden yellow skirt hung and billowed in the breeze. They stopped at the mouth of a river. On its bank an altar awaited them. On it was a golden bowl filled with honey, a hollow calabash, a hand mirror made of highly polished brass, five cowrie shells, and five sacred yellow candles burning.
“You have suffered long enough. It is time to be made anew,” Oshun said handing Alena the mirror.
Alena glanced at her reflection and almost dropped the mirror. Her face and body were covered in a webbing of thick, ropey substance that resembled moss and dried mud.
Alena shrieked, “Where did this nasty stuff come from? This is disgusting.”
“This, Alena, is a mirror of truth. What you see is the filth of your subconscious mind,” Oshun said. “It is what you believe of yourself, that you are not good enough. Alena you must accept your power and stop pitying yourself. All that you have railed against in your life reflects what you called into being, it is the answer. You must remember the question.”
“I do remember. I asked to be healed,” Alena said.
“Yes. Then you must believe that this is your healing path and that you will heal at the deepest root of your pain. It is true that abundance, joy, and love are your birthright, but you must claim them. You must claim what is yours. Anything that is not of the light, that is not joy or that is not good is not yours. You are a powerful Divine being having a human experience and you must rebuild your expectation from that power. When you do not expect your life to move or change you are embittered and resentful toward those who do expect abundance, joy and love.”
Alena stared at the mirror, imagining all the pain that now covered it.
“You have had an addiction to agony. It was coded into you by your childhood, and you have taken it on as your identity. Like so many, many women, your heart was hardened by it and you were on your way to becoming a manly woman, a woman who has lost one of her greatest strengths, her vulnerability. You must know that when you wallow in pain and then blame or complain, you are expending your power. We have much to cut away, Alena. You have had so many lifetimes of deep, deep sadness, so little self-love.”
From underneath her billowing yellow skirt, Oshun drew a dagger from a sheath at her thigh. She then carefully sliced the tangled muck away from Alena.
“Undress and place your clothes on the altar,” Oshun commanded.
Alena peeled off her clothing and laid it at the bank of the river.
“Sit.”
Alena obediently sat naked on the cold silt, her legs outstretched. The moment her skin met the soil she felt her communion with the Mother. Long waves of energy pulsed from the ground and gently surged into her through the opening of her womb.
“Your womb was made for more than sex and babies. It is a gift from the creator, a gift to mankind and to all creation. There is creative power there. While your heart is your gateway to God, your womb is your second heart, the cauldron that holds the life blood of all humanity. It is a chalice and holds the same infinite void of creational power as the vast skies of the universe. You take responsibility for the temple of your womb, Alena. Your womb is a healer and a purifier, continue to be vigilant and exacting about whom you allow to enter your gates. Whatever you allow inside of your body, your body is designed to nurture, even if what you have allowed in is darkness. As you sit, feel the Great Mother’s heartbeat join with your own. Let
her pulse heal you and purge your womb of the violation your father inflicted, the rapes you have endured, and all of the heartbreak you have held in your sacred vessel.”
Alena sat still with her eyes closed; the Mother’s healing love kindling new life at the core of her womanhood. She felt more and more peace with every moment.
“Come. Now we must cleanse your mind.”
Oshun walked Alena into the water until they stood thigh deep in the river.
“When Yemaya, Goddess of the Great Mother’s oceans, carried our human children to the Americas, we grieved for them, for what had to be done, and for what had to come to pass. Even though their journey was prophecy and vital to the Divine Plan, we grieved. We quaked the earth with our sobbing. Our anguish over our children’s suffering split the earth’s floor. We wept with floods and hurricanes. And our waters will continue to overflow into every place on earth in need of our mother justice. Your souls have grown deep like our waters. Today, you suffer no more. I own the rivers, the sweet waters of the Great Mother. It is in the river’s flow that you can always hear my voice, my laughter, and my whispers just for you. Behold the magic of my waters.”
Oshun whispered into the mouths of the cowrie shells and a solid mass of brilliant yellow light appeared in the palm of her hand. She flung it into the river, quickening it. The churning waters rose eight feet high and spun into a whirlpool, and then settled. The goddess dipped the calabash into the river and poured the water over Alena’s head while scrubbing her hair with consecrated orange leaves.
“No more trying to convince yourself that you are broken. You must let Sarah go, Alena. You must let all of them go. Every role of every lifetime of excruciating pain. My Love, you have the power to change the bond from one of agony to one of gratitude and evolution. Bless them all and thank them for the strength they have lent you to get to this appointed time and place. But then, you must say farewell. Your heart still remembers the terror and the hopelessness of those dark, dark nights. It still remembers your husband’s face, watching you while that slave owner raped you and how you overflowed with rage for him, and rage for black men.”
Oshun dipped the calabash into the river and let the stream of mystical water pour over Alena’s head again.
“Forgive. That was his punishment, to watch on helplessly in chains. He would have killed that man had it not meant that you too would be killed. Open your heart and see that in this lifetime, there is freedom and love for you. You must forgive and let it all go. You must forgive yourself to open the space in which you will transform.”
Oshun dipped the calabash into the river a third time and poured the water over Alena’s head a final time.
“You have been hiding from your blackness in a whitewashed world. From your limited beliefs of who a black woman is and what a black woman could be, you chose this white man, Gabriel, not out of love but for fear. You believed that in the shadow of his privilege, you might find the grace, favor, and inclusion that you so sorely craved as a dark-skinned girl. You believed that as a mixed-race child Maya would have a better life, an easier life. You have been creating your life with the energy of inferiority and lack.”
Finally, Oshun held Alena’s face in her hands and looked intently into her eyes.
“From your birth you have felt an unrelenting resistance against you. It is the Shetani’s forces. They are aimed at you so brutally because you are the key. The Dark beings and those that serve them work diligently to convince you that there is a well-defined place for you, and it is not a seat at the table of life. You have been deceived my daughter. Hear me now. They hold a unique hatred for you and for all black women because you are the key to the Divine Plan. You must honor and cherish your black skin and most importantly, your mighty spirit it. It is a sacred blessing, a calling from the highest crest.”
Alena stared at herself in the mirror, held her hands in front of her. She had never thought of her black skin as sacred, not to mention herself. The idea filled her with a sense of pride and new purpose.
“It is not enough to simply know these truths, you must know thyself if you are to defeat the Shetani and their allies. Their might lies solely in the depth of your fears and beliefs. You must learn the truth and then teach the world’s children the truth. This is a legacy of true power. The black race is not a minority. There is nothing minor about you. The longer you decide that you are a victim, the longer you will find an oppressor in those that fear you. You do not need to beg a gatekeeper to deem you worthy and allow you to enjoy the abundance of life. You alone are the gatekeeper. You are not bound, you are liberated. Wake yourself from this trance. Let it be washed away and be nourished in these sacred waters.”
Oshun then anointed Alena with her sweet perfumes and oils.
Alena felt light and giddy as she dressed in the beautiful white cloth Oshun prepared for her.
“Are you willing to step into the wonder of life, to climb into the joy of your human heart?” Oshun asked.
“Yes, I am ready, Yeye,” Alena promised.
She gestured for Alena to dip her finger into the golden bowl and taste the blessed honey.
“Be lifted up so high and so wide that whatsoever touches you is glorified by the light of God.” Then she led Alena out of the river and back to the shore.
“That poor slave woman Sarah, well me, I asked to be buried with my hands clutching honey.”
“Yes, of course. My honey is the kind that sweetens the soul, the kind that heals and restores. In life and in death. She brought it for you and now you must do what only you can. You are chosen. You have been ordained as the daughter of the Great Mother. The reemergence of the feminine principle is humanity’s only hope for balance and restoration, fulfillment of the Divine Plan. My Daughter, a woman must lead them!” Oshun said, turning to Alena.
“Let me tell you a story. Long, long ago before the years of counting, humanity was on the brink of extinction. In their pride they had foolishly rebelled against their Creator and decided that they had them same power. Soon, there were no more trees, no more food or water. The human children suffered great famine and drought and cried out in vain. It was I who dared to go to the Creator, the Great Central Sun itself and petition on behalf of human life. In the form of my sacred peacock I flew with the message to the molten heat of the Sun, singeing all of my beautiful feathers. I sacrificed my essence, my physical beauty, to save human life. The Creator was moved by my unconditional love and gave the humans mercy, sending the rains and the seeds once again. It was a feminine power that saved humankind. Without the mothers, humanity cannot renew itself. This is why women must be awakened.”
Oshun’s voice sobered. “I have a question to ask you, Alena. Do you want your daughter back out of fear or out of love?”
“Love, of course. I’m her mother for goodness sakes!” Alena exclaimed defensively.
“Yes, that you are. The profound love between you and your daughter is clear to anyone. What I am asking is this: Do you want your child back because you fear being found out that you are indeed not enough? Have you considered that perhaps at this time her father is what is best for her, if only temporarily? Your innermost fear is that you are unworthy, both of being her mother and to have been Gabriel’s wife. These are lies, Alena. You are worthy of their love, and of your own. Torment yourself no longer with thoughts of what you must be or what you must do to have love. You must give these outworn things away in exchange for your glory. This forgiving is what true forgiveness is. It is imperative for receiving and for giving love. Simply choose love and allow it to rise up to meet you.”
Alena shook her head. “I tried love. I loved Gabe for eight years. He’s the one who’s been nothing but cruel and malicious. That’s how he won the custody case,” she said bitterly.
“Difficult teachers are often part of the path. In his callousness, he has illuminated the dark places within you that need more of your attention and tenderness. Have you been vulnerable and accessible to love, Ale
na? Or have you withheld it trying to assure that you would receive it first?”
“Maybe,” Alena said sheepishly. “I might have been withholding… a little. Gabe doesn’t even know me completely, he never did. I knew he wasn’t strong enough to bear my pain and love me anyway.”
“Daughter, you alone are responsible for the sweetness that you bring to the world. Your honey is your power. You cannot manipulate love. How others appear in your reality is a part of your creation. Give love to yourself first. You must commit to loving yourself deeply without any conditions, every part of you, especially those that you do not want to see. Pleasure and bliss were not safe for you to receive or express, and so you blocked them. Be discerning yet generous with your sweetness. Use wisdom, for it too is as sweet as honey,” Oshun said, dipping her finger into the bowl of honey and taking it into her full, sensuous mouth.
“It is time for you to go back to your world. You have been cleansed. Remain this way. Wear the truth. Put on your garment of truth and sweetness each day. Love yourself, Daughter, then intend for your desire to happen and bless it with your faith, praise, and joy. Your vision you have written is coming. Your beloved is coming! All in the timing of the Divine Plan. It is time for you to create a new story on the other side. Now, look through the mirror and see your truth. Own it inside yourself.”
Alena glanced into the hand mirror and saw that the woman of startling beauty was indeed her.
“Your face is God’s face. Your breath is God’s breath. Reclaim the woman you were born to become, Alena. Be love. Be light. Welcome all that turns your heart aflame with joy because you are now filled with sweet, sweet honey magic.” Oshun stepped close to Alena and whispered in her ear. “Joy is your name, My Darling Daughter. This is the Power of Joy.” Oshun smiled, and then she was gone.
“I am joy,” Alena repeated then she realized that she had been transported back into her bedroom. That was the moment she saw it laying on her bed. It was a gift from Oshun— the brass mirror of truth.
A Fistful of Honey Page 14