A Fistful of Honey

by Malena Crawford

  “Very funny.” Alena grinned. “I’m impressed that’s for sure.”

  Michael looked down at his plate. “I’m hoping I can always impress you with more than that”, he said behind a half smile. “You have my mind going crazy with all of that mahogany beauty over there.”

  “Mike?” Alena said quickly to hide her blush.

  Michael shrugged. “It’s the truth. Maybe one of these days you’ll let me bask in it every day.”

  His comment moved Alena to an uneasy silence. Michael picked up his fork and continued eating amid the silence that ensued.

  “I need to be sure that whatever we do, that it’s what’s best—for both of us,” She said finally.

  How is Maya doing?” he said , sensing her need to change the subject.

  “Not the greatest actually. Her teachers are saying that she’s been very distracted lately, not getting her assignments done. Of course, we know why. I’m worried about her to be honest. All of this must be so hard on her. Her life changed in the blink of an eye. It’s been hell for me as a grown woman, I can only imagine what she’s going through as a little girl trying to piece some normalcy back together.”

  “And what’s Gabe have to say about it?”

  “He says she’ll adjust. She just needs some time and her grades will be back on par. He hired a tutor. I told him what this girl needs is her mother, and probably years of therapy. He’ll throw money at everything except that, the admission that this nightmare he started is damaging her. I talked to him by the way, about things. I got everything out. And I told him it wasn’t too late to turn this around, to make it right.”

  “Everything? And no police had to be called in to break the two of you up?”

  “I’m not angry anymore, I let all of that go. I just want my baby to be okay. I know I’m supposed to have faith, but this thing, it’s still like an open wound. A mother wound. I don’t know if this feeling will ever go away. The worst thing about being separated from your child is the helplessness. I always have questions without answers. Who’s mothering her while I’m stuck over here? What is she feeling this second? Is her heart breaking, or did it already break? Who’s being tender and kind with her pain?”

  “Leen, I can only imagine what it must feel like as a mother. I’m not even close to getting used to living away from my boys. But one thing I do know is that kids are more resilient than we think.”

  “I sure hope so. It hurts like hell not to be there to protect her from all of this and do those everyday things we used to do. But I’m determined to live in joy, and I’m doing the best I can.”

  “I know you are, Leen,” he said soothingly. “It’s just a matter of time before you get her back, I promise you. You’re a good woman. You have more courage than a lot of men out here.”

  “Thanks. I’m just trying to be patient with this whole convoluted legal process. It’s finally looking like its going to land in my favor, like Heaven is rearranging everything. You know, ever since my father passed I’m starting to feel like I gained a guardian angel or something.”

  Michael gave her a wide smile.

  “Speaking of your dad, have you heard from your mother?”

  “Surprisingly, yes. Ma’s been calling me once a week or so now to check on me, as she says. She’s doing a lot better than I expected with Daddy gone. My sisters and Randy have been calling me, too. It’s almost starting to feel like I have a family again.”

  “I’m so happy for you, Leen. And it’ll just get better.” His eyes shone with such profound tenderness it was as if he knew what she did not put into words.

  “I can finally feel that. Thank you. I’ve been thinking about what you said back at the café. Nothing that I experienced could’ve happened any other way. I do accept it. I praise God for it all, for every last bit. Even these hard, jagged parts.”

  “That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear, Alena. Great! I also meant it when I asked you to consider that I have a part in all of this, too.’”

  Alena smiled softly but Michael’s tone and expression had turned serious and her smile left her face.

  “What is it? Yes, of course I know you play a big part Mike.”

  Michael looked at her as if he had the answer to a question she hadn’t yet asked. He gave her an odd look and then shook his head, deciding to keep whatever it was to himself. “Just know that I meant it. I’m always going to be here for you,” he said.

  “Of course, I know you do,” she said after a flat pause before pushing her plate aside. “Well…I think I’m finished with dinner.”

  “You can’t be done eating already, you barely touched your food. I thought you were starving. You didn’t like it did you?”

  “Oh,” Alena glanced at her plate. “No, it really was delicious. I swear. I guess my appetite wasn’t as big as I thought it’d be.”

  She stood up to clear the dishes from the table.

  “Leave them there, I’ve got it,” he said.

  “Come on, you’ve made us a beautiful meal. Let me help you clean up,” Alena insisted.

  Michael eased the dish from her hand. “No. It’s fine. You are my honored guest m’lady.” He said with a playful bow. “Please, relax, and make yourself at home.” He carried the plates into the kitchen then returned a few minutes later.

  “Mind if I play some music? If you like my rusty trumpet playing you’re gonna love this.”

  “Sure,” Alena said as she sat on the sofa and drummed her fingers against the chocolate leather.

  Michael walked over to program his sound system. A few moments later the creamy smooth notes of a saxophone, keys of piano, and the deep chords of a bass guitar melded together with the gentle ring of the high-hat filling the living room.

  “You like?” he asked.

  “I like. Very beautiful.”

  “John Coltrane, Blue Train,” he said.

  “I love it. It’s soothing.”

  “Good. Relax. I’ll be back in a bit. You want some coffee or something?”

  “Coffee would be great, thanks.”

  A few moments later Michael returned with a tray of coffee, milk and sugar, the tempo of the music had slowed. He set the tray down and joined Alena. Closing his eyes he swayed his head to the melody then reached over to hold her hand.

  “Dance with me?” He asked with a charming smile.

  “I don’t think so. You know I’m not a very good—”

  “Aww, come on. Let’s dance,” he interrupted her. “Just feel the music. This is soul music, your spirit will take over.”

  When she stood up and stepped into his arms he held her closely and gently. They swayed together with her head nestled on his shoulder, the notes of the music rippling around them. The feeling, the setting had been perfect. Alena’s eyes rested on the spray of lilies jutting from his crystal vase. She closed her eyes and tried to lose herself in the sweetness of the moment. She let her hips slowly undulate to the music with shameless sensuality. She let herself indulge the fantasy and the world fell away from her for a few moments more.

  “You are so beautiful,” he said, looking into her eyes. He then pulled her closer.

  Her indulgence fleeted away. His face was too eager, his body too tempting. She started to feel uneasy under his gaze.

  “You’re safe with me, Alena. It’s me, Mike. Just let yourself feel it,” he whispered, his cheek against her forehead.

  His words set off a creeping insecurity deep within her. They reminded her of his words when they first made love, when he had assured her in the same charming way. “Let yourself just feel good for once.” She’d let herself feel good, and like all the other times, she still got hurt.

  Alena stopped dancing and pulled away from his embrace.

  “It’s getting pretty late. I should get a cab,” she said, stepping away from him.

  “A cab? What is it Leen? Did I do something wrong?”

  “No, it’s not that, it’s just late, you know.”

  “Did I say som
ething?”

  “No, nothing like that Mike. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Tell me, Alena, what is it? Does my breath smell?” He cupped his hand over his mouth and nose. “Tell a brotha, I can handle it,” he said, a grin forming on his handsome face.

  Alena laughed. “It’s none of the above, just time to call it a night.”

  Mike stepped back. “Okay, if you insist. I won’t call a cab but I will drive you home.”

  “Look, we’ve been down this road before, we know how this thing goes, this whole thing—the romantic dinner, the soft music, the feelings. We sleep together next and a few days or maybe weeks later we decide it would’ve been best if we had never bothered,” Alena said, sighing.

  Mike shook his head. “No! Not this time. Please. What can I say to you, Leen? What can I say to make you understand that I’m here for the long haul and I’m not going anywhere?” he asked.

  As his words echoed in her mind, Alena realized that Michael was right. She felt ridiculous. Just that easily she was settling right back into her pattern of distrust.

  “I’m sorry. Mike, it’s just scary okay? All of these emotions kicking up, I just need time. We need time.”

  “You don’t need to explain.”He gave a wry smile that set Alena at ease and settled his arm over her shoulders.

  “Listen, it’s okay. You want to slow down, we slow down. Nothing has to change. Just be here with me now, okay? Let me be there for you, and with you.”

  Alena let out a sigh of relief and smiled back at him. “Okay.”

  “And just so you know, I didn’t expect anything tonight. I just wanted you here with me.”

  “I know. I’m sorry if I offended you, Mike.”

  “No apologies. Put your pretty mind at ease.” He stroked her hair and then the rim of her jaw. “But I do have to admit one thing.”

  “And what is that?”

  “I have been wanting to kiss those pretty lips for a long time. I missed them. May I?”

  Alena nodded as he pressed lush, warm lips against her mouth, kissing her deeply. He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. She felt a rush of pleasure surge through her body. His scent poured over her and she reveled in his presence, the feel of his arms around her. His possession, the strength and gentleness of it, was as exquisite as the easy joy he infused in her. She even dared to contemplate the ecstasy of making love to him, her body exploding under the delicious pressure of his fingertips and manhood. In him she sensed an energy that she recognized because that same energy stirred in her.

  “You still want to leave?” he teased. His dark brown eyes glinted mischievously as he tightened his arms around her.

  The tension between them made Alena’s legs weak. Familiar passion thrummed through both of their bodies and within minutes they were naked, entwined right there in Michael’s living room, belonging to each other. Alena gripped his forearms as his body vanished into hers. Something beyond their comprehension was happening. Pleasure moved through them with such fierceness that it was almost unbearable. This lovemaking was different. It was ripe with intention, purpose. Of what, neither of them knew, only that they were making a covenant and gave themselves over to it. That hungry place in her that always needed to be filled with assurance, was gone. Alena was, in fact, whole. Holy. And free.

  TWENTY-SIX

  Alena woke earlier than she had wanted the next morning. Her body was still ringing with too much elation to remain sleeping. She stared at her bedroom ceiling replaying the steamy night before over and over in her mind. Where had they gone last night? What had they transcended? She smoothed her palms over her body, remembering the way Michael’s hands had charged it with a sublime rush of sensation. Abruptly her thoughts were interrupted by her cell phone.

  “Hello?” she answered groggily.

  “Mrs. Ford?” It was the attorney Amy Wannager on the line.

  “I apologize for the early call but I’ve just gotten some news I thought you’d want to hear. Good news. Is now a good time?”

  Alena flicked on the table lamp, pulled her robe over her body and set upright.

  “Yes. Yes now is fine,” she answered.

  “Well, one of my little birdies gave me a tip and I poked around at your husband’s business records. Looks like he was offloading assets for a slick bankruptcy, painting a picture of distress for the court while he went to hide the real gold. Your penthouse was probably number one on the chopping block. Smells like bankruptcy fraud.”

  Fraud. The word sent a ping of shock through Alena.

  “I’m sure your husband loves his daughter Mrs. Ford, but this custody issue could have been another business move to keep you out of his pockets. All we’d have to do is demand a complete scrub of every last bit of his bank records in a discovery order from the court and this could blow up in his face.”

  Alena listened in incensed disbelief. He put me through a living hell over money? She thought. All of this torture was about was his greed? Rage was rising in her but she fought it back down. She gritted her teeth and breathed in deeply, reminding herself, forgiveness is my freedom.

  “ Well, I let his attorney know what we came across, and Mr. Ford’s attorney sent us an offer for the settlement this morning of both the divorce absolution and the custody of Maya. Mrs. Ford, he’s giving you full custody. Uncontested divorce and an $8,000 child support payment monthly with your agreement to visitation with the father two times a week. This does not even include settlement of assets.”

  Her anger subsided and joy swelled in her throat. She found it! God found it! The way back to Maya. Alena leapt to her feet, barely able to keep from screaming. In the slimiest way Gabriel had made it right after all.

  “What? Unbelievable. Are you sure? How? Oh my God! Full custody?” she asked breathlessly.

  “Yes, it’s true Mrs. Ford. I’m just as surprised as you are. This is a very, very generous level of voluntary support.”

  “My God,” Alena began to sob with joy and relief. “It’s over, it’s finally over,” she said, smiling through her tears.

  “Almost.” Alena could hear a triumphant smile fading in the lawyer’s voice. “The offer is contingent on an agreement from you that your daughter remain with Mr. Ford until she’s remanded into your custody after a settlement meeting next month. I don’t know what the extra time is for or what kind of tricks his side may be trying to pull but they were adamant about it.”

  “What? Ms. Wannager, I have waited for months for my daughter to be returned to me. If he’s agreeing to all this and we have all of this legal ammunition now, then why should I have to wait any longer? For him to find a loophole or change his mind? Don’t we have the power now?”

  The attorney sighed. “I know it is frustrating but this is still a win. What’s crucial here is that we get you your daughter back in the end. Please try to be patient. To keep our win in tact may mean that we’ve got to play their game for just a little longer. I told his attorney that I would pass the offer on to you. He’s given us until the tenth of this month to take it. So I’ll give you a few days to mull over it, and we can regroup on Monday, all right?”

  Alena paused for a few moments. She decided that this was a victory and a gift from God, no matter what Gabriel may try or what battles there were left to fight, it would remain so.

  “ Of course I’ll take it.” she said.

  “Great, so can you be in my office to sign the acceptance, let’s say, tomorrow afternoon?”

  “I will see you then. Thank you Ms. Wannager! Thanks for everything! Goodbye.”

  ***

  To add to the sweetness of her good fortune it Alena had been given the day off as a reward for her hard work on a project, so she decided to pay Gloria a visit that evening when she returned. She had not seen her since her father’s funeral since Gloria was away visiting one of her daughters. Inside, her immaculate apartment was hazy and reeked of burning leaves.

  “Come on in, honey, excuse th
e smoke.” Although she smiled in her usually warm way Alena couldn’t miss the subtle weariness and trouble in Gloria’s eyes. Her mood dropped like a stone.

  “It’s sage. I’ve been cleansing and purging. A storm is coming this way. A wicked one.”

  She lifted her worry filled gaze past Alena and through the window lined with potted morning glory plants. “Oh, yes, a storm is brewing, Alena. I can feel it, like before. Just can’t see it yet.” With her finger she gently tapped the space between her eyebrows, her third eye. Her mouth pulled into a slight frown.

  “Time is dwindling and they’re on the move. We’ll just have to stay vigilant and ready,” she said, trying to lighten her voice. She crossed the roomed to the kitchenette for a hot teakettle.

  “Let me pour you some of this new tea. It’s bush tea. Abiola brought it back from her trip to Johannesburg for me. Tell me, how are you, dear?”

  Alena stirred honey and condensed milk into the bitter tea and then stared into the swirling liquid.

  “Well, it’s hard, you know, hard to believe, I mean. My dad is gone. He’s dead. It’s so…permanent. After all of these years of hating him and not speaking to him I realized I’ve been secretly loving him all this time. I grieved all of my life for who he wasn’t. Now I’m grieving who he was underneath it all. Looking at Maya before he died made me realize I’d lost so much holding on to all of that. I just have so many emotions running through me, Gloria. I feel relief, even happiness, and then guilt. So much guilt. I knew he was dying, I should have gone back there and told him that I loved him, and that I’m trying my best to forgive him.”

  Gloria patted her knee. “He knows. Your father knows. Everything is just as it should be, remember?”

  “Yes, I do remember. I am telling myself that, believe me. But what’s harder to grasp than emotions is… I can’t even explain it. What is replaying in my mind the most is what he gave to me before he died. It’s almost harder to accept than him dying.”

  “What did he give you?” Gloria asked as she sipped her tea.