Blessed: A Bad Priest Romance

by Alexis Angel

  "What’s this?"

  "That’s a bit of information on your assignment."

  "My assignment?" I ask him, arching one eyebrow in disbelief.

  "Yeah, Connor, your assignment. Now you work for me. You’re my little bitch," he whispers, his words brimming with threats. "What I want you to do is to get my father to invest in that company." He nods at the envelope in my hands, and I start opening it.

  "Red Lion Aviation? What the hell’s this?" I ask him, reading the red lettering on top of the document. It seems to be a small summary of the operations of a mid-sized airline based out of Indonesia.

  "Can’t you read? It’s an airline. And I want you to get my father to invest in it, $2 billion." His grin widens into something sickly as he tells me the value he intends to invest, and I look at him with disbelief.

  "$2 billion? Are you out of your mind? That’s a lot of risk for a piece-of-shit company like this," I growl, throwing the envelope and the document into his face. They hit him in the chest and then float down to his feet.

  "I don’t care what you think, asshole," he growls back at me, closing the distance between us and pressing his index finger against my chest. "You’ll do what I say, or else I’ll ruin you… and Clarise." With that, he narrows his eyes and takes one step back. Giving me one final grin, he finally marches out of my house, slamming the door behind him.

  Fuck.

  28

  Clarise

  I don’t understand.

  After everything that happened between the two of us, after the words we exchanged the last time we were together, Connor simply vanished. He doesn’t return my calls, and he’s nowhere to be found. It’s been one day after our little confession, and I haven’t seen him since.

  Oh, God, what if Earl has done something stupid…? Something I even don’t dare think about?

  I’ve been to his house and to the chapel, but he wasn’t there. Then, I enlisted one of our private drivers and he took me to the mega-church; he wasn’t there either. Nor was he in the Donovan Tower.

  So where the hell can he be?

  Right now, sitting in the back of the limo, I can’t help but feel that something nefarious has just happened. Connor wouldn’t disappear like that, especially when he knows that my father might need him. But what if…? What if Connor ran away from me? Maybe he simply couldn’t endure the pressure of being with me and serving as my father’s adviser. But no, that doesn’t make any sense. Connor isn’t the kind of man to pack up and leave.

  Maybe I’m acting crazy. I mean, it’s only been a day … maybe he’s busy with something else? But with what?

  Then, it dawns on me.

  "Take me to the cemetery," I tell my driver through the intercom, certain that Connor has to be there. Where else would a man like him turn in a moment of turmoil? If he isn’t in the church or in the chapel, he must've gone to the cemetery.

  I spend the next fifteen minutes in a kind of desperate anxiety and, by the time the limo stops in front of the cemetery, I almost jump out of the car while it’s still moving.

  "I’m okay," I wave at the driver and, without bothering to look back, I start hurrying down one of the small cemetery paths, the one that’s going to take me to the place where Edward was buried.

  And there he is.

  The sun is setting, and the shadows are already growing long. There’s a certain solemnity to his silhouette in the distance, standing in front of his father’s grave; for a moment, I almost consider turning around and leaving him alone.

  But my feet carry me toward him, and neither my mind nor my soul raise their voices in protest. He looks back over his shoulder as he hears my soft footsteps over the grass, and he offers me a sad smile. Something’s wrong. Something’s very, very wrong.

  "What’s wrong?" I ask him, my mouth suddenly feeling dry.

  "Isn’t it obvious, Clarise?" he asks me, that sad smile never leaving his lips. Now facing his father’s grave, he continues to speak as I stand by his side. "What are we even doing?"

  "Does it matter? Do we really have to think so hard about it?"

  "In a perfect world, there’d be nothing to think about… Because I love you, Clarise, I really do," he says, and it feels as if I’ve been hit in the head with a brick. He loves me? "But this isn’t a perfect world, is it? And there are larger things in play here."

  "Is this about your vows?"

  "It’s about everything," he shrugs. "I’ve already broken my vows, I’m risking my job and --"

  "Your vows don’t matter, Connor. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. And what good will come from forbidding yourself from love? As for the job, nobody will ever find out…"

  "You know that’s not the truth… What’s done in the darkness, will destroy us in the light."

  "Stop that!" I demand, trying to reach for him, but he just takes one step back and pushes me away. "I don’t understand, Connor! Everything was … everything was good. I don’t understand why you have to be talking like this now!"

  "Just think of it. Really think about it, Clarise. I know you want to prove to your father that you can run the company as well as he does; do you think he’ll still give you that chance after he finds out about the two of us?"

  "What does that got to do with anything? We’re not talking about the company! We’re talking about you and I," I protest, feeling a blend of sadness and anger welling up inside of me. I simply can’t understand why he’s quitting on us right now. And, God, it feels horrible. It feels as if the ground is shifting under my feet, ready to open up and swallow me whole.

  "We’re done, Clarise," he tells me sternly, grabbing the overcoat he has folded over his arm and putting it on. A slight breeze picks up and he buttons his coat, looking at me with a firm but sad expression. "Whatever there was between the two of us… It was only a fantasy. It wasn’t real."

  "What are you talking about? You just said you loved me!" I cry out, feeling the tears start to sting my eyes.

  "And what’s love if not a fantasy?" he whispers and, with that, he turns his back to me and starts walking down the cemetery path. I almost start rushing after him, but my pride keeps my feet glued to the floor.

  No, I won’t chase after him and grovel at his feet like some stupid teenager. If he wants to break my heart, fine, but I sure as hell won’t let him see the pain he’s causing me right now.

  Pursing my lips, I start walking back to the limo, clenching my jaw so hard that the bones in my face start to hurt.

  "Take me home," I tell the driver as he opens up the limo door for me. I slide onto my seat and close my eyes, pressing my forehead against the window in my door. A few seconds later and the engine comes alive with its characteristic purr.

  I’ve lost him… The only man I’ve ever loved, and I somehow managed to lose him. But it’s my fault, isn’t it? My mother warned me; I was playing with fire when it came to Connor. And now I got badly burned.

  Burying my face into my hands, I let the tears stream down my face freely.

  29

  Connor

  Fuck, how did I let it get to this point?

  This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have broken my vows, I shouldn’t have fucked Clarise, and I sure as hell shouldn’t have fallen for her. But how does the saying go? What’s done, is done. And now I have to deal with the consequences of my foolishness.

  Pressing hard against the pedal, I force the engine of my car to growl furiously, and I let the adrenaline of driving like a maniac take the edge off the desperation I’m feeling right now.

  I can’t believe that I’m abandoning the woman I love; and, worse than that, I can’t believe that I’m breaking her heart. But what else can I do? If I keep playing this game, Earl’s going to expose us… And once that happens, it’ll be the end for both me and Clarise. Not that I care about me; what if I’m banished from the order? I don’t care about that anymore. To be honest with you, I don’t care about much now that I’ve pushed away the most perfect woman I’ve eve
r met.

  I still care for her, though. And I’ll be doomed if I let her suffer because of me. If Earl exposes us, her father might push her away definitely, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something like that happened.

  There’s only one thing left for me to do: I’m going back to Rome.

  I’m not exactly looking forward to going back to Europe, but what can I do? I came to the States to continue my father’s legacy and to guide the Donovans, but all I managed to do was make the situation ten times worse. Now that Earl has that recording, there’s no stopping him. And if I move against him… If I do that, he’ll expose me as a fraud and then he’ll have his father’s ear, and then… then he’ll be able to do with the company as he pleases.

  I could stay, of course. But how would I do that? Every day I’m around her, all I want to do is lean in and kiss her, feel her body pressed tight against mine… The only way I’d be able to do that would be for me to play Earl’s little game, and that’s something I won’t ever do. I might've turned out to be a different man than the one I thought I was, but I won’t stoop that low. The Donovans were always good to me and my father, and I won’t repay their trust in us with a backstabbing move. Even if that costs me everything.

  I only slow down as I see the Donovan Estate rise in the distance. As I take my foot off the pedal, I take one deep breath and try to think clearly. Driving up to the guest house, I park the car and walk inside. There, I go straight to my bedroom and take my official stamp from the Order out of one of the desk’s drawers.

  Sitting down, I grab a blank piece of paper and a pen.

  Dear Mr. Donovan, I start to write, please accept this letter of resignation from my current position as your adviser. I can only thank you for the opportunity to serve under a family such as the Donovans, but it’s my belief I’m not the most appropriate member of the Order to guide your family as of now. Once I get back to Rome, it’ll be my pleasure to assist you with the transition to another member of the Order.

  All the best,

  Connor.

  I stare at the piece of paper in front of me for God knows how long. Sighing heavily, I reach for my stamp and dip it into the ink box I have by my side. I press the stamp hard over my letter, imprinting my personal sigil from the Order on the paper.

  "It’s done," I mutter to myself, carefully folding the envelope and placing it in the inner pocket of my jacket.

  I spend the next hour packing up my briefcases; lucky for me, I don’t have many possessions, and so it’s a fairly easy ordeal. Once that’s done, I take one deep breath and prepare myself mentally to deliver my letter of resignation to Jonathan. Marching out of the house, I start making my way toward the mansion up on the hill.

  I’m almost halfway through the winding path when I start remembering the way I treated Clarise back at the cemetery. Her sad eyes, the frustration in her voice… That was probably our last time together, and I treated her so fucking harshly.

  No, I can’t leave like this.

  Stopping dead in my tracks, I take my phone out of my pocket and look for her name on the contact list.

  Can you meet me at the chapel? I need to see you, I type, and then send her the text. Not entirely sure if it’s a good idea, I turn my back to the mansion and start making my way down the path, heading toward the chapel.

  As I approach it, I can’t help but remember my first time with Clarise in there. I felt so bad after it was over but, at the same time, I don’t think I've ever felt anything quite like what I was experiencing. It was Heaven and Hell at the same time and, for the first time in a long time, I felt truly alive.

  I stop right in front of the door and push it open, blinking as my eyes adjust to the darkness inside. The darkness where my body and Clarise became one. The darkness where her moans cut through the silence.

  I might be leaving for good, yes, but I won’t leave before I tell Clarise what she truly means to me. I have a lot of regrets in my life, and I won’t let her become another one.

  And that’s because I love her more than anything.

  30

  Connor

  There’s a deep silence in the chapel, one that blankets everything. My footsteps feel like gunshots as they echo through the aisles, and I almost feel bad for breaking that silence.

  I sit there on the pews, right in front of the altar, and fold my hands over my lap. Closing my eyes, I let my mind drift off to all these moments I shared with Clarise, and how the world seemed so perfect whenever I had her in my arms…

  Ah, if things were different! What I wouldn’t give for another chance at this. If I could turn back the wheels of time, I’d have pulled her into my arms the first time she appeared at the guest house, cradling an orchid. I’d surrender to lust and temptation right there and then, and I’d offer Jonathan a letter of resignation the following day.

  But that’s the thing about love, if you miss it, you can only see it in the rearview mirror.

  Will I ever feel something like it ever again?

  No, let her go and you won’t ever love anyone in the same way, a small voice inside of me seems to say. And that voice is right, you know? Even when I was young, a true ladies man, I never fell for anyone. Love was nothing more than a comic book fantasy to me, something a marketing department invented to sell chocolates and lingerie.

  When I was younger, I was all about the sex, about living fast and hard… I spent my first few years as an adult living the life, and I never found anything that I could point at and say "that’s love."

  No, I’m lying… When my father told me stories about my mother, that was love. I can’t forget about the glint in his eyes whenever he started telling me the story about how they met, and how my mother was the most beautiful woman in the world… Even after so many years without her, he still loved her deeply.

  But the odds of me finding something like that were astronomical, or so I thought at the time. And so, when I took my vows, I thought I wasn’t leaving anything of importance behind. Sure, I was pushing sex to the curb, but after you’ve gone through as many women as I have, even sex starts to lose its appeal.

  Clarise showed me I was wrong. So very wrong.

  "Connor?" I hear her voice, and I turn around to see her. She’s standing in the doorway and, even though it’s already night, the moon is still bright enough to make Clarise’s shadow tumble down the aisle.

  "You came," I tell her, jumping up to my feet. I was afraid that, after the way I handled things at the cemetery, she’d just shoot me down. It’d be a sad sight, me, all alone in the chapel through the long hours of the night, but I was prepared for it.

  "Of course I came, you idiot," she whispers softly, closing the door behind her and walking toward me.

  "I wanted to see you one last time," I admit, the words feeling like nails as they climb up my throat. "I needed to see you."

  "One last time?" she whispers, and I can feel dread and fear coating each and every word of hers.

  "Yes, I’m going back to Rome, Clarise," I reply, and the look on her face is enough to make my heart break into a million little pieces. Whoever said words are mightier than the sword had no idea how right he was. Right now, I’d rather have a broadsword blade sticking out of my chest instead of feeling this… desperate.

  "Why, Connor? Just tell me why because I don’t understand. I really don’t."

  What can I say? I can’t tell her about Earl without breaking the Donovan family apart, but I can’t lie to her either. Ah, it’s so damn easy to be gung-ho on the truth when the truth is easy; of course, more often than not, being truthful is probably one of the hardest things a human being can do.

  But I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to break her heart more than I need to. And so I just settle for a half-truth.

  "It’s … it’s complicated. And I’m sorry for what I said before. I didn’t mean it. What happened between us was everything but a fantasy. It was real, more real than anything else."

  "Then how --" s
he starts to say, but just like how she did many times before, I rest my index finger over her lips and make her quiet down.

  "I stand by what I said. I’m sorry, but no good will ever come out of a relationship between the two of us," I whisper, slowly taking my finger off of her lips. Turning on my heels, I then look at the altar, the cross hanging overhead like an ominous reminder that all good things eventually must come to an end.

  "But I’ve never felt better than when I’m with you," she tells me softly, brushing her fingers against the back of my hand before grabbing it tightly. "This feels right," she continues, holding my hand in hers. "I’ve never felt so alive, Connor, and I know you must feel the same…"

  "I feel the same. But it’s wrong. It’s just so wrong," I tell her, that heavy sadness taking over me once more. I haven’t felt this bad since my father’s funeral.

  "But how can something so wrong feel this good?" she whispers gently, cracking a smile as she goes on tip-toes. Then, she brushes her lips against mine and I simply come undone.

  "I love you, Clarise… And I want you, even if it’s one last time," I whisper, barbed wire wrapping itself tightly around my aching heart.

  "Sop saying that. Stop talking… Just… Just be here. Be here right now. Can you do that?"

  "I can do that," I tell her with a smile, and then I lean in to kiss her.

  31

  Clarise

  Surrendering to his embrace, I part my lips and kiss him eagerly. If this really is the last time we’re going to be together, I don’t want to waste one single second… No, I want to seize the moment and squeeze it for all it’s worth.

  "Take it off… Take it off," I tell him, breathing harder and harder as I grab the fabric of his shirt. Loosening his tie, I then start unbuttoning his shirt, my fingers moving fast as a kind of lustful desperation takes over me. Pulling the shirt out from his pants, I then press the palm of my hands against his walls of abs, feeling their contour under my fingers as my pussy starts growing wet.