by Carré White
“That’s somethin’ to talk to Hannah about.”
“What do you think, Jack? She’s quite mature for her age.”
“I…really don’t know. I would just like to find her, safe and sound.”
“Yes, of course. I’d like to know why she hates me.” I ran fingers through my hair, untangling knots. “I wish she wouldn't be so cold. I’m not a bad person. I wouldn’t punish her, although I probably should for running away and causing all this trouble. I do hope she’s learned her lesson from this. One night out in the prairie might be good for her.”
“If she survives.” Nathan held the can with a cloth. “Who wants some beans?”
“I’ll have a few bites,” said Pastor Bailey. “I hope we’re not here tomorrow night. I’ll suffer once, but twice is unthinkable.”
“Gracious!” I suddenly had a thought. “What about bear attacks? What about snakes?”
“I think we’ll be fine,” said Nathan. “Now eat up, cause I want to get some shuteye. I’m fair on exhausted.”
After we had eaten and settled into our beds, with the hardness of the ground at our backs, I rolled to my side, facing Jack. He hadn’t fallen asleep yet; his eyes were on me. The fire had died down, but the remaining flames cast off a small amount of light. Crickets droned on, while an eerie stillness filled the air.
“Do you have any idea why she hates me?”
“Who can say what goes on in a woman’s mind.”
“That sounds a bit sour.”
“Think what you will.”
I got up on an elbow. “Can’t we speak plainly? I know we got off on the wrong foot, but…I…would like your opinion.”
“About what?”
“Jane.”
“I believe she’s had trauma, Fanny. She’s at that age where things can be blown out of proportion. She plays a good game, but she’s afraid of something. Abandonment perhaps. It would make sense. She’s lost everyone who was close to her.”
“What would it take for her to feel secure?”
“A stable family.”
“I’m trying to give her that. I’m doing the best I can.” I lay my head on the pillow, facing him. We were nearly two feet apart. My hand strayed, my fingers playing with grass. “I can’t do anything more for her. I’m hardly able to take care of myself. I’m relying on my parents for everything. I’ll be a burden to them now.” It pained me to think that finding a husband would be nearly impossible with so many children. “No man in his right mind would take up with a woman who has five children.”
“You don’t know that for sure.”
“Why aren’t you married?”
“I haven’t met the right woman.” He’d spoken those words softly.
“I see.”
“I’ve a vision in my head of what she looks like. It’s quite juvenile actually. I somehow doubt a blonde with angel wings will appear.”
This was a revelation, especially considering how he never spoke about his private affairs. “No one can be an angel. It's not possible.”
“There is some mention of them in the Bible, but they’re male.”
“Then you’re out of luck. You’ll just have to settle for a mortal who can’t fly.”
“I suppose.” A hint of a smile appeared.
“I’m just sick at heart from all of this. I’ve been tested, but I failed.” I met his gaze. “If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself.”
“We’ll find her tomorrow, Fanny. Don't worry.” His hand reached out to touch mine. “Try not to make yourself uneasy. She’s nearby, I’m sure. A night in the wilderness will set her straight.”
I glanced at where our hands were joined; his fingers played with mine, sending the sweetest of sensations up my arm, which in turn shot through me, gathering in my tummy, where butterflies began to flutter.
“I hope so.”
Nathan had begun to snore lightly, while Jack and I held hands, our fingers threading. The feeling was remarkably intimate, yet comforting. I wasn’t afraid now to be out in the open the way we were. The stars shone above, brilliantly, a shooting star flashing for a second. In that instant, we were the only two people on the planet. He didn't seem to mind that our fingers were joined, because he made no move to break the connection. As sleep began to descend, the exhaustion of hours spent in the saddle forced my eyelids to close. I gloried in the hope that maybe Pastor Bailey had finally found the right woman. I knew then that I was falling in love with him. I prayed he felt the same way…he had to.
Something woke me in the early hours of morning.
“I’m gonna take a gander up ahead and see if I can find her.”
I squinted in the sunlight, while a shadowy figure loomed over me. “Nathan?”
“Yes, ma’am. I started the fire. There’s coffee brewing. I’m heading out for a bit.”
“Oh, oh…thank you.” I’d slept far deeper than I thought, having emerged from a lengthy series of disjointed dreams. “Fine.” I struggled to sit. “I’ll get myself ready.”
“No, take your time. I’m on a little scouting mission. I suspect she’d up around the bend. If I go myself, it’ll be quicker.”
“Do you need my help?” Pastor Bailey turned towards us; his expression was bleary, while messy hair fell to his forehead.
“Nope. Sit tight. I’ll be right back.” He pointed in the other direction. “There’s a little creek that way. The water looks clean.”
“Thank you.” I got to my feet, examining the campfire, finding coffee in a tin. “Would you like some?”
“No, I’m fine.” Jack was in the process of pulling his boots on. “Did you sleep well?”
I met his gaze. “I did.”
His grin was appealing. It seemed as if he had become even more handsome in the last twenty-four hours, if that were possible. As Nathan’s horse disappeared from sight, I eyed where the creek might be.
“I’m going to find the water.”
“I’ll go with you.” He was by my side. A wide-brimmed hat shaded his eyes. A hand was on my back. “You shouldn’t go alone.”
“It seems peaceful out here.”
“Yes, but that could change in an instant.”
We walked towards a line of trees, which was an indication that water was nearby. There was a grassy meadow; the dew from morning clung to the vegetation, dampening the bottom of my dress. I perceived Jack’s hand on my back occasionally; his presence was entirely welcome, but a bit distracting. I seemed to buzz every time he touched me. When we found the water, it trickled down a rocky indentation, no more than a foot deep in places, but it was enough to have a drink and wash my face and hands.
“Where are you from?” I asked.
“Ohio. I’ve family there. I also have family in California.”
“Are your parents in Ohio?”
“Yes. My sister went west. She came with me on the wagon trail, but her husband wanted to continue on.” His expression darkened. “I had a younger brother, Jim, but…he died when he was ten. He had Scarlet Fever.”
“I’m sorry.”
“We all have someone who died. There’s not much that can be done about it.” Again his hand was on my back, guiding me through the trees. He stopped walking abruptly, grasping my arm. “Hold up.”
“What?”
“I thought I saw something.” He pulled me behind a tree.
“What is it?”
“Maybe nothing. I thought…maybe an Indian.”
“Oh, goodness!”
We were only inches apart. The proximity had set me on edge; every cell in my body seemed to respond to him. I adored being this close. Instead of staring into the prairie, I gazed at him, admiring the way his chin curved; his nose was nearly perfect, although there was a slight crookedness on the left side. His mouth was remarkably full, the lips more peach than pink. I knew he sensed my appraisal, because his arm had tightened around me.
“We have a moment,” he murmured. “We should…talk.”
It f
elt like someone had set off fireworks in my belly. “Yes?” The air crackled with tension. “What do you want to discuss?” The hand at my back was suddenly behind my head, fingers pressing into my scalp. His attention was firmly on my mouth. Every female instinct I possessed screamed with the thrill of knowing that he was going to kiss me.
Our lips met, and I found myself enfolded in his arms, held to the steely length of his body, while a tongue slid past my lips. This had ignited a swift burst of passion. A deep groan resounded in my ears, and a combination of manly musk and cologne filled my lungs. My back was to the tree; the rough bark felt abrasive, but I clung to him, not wanting the moment to end.
His mouth was on my neck. “This is madness.”
“Oh, please don’t stop.”
Although my experiences with kisses was lacking, this had been the most amazing experience I had ever encountered. I was jealous of married couples that could share kisses whenever they wanted. We had to steal this moment, hiding behind a tree, as if we were criminals.
“Well,” he breathed. “That pretty much confirms it.”
“What?” I threaded my fingers through his hair, dislodging his hat, which fell to the ground. He was about to step away, but I couldn’t let that happen. My lips grazed his cheek, feeling the prickly ends of his beard. He hadn’t shaved in a few days.
He crushed me to him, holding me close, while his heart beat against my chest. “Are you adverse to marrying again?”
That question was unexpected. “No, but it depends on the man. I won’t marry a stranger, if that’s what you’re asking.” Where was he going with this?
“You somehow went from being the most annoying woman I’ve ever met…to...”
“What?” I held my breath, hoping to hear that he now adored me. He had to. Why else would he kiss me? He seemed to hesitate; perhaps, he didn’t want to admit what he was feeling, but my emotions would not be put back in a neat little box. They had been exposed for the entire world to see. “Just one more kiss?”
I pressed my mouth to his hoping he would respond, and he did, his hands holding my face, while he devoured me, our breaths mingling. If the first kiss had been enthralling, the second was magic; my body shuddered with the force of our joining, desiring to drown in him, wanting…needing…to be his wife…in every way. If he didn’t marry me, I would never look at another man again, because he was the only one I wanted.
Something cracked behind us, a branch breaking. “I can’t leave you alone for a moment, can I?” It was Nathan. A grinning, knowing smile split his handsome face. “Yeah, just what I thought.”
Pastor Bailey cleared his throat, having stepped away from me. His gaze revealed embarrassment, although he continued to stare with particular consideration. “I’m sorry for taking advantage of you, Mrs—Miss Hoffman.”
“I don’t think the lady minded in the least,” quipped Nathan. “As much as I’d love to discuss the pastor’s love life, we’ve got a very tired and emotional girl back at camp that needs seein’ to.”
I gasped. “You found her?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I brushed by him. “Oh, thank God!” They followed me, as I hurried to camp, where Jane sat on a bedroll. She had been crying, because streaks of tears had cut a clean swath down a slightly dusty face. “Oh, Jane! You had us worried sick.” I sat next to her, wondering if I should embrace her.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why’d you have to run away like that? Where did you plan on going?”
“I don’t know.” Her arms were over her knees. “I…didn’t think anyone wanted me around. We got off to such a poor start and…then I didn’t know how to fix it.” Fresh tears ran down her cheek. “You hate me. Your sister hates me.”
Nathan and Jack eyed us with interest, although they kept a distance, tending to the horses. Jane’s horse was among them.
“I don’t hate you. I thought you hated me. I’ve been trying to better our relationship, but it hasn’t been working.”
“I’ve been…stubborn. I’m sorry.”
My arm went around her shoulder. “I was hoping a night in the wilderness would bring you around. I’m so relieved you’re well, Jane.”
“I don’t want to live with strangers. You’re the only people I know.”
“You won’t. You’ll be with me.”
“I’ll try to do better.”
“So will I.”
“You may be right about me finding a husband. I should think on that. I adore Pastor Bailey,” she whispered. “I wouldn’t be adverse to marrying a clergyman.”
I gasped, stiffening. “Oh, Jane.”
“What?”
“I adore him too.” Our eyes met, as the impact of our words sunk in. “Oh, my.”
Chapter Thirteen
“Then he shall have to make a choice.” There was a glint of steel in her eye.
My spirits plummeted. Would we not agree on anything? “Has he said or done something that would make you think he’s interested in you in that way?” Pastor Bailey did not seem like the sort of man who would toy with a woman’s emotions. He was certainly not a libertine either, but I knew so little of his character. What if he had inadvertently encouraged Jane?
“He’s far too gentlemanly to be so bold, Fanny. But, he’s in need of a wife, and I am in need of a home, so…”
“You can be with us until you marry. You shouldn’t rush into anything. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. It was wrong of me to even suggest marriage at your age. You behave older than your years. But this little escapade wasn’t the brightest idea. I hope you never do anything like this again. You were lucky we found you.”
“I had turned around. I changed my mind. I was coming back.”
“Everyone is worried about you. Did you stop to think what this would do to your brothers and sisters? They’ve already lost so much. If you had perished, it would’ve been another blow.”
She looked contrite. “I’ve…been selfish. I’m sorry.”
Jack approached, his expression was questioning. “It’s time to go, ladies. We have hours to ride.”
I got to my feet. “I’ll get my things.”
He held out his hand to Jane. She took it, rising to stand beside him. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused. W-what are you doing out here?”
“I’m helping Fanny find you.”
“Oh.”
“Might I ask what set you off? Was there something in particular? Is there a problem at the Weaver’s I need to know about?”
“We’re just a bit crowded, sir, but that’s all. I’ve…been less than receptive, I suppose. I don't think any of them like me.”
“Have you made an effort to get to know Fanny and her sister?”
“No, sir.”
“Are they abusive in anyway? Are you lacking in food and shelter?”
“No, sir.”
“Have they treated you ill in any way?”
“No.”
“Then maybe you need to try a little harder, Jane. And if that doesn’t work, I’ve always found that prayer is helpful. There really isn’t any situation that can’t be bettered with prayer.”
“You would say that. You’re a preacher.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yes.”
“When you were out here by yourself lost and upset, did you pray?”
“I…did.”
“I rest my case.”
“But, you didn’t ask me what I prayed for.”
“What’s that?”
“I asked that I be rescued by my future husband. It’s a funny thing, but then you stepped out from behind a bush.”
I had been listening, while rolling up the bedding, holding my breath in a sudden bout of the nerves. How would Jack respond?
“Nathan’s already married.”
“Not Mr. Weaver, sir. You.”
Rich, male laughter filled the air. I was so startled to hear it that I tripped over the hem of my skirt, falling backwa
rds onto my bottom. Nathan was stowing items in his saddlebags, but listening as well.
“I’m sorry to be the bearer of heartbreaking news, but you mustn’t think of me in romantic terms, Jane. I’m flattered, and you’re a lovely girl, but…my affections lie in another direction.”
Her features slackened, as her look dropped. “I see.”
“You’ll find yourself a proper husband in good time.”
“Where do your affections lie, if I may be so bold to ask?”
“That is a private matter.”
“I see.”
I’d gotten to my feet. “Well, that just about takes care of it. Is your horse ready, Jane?”
“Yes.” Her mouth turned downwards. “It’s Fanny, isn’t it?”
The mention of my name sent a shiver down my backbone. I wasn’t prepared for rejection, and I doubted Pastor Bailey was ready for such a declaration. Why did Jane have to be so obtuse?
“Don’t you know it’s impolite to put people on the spot, little lady?” asked Nathan.
She ignored him. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you? That’s why you won’t even consider me.” Jack was perplexing quiet, neither admitting nor denying her accusations.
I needed to diffuse the situation. “I’m going to use the privy. I’ll be right back.” I strode past them, trying my best to flatten my features, lest they perceive my current state of mind, which was a mixture of embarrassment and anxiety. I would faint, if he declared his feelings for me in such a manner. Then I would cry, if he said he had someone else in mind. It would be disastrous either way.
“Before I can talk about these things, I need to discuss them with the lady in question, Jane. I appreciate your interest in my affairs, but you’ll run yourself ragged trying to second-guess things. Suffice it to say, that I find you charming and spirited, but I believe you’d do better elsewhere.”
“Drat.”
“You’ll recover from this slight soon enough,” he chuckled.
“No doubt by the time we skedaddle home,” said Nathan.
When I returned, the air vibrated with the strangest energy—an undercurrent of tension and anticipation. Nathan grinned whenever he glanced my way, which I found slightly disconcerting. During the ride, there was no mention of the earlier conversation, the travelers eager to get home without preamble. We stopped to stretch our legs three hours later, the horses drinking from a stream.