Slate: The Salacious Story of a Hollywood Casting Director

by Rowe, Brian

  When he finished, he turned to Vivien with the biggest look of guilt she had ever seen. “I’m really sorry about the batteries, Vivien. I promise it won’t happen again.”

  He didn’t call her Vivien often. When he did, it made her sad.

  “Go home,” she said.

  Before Brandon could respond, Vivien walked back into her office and slammed the door behind her.

  -18-

  Her computer froze again. That wheel spinny thingie, as Vivien liked to call it, started annoyingly rotating in a clockwise direction. Before she knew it, she lost access to all of her e-mails.

  Vivien scooted her chair back and tried to keep herself from screaming. She looked down at the carpet to see Buster on his side asleep. She laughed and turned back to her computer.

  It was late afternoon. She felt tired and weak, and she didn’t particularly know what the next few days would have in store. Part of her just wanted to leave town for a few months and isolate herself in a cabin in the woods somewhere.

  Two things, however, would hold her back. One, she had a kid. As much as she loved Gavin, sometimes she had to pinch herself to remember she had offspring who was relying on her for food, clothing, and shelter. She would have to take Gavin with her, and there was no way a social troublemaker like him would manage to spend a weekend alone with her, let alone an entire summer. And two, Vivien had commitments. She had three movies she was casting, and she had signed firm contracts that specified certain deadlines for her work. For example, Christmas in Quebec would be shooting in November, so she would have to be completely done casting by October. That gave her only eight weeks. And considering that project was paying her the most—thirty-five thousand—she owed it to the producer and director to be fully immersed in the project. She would still give Brandon and her lowly interns most of the work, but she would at least try to show up to sessions on time.

  Vivien looked at her cell phone again. She had looked at it over fifty times in the last hour.

  She walked over to Brandon’s desk and nodded with delight at how clean and organized everything was. Her only source of chaos in the moment was to see that there were thirteen messages on the answering machine. She figured Brandon could check the messages first thing Monday morning.

  Vivien contemplated traipsing through the giant office building in search of a comfy couch, given that she needed to kill time before picking up Gavin from his acting class, when a voice startled her from her right.

  “Is this casting?” The voice was cool and quiet.

  She turned around and almost fainted from the beauty. A young man looking close to thirty years old was standing in the doorway. His hair was slicked back and gelled. He wore a tight white tank top and a black pair of jeans. His facial features were striking, to say the least. His chiseled cheekbones and arresting brown eyes made him look like sex in human form.

  Vivien figured this guy definitely had the wrong place. “Uhh, yes, this is casting.”

  “Great! Am I late?”

  She took a step closer. “I’m sorry?”

  “I was told over the phone that auditions were until four o’clock today.”

  Vivien thought back. She had told Brandon to set up actors until four.

  “That might be true,” she said, “but unfortunately the director had to leave. He and the camera operator are long gone.”

  “Oh,” he said, lowering his head. “Well, I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

  He turned and started to walk down the hallway.

  Vivien wasn’t going to let this one go. “Whoa! Wait!”

  He looked back at her. “Yes?”

  “I’m sorry. I’m trying to figure out what role you’re reading for?”

  “I was going to read for the role of Lancaster.”

  “Lancaster?” Vivien repeated.

  She didn’t see it. He looked way too young for the role. Lancaster had to be believable as a man who had been married to a woman for over ten years. Plus, most of the movie would show the character at his most pained and vulnerable, after having lost his wife in a tragic accident. The model perfection of the man who stood in front of her would be too distracting in the part.

  “I’ll see you in the audition room. Just one moment.”

  Fuck it. This guy’s a wet dream on legs.

  She closed her door and frantically looked herself over in her tiny mirror that she had hung up only recently for moments like this one. She didn’t use it all that much, but she wanted to thank the heavenly Lord above that she had the mirror now. She looked better than she thought she would but still felt embarrassed by a bad hair day and the devastatingly noticeable bags under her eyes. She put on some dark red lipstick, made sure some cleavage was showing, and stepped into the audition room.

  Vivien had long ago put her session sheet for the day away, so she grabbed any random sheet of blank paper she could find and scribbled some random notes on it to suggest she had been using it earlier. She opened the door to see the dreamy young man sitting in one of the waiting room chairs, listening to some music on an iPod. He smiled at her with chill-inducing pearly whites.

  “OK,” she said. “I’m ready for you.”

  ---

  The audition room was as bare as ever. Vivien typically only found herself in this sad room when she had a director rattling off mumbo jumbo into her ear and Brandon staying busy with his camera. Sitting by herself in the room made her feel like she had fallen into a giant white abyss that she would never be able to climb out of. The room seriously had no style.

  Color, however, did find its way into the room, when the dark-skinned actor made his way inside and shut the door behind him. He handed her his headshot. It didn’t even begin to give this man justice.

  “What’s your name, honey?”

  “Jonathan Korlajarean.”

  “That’s an interesting name.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Where are you from?”

  He looked surprised by all the questions. “Umm, all over, really. The city I most remember as a kid was Bilbao, Spain.”

  “Wow. What’s your ethnic background? You have a really great look, if you don’t mind me saying.”

  He tried not to blush. “That’s very kind of you. I’m Spanish, specifically Basque.”

  “Basque?” He might as well have said Martian.

  “It’s a small area at the edge of Spain and France.”

  “Well, Jonathan, I must say I’ve never had a Basque actor in my twenty years of casting. So consider yourself a rare first in my office.”

  He chuckled to himself, still nervous. He nodded and didn’t say anything more.

  There was a moment of silence. Vivien just kept staring at him. She wished she had told Brandon to leave his camera behind. She wanted to be able to replay every second of this audition.

  He looked to his side, and then back at her. He didn’t look sure about what was supposed to happen next.

  “All right,” Vivien said. “Would you like to give this scene a try? I need to just find the scene in my notes here.”

  “Absolutely.”

  He waited for Vivien to pull the scene out of one of her many bags.

  “Do you want me to do all three scenes?” Jonathan asked.

  “Please. Anything you’ve prepared, I want to see.”

  “OK. Just give me a second.”

  He turned around, apparently getting into character. Vivien had a lot of pet peeves about auditions, one of the biggest being when actors had to take a minute in the room to find the heart and soul of the character.

  But not today. Vivien leaned back in her chair and took in the scenery as she got a great view of Jonathan’s gorgeous round ass.

  He turned around and started the first scene. The director had chosen three great moments from the script that showed different emotional ranges. But Vivien wasn’t paying attention to his acting. She could tell from his first line reading that he was all wrong for the part, and he didn’t seem to
have a grasp on the realities of the scene. She knew that if he had any chance to make it in this world, he would have to flee to New York to become an underwear model. Acting was definitely not this guy’s strong suit.

  But she didn’t care. For the first time in forever, it seemed, she was having a good time.

  She had him do the first scene three times. She had him do the next scene four times. By the time he was working on the last scene, she felt guilty enough to stop him after two tries.

  When he finished, he smiled at her with wishful eyes.

  Vivien nodded as if she had just witnessed the greatest audition of her life. “That was great. Really. Very, very good. Thank you so much for coming in.”

  He bowed his head and took a step forward. “Thank you, Ms. Slate. I’ve only been in L.A. for a short while, but I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes, I respect your work a lot, and it’s been a privilege for me to audition for you today.”

  She flipped over his headshot. He had only a handful of credits.

  “Are you represented by anybody?”

  “No,” he said. “I’m in the process of signing with a manager now.”

  “Oh. Well, good. It’s really difficult to find work out here if you don’t have representation.”

  “Yeah, I’m trying.”

  She brought her hands down on the table, the only object that separated Vivien from this handsome boy’s genitals.

  “If you don’t mind me asking,” Vivien said, “how did you acquire this audition?”

  Jonathan looked dumbfounded. “It was pretty crazy actually. Out of the blue this nice guy Brandon called me and said he had found me on Actors Access and wanted me to come in to audition.”

  Figures.

  “Ah, well, that Brandon has a good eye. He works for me. He likes bringing in fresh faces, and yours was the freshest of the entire day.”

  She wished she hadn’t said that. Now she was sounding desperate.

  “Well, listen,” he said, “if you ever need to get a hold of me in the near future, please feel free to call me anytime.”

  He handed her a card that stated his phone number, e-mail, Facebook page, and Twitter account.

  On the outside, she was nodding and taking the card from his hand like any polite casting director would, but inside, she was starting to get wet.

  “Thank you, Jonathan. I’ll give you a call.”

  “Yeah?” He finally seemed to be flirting with her.

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  She put her hand out. She expected him to shake it, but instead, he bent down and kissed it. “Thank you again for this opportunity, Ms. Slate.”

  “Please. Call me Vivien.”

  “OK… Vivien…”

  He turned around and walked out of the casting room. Before she had a chance to say good-bye, he was gone.

  Vivien walked across the room and peered down the hallway to make sure no one was around. She closed the audition room door and walked back to her chair. She looked at his card with all his personal details and put it in one of her bags.

  She sat up straight and darted her eyes toward Jonathan’s headshot. The high-pitched sounds of moaning, similar to what she heard earlier on the phone with Lila, emanated from her own mouth.

  Vivien started fingering herself.

  -19-

  “You’re joking.”

  “No.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re totally, a hundred percent serious.”

  “Uh huh.”

  There was a pause. “I’M GONNA KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!”

  The high pitch of Lila’s scream caught Vivien so off guard that she jolted herself back against her chair and knocked her fork and spoon off the table. She turned around to see a room filled with mostly Indian men and women staring at the two of them. Vivien imagined they were not pleased to see such pale white vermin invading their respectable Pasadena restaurant.

  “I mean it,” Lila said. “I’m gonna kill him.”

  “Don’t say that, please.”

  “I can’t believe it. That man had everything. He really did. You are and have always been a catch, no doubt about it. If I were a dyke, I would’ve fallen madly in love with you.”

  Vivien grinned. “Well, I guess that’s something.”

  “How’s Gavin taking it?”

  “He’s OK. I don’t think he really understands it. He just knows that his father did something really bad, and Mommy’s not happy. Thankfully he’s never been super close to his dad, so I think he’ll be able to adjust to this new life.”

  “Has Patrick called you?”

  “One text. No calls.”

  “I bet he’s afraid of you.”

  “As he should be.”

  Vivien looked over the menu. She had tried Indian Food only once on a drunken night in college, so she was struggling trying to decipher the bizarre names of all the dinner dishes. She had choices like Fish Pakora, Shrimp Bhuna, and Navratan Korma.

  An overweight Indian waitress stepped in front of the table. “Welcome to Mulakat. May I take your order?”

  Lila had already made up her mind. “The Karhai Gosht. Make it extra spicy, thanks.”

  “And you?” the waitress asked, now looking at Vivien.

  “Just chicken curry, mild,” Vivien said.

  The waitress picked up their menus and made her way to another table.

  “What the hell did you order?” Vivien asked.

  “Karhai Gosht.”

  “Is it edible?”

  “It’s lamb. It’s as good as sex.”

  “Really.”

  “Yes. You know. Sex? It’s something even women our age still like to do?” Vivien didn’t see where she was going with this. “You need to get some, Viv. You know what you should do?”

  “What?”

  “You should cheat on Patrick.”

  Vivien smiled and tapped her fingernails against the table. “It’s been two days since I saw Patrick with that teenaged secretary of his. I’m still so riddled with jealousy and bitterness that I can’t think about much else than wanting to see him die.”

  “He has to pay for what he did.”

  “Well, yeah, I agree.”

  “You can’t just shoot him, or stab him to death, or poison him with painkillers?”

  “I could cut his weenie off.”

  Lila grinned at the morbidity of the conversation. “I don’t know if I like the sound of the word ‘weenie’ but I like where you’re going.”

  “Let me just say this,” Vivien said. “The very thought of my husband right now makes my blood boil so much that I want to flip this table over.”

  “Get angry,” Lila said. “Getting angry is good.”

  “How could he do this to me? How could he do this to my son?”

  “Gavin deserves better.”

  “He does. In so many ways. Patrick’s never been the best role model for Gavin. And now he’s ripped away any dignity he had left.”

  Lila’s cell phone started to ring. She wisely turned it off and kept her focus on the current conversation.

  Vivien took a deep breath and wiped away some sweat on the back of her neck. “I’m so angry at him, Lila, I can barely think. I trusted him, you know? I loved him.”

  “And now?”

  Vivien didn’t say anything for a moment. She looke down, and then back up at Lila. “I want him to pay.”

  “Do it,” Lila said.

  “Do what?”

  “You know what.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  Lila smiled, as if the naughtiest thought that had ever entered her brain just presented itself in glorified, pornographic fashion. “You need to fuck a younger man.”

  ---

  The dinner plates were abundant with food. Vivien tried Lila’s dish but the touch of lamb meat on her tongue almost made her gag.

  “Speaking of sex,” Vivien said, “how’s your s
ex life with Walter?”

  Walter was Lila’s fourth husband, a man of wisdom and stability, as well as an eye-popping family fortune. He was ten years Lila’s senior.

  “Let’s just say Cialis is our new best friend,” Lila said. “I mark out a couple of days in my calendar every month and we go at it like bunny rabbits.”

  “That’s disgusting.”

  “By day two, I’m exhausted. But until that giant, gray-haired pecker bows his head, I pump him for all he’s worth.”

  “And it feels good?”

  “It feels great,” Lila said. “But the guy can’t get frisky with me all the time. He’d drop dead of a heart attack. And I’d be on to husband numero cinco.”

  “Fifth time’s the charm, right?”

  “I love Walter, I do. But sometimes I miss being single.”

  “Why?”

  “You remember! The last time I was between husbands? I felt seventeen all over again. I was a living, breathing bathhouse. One dick in each end. I must’ve screwed half of the San Fernando Valley.”

  “That’s a pretty thought.”

  “And some were hot. Super hot. Like, even I was surprised to have their young, pretty dicks penetrating my happy place.”

  “How young?

  “Young, Viv.”

  “Young, dumb, and full of cum?”

  “You know it. Cum provided most of my nutrients for that period of my life.”

  Vivien looked down at her food but decided after that comment she wasn’t exactly hungry anymore. She pushed her plate forward. Lila was still ravenously eating her dish like a tiger tearing through a pig’s intestines.

  “What I’m trying to say is,” Lila continued, “that you have an amazing opportunity here to mess around with some hotties. Nobody would blame you. How could they? Your husband cheated on you with a younger woman in your very own Jacuzzi for Christ’s sake. You’ve got a free pass. One that’s not gonna last forever.”

  “I’m too old, Lila.”

  “You’re a goddess. You don’t look a day over thirty. I bet you could get a cute kid in his early twenties easy.”

  “Oh shut up.”

  “Easy.” Lila snapped her fingers to get the check. “I got this.”

  “Thanks.” She wasn’t in the mood to offer to pay, anyway.