by A. T Brennan
Chapter Six
At twenty-five after eight Kenzie was sitting in her car looking at the address Melissa had sent her. She double checked to make sure the address was right and glanced up at the townhouse in front of her. It was the right place, she was sure it was, and she was on time.
She’d spent the last hour and a half worrying that Melissa didn’t actually want to talk to her, that she’d just been being polite and had only sent her address because she’d felt she’d had to.
She’d left work, gone home to change out of her scrubs, eaten an actual dinner that had all four food groups in it, and had made herself a cup of tea before heading over to Melissa’s.
Now that she was there she felt the need to turn around and run, but her need to talk to someone outweighed her fear.
She climbed out of her car and locked the doors before heading up to the front door.
“Hi, perfect timing,” Melissa said with a grin as she opened the door and ushered her inside. “Come on in.”
“Thanks,” she said as she stepped inside and took off her shoes.
“I was just about to have a glass of wine. You want one?”
“Please,” she accepted and followed Melissa into the house.
It was small and a little cramped, and there was kid’s stuff everywhere. It wasn’t messy but it was lived in and comfortable.
“Have a seat, I’ll be right back.”
Kenzie sat on the plush couch and took a deep breath. Melissa seemed to want her there, she was being nothing but friendly.
A moment later she came out of the other room with two glasses of white wine in her hands and handed one to her.
“So thanks again for taking my shift,” Melissa said as she sat down on the other end of the couch and took a sip of her wine.
“No problem, glad I could help.”
“So what’s up, Kenzie? Does it have anything to do with that?” she asked as she nodded to the bruise on her cheek.
“It kind of started with that,” she admitted with a sigh.
“What happened? I’m assuming you didn’t open a door on yourself. Did someone hurt you?”
“Yeah.” She nodded and looked into her wine.
“Are you seeing someone? Did they hit you?” Melissa asked carefully.
“No, it wasn’t like that,” she said with another sigh. “Two nights ago I was involved in an armed robbery.”
Melissa just gasped as she stared at her.
“At a gas station convenience store.”
“The one on Commercial Drive?” she asked. “You’re the nurse who was there? They brought him to our hospital. It was on the news, but they didn’t use your name.”
“The newspaper did apparently, but who reads the paper anymore.” She snorted and took a sip of her wine.
“And he did that to you?”
“He hit me, with his gun.” She nodded.
“What happened?”
“We were just standing in line,” she started. “It was a normal night. I had just finished calling out a teenager who was being rude to an old man when he pulled out a gun and started demanding money. He got startled, shot the clerk and I just panicked. I wasn’t thinking. If I had been I would have hit the ground like a normal person, but I shoved him.”
“The man with the gun?” Melissa gasped.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “I didn’t want him to hurt anyone else, but he put the gun in my face. I tried to talk him down but he was freaking out. He hit me, he tried to shoot the old man, but then this other guy just ran between them, got the old man out of the way and the guy just ran.”
“Oh my god.”
“The clerk was bleeding out. That guy that I told you about, the one who saved the old man? He got shot, in the arm, but he just ignored it and helped me. I stopped the bleeding as best as I could and then help arrived.” She sighed and took a sip of her wine.
“Wow…just wow, Kenzie.”
“If that wasn’t the craziest thing that could have happened, that guy, the one who helped me, his name is Tyler. He refused to go to the hospital to have his arm treated. He asked me if I could stitch it at his house.”
“Did you?”
“I did.” She nodded.
“He had a suture kit?”
“Professional grade.”
“Wow…”
“I went to his house, a guy I didn’t know, and I stitched up his arm. He just sat there, held still while I trimmed and stitched the wound. Didn’t even cry out.” She shook her head. “It was nuts. That kind of thing doesn’t happen in real life, it was out of a movie.”
“Then what happened?”
“He went into shock, almost threw up all over me, but I got him into bed and helped him undress,” she said with a blush. “Then I left, went home and took a shower and went to bed.”
“Why didn’t you tell someone? Why didn’t you call in sick?” Melissa asked as she stared at her. “After all of that you deserve a few days off.”
“I honestly didn’t think of it.”
“What else happened? I feel like there’s more to this story.”
“Last night I went to Tyler’s to check his wound, to make sure it was healing properly. I was feeling really emotional, he was dealing with some things, and we had a few drinks, started talking.”
“Did you sleep with him?”
She nodded and took a sip of her wine.
“Were you drunk? Do you not remember it or—”
“No, nothing like that.” She shook her head. “I was buzzed but I wanted to. I made the decision to, he didn’t force or coerce me at all.”
“What happened?”
“In the morning, when we woke up, I expected him to be uncomfortable, but he was horrified. He was staring at me like he couldn’t believe he’d slept with me. He kept trying to apologize, trying to explain, but I didn’t let him finish.” She shook her head. “I should have known he was drunker than I was. I should have known it never would have happened if we weren’t so emotionally charged. I should have known he’d never be with me in his right mind.”
“Why wouldn’t he be with you?”
“Because he’s different.”
“How?”
“He’s gorgeous, like male model gorgeous. Everything about him is handsome—his face, his body. He’s cut, like ripped, and he’s cocky and a little arrogant, but it works on him.” She paused. “I should have realized that while that was probably the best night of my life, he would wake up and realize the beer goggles were a little stronger than he thought and he’d be horrified.” She bit back her tears as she took another sip of wine.
“Kenzie, if he slept with you, if he chose to be with you, then no matter what he felt in the morning he shouldn’t have been cruel to you,” Melissa said slowly. “You’re no less than him just because he’s handsome. You’re not any less deserving of respect and he shouldn’t have treated you like that.”
“I understand why he did.”
“Just because you don’t think you’re as good looking as him is no reason to feel like less.” She shook her head. “You’re a person. A wonderful and kind person, and you have a huge heart. You don’t deserve to be treated like that no matter what the guy looks like.”
“Thanks. I guess I just let myself get carried away. We were both emotional so we just got caught up in things.”
“Were you talking about the robbery?”
“Mostly. He’s a veteran. He was wounded and medically discharged. He has PTSD. It’s pretty obvious and even he acknowledges it, but he doesn’t seem to deal with it. He told me about some of the things he’s been through, and I was just in a mood yesterday after the party and was on the pity train.”
“What about the party?” Melissa asked as she looked at her. “What upset you?”
“It’s stupid, but when everyone was standing around talking about their kids and partners I felt completely alone. I don’t have anyone. I have no one listed as my emergency contact, I have no next of kin. Hell,
I don’t even have life insurance because I have no one to leave it to. I’m used to being alone, I chose to be alone, but last night it was overwhelming to think how I have no one.” She took a deep breath and blinked back her tears.
“Kenzie…”
“All I could think about was that if I had died in the robbery, if I’d been shot instead of the clerk, or as well as the clerk, then no one would really mourn me. No one would plan my funeral, no one would remember me after a few years. I’d be gone and my life wouldn’t have mattered.” She angrily wiped a few errant tears off her cheeks, she didn’t want to cry again.
“Kenzie, you do matter,” Melissa said softly. “You matter every single day. Just because you’re single now, you don’t have kids yet, that doesn’t mean you’re alone.”
“I feel alone.” She looked up. “And I’m not trying to do some sort of backhanded complaining. You’re the first person who’s reached out to me in almost a decade. Who I’ve felt comfortable enough around to talk about something like this with, but after the robbery, after last night I…”
“You still have time, you can have a family. You can still find your partner, have your own children.” She grinned. “Hell, you don’t even need the partner, you can have kids without one.”
“I can’t.” She shook her head sadly. “I can’t have kids.”
“I’m sorry, what happened?”
“I had an infection, about five years ago,” she said softly as she took a sip of her wine and then rubbed the skin on her wrist. “They did a hysterectomy, a complete one. I’ll never have kids.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I’ve never been in a place where having kids would have been good,” she said with a shrug. “Before things weren’t stable…” she trailed off and took another sip of her wine. “Then after it still wasn’t right. Now I’m a mess and single so it still wouldn’t be the right time. I’m thirty-two, I’m not getting any younger. It’s just one decision that was made for me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So that’s my last two days.” She shook her head. “That’s why I’ve been out of it.”
“Why did you take my shift today? You should have taken the time to rest.”
“I needed something to think about, to focus on that wasn’t the robbery or Tyler. I was in my car leaving his house, crying my eyes out a moment before you called. I needed the distraction.”
“Is it the robbery or Tyler that’s really bothering you?”
“Both,” she admitted. “The robbery was hard, I’ve never seen someone get shot. We’ve both seen gunshot wounds, have treated them, but to see it happen? To see him getting shot and to have that same gun in my face and wait for the shot that would kill me?” She paused and bit her lip. “Then to just let go, to be with someone, to feel like there was at least a little bit of a connection between us and have this incredible night. All I was hoping for was a smile and maybe some awkward pauses and some lip service about how he’d call even though I knew he wouldn’t, but his reaction…”
“He rejected you,” Melissa said simply. “He hurt you after you’d been traumatized.”
“That was almost harder to deal with. The robbery was terrifying. It was traumatizing, but it was out of my control. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and it had nothing to do with me. Tyler was different. I gave in to him. I chose to sleep with him, and I was the one who said yes to him. That was my fault. I did that.”
“He did that.” Melissa shook her head. “He chose to be with you. He asked you to say yes, that was his fault. He did that, Kenzie, and he hurt you and rejected you and that’s not okay.”
Kenzie sighed and rubbed her eyes for a moment. “I never did give him the chance to explain. I kept cutting him off and I rushed out of there without letting him say anything. I was so worried he would say something cruel or something that would really hurt, so I didn’t let him say anything at all.”
“Do you think he would have been cruel to you?”
“I think he’s cocky and a little arrogant, but I think it’s more of a shield. I honestly don’t think he would have said anything directly cruel, but I was in such a state I probably would have misconstrued anything he’d said and taken it as a rejection or an insult.”
“You were shocked, you weren’t thinking straight.”
“I really wasn’t.” She sighed and pushed her hair back over her shoulder. “Who knows what he would have said, but it’s too late now.”
“You could call him, just to find out.”
“I don’t have his number. He has mine, but the way I rushed out of there babbling like an idiot must have made me look pretty crazy. I wouldn’t call me if I was him.”
“You never know, some guys like crazy,” Melissa said with a sly grin.
“Some certainly do.” She laughed. “You’re right, you never know.”
“When do you work next?”
“Tomorrow. I’m on for three, have one off and then back for two.”
“You need to take some time off,” Melissa chastised. “You worked five in a row, you just took half of my shift, and now you’re going back on for three? That’s nine days straight, you need a break.”
“There’s no one to cover.” She shrugged. “I’ll be fine. The work will distract me.”
“Kenzie—”
“I do better when I’m busy. When I’m busy I don’t have time to think and I get tired so I can sleep,” she said softly. “I need to be busy right now. I have to process everything and then I’ll deal with it. That’s how my mind works.”
“Okay, but promise me you’ll take some time to yourself.”
“I will, I’ll take my break and no extra shifts.”
“Good.” Melissa smiled and took Kenzie’s empty wine glass from her. “Do you think you should talk to someone? I can sit up all night with you if it will help, but maybe a doctor?”
“I’ve been there, done that. Didn’t really help then. I’ll be okay.”
“Do you want to stay for a bit?”
“I should go, I’m getting tired.”
“Okay, but call me if you need anything, day or night.”
“I will, thank you,” she said as she looked at Melissa. “You’re the first friend I’ve had in a long time.”
“Anytime. Glad you finally see that we are friends.” She laughed and Kenzie laughed right along with her.
As she was leaving Melissa’s place Kenzie couldn’t help but feel better. It had felt good, really good, to talk to someone, and she felt lighter. She felt as though she’d dealt with things a little more, and it was nice to have someone validate and support her.
Chapter Seven
The next three weeks seemed to both crawl and fly by. Kenzie was busy, the way she preferred to be. Since she was single she always volunteered to work holidays so the other nurses could have some time with their families. If there were extra shifts that needed to be filled then she took as many hours as she could. There were times when the hospital would cut her off. There was a maximum number of hours a nurse at the hospital could work before they would have to be paid overtime, and they didn’t like to pay overtime.
She also never took full vacations. She was allotted twenty days of vacation every year. Ten of those days were paid, ten were unpaid and she had from January first until December thirty-first to take them. The year before she’d only taken ten days in total and had given her last ten to other nurses for special days off like their kid’s birthdays, but this year the hospital had a new policy—everyone had to take all of their days, and half of them, both paid and unpaid, had to be taken by July first.
It was the middle of June and she had yet to take a single day of vacation. Their supervisor had called her into the back office and she’d been told that after this rotation was over she was taking ten days off, five paid and five unpaid, and when she came back she had to put in for her other days in advance.
It’s not that she had anything against time off. It’s not
as though she was a workaholic and needed to work, it was that working was better than sitting at home and staring at the walls.
She didn’t really do anything. She didn’t have any hobbies outside of reading and going for walks. She didn’t travel, she hated shopping, and she didn’t belong to any groups or teams. She now had one friend, but Melissa was busy and had a child to take care of so they didn’t really spend all that much time together.
Work kept her busy and it took her mind off the fact that she was lonely.
Ever since that night with Tyler, the night of the robbery really, she’d been lonely. She wanted someone she could talk to and someone to share things with. She wanted someone to be with. She enjoyed sex, she was a sexual woman and she missed the physical intimacy of it, but she missed the connection as much as the pleasure.
She’d tried online dating again, but between the creepy messages and dick pics from random men, the ones who insisted on meeting her in secluded and isolated places, or the ones who would stop messaging her after a day or two, she was drawing a big zero on that front. She had a hard time meeting people and she was too shy to approach someone. She hated to go anywhere by herself and she was socially awkward. At least when she went online she had a chance to talk to someone behind a screen. She got to hide and break the ice without having to face them, and while that was easier for her it created a whole new set of problems.
People lied online all the time. They used pictures that were out of date, they lied about their ages, jobs, looks, marital statuses, and even their names and intentions. She was pretty honest, there was no reason for her to lie, but she’d been burned before when she’d thought she was talking to someone great and she met a total creep who’d lied to her about everything, or had tried to scam her. She’d had a little luck, had managed to meet a few decent men, but after a few dates and usually as soon as she slept with them they disappeared, which was pretty much what she expected them to do so she didn’t really mind all that much.
Her sexual history was different from a lot of women, she knew that. She’d lost her virginity when she was twenty and that had been a one night stand. The next guy she’d slept with for almost five years, and then she’d had a dry spell for a few years where she’d stayed away from all men. In the last three years she’d found herself again and she’d slept with twelve men, only three of them had been repeats, and none of them had been relationships. Tyler had been lucky thirteen, and now she was in another rut.