by A. T Brennan
“It was, but now that I know you’re fine my second reason needs to be addressed.”
“Mom and Dad’s party,” he said with a sigh.
“It’s on Saturday.”
“This Saturday?”
“As in five days from now.”
“How many people are coming?”
“At least fifty, maybe closer to sixty this year.”
“I don’t know.”
“Think about it. Text me or call me in a few days with your answer. You could bring Kenzie,” she added slyly.
“I haven’t seen anyone outside of you, Rick, the kids, or Mom and Dad in years. I’m not about to subject her to everyone when I can barely handle them,” he pointed out.
“Valid point.” She laughed.
“Can you not tell Mom and Dad about her? I’m still not sure what I’m going to do, and you know how Mom would react.”
“She’d be thrilled.”
“And she’d want to meet her, and if it doesn’t work out then she’ll—”
“Be devastated,” Olivia filled in. “She is counting on more grandkids, but I’m done so it’s up to you little brother.”
“Can you keep something else to yourself?” He had no idea why he was telling her this, but he had to say something.
“Of course.”
“Kenzie can’t have kids.”
“Like she doesn’t want them or she can’t.”
“Can’t.”
“Oh.”
“I’m okay with that. I don’t want them either at this point in my life, and I don’t know if that will ever change, but if she did meet Mom you know it would be about twenty minutes before she’d be asking about babies and it’s a tough subject for her. She’s kind of still dealing with that too.”
“I’ll keep that quiet,” she agreed. “And I’ll talk to Mom if you decide to bring her over at some point, make sure she gets it not to say a word.”
“Thanks.”
“So the party?”
“I’ll have to let you know.”
“Okay, just please actually tell me this time and don’t just not show up.”
“Deal.”
“You okay though? Other than the potential love life issues?”
“I’m okay.” He nodded, acutely aware that she couldn’t see him.
“Okay. Take care of yourself, and don’t be a stranger. You know you can call me anytime.”
“Rick doesn’t think so,” he muttered.
“Yeah well Rick’s an only child so he doesn’t know how to share.” She laughed. “You’re my brother and I love you, Tyler. If you ever need anything I’m here for you, no matter what.”
“Thanks. I love you too, Liv.”
“Talk to you soon?”
“Yeah.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
He ended the call and sighed as he stared at the screen, watching as it went dark. He did feel better, but now he actually had more to think about. He sighed and glanced over at his fridge. He’d have a beer, just one, and hopefully he would be able to get his mind off of Kenzie and his conversation with Olivia.
Chapter Twelve
Four days after she left Tyler’s house Kenzie still hadn’t heard from him. She’d never really been in the dating scene, but she’d heard that three days was usually how long men waited before they called you, and that was after a first date. She and Tyler had yet to go on a date and they’d slept together, three times.
She wasn’t exactly shocked and she wasn’t really hurt, more disappointed.
She was also more than halfway done her vacation. She only had four more days left and she was going crazy.
Thankfully Melissa had texted her to see if she wanted to get together. They’d planned to go out and have a drink, but her babysitter had cancelled about half an hour before they were supposed to meet up so they changed their plans to stay at her house.
Kenzie didn’t mind. She wasn’t really a bar person and she preferred to be away from crowds.
She hadn’t talked to Melissa since before Tyler had called, and while she would love to talk about it with her she didn’t want to be a burden. She didn’t want to be that friend. The one who laid all their problems on others all the time.
When she got to Melissa’s house she wasn’t nervous. It was the first time she didn’t worry if she was overstepping some sort of boundary or if she was misreading things. She was comfortable. It was a nice change.
“Hey,” Melissa greeted as she opened the door. “Sorry we have to stay here.”
“It’s fine, I don’t mind.”
“Wine?”
“Thanks,” she accepted as she sat down on the couch. A moment later Melissa appeared with two large glasses of white wine and sat down on the couch with her.
“How’s the vacation going?”
“Boring,” she said honestly. “I don’t do well with idle time so I probably should have planned things out better; actually done something instead of just waiting for the time to pass.”
“I always feel like I need a vacation from my vacations,” Melissa laughed. “Between Devin, his school, the sitter, my mom, and everything else I have to catch up on I’d almost rather work.”
“I can imagine.”
“It’s nice to spend the extra time with him though,” she said as she took a sip of her wine. “I feel bad I work such long hours. Some days I don’t even see him until he’s almost ready for bed, and it’s hard to be away from him all night.”
“That has to be hard, but he has his grandma. That’s an important bond.”
“True, but I was never close to mine. She didn’t seem interested in me. Thankfully my mom is different. My dad’s parents lived so far away I never really saw them either. Were you close with yours?”
“My grandparents raised me. They took me in when I was two.”
“What happened to your parents?”
“My mom was a teen mom. She died of a drug overdose. I have no idea who my dad is, she never told anyone.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t remember her.” She shrugged. “My grandparents were incredible. They were my parents.”
“They not around anymore?”
“They died when I was still a teenager.” She shrugged again. “But they were there for me when I needed someone.”
“Everyone needs someone sometimes,” Melissa pointed out.
“I guess. Is Devin’s father going to take him at all this summer?”
“For four weeks—mid-July to mid-August.” She nodded. “He’s been getting better with his visits, but he’s still bailing every other weekend and it’s so frustrating. Dev misses his dad. He wants to see him and doesn’t understand when he cancels.”
“Is he still seeing that woman?”
“As far as I know.” She nodded and took a sip of her wine. “He’s perfectly happy playing daddy to her kids, but with Dev it’s like he thinks a child support check and a weekend a month is enough.”
“That has to be tough.”
“Dev’s the one who suffers and that’s not fair.” She sighed. “If it was up to me I’d let him have half custody, but he doesn’t want it. He’s happy being a part-time dad to his own kid.”
Kenzie just nodded and took a sip of her wine. She didn’t know what Melissa was going through. She’d never been in a situation where she had an ex to deal with, not one who wasn’t in prison at least.
“What about you? Ever have a shitty ex to deal with?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’ve actually only been in one relationship and that ended badly.”
“He cheat?”
“Among other things.” She sighed and took a sip of her wine. “He was abusive. When it ended it was messy and I had to move, start over again.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“I never talk about it.” She shrugged.
“Any prospects or interests now?” Melissa asked as she leaned back against the couch. “
Dr. Anderson seems to mysteriously appear every time you’re working,” she added slyly.
“Really?” Kenzie just stared at her friend.
“Totally.” Melissa nodded and laughed at Kenzie’s expression. “He’s always checking you out, trying to be around when you are so he can talk to you.”
“He is?”
“You don’t see it?”
“No.” She shook her head.
“What do you think? He’s a nice guy.”
Kyle Anderson was a nice guy. He was dedicated and a hard worker, and he was kind, but Kenzie didn’t really feel anything when she was around him or thought about him. He was handsome, but there was something missing.
“He is,” she agreed. “But I don’t think so.”
“You have your eye on anyone?”
“What about you? Are you interested in anyone?” she asked, trying to get the subject off of herself.
“I don’t have time to shave my legs most days.” She laughed. “Definitely no time to think about adding a guy to the mix.” She looked closely at Kenzie. “You are interested in someone, that’s why you keep being so evasive.”
“It’s not a big deal.” She shook her head.
“Tell me.” She grinned. “Please, let me live vicariously through you.”
“Remember that guy I told you about, the one from the robbery?”
“Model gorgeous, great in bed and an ass in the morning?” she asked, raising her eyebrow at Kenzie. “He call you?”
“Something happened to him. Remember I told you he’s a vet?”
She nodded.
“He was injured overseas and he has a pretty bad case of PTSD. He’s dealt with it but still has some triggers. He was shot at and he called me the night of my last shift because he was trapped in his trauma.” She didn’t have another way to describe it. “He needed someone and I went over.”
“Did you sleep with him again?”
“Not that night.” She shook her head. “He was in rough shape. He kept waking up with nightmares and he needed support. But the next night…” she trailed off.
“Was he an ass in the morning again?”
“No, he was great.” She shook her head. “He explained how that morning was him reacting to how much he’d told me, not the fact that we’d been together.”
“You believe him?”
“I do. I’m still shocked at how much I told him so I kind of get it.”
“And he was good to you this time?”
“Yeah, he was really great. It was comfortable and natural.”
“And he was just as good this time?” she asked with a teasing grin.
“Better.” She blushed. “He really put the effort into making it about me.”
“And you left with a smile on your face.”
“Oh yeah.”
“But he didn’t call when he said he would,” Melissa said with a knowing smile.
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s not like I really thought he would. I was hoping he would, but I’m not surprised.”
“Why do you think he’s worth so much more than you?” Melissa asked as she finished her wine. “Because he’s handsome? How does that make him better than you? And how does that make it okay for him to not call you.”
“It’s not just that he’s handsome.” She shook her head. “Although that’s probably a big part of why.” She paused. “He might be a bit of an ass but he’s a good guy inside. It’s his way of dealing with his traumas, by keeping people away.”
“But what about you? Why do you deserve to be treated like an afterthought? He sleeps with you when you’re helping him by taking care of his arm but he doesn’t call you for almost a month. Then he has a bad day and he’s freaking out and he calls you. You rush over and you’re there for him. He sleeps with you again and he’s a nice guy but he doesn’t call when he said he would. He’s stringing you along.”
“I know.” She sighed. “I was kind of hoping it wasn’t true, but I know you’re right.”
“You like him,” Melissa said as she looked at her closely. “Like you’re falling for him. That’s why you’re letting him treat you like this.”
Kenzie just nodded and looked down at her empty glass.
“You said you were abused,” Melissa said carefully. “I don’t know the details or what happened, but don’t you think you might be falling back into that a little?”
Kenzie just looked up at her.
“You don’t feel like you’re worth as much as him so you’re letting him walk all over you and play with your emotions. He might not hurt you physically, and he might not be hurting you psychologically, but you’re letting him hurt you emotionally. You’re letting him use you, Kenzie.”
She just stared at her friend. She hadn’t thought about it like that.
“You deserve someone who’s going to be honest with you and treat you with respect. If he wants to hook up with you then he should be man enough to tell you that’s all he’s looking for, and you should be able to decide if you’re okay with only having that. He should respect you enough to tell you what he wants and not just expect you to be there whenever he decides to call.”
“I never thought of it like that…”
“Sometimes you need an outside eye to see what’s right in front of you. You’re a great person, Kenzie. You’re smart and kind and compassionate, and you deserve to be respected and treated like an equal. If you like him, if you want to try to have something with him, then you have to talk to him.”
“I don’t know what I want,” she said honestly.
“If you want to have him as a friend with benefits then all the power to you. If you want to be his backup then that’s your choice, but if you want him to at least tell you the truth then you have to talk to him.”
“I’m scared.”
“It’s terrifying putting yourself out there emotionally,” Melissa said with a smile. “Rejection is horrible and it’s crushing, but so is being strung along and hurt over and over again.”
“I know you’re right.” She sighed. “Why are relationships so complicated?”
“Being an adult sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, it really does.” Kenzie nodded.
“How about we talk about something a little lighter? I saw a pair of boots online I think I’m going to splurge on.”
“Really, what do they look like?” Kenzie asked with a smile, glad for the change of topic. She had a lot to think about but she didn’t want to think about any of it right now.
Chapter Thirteen
The night before his parents’ party Tyler texted his sister. He wasn’t going to go. He’d actually considered going and had tried to mentally prepare himself for dealing with the crowd, but he just couldn’t do it. The idea of seeing all those people and having to explain his life to them, fielding the comments and questions about his service and his injury and his life now was just too much.
He was proud of his service and proud to be a veteran, but he was still sensitive about his injury and he didn’t like talking about his tours. People always asked about what it was like ‘over there’. They always asked if it was hot, if it was scary or if he’d been shot at. Some people even asked how many of ‘them’ he’d killed.
He’d heard all about people’s opinions on the war, the military and on their policies and politics, and he’d heard every criticism and stereotype out there. He’d been praised and called a hero, and he’d been spit on and called a murderer. He’d had people ask to see his scars, and he’d had people tell him that his PTSD wasn’t real and he just had to ‘get over it’. He’d been told that he was draining the system by using his veteran’s benefits, and he’d had people go on and on about how the country didn’t do enough for its service members. He’d been asked if he knew so-and-so who had been on this operation or that mission. He’d listened to people tell him dozens and dozens of stories about other people who’d served and their experience, and those same people usually liked to tel
l him how the military worked and what it was all about even though they had no experience with it themselves.
He was also ashamed of his inability to adjust to life now that he was out. He was a thirty-six year old man who lived in a one-room basement apartment and bounced from menial job to menial job. He didn’t own anything of value, didn’t have a house or a car, and he had no real friends, no girlfriend and no direction. He had yet to find his purpose or his passion, and he was floating.
His immediate family was all successful. His father had been a lawyer before retiring and his mother had been a teacher. Now they travelled and were members of various clubs and organizations and were constantly hosting and going to dinner parties with their friends. Olivia was an HR rep for a local branch of a multinational corporation, Rick owned his own accounting firm and their kids were all multi-lingual and multi-talented. All three were in sports and played instruments, and they were all honors students.
His life had pretty much stopped when he was twenty, and other than twelve years of service, two tours and two overseas postings, he hadn’t done anything with his life, and he had nothing to show for it.
He’d gotten out of the military with over a decade of experience and had lived more in those twelve years than most people lived in a lifetime, but it was as though those years didn’t count.
He’d never had a job as a teenager. He hadn’t needed the money and he’d been busy with sports so he hadn’t had the time or the inclination. He had his high school diploma and a laundry list of courses and qualifications the military had given him over the years, but none of them were transferable to civilian qualifications, and not a single one of them was helpful in the real world.
He basically had the same education and work experience as the average recent high school grad, and at thirty-six he was competing with eighteen and nineteen year olds who had more real life job experience than him. Being a veteran helped him find work, but it didn’t help him find a new career. He did have the resources to go back to school, but he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, and he sure as hell didn’t have another four years to devote to college. Not at his age.
He loved his sister and her family and he loved his parents, but he hated how inadequate he felt around them. Going to the party, seeing everyone and answering the questions he hated, talking to people about things he’d rather not talk about, and hearing opinions he didn’t agree with was hard enough, but the pity and the disappointment was the worst. He couldn’t deal with it from those he loved, he certainly couldn’t deal with it from people he hadn’t seen in a decade or had never met.