Wrong Place, Right Time (Solitary Soldiers Book 1)

by A. T Brennan

  “You can’t blame yourself for not leaving him. In that space, in that time you couldn’t think clearly. You did what you had to in order to survive, and for whatever reason you didn’t leave it was what you had to do,” Melissa said as she looked right at her. “My aunt was abused for years by her boyfriend after my uncle died. No one knew because she was so good at hiding it. When we did find out it was because he shot her during an argument and left her to bleed out on the floor. She couldn’t leave him even though he was hurting her. In order to survive she had to shut down. None of us ever blamed her for not leaving, we were just angry at ourselves for not seeing it sooner because we could have helped her.”

  “Did she recover?” Kenzie asked softly.

  Melissa looked away and shook her head. “She died.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She looked back at Kenzie. “You survived and you’re still here. You’re healing, and you’re just as worthy and deserving of love and respect as anyone else. If Tyler can’t do that for you then you need to forget about him, move on and be open for someone who will.”

  “It sounds so easy, and it makes so much sense.”

  “But the heart is a strange thing and it makes us act stupid,” she said sadly. “I get it. I was never abused but I stayed with Dev’s father even after the affairs, after I knew it was done because I thought it was better for him and I was terrified to be alone. My head knew I had to leave, but my heart wouldn’t let me.”

  “Sometimes I wish my heart would just let my head make all the decisions,” Kenzie said with a small laugh.

  “Mine too. Life would be so much less messy if it did.” Melissa laughed.

  “Thank you. I feel like I’ve dumped a lifetime of crap on you and you’ve done nothing but be there for me.”

  “You’ve let me vent to you for years. Add it up and it’s a hell of a lot more than you’ve shared with me in the last month,” Melissa said with a grin. “I’m just glad you finally feel open enough to trust me.”

  “I do trust you.” She smiled. “It’s been a long time since I trusted anyone.”

  “Well hopefully I’m the first of many.”

  “Here’s hoping.” She lifted her glass and the women laughed as they clinked their glasses together and drank down more of their wine.

  * * *

  Tyler just stared at the wall of his apartment and sighed.

  He’d gone back to work and he’d done what he was supposed to. He’d worked his five mid-shifts, and then he’d been let go. They used the excuse that they were cutting back because they’d lost some contracts, but he had a feeling he would have been fired two weeks ago if he hadn’t nearly been killed while on their job site.

  He’d worked long enough that he qualified for unemployment, and he did have his pension and his veteran’s benefits so he wasn’t destitute, but he was once again without a job and without a purpose.

  He didn’t know what to do with his life. He could look for another meaningless job like the other dozen he’d had in the last three years, but he was tired of being trapped in this rut. He didn’t want to work in another warehouse, drive another forklift or walk around in another security uniform. He’d done pretty much every job that didn’t require more than a high school education, had little to no responsibility, and didn’t deal with the public or more than a few people at once.

  He’d never finished college, he had no education outside of his military training, and he had no idea what he wanted to do. He wasn’t an office guy. The thought of putting on a dress shirt and sitting in a cubicle was laughable, and the idea of going to meetings and making spreadsheets made him feel as though he was being closed up in a very small room.

  He didn’t want to just work, he wanted to have a career, and he wanted to contribute. He needed something fast-paced, something without a set work environment and was different from day to day. He wanted to help people, and he still wanted to serve.

  The military was his past, but he still felt the desire to serve his community now that he couldn’t serve his country.

  Policing was out. He couldn’t look at a gun the same way and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to fire one again. Being a paramedic was also out. He didn’t do well with blood anymore, and he was pretty sure seeing a gunshot wound would bring back things he’d rather forget.

  The one job that had been on his mind ever since he’d gotten out and had started to think of working again was a childhood ambition.

  When he’d been thirteen he’d told his parents that he wanted to be a firefighter. His mother had laughed and said he could be whatever he wanted to be, as long as he went to college first.

  He’d tried college and it hadn’t been for him. It was true that thirty-six was late to be thinking of starting a job in emergency services, but he was in the best shape of his life, and he knew for a fact that fire didn’t trigger him.

  He’d done firefighter training in the military and had dealt with fires on his tours. He’d put out a ton of controlled fires in simulators, and plenty of real fires in the field.

  Fire didn’t scare him and it didn’t make him think about things he’d rather forget. Fire was fire. It was the one job he could do to make a difference without having to worry about his past and his fears.

  He sat up and started tapping his fingers on the table as he looked at the clock above his stove. It was after ten o’clock, way too late to start something, but now that he was thinking about it he was starting to get excited. This was a job he would enjoy and would make him feel as though he was making a difference again, and it was a job he’d wanted to do for over twenty years.

  It was the first time he’d been excited by anything in five years, and it was the first time since his discharge he’d actually felt there was hope.

  He would go down to the local firehouse tomorrow and talk to them, see what their qualifications were and if he was even a viable candidate. He hoped his age wouldn’t preclude him. He could do the job physically, and he hoped they would be interested in him.

  He picked up his phone and looked up where the closest firehouse was. He would go first thing in the morning and get the ball rolling as soon as possible.

  Chapter Fifteen

  For the first time in almost a decade, Kenzie was at peace with herself. After talking with Melissa she’d realized that her friend was right. She’d been tortured and had spent five years of her life in survival mode. She’d had to become someone else to survive, and even though she was free, she was still letting her ex control her, and she was still waiting for him to break down her door and hurt her again.

  He was gone and she couldn’t live in fear anymore. Her life had stopped ten years ago because she’d had to become someone else in order to survive. She’d never let go of that assumed persona, not even when she’d escaped, and now she was struggling to maintain it.

  Serena Mackenzie was gone. She’d died that night she’d been stabbed. That life had ended, and when she’d taken a new name and moved to a new city she’d meant to start over, but all she’d managed to do was stay the same person with a new name. She was Kenzie Smoak now, and she had to figure out who that was.

  She was almost thirty-three-years-old, and she was established. She had a good job, no debt and no one to worry about except herself. She was free to be who she wanted and to do what she wanted, and it was time she embraced who she was instead of hiding it.

  She didn’t want to change who she was fundamentally, but it was time to evolve.

  Even though it felt silly and a little vain, she had to start with her physical appearance and how she presented herself to the world. She went through all of her clothes and got rid of everything that was either too big, too frumpy or she’d bought to hide in. Then she went through her shoes and tossed all of the plain and ugly ones she’d bought to wear with her plain and ugly clothes, and put the pretty and fun shoes she’d always bought but had never worn in the front of her closet. When her clothes were sorted she donated what
she was letting go of and went out and bought herself a new wardrobe, one that made her feel good about herself and how she looked.

  She’d tossed all of her makeup and spent a small fortune buying new makeup that was better suited to her skin tone, and she’d bought herself a straightener, a curling iron, and all the various products she would need to use both.

  It had been daunting and terrifying, but when she’d finished her transformation she didn’t so much feel like a new person, she felt as though she was finally becoming herself.

  The first time she put on a new outfit with a pair of heeled sandals she’d felt pretty. When she’d done her hair and her makeup and looked in the mirror she’d actually felt beautiful, and she’d been comfortable in her own skin.

  Melissa had insisted they go out and enjoy a girls’ night so she could showcase her new look, and since Devin was with his father for a month Melissa was ready to have a little fun.

  Kenzie hadn’t gone to a bar with the sole purpose of meeting people and hanging out in over a decade, and even though she was scared, there was a part of her that was looking forward to it. She’d been nervous when they’d gotten there. Melissa was beautiful and confident and she knew how to let loose and have fun, and it wasn’t long before a group of men had come by their table to talk to them.

  At first Kenzie thought they were there for Melissa and she’d kept quiet, waiting for some sort of sign that she should leave, but two of the men had focused on her and struck up a conversation. After a few stammering responses she’d found herself relaxing and actually enjoyed talking with them, and when both men had asked for her number she’d been shocked. She hadn’t expected either to call her, but it was still nice to be asked.

  They’d left the bar together and had giggled and laughed like school girls the entire way home.

  It had been the most fun she’d had in a long time, and she’d felt confident and comfortable in her own skin for the first time in her adult life.

  * * *

  Tyler actually felt as though his life was falling into place. He’d gone to the firehouse and talked to the chief. They’d discussed his interest in firefighting, the details of the job, and their screening and training process. They’d also talked about his age, fitness level, and his experience.

  They actively recruited veterans into the fire department, and the chief had given him a conditional offer on the spot. All he had to do was pass a written exam, a medical, and a physical fitness test, and he could start the education part of the training.

  In their city the firehouses hired their personnel and sent them to the local community college to take their fire sciences certification. They weren’t paid during the training, but it was paid for and it was six months long. He had enough income coming in with his pension and unemployment that he would be fine until it was over. As soon as he graduated he would start paid on the job training for six months, and if he was found to be a good fit with the job then he would be hired full time with no conditions.

  It turned out he’d come in at exactly the right time. They were running tests in the next two weeks for potential candidates across the city. There were two open spots at the firehouse he’d gone to, but there were over a dozen across the city so they would have a full course to start training in August.

  That meant he could potentially start training for his new career in a month, and the more he heard about it, the more excited he’d become.

  The medical was scheduled for Tuesday morning, the fitness test was on Friday, and the written was the following Wednesday. Candidates were either selected for training or told to apply again in a year, and the course started two weeks later.

  He knew he was healthy. He’d mentioned his injury to the chief, and he’d been told that as long as it wasn’t a disability they didn’t care what it looked like. His leg might look terrible, but it didn’t hinder him at all.

  He was a little worried about the written test. He wasn’t stupid. He was actually a pretty smart man, but he didn’t apply himself to things unless they interested him. That was the reason he’d dropped out of college. Not because it had been too hard for him, but because he hadn’t been interested in what he’d been studying.

  He had to brush up on his science and math a little, but with all of the safety courses and training under his belt he should be fine with the actual fire and fire safety knowledge.

  He wasn’t going to blow it by being cocky and thinking it would be easy, but he wasn’t going to talk himself out of it either. He was going to do this. He was going to work hard, and he was going to finally get his life started.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kenzie fell into a comfortable routine. She got up, went to work and did her job, but on her off days it was different.

  When she’d come off vacation she and Melissa had ended up on the same shift, so they now worked at the same time and had the same time off. It was a little tough on Melissa because Kenzie had been her backup when she needed time off, but it was a bonus because they got to spend more time together and hang out.

  Now Kenzie went out a couple of times a week. They went to a bar or a pub, or some sort of event that was happening in town, and they had fun.

  She was finally comfortable in her own skin and felt attractive and confident.

  She no longer second guessed everything she did or said, and she stopped worrying that everyone was thinking bad things about her. She was sure she got on some people’s nerves and didn’t make a great impression on everyone, but she stopped caring.

  She wasn’t exactly looking for love but she wasn’t closed off to it anymore. She got a few numbers here and there, had even gotten a few dates out of it. She’d gone and had fun, but there hadn’t been anything there and she’d ended things before they could start. She was finally confident enough to say what she wanted and she was finally comfortable enough to be herself.

  * * *

  Tyler sat around the table at the pub and laughed along with the rest of the guys.

  He’d passed his testing with flying colors and started his training with a group of twelve other guys. Within the first few days he’d realized how different they all were. There was a mix of races and ages, and experience. He was the only one with military service, but he wasn’t the oldest. The youngest was twenty-two, the oldest was thirty-eight, and the rest sort of fell around the thirty-year-old mark. They were all fit and in shape, all had laundry lists of jobs behind them, and two of them had college degrees. Half of the group was married or in long term relationships, and eight of them had children.

  They were all different, and in less than a week they’d become friends and school was fun. He enjoyed getting up each day and going to class. He liked what he was learning and he was finding it interesting.

  They’d come up with a sort of tradition. On Friday nights after class they would all get together and go out for dinner. Those who had to get home to their families would leave after they ate and the others would hang out.

  It was casual and fun, and it was as though they were forming their own brotherhood.

  One thing he’d really missed when he’d left the military was the sense of belonging. He’d felt like every man in his unit was family and he was part of something big, something important and special. He’d felt connected to people, and he’d felt like he belonged.

  Now he had that again. In the three months since he’d started school he felt that comradery again, and that sense of belonging.

  That was one of the major things he’d been missing in his life, and it was one of the reasons he’d struggled as much as he had. He’d needed that connection, and by isolating himself he hadn’t given himself the chance to feel it again. He’d needed something that excited him, something that took his mind off his pain and his memories. Something to focus on that made him feel good and made him feel as though he was making a difference.

  He was calmer, more at peace, and he wasn’t using his false persona as a shield anymore. He was more open,
and while he still liked to flirt and tease he wasn’t into the games and the lies anymore.

  He knew it would be a long time before his PTSD was completely gone, but things that used to trigger him didn’t bother him anymore. He wasn’t about to step in front of a gun to see how he reacted, but for the most part nothing triggered him, not even loud noises.

  He felt like himself again. For five years he’d been a shell. He’d felt like a shadow of what he’d been before, and he’d felt empty. Now he was feeling everything and he was enjoying things again, and he was happy with himself.

  It was an amazing feeling, and he knew he was finally on his way to becoming the man he was supposed to be. The man he was meant to be.

  He glanced down at the pitcher on the table in front of him and looked around for their waitress. It was getting low and it was his turn to buy the next round.

  As he scanned the room his eyes settled on a woman who was strangely familiar, and he paused as he looked at her.

  She was standing in a group of five. There was a very pretty brunette with her, and three men he really didn’t pay attention to. She had her back to him, but she was wearing a pair of black skinny capri pants and silver heels. She had a long, gauzy and slightly sheer short-sleeved black sweater on, and he could see her curves through it. She was a little on the bigger side, but it suited her build and gave her a wonderful hourglass shape. She stood very straight and looked confident. Her hair was long and a dark blonde, and had a nice wave to it.

  He realized who she was a moment before he saw her face. It was Kenzie.

  He just stared at her, his mouth dropping open as she turned to check out something behind her, and as she did he saw the front of her outfit and her face.

  She was wearing a shimmery blue top that was a little low cut so it showed a hint of cleavage, and set off her hair and eyes. She was also smiling and seemed happy. She looked incredible.