Q*pid

by Xavier Mayne

  “Oh wow,” Fox said. “I had no idea….”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Drew said cheerfully. “It’s a small price we pay to live the life of the mind.”

  “I admire your commitment,” Fox said, a genuine warmth in his voice.

  Drew didn’t know how to respond to that, so he smiled and shrugged and waited for Fox to spring into action again, as he usually did. He didn’t have to wait long.

  “Let’s get out there, man,” Fox said, flinging the curtain aside. He bounded through the room and out onto the dock. Drew followed closely behind.

  As the sky began to turn pink, they got into the pair of kayaks that Ryan had set out for them and were soon paddling out past the breakwater into the gentle swell of the ocean. Fox led the way, and after a few minutes of strong strokes, they reached a collection of towering piles of rock that loomed offshore. Dawn broke over the ocean, revealing sea stars in startling colors clinging to every open inch of rock, wiggly sea anemones waving for breakfast in the surf, and sleek black birds diving for fish all around them. It was like floating through a nature documentary, except that it was all around them. All Drew could do was smile dumbly and shake his head, overwhelmed. Then he was nearly startled out of his kayak by the bark of a harbor seal about six feet away.

  “This is amazing,” he said to Fox when their boats drew near each other. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

  Fox smiled broadly. “Thanks for coming here. I had such bad memories of this place because of what happened the last time I was here, and now they’re all washed away, replaced with this.” He gestured all around them. “I owe you big for that.”

  “We’re nowhere near even,” Drew protested.

  Fox shook his head, bringing an end to the conversation. “Come on. I want to show you the caves.”

  They toured around the edges of the bay for a while, and right about the time Drew’s arms were starting to give out Fox turned his kayak toward shore. They paddled in at a more leisurely pace, but Drew knew he’d be feeling it later.

  But Fox was just getting going. They dried and changed and walked up to the main building to grab some breakfast, and then they were off to grab bikes and head up into the hills that rose gently up from the shore. They cycled for three or four hours, stopping every once in a while to take in the view across ocean and meadow. When they finally worked their way back to the resort, Drew breathed a sigh of relief. They stopped back into the restaurant for a more than usually hearty lunch, after which Drew felt ready for a nap—and maybe a therapeutic massage.

  “So next,” Fox said as the waiter cleared the lunch dishes, “we can either go paddleboarding or scrambling along the rocks down by the shore.”

  Drew managed a smile. “How about something simple, like taking a walk on the beach? Should we feel the need to scramble, we can do that too.”

  Fox returned his smile. “Sounds good. The beach goes on for about a dozen miles to the south, so we can get a good walk in.”

  Awesome, Drew thought.

  They walked the full dozen miles and back again, during which time they talked about a million different things, mostly trivial stuff that friends accumulate between them over years—but Fox and Drew seemed to gather them up over the course of minutes. Finally, as the sun sank low in the sky, they returned to the resort.

  “Get cleaned up and then head to dinner?” Fox asked.

  “Sounds great. You go first—I need to stretch a bit after you running me ragged today.”

  Fox laughed. “You’re in better shape than I am, and you know it.”

  “Right now I certainly don’t know it.”

  DREW WAS in the shower when there was a knock on the door of the cottage. Fox opened it to find two waiters with a large trolley between them.

  “Um, yes?” Fox said uncertainly.

  “We’re here to serve dinner, sir?” the first waiter said.

  “Oh, uh….” Fox was momentarily at a loss.

  “Oh, great,” Drew said from behind him. He stood in the middle of the room, wrapped in a towel, still dripping wet. “Can you set it up on the patio?”

  “Of course, sir,” the waiter said, clearly relieved that there had been no misunderstanding. They hustled the trolley through the room and out onto the patio, closing the doors behind them.

  Fox looked at Drew, eyebrows raised inquisitively.

  “I thought it might be nice to have dinner on the patio tonight.”

  Fox had to smile. “It’s been a long time since anyone’s planned something nice for me.” He glanced through the french doors at the waiters, who were busy laying a white tablecloth and setting out what looked like a rather extravagant meal.

  “I called Corey and asked if he would help me with it,” Drew said. “He seemed thrilled to have the chance to do something nice for you. Though probably not as much as… I am.”

  “You’d better get dressed, or I’m going to start without you,” Fox said.

  “Do you mean my fine Egyptian cotton towel doesn’t meet your dress code?”

  “I’m fine with it, but you know how the breeze can whip up. You wouldn’t want to reveal anything you don’t intend to.”

  “I’m not sure you’re fully aware of what I intend,” Drew said airily. Then he turned and stalked away into the bedroom. He was back before the waiters finished preparing dinner on the patio, so they waited together by the bar.

  “Can I make you a drink?” Fox asked.

  Drew pursed his lips and pondered this for a moment. “No, I don’t think so. Your cocktails are amazing, but I don’t particularly want to get falling-down drunk again tonight.”

  “Ah,” Fox replied, while he tried to figure out how he felt about Drew’s sudden abstemiousness. “You know, you’re right. Last night was kind of too much, wasn’t it?”

  Drew nodded. “A bit.”

  The patio doors opened, and the lead waiter stepped into the room. “Gentlemen, please come to dinner.” He gestured broadly for them to precede him.

  A dozen torches flickered all along the stone wall that formed the edge of the patio, their dancing light making the crystal and silver on the table gleam and sparkle. A silver candelabrum contributed eight more points of light.

  “Wow,” Fox said. He had eaten gourmet meals in spectacular settings over the years he’d been in the industry, but the transformation wrought on this simple stone patio was simply incredible.

  They sat at the table, and the waiters served them course by course. Drew had somehow managed to select for them a menu of Fox’s favorites, the centerpiece being a chateaubriand they shared. He didn’t give the lack of wine a thought until the very end of the meal when the coffee—brought by a third waiter to accompany dessert—was poured.

  “We’ll leave you gentlemen to the rest of your evening,” the waiter said after laying dessert before them. “We’ll come back in the morning to collect the service.”

  “Thank you,” Drew said, with a genuineness that people not used to being waited on often evidence.

  “It was our pleasure, sir. I wish you pleasure as well.”

  Fox caught sight of his wink, and though the insinuation should have made him furious, it actually aroused nothing like indignation. He was enjoying himself so much he couldn’t be bothered if a waiter thought the two them would be… together.

  They sat alone on the patio for a while, finishing their coffee and listening to the crash of the surf below.

  “Thank you,” Fox said finally. It was the smallest portion of what he wanted to say, but it was the part that he could put into words. “This was amazing.”

  Drew smiled. “You are amazing. All I did was order dinner.”

  “Order dinner? You make it sound like you called room service and asked for whatever they happened to be serving. This—all of this—requires not only thoughtfulness but confidence. And a flair for the grand romantic gesture.” He instantly regretted saying this last bit, though part of him was proud to be mature enough to admit
that most women would likely be swayed by such a performance.

  “Grand romantic gesture?” Drew replied. “Really.”

  Fox laughed. “Well, let’s just say no one’s done anything like this for me in a long time. Maybe ever.”

  “I am happy to be the exception to the rule.”

  “You’ve made me question a lot of my rules,” Fox said.

  The smile on Drew’s face was embarrassed and delighted and joyful all at once. But soon his expression shifted to one of postprandial fatigue. “This has been a really long day. A really great, really fun, really long day. I’m about ready to drop into bed.”

  “Sounds awesome.” It did not actually sound awesome to Fox.

  Last night when they had crashed into bed, they’d been drunk out of their minds and could hardly be blamed for stripping off and passing out. Tonight, though, they were stone-cold sober. Tonight they would know exactly what they were doing when they pulled back those covers to climb into bed together.

  Drew got up and snuffed out the torches one by one, while Fox blew out the candles on the table. Having doused the light on the patio, they headed back into the cottage and then found themselves standing next to the bed.

  “Why don’t you go ahead,” Fox said, pointing to the bathroom.

  “Uh, thanks,” Drew replied. He grabbed his kit and went into the bathroom.

  Fox opened his suitcase and found the shorts and T-shirt that he planned to use as pajamas during this trip. He stood for a moment holding them, but then he thought how silly it would seem if, after sleeping naked last night, he were to get into bed wearing pajamas tonight. Wouldn’t that let Drew know how conflicted he felt about the whole thing? Wouldn’t that make him seem anxious about sleeping in the same bed? That is, wouldn’t that convey clearly how fucked up he was when it came to his own emotional state?

  Fuck.

  He grabbed the robe from where the maid had left it, neatly on a hook next to the bathroom door, and once he’d stripped off his shirt, he threw the robe over himself. Then he took off his pants and underwear and finally stood with only the robe covering him. He looked in the mirror and nodded to his reflection, trying to be casually naked underneath the tightly tied robe.

  Fox jumped when the toilet flushed, and he busied himself getting his toiletries together while Drew made his way out of the bathroom. When he looked up, he saw that Drew also had a robe tied tightly around himself. So they were on the same page.

  But was it a page Fox wanted to be on? Because he was pretty sure that down at the bottom of that page there was a footnote that read “*Then they got into bed together, naked.”

  He smiled at Drew, belying nothing of his inner state, and took his place in the bathroom. He made his evening ablutions with the efficiency of a well-practiced routine, and in less than five minutes had washed, dried, and peed his way to the end. He tied the robe back around himself and opened the door.

  Drew was already in bed, lying on his side and facing away. Fox stepped quietly into the room and set his kit down on his duffel bag atop the dresser. Then he saw it.

  Next to Drew’s side of the bed was his robe, neatly draped over the back of the chair that sat there. Of course it was. It’s not like he was going to get in bed wearing a robe. So he had taken it off.

  Which meant that Drew was…

  Fox took a deep, silent breath. He switched off the only light left in the room, the Tiffany-style lamp that stood on his nightstand, and then, with only a trickle of moonlight to guide him, he untied his robe and set it, like Drew’s, over the back of a chair.

  He pulled back the covers and slid into bed. Naked. With another guy.

  Why are you doing this? The voice rattled in his head. What possible reason could he have for climbing into bed with Drew, fully sober, fully naked? He couldn’t explain it to anyone, least of all himself, and yet here he was. He had no spreadsheet that would provide quantitative cover for what he was doing. He was acting purely on impulse—an impulse he didn’t understand.

  He lay on his back, studying the streaks of light made by the moonlight as it filtered through the many panes of glass that made up most of the wall facing the sea. He listened for Drew’s slow, calm breathing, and tried to match it. He wanted to feel the peace Drew clearly did. Drew certainly wasn’t lying awake in the throes of some stupid existential crisis the way Fox was.

  “Thank you.” Drew’s voice was soft and low. He turned over so he was facing Fox. “This has been amazing.”

  What was it about Drew’s voice that had the power to soothe him almost instantly? Fox felt a cool peacefulness ripple through his chest.

  “I’ve had a great time,” Fox said. “I never thought I’d come here again.”

  “Well, I’m really glad you invited me. You managed to solve my procrastination problem and give me this incredible weekend. I don’t know how to thank you.”

  Fox smiled and turned on his side to face Drew. “You don’t have to thank me. I should be thanking you. I was so anxious about not having anyone in my queue I wanted to date that I was starting to think I might have to get used to being alone. My friends are all married, and I never see them anymore, which is another thing I couldn’t really admit to myself before I met you. You’ve really helped me is what I’m trying to say. It makes me feel like I can get back out there and keep trying.”

  “Can I tell you something?” Drew asked quietly.

  “Look at us,” Fox said with a chuckle. “This hardly seems like the time and place for us to keep secrets.”

  Drew smiled, but quickly grew serious again. “When you said you didn’t have anyone in your queue you wanted to date—”

  “And you said the same,” Fox reminded him.

  “I did,” Drew replied. “But….” He took a breath, then pursed his lips as if trying to find the right words. “But that wasn’t exactly true.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “It means there were actually about a dozen new matches in my queue, and some of them… well, let’s just say that before, I would have jumped at any of them.”

  “Before what?”

  “Before… before I met you.”

  Fox frowned. He certainly didn’t want to throw Drew off his game—maybe it was because he had more money? Like Drew felt ashamed?

  “Did I do something? Am I keeping you from—”

  “No, you didn’t do anything,” Drew interrupted. “You aren’t keeping me from dating. It’s that… well… okay, I guess you are keeping me from dating.”

  “What? Why?” Fox was startled and more than a little alarmed.

  “It’s because when I think of making the choice between going on a date with a woman I’ve never met, and being with you, well… I guess I kind of choose you.”

  Somewhere in the back of Fox’s mind there was an alarm bell ringing, trying to alert him to the fact that he had made the same choice without even thinking about it. He breathed deeply and tried get himself centered again. “Look, I’ve been having a great time too, but I would never want to get in the way of you finding love. You need to get back out there, man.”

  Drew smiled wanly. “I should say the same for you.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Like you said, this is hardly the time and place for us to not say what we know is true. I know your queue has got to be better than mine, because you’re successful and charming and, as we’ve established, improbably handsome.”

  “You have got to stop saying that.”

  “I’ll stop saying it when it stops being true,” Drew replied with a laugh. “Though we both know that’s never going to happen. My point is that I’m willing to bet everything I have that your queue is full of beautiful women with beautiful scores who would make beautiful spreadsheets. And yet here you are.”

  “You don’t know what my queue looks like,” Fox protested.

  “Yes, I do. You showed me last week. Your queue was unbelievable, and it can only have gotten better—mine’s gott
en a little better, so yours must be absolutely stellar now.”

  “I don’t know what you’re—”

  “Let me finish. Since the computer hooked us up, I’m no longer stressing about not finding women to date. It’s okay that I focus on my research and not check Q*pid every hour for new matches. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long, long time. And all of that is because of you. Because when I’m with you, I feel like a better version of myself. That’s why I wanted to do dinner for you tonight, and why I wanted not to be drunk when we got into bed. Because I needed to tell you this, and I needed you to hear me.”

  Fox studied Drew’s face in the moonlight for a long moment. “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.”

  “I think what I’m saying,” Drew said, but then he stopped short to take a couple of rapid breaths, like he was about to jump off something tall. “What I’m saying is I think I’m falling in love with you a little.” He blinked several times as if he expected Fox to punch him in the face.

  “This is really hard for me to say,” Fox began after taking a deep breath, “but I’ve come to realize my life was pretty empty. It may have been booked up with dates, but I see now I was super lonely. I am so glad you reached out when we got matched up. It’s nothing I would ever have done, but I honestly cannot imagine how much poorer my life would be if you hadn’t. I love you too, man.” He smiled widely, profoundly relieved that he had gotten that out before allowing his natural reticence around emotions to squelch it. Chad was the only other man he’d ever said that to, and he determined that he wouldn’t keep some weird vestige of homophobia from allowing him to say it to his new friend.

  Drew smiled. “That’s… well, that’s amazing. I know that kind of thing is hard for you to say, and I’m really glad you did.” His smile faded quickly, though. “It’s just that….”

  Fox searched Drew’s eyes for a sign of what was troubling him, but could make nothing out. “What is it? Come on, you can tell me anything.”

  Drew closed his eyes, and when he opened them he spoke slowly and calmly. “I have to be honest with you, and with myself. When I said I think I’m falling in love with you, I meant”—he reached out and put his hand on Fox’s arm—“I think I’m really falling in love with you.” He ran his hand down Fox’s arm, a seemingly innocent gesture that made his meaning crystalline.