by Janae Keyes
“Why in the hell would you do that?” she asked me. I didn’t know how to respond so I said nothing. “You guys love each other. You guys are the perfect couple. Seriously why did you break up with him?”
“I had to. Other people would get hurt. I needed to save them... I needed to save them.” I said thinking of both my mom and Matthew. The two people I loved the most.
“What are you talking about?” she asked as we pulled in front of my apartment building.
“I can’t explain it now, but later, I promise. Thanks for the ride.” I said.
“Call me if you need anything. You know I’m here.” She expressed. I looked at her and nodded. I knew if there was anyone around that I could lean on right now it was Simone.
I walked into my cold and dark apartment. I heard a ringing coming from my purse. I pulled out the secured phone. I knew it was Matthew. I took a deep breath. I knew I shouldn’t have answered, but I did anyway. I accepted the call and put the phone to my ear.
“Kayla. Baby… what just happened?” he asked simply. His voice was laced with so much pain.
“Please.” I begged. “It has to be this way.”
“No it doesn’t. Baby I need you. I can’t breathe without you. You can’t just end it all like that….Baby please.” I could hear the emotion. I could hear him choking back tears. I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended the call and turned off the phone. I felt sick to my stomach. I hated every part of my being in that moment and the only thing I could do was rush to the bathroom and vomit. I was purely disgusted with myself.
IT WAS THREE o’clock in the morning when I heard the banging. I was on my couch still wearing my dress. The banging continued and I realized it was on my door. I pulled myself up from the couch and I heard his voice. I instantly froze.
“Kayla!” Matthew shouted as he pounded on my door. “Kayla please. I know you’re in there. Please Kayla. Tell me what happened. Tell me why.” He was begging me. I walked to the door and simply put my hand on the door. I felt a sob in my chest and suddenly it was out. I was sobbing as I stood there. I put my back to the door feeling every pound he made on the door. My back slid down the door and I sat on the floor. I cried into my hands.
“I can’t.” I whispered through my tears fully knowing that Matthew couldn’t hear me.
“Baby…What did I do? What changed? How can we fix this? I need to know.” He said against the door. He’d stopped banging. From the sound it seemed as if he was also sitting on the floor at my door. “I love you. You know that. I know you love me too.” I just closed my eyes.
“I do.” I whispered. “Oh god I love you beyond anything.” I kept my eyes closed. I could hear him cry. Matthew sat outside of my door crying. I could only cry in response. I cried until my body would no longer allow me to cry. I’d exhausted myself.
The morning came and I had fallen asleep sitting at my door. I brought myself up from the floor. I unlocked the door and looked out into the empty hall. I’d fallen asleep to the sounds of Matthew’s cries. Having slept didn’t make the pain hurt any less. I’d given up on us. I dragged myself into the bathroom finally taking off my dress. I stepped out of my dress and my underwear before stepping into my shower. I turned on the water and jolted at the feeling of freezing water hitting my body. I needed that. I needed a shock, but even the shock didn’t make the pain go away.
WALKING INTO THE offices of MetroGirl I knew I looked terrible, but that is what happens when you spend most of the night crying. I sat my things down at my desk before I walked in the direction of Kizzy’s office. I knew what I needed to do and it hurt so bad to think of it.
I knocked on the door of Kizzy’s office. I took a deep breath. I was about to give up my dreams, but I knew my pain was too great to continue in this way. I was going to need time and from the way I felt I knew I was going to need a lot of time.
“Come in.” Kizzy’s voice called. I opened the door and saw my boss sitting at her desk. I walked in the office and closed the door behind me.
“I need to talk to you about something.” I said to her. Amazingly Kizzy and all of MetroGirl had been great when it came to everything with Broken Politics. They even had a write up about me that was going to be in the next issue. They were pretty happy to have the infamous K as one of their writers.
“Sure.” Kizzy said. I sat down at a chair on front of her desk. I took a breath knowing once I said my piece there was no going back.
“I want to step down from my post at the White House. There has been a lot. Mostly personal things happening and I don’t think I can dedicate myself to it as much as I could before. I’m so grateful for the opportunity and it has been an amazing experience, but I think I want to take a step back and focus on my column in the magazine.” I said to her. I held my breath awaiting her response.
“Wow…umm. I understand, but whom can we send in your place. You are the most political mind we have around here.” She said truthfully.
“I was thinking you could send Tatiana.” I said thinking of the bubbly girl who was forced on me for the Paris trip. She wasn’t so bad and truthfully she was great at what she did. Being at the White House would help her improve her craft for sure.
“Tatiana?” Kizzy questioned.
“Yeah she did great on the Paris trip and she is a pretty great writer. I know she will grow so much being with the Press Corp.” I answered honestly.
“Thanks for your input and thanks for everything you’ve done and will continue to do.” Kizzy said giving me a smile. I knew she was grateful. My articles on the President and the online content I’d worked on had really made our readership grow.
I sat at my desk determined to get some writing in. I needed to keep my mind busy. I needed to not think about him or at least try not to think about him. It was impossible to not think about him though. My heart was shattered and my entire body was in such an intense pain. I hadn’t noticed that Tatiana had approached my desk. I then looked up to see her smiling down at me.
“You are rarely here.” She commented. I simply shrugged. I knew I was going to be around here a lot more now. “So when am I getting my story? Are you guys going to go public?”
“There is no story.” I said simply as I looked forward at my computer screen.
“Seriously you are going to play that?” she questioned.
“There is no story. We broke up.” I said feeling as if my heart was being squeezed as I said it. I heard her gasp.
“No way, why?” she asked.
“That’s none of your business.” I snapped. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “I did get you a promotion maybe. I just spoke to Kizzy. I left my position at the White House and I suggested that you be my replacement.”
“Wow!” she said. I looked up at her. She looked to be in complete shock. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” I said simply with a shrug.
“Well I will let you work, but thanks again.” She said. I knew that she really appreciated it and that was all I could hope for in the moment.
Chapter Sixteen
Kayla
IT WAS AMAZING how fast weeks could pass. Two weeks had passed since I’d broken up with Matthew and the pain was still as real as ever. I’d just gotten to where I could see a photo of Matthew without running somewhere to cry.
Working full days at MetroGirl I realized that I really didn’t enjoy being there, but it was what I had in the moment.
I just craved the feeling of being whole again, but it seemed it was far away. I’d finished up my day at MetroGirl and I was so grateful for that. Valentine’s Day had hit the office and flowers, chocolates, teddy bears, and more were being delivered all day to the lucky ladies. Most even left early to get ready for hot dates. I was walking out of the building when I heard someone call my name. I looked to see Joey. He gave me a wave and walked to me.
“Long time stranger.” He said as he came to me. I gave him the best smile I could muster up. I didn’t smile much these days.
“So you ditched us with that Tatiana girl.” I gave a small laugh.
“She isn’t bad when you get to know her. I figured she needed the gig more than I did. I’m back here full time.” I said with a shrug.
“Well we miss you for sure. Even Bryce and that’s saying something. I was curious so I found out where the MetroGirl office was and it seems I caught you just in time.” He said to me. I smiled. It was sweet that he’d come all the way down here to see me. “I was hoping that maybe we could get a quick drink unless your boyfriend wouldn’t like it.”
“No he wouldn’t mind because we broke up.” I said. It still stung when I thought about it or said anything about it out loud.
When I told my mom and she didn’t know what to think. I hadn’t said anything about what Victor threatened. I just told her I ended things with Matthew. She was texting me daily now asking me how I was. I had told Simone everything. She told me that I should have told Matthew about Victor’s threats. Maybe I could have, but that wouldn’t change anything and it was too late now.
“So drinks it is?” Joey questioned.
“Yeah drinks.” I answered knowing that at least after a couple drinks I wouldn’t feel as much of the pain anymore.
Joey and I ended up at a pretty trendy bar. I’d been here a couple times with Simone in the past, but I hadn’t been recently. It seemed to be the same scene of political wannabes and guys looking for a quick lay. This wasn’t my scene, but as long as they were serving drinks tonight I was in.
I sipped on my drink. It was working because I was feeling less pain with every sip. I looked across the small table at Joey who seemed to be watching me.
“Tell me who is crazy enough to break up with such a beautiful girl.” Joey said.
“Actually I broke up with him. It was just something that needed to happen.” I said with a shrug. I needed more drink. I took another sip.
“Was it serious?” Joey asked me.
“It was. I loved…well love him. It still hurts, but I’ll survive… I guess.” I said thinking of Matthew. Whenever I did see him on the news he looked sad. He didn’t look himself. I knew why and it hurt so much to see him that way.
“I understand how you feel. I had a relationship go south some months ago. It was tough, but I lived through it.” He said to me giving me a weak smile. It was nice to have another broken heart keeping me company.
I looked around the room. It seemed to be a lot of couples out tonight. It hurt a little. I looked down at the table to see their food menu. The paper was pink with hearts all over. I realized that this was a special menu for Valentine’s Day. Damn I’d already forgotten it was Valentine’s and February 14th. Matthew and I had been planning a trip to Anguilla for Valentine’s. I was supposed to be spending time in the sun and sand with him. I was simply supposed to be with him.
After a couple hours I hadn’t realized it, but I was laughing. It felt surprisingly good to laugh. It felt good to be free of pain and to feel a positive emotion. I’d gone the last two weeks living in a continuing sense of pain, but now I was laughing with Joey.
“I should get you home.” He said as he finished off his drink.
“Yeah I do have to help at work in the morning.” I said as I stood from my chair. I then tripped over my foot and after having 4 drinks and a few shots I wasn’t so graceful on my feet anymore. Strong arms suddenly grabbed me. Joey looked down at me as his arms stayed around me. He gave me a smile. It happened so fast. His lips were on mine. I was frozen. He pulled away.
“You didn’t feel anything?” he questioned as he looked at me. I simply shook my head no. There was nothing in that kiss. Just lips on lips, but no electricity, no emotion, just nothing. “I’m sorry.” He said as he helped back on my feet correctly.
“It’s alright.” I said giving him a weak smile.
“Still should get you home.” He said as he started to lead me from the bar.
I WOKE UP with a massive headache, but I hadn’t had that much to drink in sometime. I instantly called into work because I knew I was not going to be able to tolerate MetroGirl today. I took something for my headache and made myself some toast for breakfast. I sat down on the couch with my toast and turned on the TV. The morning news was still on.
“The White House has announced that in 6 weeks while the Crown Prince and Princess of Denmark are visiting the country the President will host them at a State Dinner in their honor. And lastly it seems like President Von Hansen is finally dating. The President was spotted out having a Valentine’s Day dinner with Conservative Activist Holly Deeds last night. It also seems the two of them shared a sweet moment as they walked hand in hand to her car.” I just stared at the TV.
There was Matthew. He was smiling and holding this girl’s hand. I quickly turned the TV off. I felt my entire body start to shake as tears fell from my eyes. He’d moved on. He was dating. It had only been two weeks. I was still struggling a little bit every day and Matthew was going out on a date. It all hurt so much. I crawled into a ball and cried.
I could hear knocking at my door. I stood from the couch and walked to the door. I let out a sigh and just pulled my door open. There was Simone with two Starbucks coffees and a bag from Whole Foods.
“I come with jalapeño and cheddar bagels and an order to not turn on the TV.” She said as she walked into my apartment. I closed the door behind her and sighed. She turned to me. “I guess you’ve seen it then?”
“Yeah I have.” I said instantly seeing Matthew holding that girl’s hand. I thought of the way he smiled as he helped her into her car.
“How are you feeling?” she asked me as she walked to the couch and sat down. She pulled the bagels from the bag. I sat down next to her.
“It hurts and I still hate myself.” I said as I picked one of the bagels up. “I went out for drinks with Joey last night. He kissed me.”
“And?” Simone questioned.
“I felt nothing.” I said before taking a bite of my bagel. I just looked at Simone for her response.
“Good because I kind of like him and I was thinking about asking him out for a drink or something.” She said with a silly grin on her face. I couldn’t help, but smile. Simone and Joey would be perfect together.
I then heard the sound of my cell phone. It was the sound that I had set for when I received an email. Not going into the MetroGirl offices I knew I would be getting a few emails through the day. I stood from the couch and went to my dining room table where my phone was sitting. I picked up my phone and went straight into my email app where I found it was not an email from anyone at MetroGirl, but from The San Francisco Herald, they were offering me a job.
Dear Ms. Johnson,
We at the San Francisco Herald have been fans of your work on Broken Politics for sometime and with the recent reveal of your identity we have been able to take a look at your other works. You have impressed us as an amazing political writer with great potential. We would like to offer you a job here at the San Francisco Herald as it would be a great honor to have you as a part of our exceptional staff. We can talk out the specifics at anytime. Please video call us at screen name below at the earliest possibility so we may discuss this offer.
Sincerely,
Margaret Gonzales
Editor – The San Francisco Herald
“Work?” Simone questioned from my couch. I just stood there staring at my phone. I’d wanted to work for the San Francisco Herald since I was a kid and now I was being handed the opportunity.
“No a job offer.” I said still staring at the email. I read it over and over again.
“A job offer? From who?” Simone asked as she jumped from my couch and came over to me. She looked at the email. “Woah the SF Herald. That is huge Kay!” she said happily to me. I knew it was huge. I knew that I would be working at one of my dream publications, but it also meant leaving Washington DC. It meant really letting go of Matthew.
Matthew
I QUICKLY TURNED off the TV. That date was a terr
ible idea, a terrible idea on Victor’s part. It was Valentine’s Day and that day that Kayla and I had originally planned to get away, but now there was no Kayla and I. I knew that Kayla most likely had seen the reports. I knew that she would have thought I’ve moved on when Kayla was the only thing I could think of on that date. Holly wasn’t my type at all and the entire time I could only wonder where Kayla was or what she was doing.
The pain that had gripped me for the last two weeks was one I could never imagine and would never wish on my worst enemy. I couldn’t understand any of it. Kayla had done a complete 180 on me. We were fine and the next she was telling me that we were over. I’d never been in love until I met Kayla and now the one girl I’d ever given my heart to had left me.
That night going to her apartment, I’d cried at her door. I waiting at her door for hours hoping she would open up. I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to know what changed.
As I seemed to do now multiple times a day I opened up her website on my laptop. I wanted a new post. I wanted some indication that she was all right. I needed some indication that she was okay, but there had always been nothing…nothing until now.
BROKEN POLITICS
New Beginnings
The past eight years I’ve lived and worked in DC. These past eight years have been a gift, a blessing, and a curse. I’ve fallen in love in this city and I’ve had my heart broken here. I’ve grown into the woman that I am now, but I think it is time for me to move on. Don’t worry out there Broken Politics will live on, but in a new atmosphere. I just sent in my letter of resignation to MetroGirl as I will be relocating to San Francisco and starting at The San Francisco Herald. It’s been a great ride DC, but I’m off to bigger and better things. Just know I will love you always.