by Janae Keyes
Until Then,
Kayla
I felt as if my heart was being squeezed tightly. I couldn’t breathe. Kayla was leaving. I re-read the last line; just know I will love you always. I knew she was speaking to me. I knew that was meant as a final message to me. I closed my laptop hard. I walked to the window and looked outside. The Washington Monument was standing tall as always. This city would still stand, but one of the most amazing women to ever walk its streets would be gone and she would be forever gone from my life.
This was one of those moments where I just didn’t want this job. I no longer wanted to be the leader of the free world and I no longer wanted to bear the responsibility of the United States on my shoulders. I just wanted to be a man, a man who was allowed to have a broken heart. I wanted to grieve the loss of the woman I loved.
The door to the Oval Office opened and there strolled in Victor looking as smug as always. He was the last person I wanted to see right now. He seemed a little too happy today.
“Mr. President.” Victor said as he approached my desk.
“What is it Victor?” I asked feeling disgusted with everything and everyone. I didn’t want to be here right now. I didn’t want to hear any voice except hers.
“I need your signature on a couple things.” Victor practically sang his words.
“Someone is happy.” I snorted out as I took the papers from his hands and picked up a pen.
“It’s just a beautiful day in the White House sir. White again as it was always intended to be.” He said. The way he said that with no irony or remorse of anything. His voice was laced with a certain amount of satisfaction.
“What exactly does that mean?” I asked as I sat my pen down and just looked at him.
“It means that you’ve come to your senses when it comes to that reporter you kept lingering around. She’s been gone about two whole weeks now and you’ve found someone who is more in line with the party’s vision.” Victor said knowingly.
“I haven’t found anyone. The date with Holly was completely your doing. She had nothing to offer besides boring conversation if you could call it that. There was no fire. There was simply nothing.” I said thinking of my date with Holly.
She of course was in line with the party’s vision. She was petite, blonde, white, and spent all her time campaigning against organizations like Planned Parenthood. She made an effort to laugh at all of my jokes even the terrible one’s that Kayla would have immediately told me where terrible and we would then laugh together about how bad it was. Holly had no fire and no drive. Holly was vanilla while Kayla was chocolate with extra sprinkles. She was nowhere near the type of girl I saw myself with and right now I only saw myself with Kayla.
It was funny how Kayla seemed to take up every space in my mind. Kayla was everything and here I was without everything. Then something clicked. I looked up at Victor who had a grin spread across his face. I’d seen that grin before at times when he’d done things that weren’t the most moral and were painful to others.
“What the hell did you do Victor?” I growled as I stood up. I stared Victor straight in the eyes.
“Members of the party asked me to take care of a little black problem we had and I took care of it. Now you can properly be President and run this country the way it was intended to be ran without any distractions. So you may Keep America’s Purpose, sir.” Victor simply stated and at once I now knew why. I knew what happened. I knew it all.
“Victor.” I said calmly. “You will go to your office. You will pen your letter of resignation and have it on my desk in an hour. From that point you have one hour to get the hell out of the White House before I have you arrested for trespassing on federal property. You will never work in this town ever again. I will see to it personally that you are an outcast. You racist piece of shit.” I stared him directly in the eyes as I spoke. I spoke clearly and calmly. I wanted every single one of my words to sink into him the same way that the words Kayla spoke to me that night had sunk into me. “Now get the fuck out of my sight.” I growled.
I watched as Victor walked away. He closed the door behind him. My heart was pounding as hard as it could. I needed to talk to Kayla. I wanted her to know that I knew. I wanted to feel her again. Victor had been behind it. I don’t know why I hadn’t connected the dots before. I instantly felt stupid for allowing Kayla to leave my life.
Picking up the phone I dialed Kayla’s cell phone. I had to dial her regular line, as it seemed she turned off her secured line. This was my only way of reaching her, but I knew I should be able to reach her. The line rang a few times before I got her voicemail and I got to hear that sweet voice.
“Hello you’ve reached Kayla Johnson. I am unavailable to take your call. If you would like a call back please leave a message at the tone. No message means no call back. I hope you have a fantastic day.” The recording of her voice said. I hung onto every word. Kayla always said to me that no message means it’s not important. I then heard the tone. I took a breath.
“Kayla it’s me Matthew. I want you to know that I know everything. I know it was Victor. Please call me. Please come by. Baby I miss you and I need you. Just call me as soon as you can. I love you always.” I said before hanging up the line. I could only have hope that she would call me back. I could only have hope that she hadn’t already made up her mind.
Chapter Seventeen
Kayla
MY SUITCASE WAS nearly packed. I looked around to see if there was anything else I missed. I only had another 30 minutes or so before Simone would be here to take me to the airport. My bedroom was all packed into boxes that sat against the wall. I really was moving. After talking with the editor at The San Francisco Herald I was for sure taking the job. This was an offer of a lifetime and I wasn’t going to let it pass me by.
It only had taken me a week to pack up my small apartment. A moving truck was going to come later today and get my things before heading out to California. When I arrived in California I was going to stay with my mom until I found my own place.
Opening my laptop I checked the latest headlines. I saw a photo of Matthew. He was going to be speaking at a University today. I thought back to that voicemail a week ago from him. I was happy that he knew why I left him, but now it all seemed too little too late. I’d accepted this new job and I was moving on with my life. I needed to. I just knew there was no future for Matthew and I, at least not now. I’d always remember what we had because it was beautiful. I was sure I would always remember his touch, his smile, and the ways he made me feel. He’d been a part of my existence, but now it was time for me to find a new existence.
I shutdown my laptop and slid it into my carry-on bag. I walked back to my bed and closed my suitcase. It was nearly time to say goodbye to this apartment. I’d lived in this apartment for nearly three good years and now it was time to part ways.
There was a knock at my front door. I just knew it was Simone. I walked to the door and opened it to find my best friend looking so somber. It really sucked for both of us. I was leaving my best friend behind. I hadn’t done that since we graduated high school and went off to separate colleges, but we came back together in DC.
“Don’t go. I can’t live here without my bestie.” She whined. I simply gave her a soft smile and pulled her into a hug. I knew she would be fine. She had a great job on The Hill and had an upcoming date with Joey. Things were going to be fine and we would still be best friends just from across the country.
“You’ll do just fine. Plus you know I will visit.” I said looking at her. She simply pouted. I couldn’t help, but laugh. We were best friends for a reason and I was going to miss her dearly.
“So are you ready?” she asked looking at my now very bare apartment.
“As ready as I can be.” I said with a shrug. I then walked into my bedroom and picked my suitcase up off my bed. I rolled it into the living room where I found Simone with my carry-on bag. “There’s nothing else so, I guess we can go.”
“Th
is is so weird. It is going to be weird to be in this city and not have you close anymore.” Simone said. I nodded feeling emotions welling up inside of me. I’d promised myself that I wasn’t going to cry, but it seemed as if I was going to break that promise to myself because the tears were going to burst from me in full force.
SIMONE AND I had cried together for nearly 10 minutes before we left my apartment. She’d brought me to the airport. I checked my bag and went through security. I now had to wait at my gate, but the wait was ending as my flight had already started to board. There was only one more group before mine would board the flight. I held my boarding pass in my hand and I was instantly nervous. I didn’t quite know why I was so nervous, but I was. Something just didn’t feel exactly right. I couldn’t explain it. Something deep inside the core of my being felt unsettled.
“The President has been shot!” I heard someone shout out. I could then see people gathered around one of the television screens that played the news constantly in the terminal. I stood from my seat and walked to the crowd.
“We are working to get information, but we have confirmed that President Matthew Von Hansen was shot just minutes ago on the campus of Thomas Jefferson University where he was going to be giving a speech this afternoon.” The reporter said. My entire body went numb. This explained it all. I could only think of Matthew. I could only think of all of the things I’d never said to him. I could only think of wanting to tell him that I loved him. I was shaking.
“Matthew.” I breathed out quietly with my hand over my mouth. I was instantly worried and dread began to rush over my body.
“Boarding group C may now board on Flight 447 to San Francisco.” A voice called out over the loudspeaker. That was my group, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get on a plane; I couldn’t leave. I needed to see Matthew. I needed to know he was alive. I needed to tell him I loved him.
I rushed to where I had been sitting and grabbed my carry-on bag. I rushed as quickly as I could out of the airport. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I pulled out my cell phone and checked the headlines. I needed to know where they were taking him. I needed to be with him.
PRESIDENT RUSHED TO GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL AFTER SUFFERING MULTIPLE GUNSHOT WOUNDS
As quickly as I could I made it to the taxi line. I didn’t care whom I jumped ahead of. I simply got into a taxi as fast as I could. My entire body was shaking. I was trying to form a thought and the only thing I could think of was if Matthew died. I was in pain, it was a pain I’d never felt before in my life and it scared me.
“Where to?” the taxi driver asked.
“George Washington University Hospital.” I nearly shouted. “And as fast as you can.”
“You got it.” He said as he seemed to slam on the gas.
I watched the city of Washington DC pass around me. I couldn’t believe that I was about to leave this place. I was about to leave the place that had been my home for the past 8 years and that I was going to leave the man I loved behind. I thought of Matthew and all the great times we’d had together. I thought of how he could make me laugh anytime even when his jokes would be terrible. I remembered our first kiss that night in the residence and the first time he took me to Camp David and we just spent time together.
There was a possibility that I could lose Matthew. There was the possibility that he was dead. I would never forgive myself if he died without me telling him that I loved him and that I wanted us. I needed who we were. I wanted to go back in time. I wanted to deny Victor that night. I wanted to run straight to Matthew and tell him everything. I wanted to change the past and have today never happen.
The tears were flowing down my face. I was so afraid of hearing those words that he was gone. I kept checking my phone for every up to date headline. I’d texted Simone that I was on the way to the hospital. I looked down at my arm. I still wore the charm bracelet that Matthew had gotten me for my birthday. As much as I knew I should have taken it off long ago I kept it on. I needed the reminder of the man I love. I felt like I would break without that little reminder. Each charm was something special and each of them had their own story to tell about our love.
“This is as far as I can get you to the hospital ma’am. The streets are all blocked up since the President is here.” The taxi driver said.
“Umm thanks. How much?” I ask.
“37.50.” he responded. I only have a 20 and a 50 in my wallet. I handed him the 50.
“Keep the change.” I said as I rushed from the taxi.
I made my way through the traffic and the barricades. I could see members of the press all huddled around in the cold. There was security and police everywhere. I knew I couldn’t get past them. They had the hospital on complete lockdown. I looked around wondering what else I could do. I then spotted a familiar and kind face near one of the doors. I ran over to the closet barricade.
“Ray!” I screamed out hoping the secret service agent would hear me. “RAY!” I screamed louder. His head then turned my way. He saw me. At once he jogged over to me. “Tell me Ray. Is he alive?” I asked with pleading in my voice.
“Yeah he is. He is in surgery right now.” Ray said to me. “Come with me.” He instantly moved a barricade and allowed me through. I followed him into the hospital. He pulled something from his pocket. “You need one of these to stay in here.” He handed me a badge. I quickly clipped it to my shirt.
RAY HAD TAKEN me to a waiting area. There were a few other Secret Service Agents around. The room was pretty empty. Apparently Matthew’s parents were in Europe, but were on the first flight back. The surgery seemed to be taking forever. I’d texted back and forth with both my mom and Simone on any updates I’d received. It had been released that the shooter was a member of the terrorist group The Alliance. He’d shot Matthew before turning the gun on himself.
The doors to the room opened. There was a man in scrubs who I suspected to be the doctor. Ray and a few other agents went towards him. I stood and also walked in his direction so I could hear.
“He’s going to live. Two of the three bullets were easy to remove. The last was a little tricky, but we got it out. The President is expected to make a full recovery.” The doctor said giving everyone a smile. I felt like I could let out a sigh of relief.
“Can I see him?” I asked.
“He will be asleep for another thirty minutes or so, but I don’t see why not.” The doctor said to me. I instantly felt much calmer than I’d been in weeks. “You can follow me.” The doctor said. I nodded and followed the doctor down a hall of rooms. We stopped at a door and through the window I could see Matthew. He was still under the anesthesia, but he was alive. I just looked at him for a moment. I took everything in. I hadn’t seen him in weeks and now this was how I had to see him. I felt guilty in a way though this wasn’t my fault I still felt guilt. The doctor opened the door. “You can go in.”
“We will be out here Kayla.” Ray said to me. I saw that all of the agents on Matthew’s detail were there. Ray gave me a reassuring smile and I walked into the room.
Walking into the room the only real sounds were those of the machines that were all hooked to Matthew. I quietly walked to the bed. I looked at every detail of his face. He had some bruising from the fall he took after he was shot, but he still looked as handsome as ever. I took my finger and ran it down the side of his face feeling his warm skin. I trailed my finger down to his lips. I bent down and pressed my lips lightly to his. Just feeling his lips against mine brought back so many emotions, feelings, and memories.
Taking a breath I walked to the chair that was in the corner and I dragged it to the side of his bed. I took a seat there and grabbed his hand. I wanted to be holding his hand the moment he woke up. I wanted him to know that I was never going to leave him again.
“I love you.” I whispered as I just sat and listened to the beeping of the machines. I just sat knowing that he would open his eyes and I would be face to face with the man I loved with every fiber of my being.
Matthew
AS MUCH AS it felt like a daze or a dream I could remember everything. There were cheers of welcome as I stepped from the limo. I waved to the crowd as I always did. I buttoned my jacket and walked onto the path. I waved as I went. The crowd was already bigger than expected, but I loved the way the screams deafened me. The louder the screams were the less I had to think. Thinking was too painful. Thinking meant Kayla.
The crowd was loud and we were in a wide-open space between the building and the car. It all seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. One of the professors who was walking with me asked me a question. I leaned in to hear because of the screams of the crowd and at once I heard the sound and felt an intense burning from within and again and again. The last one caused me to fall, but I couldn’t quite feel that impact because I was so focused on the burning. I didn’t quite know what happened until I heard Paul’s voice. I heard Paul say I was shot.
I was being moved, but as much as my eyes were open it was like I couldn’t see. I was dizzy and disoriented. I was then thrown in somewhere. I’m sure it was into the back of the limo because then the screams seemed to stop and the voices I heard were all of my detail. I could hear Ray telling me I was going to be fine. The others seemed to be accessing the situation. Everything seemed to be spinning and then it all seemed to go black.
At once I gasped. It was like I had been brought back to life. I was still in a haze; it was a drowsy haze. Where I was seemed to be nearly silent. There was the faint beeping of machines. I let out a breath knowing in that instant that I was alive; I knew in that instant that I was in a hospital room. I went to move, but I felt like all of my limbs were heavy. I moved the fingers on my left hand and they seemed to work. I moved the fingers on my right hand and there seemed to be something there. That something felt like another hand. I knew it was most likely my mom’s hand. I slowly opened my eyes.