All of Me

by Jennifer Bernard

  “Believe it or not, I started watching the baseball playoffs. Last October. I couldn’t watch regular TV because there was too much drama, too much relationship stuff. It would just make me cry. But then I’d switch to the playoffs and they kind of . . . lulled me. Like a lullaby.”

  “Baseball was like a lullaby?”

  “Kind of. The announcers’ voices were so soothing, and it felt kind of timeless, like I could be listening on the radio somewhere on a dock, my feet in the water. Then something big would happen and they’d get all excited and I’d get completely carried away. And then there were all the stories.”

  “Stories,” he said blankly. All this time he’d been busting his ass on the mound for . . . a lullaby and some stories?

  “Sure, stories. They kept talking about a player who was working his way back from surgery. I can’t remember his name. Another whose wife had just had a baby, and he’d missed a game to be with her. Another one who finally made it to the Yankees coaching staff after pitching batter workouts.”

  “Throwing batting practice.”

  “Right.” She made a face at him. “Anyway, I kept thinking, batters get so many chances to hit the ball. And even if they strike out, they’ll probably get another chance later in the game. Or the next game. There are always more chances, until you leave the game or, well, die. And I wasn’t ready to die. Hamilton was one strike. Why shouldn’t I get more chances, just like everyone in baseball?”

  Caleb put down his spoon, a grin spreading across his face. “You are really something, you know that?”

  “I am?” she asked dubiously.

  “You’ve actually made me feel better, and not just with your amazing, sexy body.” He pushed his chair away from the table and spun to face her, then pulled her onto his lap. Her legs fell open, all long, creamy gangliness. The slit in the front of his boxers gaped open, flashing him with an eyeful of her beautiful secret parts. “I want to tie you up and keep you here in my house with me. All we’ll do is cook, eat, and fuck.”

  He danced his hand into the opening and brushed against her silky curls.

  “That sounds like some kind of escapist male fantasy.”

  “You know it, babe. All the essentials. Pussy and pizza.” He began stroking her softly, aware that her tissues were still engorged from their last go-around. “But no baseball.”

  “You’ll be back in baseball,” she said confidently. “It’s your destiny.”

  “Is that right?” He swirled a thumb around her clit, feeling it warm to his touch. Her eyelids flickered. Her head fell back against his elbow. He tightened his arm to support her trusting weight. “I have a different thought,” he whispered in her ear. “Maybe you’re my destiny.”

  And that was it for conversation.

  Caleb didn’t start talking about Bingo’s situation until they’d had sex three more times. By then, apparently, his defenses were finally down and all his appetites satisfied. They lay tangled in his big bed, the window partly open to let in the cooling evening air. They sure had a habit of steaming up places.

  Caleb lay on his back, his powerful limbs akimbo, arms spread open. Sweat curled the hair on the back of his neck, and every one of his spectacular muscles seemed to purr with relaxation. She would never get a better opportunity than this. “Have you talked to Bingo yet?”

  “I went to see him once. He kept insisting it wasn’t what it looked like and he didn’t want to hurt me. But Bingo’s words have never been worth the spit it takes to say them.”

  “I wonder what he’s talking about.”

  “Nothing. He just says what he thinks people want to hear. Do you think I want my father to be a crook? Hell no. But that’s what he is. I wish he’d just tell the truth.”

  Sadie felt the tension enter his body again. She put one hand on his shoulder, hoping to calm him, only to get wrapped up in the magnificent architecture of that joint. So complicated, with sinews, bone, tendons and muscles, all united in one perfectly functioning unit, guided by the knowledge inside Caleb’s brain. She smoothed two fingers down the outer slope of his arm to the knob of his elbow. He gave a little mmm of enjoyment.

  “He has a lawyer, right?” she asked.

  “Of course. Betsy Clark. She represented him last time. I retained her again right away. But he won’t talk to her either. She says he seems afraid of something. She thinks maybe he’s protecting someone else, a partner maybe.”

  “What do you think?”

  Caleb made an impatient movement of his head. “I think he’s full of shit, and I have problems of my own. He used my old computer. I can make a pretty good case that I exclusively use my laptop now, but it’s a little iffy.”

  “But you aren’t actually in any danger, are you?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t do anything, so I don’t see how they can prove something that didn’t happen. But Major League Baseball has no gray area when it comes to gambling. So I don’t know. Hey, I can always go back to college. It’s in my contract that they’ll pay for my education.”

  The deadened tone of his voice alarmed her. She knew him well enough to know that walking away from his baseball career would rip the heart out of him.

  “But couldn’t Bingo clear you?”

  “I told you, Bingo isn’t talking.”

  She sat up, her hair spilling across her back. His eyes went immediately to her breasts, so she crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn’t going to let him distract her from this conversation, not again. “We have to get him to talk. That’s not fair, he can’t get you into trouble then leave you hanging.”

  “Oh no?” With a sharp laugh, he pulled the covers off and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, his back to her. With his head buried in his hands, he said wearily, “There’s a lot you don’t know about Bingo and how far he’ll go to save his skin. I didn’t tell you this before, but he used me and Tessa. He put stuff in our name, had us deliver messages. Used us to create a picture of a perfect motherless family.”

  “That’s horrible! But that’s not your fault.”

  “We didn’t stop him. We didn’t warn anyone. I didn’t know everything, but I always suspected something was off. I was too wrapped up in my own life, baseball and hanging out with my friends.”

  Sadie crawled across the bed so she was close enough to touch him. But she didn’t. He might as well have had an electrified Keep Out fence around him. “He was your father. Kids tend to do what their parents say. You shouldn’t blame yourself, Caleb.”

  “Well, I do. So maybe I deserve whatever’s about to happen. I didn’t get charged last time, so maybe it’s catching up to me now.”

  “That is ridiculous,” she said fiercely. “You didn’t get charged because you didn’t do anything wrong. You still haven’t done anything wrong. Nothing’s catching up to you. This is Bingo. It’s all Bingo.”

  Caleb didn’t move a muscle. At least he wasn’t telling her to back off, but still . . . he looked so frozen and defeated. She knew that feeling; she’d lived it for a year. She had to wake him up, shock him.

  She took a deep breath. “I’m going to talk to him.”

  That worked. “The hell you are.” He swung around, fixing blazing steel eyes on her. “Didn’t you hear what I just told you about him? You stay out of this. Bingo’s more dangerous than he looks.”

  “He’s not going to hurt me. He’s in jail!”

  He took her by the shoulders, his fingers digging into her flesh. “You can’t trust the man. It’s pointless talking to him because nothing he says is the truth.”

  “But even if he lies, it might be a clue. What if someone else is threatening him, like your lawyer says? Maybe we should try to find out if there’s more to the story.”

  “Let it be, Sadie. Promise me. The police are on it, that’s their job. Bingo has a lawyer. If he talks to anyone, it’ll be her. She’s good. Really good. One of those newfangled female lawyers I’ve been hearing about.” A glimmer of a smile lightened his face. “You can
talk to her, I don’t mind that.”

  But his lawyer didn’t know Kilby. She did. Maybe she could find out something neither the lawyer nor Caleb could. “When you talked to Bingo, did you even give him a chance to say anything, or were you just furious and yelling at him?”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “Are you saying he didn’t deserve to be yelled at?”

  “No. I’m saying maybe he didn’t say anything useful because you were yelling at him.”

  “Stay away from him, Sadie. Promise me. He’s bad news.”

  She raised her chin stubbornly. “You’re doing it again. You’re shutting me out. You’re putting me in this little box over here labeled ‘Sadie,’ and Bingo in another box over there labeled ‘Keep Out.’ I don’t want there to be any ‘Keep Out’ boxes, Caleb!”

  They stared each other down, tension shimmering between them. Then his expression shifted. “So you want to get into all my boxes?”

  “Ye-es.”

  “How about my boxers? I’ll let you into those.” A devilish light back in his eyes, he flipped her onto her back.

  “Don’t distract me.”

  Too late.

  Chapter 24

  FOR CALEB THE next week was split evenly between Heaven and Hell, with Hell taking place during the day and Heaven reigning at night, when Sadie came over. Thank God, she’d given up on the idea of trying to pry the truth out of Bingo. When she came over, they spent their time lolling in bed, talking about anything and everything except the case of Thurston Hartwell and the “Triple A Betting Scandal,” as the media was calling it.

  During the day, he made himself keep track of all the developments. The TV coverage had dug up the footage of him attacking Bingo in the stands and put a new spin on it—while replaying it in excruciating slow motion over and over again.

  “Now that the mystery man has been identified as Thurston Hartwell, speculation is flying about the meaning of the incident. Some say it could indicate that Caleb Hart was trying to stop his father’s illegal activities. Others point out that if he knew what was happening, he should have reported it to Catfish management. The fact that the woman in the video is the assistant to the mayor of Kilby brings another twist to the story. Is Sadie Merritt somehow involved in the scheme, or was it pure coincidence that she was so close to Bingo on that particular day?” The reporter droned on while Caleb’s frustration mounted.

  Why, why did they have to drag Sadie into this? Why had he lost it in such an idiotic way that day? Why did so many people have to carry iPhones around with them?

  “I don’t believe in coincidences,” declared the head of the Ladies’ Auxiliary, a fiery older woman with a turquoise pendant around her neck. “We’re big supporters of Mayor Trent but I have to wonder if she knew what she was doing hiring Sadie Merritt. We believe this bears further investigation.”

  He picked up the phone and started to call Sadie, then put the phone back down. She had enough to deal with. She didn’t need him bugging her. Instead, he put on workout clothes and went for a long, sweaty, pounding run.

  “I need to take some time off from work,” Sadie told Mayor Trent.

  “Why?” The two of them were heading down the corridor to a press conference that had been arranged on the steps of City Hall. Fittingly, Sadie wore the same outfit in which she’d interviewed for the job. It felt like coming full circle, as if for a brief time she’d actually been a normal, legitimate person, and now her time was up.

  “Because I’m becoming an issue. I don’t want to be an issue. You told me to keep a low profile and now I’m on every news channel.”

  “That’s my problem to worry about, not yours,” said the mayor sharply.

  “It is my problem. I work for you. My job is to help you, not hurt you.” Since they were about to reach the door, she gripped the mayor’s arm and tugged her to a halt. “Remember how you said to choose wisely? Well, I chose. I chose Caleb. I’m not going to walk away from him. I don’t want that decision to create a problem for you.”

  The mayor scrutinized her for a long moment. “You’re sacrificing your job for Caleb Hart?”

  “I hope not. I’m not quitting. And hopefully you won’t fire me. I just want to take time off, or maybe work from home. I can still do things for you behind the scenes. But for now, I don’t want to be a lightning rod.”

  “You must really care for that ballplayer.”

  That was putting it mildly. “Yes. I do.”

  Mayor Trent released a big sigh as her sculptured face finally softened. “Fine, take some time off. I’ll keep you on half-pay and I may have some projects for you to work on at home. And if the reporters ask, I’ll say you’re a wonderful assistant and are taking some time off to complete your law school applications. That ought to shut them up.”

  On impulse, Sadie gave her a quick hug. She’d never been in such close contact with her boss before, and she felt the older woman’s automatic stiffening. She must have breached some sort of protocol with her spontaneous embrace. Maybe jostled her hair. “Sorry,” she said, drawing back.

  “No. It’s fine.” The mayor patted her cheek. “I’ll miss having you around. I want to tell you something, Sadie. You have a fire and a light inside you that will always draw people, and always make other people want to tear you down. Do you understand me?”

  Sadie frowned uncomfortably. She didn’t think she had any fire or light.

  “Oh yes, you do,” Mayor Trent said, as if reading her mind. “I saw it the other day, when I lectured you about choosing wisely. You told me I was leaping to judgment, and you were right. You impressed me, Sadie. You stood up to me, and you can stand up to those others too.”

  “Do you mean . . . Hamilton?”

  “Hamilton’s one. He couldn’t have you, so he tried to extinguish you. Don’t let people like that win.”

  A shimmer of pain, so quick Sadie nearly missed it, marred the perfect surface of Mayor Trent’s composure. Was she referring to some past experience? She knew so little about the mayor’s life.

  “I . . . I’m trying not to let him win.”

  “Not just him. Anyone. Anyone who wants you to be less than what you are—avoid those people, or at least ignore them. Promise me.”

  The door to the front steps opened a crack as one of the interns hurried in. “They’re getting restless out there,” he called to them. “What should I do?”

  “I’m on my way.” The mayor squeezed Sadie’s shoulder, then gave her a wink. “Now go cheer up that Catfish of yours.”

  Sadie gathered up her things and left by the back door; everyone was too wrapped up in the mayor’s press conference to notice her anyway. She pushed back the sadness that she wouldn’t be part of this event, or the next or the horn-toed slug campaign or any other of the mayoral initiatives for a while. Maybe ever. After all, the mayor would need a new assistant.

  But she knew it was the right thing to do, so she steeled herself and moved on to the next item on her agenda of complete disaster.

  She went to the county jail to visit Bingo.

  “Does Caleb know you’re here?” the man asked eagerly, when he’d settled into the plastic seat on the other side of the table.

  “Not exactly.” No need to mention that he’d blow a fuse if he knew. She’d had to write her name in the visitors’ book, and could only hope that Caleb didn’t plan to visit again. Of course, if the reporters or Bingo’s lawyer told him, he’d find out anyway.

  Bingo’s face crumpled, as if he were a toddler whose treat had just been taken away. “He hates me.”

  “Well, if he did, you couldn’t really blame him, could you?”

  He shook his head mournfully. “What a godforsaken mess this is.”

  Ever since her conversation with Caleb the other night, Sadie’s conviction had been growing that someone else was pulling the strings in this situation. And since this was Kilby, and one family had a lock on the string-pulling in town, she had a strong suspicion she knew Bingo’s puppet master. T
he trick would be getting him to tell her.

  She leaned forward, creating more of an intimate space between them. The guard shifted his position. “Not too close there, miss.”

  “What do you think I’m going to do, pass him a cake with a key inside?” she snapped at him, forgetting for a moment that she was inside a jail and the guard carried an impressive-looking weapon. All this stress must be getting to her. “I mean, sorry, mister. Officer. Sir. I’m just here to talk.”

  She tried her meekest smile on him, which seemed to do the job.

  She shifted her position enough to reassure the guard but not shatter the connection she’d formed with Bingo. “Bingo, I know you love Caleb. I can see it every time you’re with him. I know you don’t want to hurt him. Am I right?”

  His baby blue eyes widened in alarm. “Why?”

  “Because I think you’re protecting someone. And if you don’t speak up, Caleb might have to quit baseball. Or even go to jail.”

  Bingo shook his head rapidly. “No. He won’t. My lawyer said that wouldn’t happen, no matter what.”

  Darn. Okay, time to get creative. “Well, I’m studying to be a lawyer, did Caleb tell you that? No? The thing is, your lawyer’s job is to represent you. She’s not representing Caleb. So are you sure you can trust what she says about him?”

  He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

  “Imagine that I’m Caleb’s lawyer. As Caleb’s lawyer, I’m telling you he’s going to have trouble clearing his name unless the whole story comes out.” That much was probably true. If a big mess of gossip and rumors hung around for too long, his reputation would be ruined for good.

  “But he hasn’t . . . he didn’t—” Bingo snapped his mouth shut.

  “You’re not supposed to say anything, are you? Someone is threatening you so you’ll keep quiet.”

  The convulsive movement of his head might have been a yes. Or it might have been a neck spasm. Hard to tell.

  She glanced at the guard again. He was listening closely, which meant that chances were good anything Bingo said right now would get back to someone.