Nancy Thayer

by Summer House (v5)

  “Wonderful.” Charlotte grabbed a drink and followed her mother into the living room, where Suzette reclined on the sofa with her baby in her arms.

  “Lunch,” Helen announced. “I’ll hold Dawn while you eat.”

  “Thanks.” Suzette lifted the infant high. Helen bent to hold her and settled in the corner of the sofa, gazing down.

  Charlotte set Suzette’s plate in her lap. For a while the three women talked lazily about the heat of the day, Dawn’s sleeping patterns, Charlotte’s garden.

  Charlotte ran an appraising eye over Suzette. “You’re looking good, Suzette. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m tired,” Suzette told her, “but also sort of euphoric. High and dizzy and mellow all at the same time.”

  Charlotte’s food lost its taste. She glanced at Helen to see if her mother thought what she thought—that Suzette’s description sounded a bit druggy.

  Suzette caught the change in Charlotte. She put her food down and wriggled on the sofa, facing Helen and Charlotte. “Okay. I think it’s time I told you some things.”

  Charlotte’s mother shook her head. “Don’t feel you have to. You don’t—”

  Charlotte interrupted her mother. “Tell us.”

  Suzette took a deep breath. “Yes, I used to do drugs. Pot and hash and some cocaine. Oh, and alcohol, of course. But I haven’t done drugs for years.”

  “For years? But you’re so young! How old were you went you started?” Helen looked dismayed.

  Suzette lifted her chin defiantly. Speaking carefully, she said, “I was twelve when I started drinking and fourteen when I first smoked pot. But I had a lot of clean months and years. Most of the time I’ve been clean.”

  “Oh, honey.” Tears welled in Helen’s eyes.

  Suzette leaned toward Helen. “I haven’t had a drink for years. I haven’t done drugs for years. Look at Dawn. She’s fine.” She ran her hands through her hair, then began again.

  “My father left home when I was a child, and I have no idea where he is. My mother—drank. She had a hard time raising me, and I was alone in the apartment a lot, and I never had the advantages Teddy had. I could have gone to college—I mean, my grades were good enough—but the year I graduated from high school my mother died, so I had to go to work. I had one really bad year, the year my mom died, and I drank and did drugs, and I was not a pretty sight. But I joined AA, and I got cleaned up, and I stayed clean for three years, and then I met Teddy.”

  “I’m so glad,” Helen said softly, gazing down at the infant in her arms.

  Charlotte asked, “Are you and Teddy married?”

  Suzette cast her eyes down. Quietly, she said, “No.”

  “No?” Helen looked stunned.

  “Look. Let me explain.” Suzette clasped her hands together in her lap and sat up straight, as if she were applying for a job. “I got to know Teddy through AA meetings, so I’ve heard Teddy talk about his family over and over again. Teddy’s problems start right here, with his family.”

  “Oh, please,” Charlotte protested. “We’re not monsters!”

  “I didn’t say you were. I’m just saying that Teddy doesn’t think he can measure up to the rest of you. He thinks you’re all so perfect. Oliver is brilliant, and Charlotte has made such a home in the middle of the family here on Nona’s land, and Teddy’s father and uncle work in the bank, and so do Mandy and Mellie’s husbands, and all those men do everything right.” She glanced at Helen. “Teddy thinks you love Oliver best, and Charlotte, he thinks his father loves you best.”

  Helen shook her head. “That’s not true!”

  “Well, Teddy thinks it’s true, he feels it’s true. And I fell in love with Teddy, but I wasn’t sure I could deal with everything else. With all you Wheelwrights. He is so—what’s the term psychologists use—wrapped up?”

  Charlotte supplied the word. “Enmeshed.”

  “Right. Teddy’s so enmeshed with his family.”

  Helen interrupted, “But that’s what families are all about! Being enmeshed! Being a messy, snarled, confusing cluster of people, people you love the most and hate the most sometimes, too.”

  Suzette said, “Okay. I agree. But it took me a long time to escape from my own snarled cluster. I wasn’t sure I wanted to take on another train wreck.”

  “You see us as a train wreck?” Charlotte demanded.

  “No. I didn’t say that. I’m not explaining this very well. I just know that the circumstances of my family made me into a drunk, and I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to deal with a family as, as—complicated as Teddy made you sound.”

  Charlotte could see how Suzette was struggling, and she wanted to help her somehow, so she said, lightly, “Well, we certainly are a complicated family. And there certainly are a lot of us here in the summer.”

  Suzette flashed Charlotte a grateful smile. “That’s true. So. Before we came here, I told Teddy I didn’t want to marry him, I wouldn’t marry him, until we’d spent some time here at the summer house. I mean, the summer house and all the cousins and the perfect family and everyone knowing everyone else’s secrets—it scared the shit out of me. If you were as—difficult—as Teddy made you sound, well, I wasn’t sure I wanted you all around my child. But because of the baby, Teddy wanted everyone to think we were married.”

  Helen almost whispered, “Is the baby Teddy’s?”

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  But Charlotte was annoyed. “Let me get this clear. The baby is Teddy’s, but you would have kept her from us if you didn’t like us.”

  Suzette stared steadily back. “That’s my right.”

  “This is terrible.” Helen had gone pale. “To think that Teddy feels so wounded by his own family …”

  “And what did you decide?” Charlotte asked, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. “Are we good enough for you?”

  “Charlotte, please.” Suzette reached out a beseeching hand. “I didn’t say good enough. It’s about my own capabilities, my own fears. And my concerns for Teddy. And Dawn is Teddy’s child,” Suzette confessed, her voice softer now. “She couldn’t possibly be anyone else’s. I don’t know why her hair is so dark. My parents both had dark hair … But look, Teddy was right. Mr. Wheelwright is furious because he thinks Dawn isn’t Teddy’s child.”

  Charlottle turned to her mother, “She’s right. Dad left the island after he saw Dawn, and he hasn’t come back.”

  Helen kept her voice low as she held the baby against her. “It’s true Worth was upset when he saw the baby’s dark hair. And he has been concerned about all of this—the baby’s paternity and whether or not Suzette and Teddy are married. I don’t think that’s so very terrible. These are profoundly serious matters, after all. But Worth has other issues to deal with. I don’t mean the bank. I mean personal matters.”

  Charlotte’s gaze whipped to her mother’s face. “What personal matters?”

  Helen shook her head. “It’s up to Worth to tell you that. All lives have passages of time when—”

  Charlotte interrupted. “Are you and Dad getting divorced?”

  A faint smile crossed Helen’s face. “No. We are not. In fact, your father is coming back tomorrow afternoon. And he’s decided—no, that’s the wrong word. It sounds too cold, too cerebral, and this is a choice Worth is making with love—he has accepted Dawn as his grandchild.”

  “That will mean a lot to Teddy,” Suzette said.

  “And it will mean a lot to Worth,” Helen countered, “when you and Teddy tell him about Dawn.”

  “So, wait,” Charlotte said. “Suzette, you didn’t answer my question. Are you accepting us?”

  “Well, yes, it’s obvious, isn’t it? That I—like—Teddy’s family.” Suddenly shy, Suzette’s voice fell to a whisper and she flushed pink with emotion. “Nona is wonderful, and you two have been so good to me. And Teddy is happier here than he has been for a long time. I mean, I know he got drunk, but he’s an alcoholic. We both are. We both will be working on this all our lives.
”

  “Are you going to marry Teddy?” Helen asked.

  Suzette nodded. “Yes. I told Teddy I will marry him, as soon as he wants.”

  “Here!” Charlotte cried. “Have your wedding here!”

  “At the summer house,” Suzette said. “Yes, we could do that. I think Teddy would like to do that. Although we don’t want to live here, I mean, in the summer house. We’ll find a place on the island, and then we’ll take it one day at a time.”

  “You’re going to stay on the island?” Helen’s face was bright with hope.

  “I think so.” Suzette couldn’t help but smile at Helen’s expression. “Teddy really loves his job. He’s good at it. And he has friends here.”

  “And you like us!” Charlotte teased. “Admit it!”

  Bashfully, Suzette said, “I do.”

  Dawn began to whimper. Suzette stretched out her arms and Helen gently handed over the baby. “You look tired,” she said to Suzette. “We’ll let you rest.”

  Charlotte rose. “I’ve got to get back to work.”

  Helen stood, too. “Can we get you anything, Suzette?”

  “No. I think I’ll just snuggle down here,” Suzette told her.

  Charlotte carried the tray into the kitchen. Her mother followed her. Together they stacked the dishwasher and cleaned up. Charlotte assumed her mother’s thoughts were still bound up in the good news of Dawn’s paternity. But to her surprise, her mother asked, “Would you like me to man the farm stand for a while?”

  Charlotte grinned. “I would love that, Mom.”

  That evening, her friend Katy phoned to remind Charlotte that they had hardly seen each other all summer and to beg for a girls’ night out.

  “That’s exactly what I need!” Charlotte cried.

  She showered and slipped on her most frou-frou summer dress and piles of tinkling bracelets and drove into town to meet Katy. They had drinks and dinner at the Ropewalk, and then strolled around the docks, looking at all the splendid yachts, and allowed themselves to linger in town, listening to the street musicians and gazing at the beautiful people. They talked about their summer dramas—Katy called it “parallel play” like toddlers had. They didn’t solve any problems, but Charlotte went home feeling greatly cheered about life.

  Tuesday morning, Charlotte knew part of that cheer had been inspired by too many strawberry daiquiris. Her head ached steadily, like some kind of engine, and her mouth was dry. She sat at the kitchen table, drinking orange juice and wondering whether she should go back to bed.

  Aunt Grace peered into the room, saw Charlotte, and jumped, looking guilty.

  “Good morning, Aunt Grace,” Charlotte said.

  “Oh! Oh, hello!” Aunt Grace skittered away down the hall, leaving Charlotte curious. Now what was going on?

  Rising, she rinsed her coffee cup and set it in the dishwasher and was turning to leave when Christian thundered into the room, waving a robot and yelling, “Me want Cheerios right now!”

  Mandy followed with baby Zoe in a sling. “Lower your voice, Christian, people are still sleeping,” she instructed, then saw Charlotte, and jumped. “Oh! Oh, good morning, Charlotte!”

  Charlotte reached up to take the cereal from the cupboard and found Christian’s Winnie-the-Pooh bowl from another shelf. “What’s wrong with everyone?” she grumbled, as she helped Christian into his chair. “You all act like I’ve turned green.”

  “Auntie Charlotte turned green!” Christian chanted, knocking himself out with laughter.

  “Is there coffee?” Mandy sank into a chair and put her feet up on another chair. “Thanks for helping, Char, I’m beat.”

  Charlotte set the bowl in front of her nephew, found his special spoon for him, and fixed Mandy a cup of coffee the way she liked it, with a lot of cream and sugar.

  “Really.” Charlotte sat down across from her cousin and stared at her. “What’s going on?”

  Mandy jiggled Zoe, who whimpered and fell back asleep. She made a face, squeezing her eyes together and wrinkling her forehead. “Um. Mee’s with Coop.”

  “What?”

  “Well, Mee was bored last night. When you went out with Katy. So she walked over to Coop’s. And she hasn’t come home.”

  Charlotte frowned. “Well, I’m not sure … I mean, you don’t know—”

  “I do know, actually. Mee phoned me on her cell last night. At about eleven o’clock. She was in Coop’s bathroom, and she was whispering. She said if anyone was worried that she wasn’t home, it was because she was spending the night at Coop’s.”

  Charlotte just sat there, mouth open.

  “Well,” Mandy quickly reminded her, “it’s not as if you were engaged or anything.”

  Still trying to absorb this information, Charlotte replied mildly, “No. No, we’re not.”

  Mandy tilted her head, appraising Charlotte. “I thought you’d be upset.”

  “You hoped I’d be upset,” Charlotte shot back.

  Mandy bridled. “Well, that’s a terrible thing to say!”

  Charlotte started to argue, then shrugged. She rose. “I’ve got to get out to the garden.”

  “Charlotte, wait.” Mandy scooped a pile of errant cereal from the table and dumped it into Christian’s bowl. “Eat that before you get more,” she said to her son. Looking back at Charlotte, she said, “Mee didn’t want to hurt you. I mean, she’s not—doing this—to hurt you.”

  Charlotte sighed. “I know that, Mandy. The only motivation any woman needs to—do what Mee is doing—is just to look at Coop.”

  “But you never did seem serious about him.”

  “I’ve only dated him this summer. I haven’t had a chance to get serious about him.” She didn’t want to have gooey girl talk with her cousin right now, even though Mandy was practically panting for it. “I’ve got to get to work.”

  “Charlotte—so you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  In the mudroom, she laced up her work boots, applied more sunblock, and stuck her sun hat on her head. She strode out of the house and down the drive to her garden shed. So this is why she’d been so unsettled, so edgy, so nervous. This thing, this event, was unrolling toward her, and now it had happened. She wondered whether this was enough. Had she paid off her debt? Had she earned her freedom? Or did she have to tell someone about what she had done, to make it more real, more complete? If so, who would she tell? Not Mandy. None of the Ms could ever keep a secret. Not her mother, who would too easily forgive Charlotte, and certainly not her father, who would think Charlotte was even more of an idiot than he already believed. She needed someone involved with the family, someone who would comprehend the magnitude of her transgression and could provide a sensible reaction, and then perhaps she would be able to set herself free.

  Whit, she thought all of a sudden. Whit. She dug her cell phone from her pocket.

  Whit met her at Altar Rock. No one ever came to the moors in August, it was just too hot. But Whit knew a secret place, a shady grove beside a hidden pond. They left their cars at Altar Rock and walked down a dirt road bordered with crooked scrub oak smothered beneath wild grapevines. She was surprised when he suddenly ducked beneath a branch and motioned for her to join him. She followed him through a green tunnel of leaves, along a narrow path worn down by deer, and found herself on the edge of a small blue body of water adorned with water lilies. An island covered with a multitude of wildflowers rose from the center of the pond. It was cool in the shade, and still, except for the occasional rustle of leaves.

  “Whit, this is beautiful!”

  “I know. And private. Whatever you’ve got to say won’t be overheard out here.” As he spoke, he flapped an old blanket out onto the ground.

  Charlotte helped him smooth it out. She settled, cross-legged, on the blanket, and took her thermos out of her bag. “Iced tea?” She poured them each a plastic cup. Now that the moment had come, she regretted her impulse. Yet she also knew she couldn’t continue her life one more minute without removing
the secret that was strangling her life.

  “All right. Here goes.” She shifted, angling away from Whit. It would be easier to tell him if she didn’t see his reaction. “About four years ago I did something pretty bad. I haven’t told anyone else. I thought I could—oh, somehow work out my own schedule of atonement, and somehow I’d feel better, but it hasn’t turned out that way.” She cleared her throat. “All right,” she said again. Then, in a rush, she told him. “Whit, I had an affair with Phillip. When Mee was still married to him.”

  Whit didn’t respond. She glanced at him, but he was staring out into the distance.

  “It’s not why Mee got divorced,” she added quickly. “Mee never knew. It didn’t have anything to do with Mee. It hardly had anything to do with Phillip. I was just so unhappy and confused at the bank. I kept making mistakes. I was working in his department then—commercial loans—and I kept making stupid mistakes, and Phillip was so nice about it. He didn’t make me feel like an idiot. He helped me.” More quietly, Charlotte added, “He didn’t tell my father how I kept messing up.”

  Whit picked up a twig and snapped it into equal lengths, considering. After a moment he said, “You know, don’t you, that Phillip had affairs with a lot of women at the bank?”

  Charlotte pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them, dropping her face down into her arms. Her voice was muffled as she said, “I heard that about him. And I’m not saying that I was such a fabulous experience for him that I caused him to leave Mee. I mean, it was four years ago, and it didn’t last very long, and I broke it off. But I did have sex with a man who was married to my cousin, and that is just shabby.”

  “Yes,” Whit agreed quietly, “it is.”

  Charlotte sniffed. “I’ve been trying to—oh, this sounds corny, but it’s the only way I know how to say it—I’ve been trying to live virtuously ever since. I didn’t have sex for years, and I worked in my garden and spent my free time with Nona—not that I don’t adore Nona, I do, but I haven’t had much of a social life. I thought—I knew—the time would come when I would wake up one morning and realize I’d paid my debt. I would be free to move on. And this morning—well, this morning, Mandy told me that Mee spent the night with Coop. She’s still with him.”