Hellcats: Anthology

by Kate Pickford

  What a sweetheart.

  He rose so fast in my estimation in that moment. He might not be a cat man, but this guy loved his wife, and he wasn’t afraid to let her know it.

  I knew at that point that my initial assessment had been right and that I had struck gold. This was the final leg of my journey, my way to finish well. I was grateful to this couple for responding to my arrival so well and allowed myself a little self-congratulation on a great choice as I drifted off into a delicious catnap.

  The car came to a halt, and I stretched out, expecting to be out of this box any moment. Not so!

  “I’m just nipping into this shop to get a few bits and pieces. Dave will keep you company…” Monica got out of the car and her steps got rapidly fainter as she walked away.

  So here I was in a closed box in a car with Dave for company! He surprised me. He leaned into the back and opened the box so he could peer in and see me.

  “Hello, little one,” he said, “So what brings you to us? All things happen for a reason, you know. I don’t hold with all this chat about ‘random’ stuff…”

  So, Dave was a bit of a philosopher. He might be easier to work with than I had initially imagined.

  Dave carried on chatting away to me, telling me I’d landed on my feet finding Monica, she had always wanted a cat, but it hadn’t been practical when they rented their apartment on the fourth floor of a block down in Exeter.

  In principle he was right. I wasn’t a great fan of cities and navigating in and out of an apartment block, up and down from the fourth floor, sounded like a freaking nightmare.

  Dave paused for a minute, then leaned towards me in a conspiratorial manner. “Hey, Felicity.”

  I looked at him, thinking he was being very intentional about addressing me personally.

  “I turned into a cat earlier,” he said. “Don’t ask meow.” He chuckled at himself and turned back to face the front of the car.

  Any other time I would have groaned or turned away in disdain, but when he opened with “I turned into a cat earlier…,” my heart had skipped a beat, and my stomach knotted. I almost missed his delivery of the punchline. I actually (for a split second, you understand), considered that I might have misjudged him, somehow missed his aura or the scent of magic on him, but he was just a naïve bloke, bumbling his way through a poor, maybe mediocre joke, if you were feeling charitable. I believe the humans refer to these as “Dad jokes.”

  I heaved a sigh of relief. This wasn’t a shape-changing magician, this was just Dave.

  Thankfully, Monica reappeared with a push trolley laden with boxes and bags. Dave hopped out to meet her and went around to open the back of the car.

  When we got home, they carried me, in the box, into the house. I was so ready to leap out of that box, but they carried on emptying the car of boxes and bags, and then proceeded to unpack the shopping and start arranging things.

  Now look here, I’m not one to sulk, but leaving a cat of my bearing cooped up in a closed cardboard box was just too much. I registered my complaint with a low mewling sound. I wasn’t just being petulant, I hadn’t detected any magic in or around the house on my arrival, but there was a lot going on. I’d been traveling for two days, stalked by a mean and magical Tomcat, and knew all too well how easy it was to miss a sign and end up being forced into serving as a familiar to some mystic. I wanted to take my time to tour this place and sniff out any spellcraft or witchy nexuses which might betray my presence.

  Monica came over and patted the box. The bloody box, I mean, come on, folks!

  “Patience, Miss Felicity, patience,” was all she could muster in response, so I decided to indulge myself for once and have a bloody good sulk.

  I don’t know how long I was in that box, I lost track of time. Okay, maybe I nodded off and had a bit of a nap for a couple of minutes. That’s always disorientating in terms of keeping track of time.

  Anyhow, I woke to see the top of the box being opened, and Dave’s hands reaching in to scoop me out. He lifted me out onto the carpet. Monica was standing in the corner of the room with her right hand resting on a tube which was the uppermost piece of a cat gymnasium.

  Were these people for real? My heart swelled with gratitude and all thoughts of inspecting the house dissolved in an instant

  Next to the gymnasium was a plush, oval cotton bed, lined with a soft, fur-like material and a cushioned base. I could almost forgive them for leaving me in the box.

  Monica and Dave were discussing dinner. “Indian or Chinese?” said Monica.

  “Whatever you fancy, sweetie,” came the reply. “You know I love both.”

  I got distracted, not that their conversation was too enthralling, but I like to pay polite attention, normally. But what was this? I could smell Nepetalactone Oil. There was catnip in the house. Oh My! There was a vestige of my brain that was trying to hold my attention, but this stuff was box fresh. I had to find it.

  I knew it was somewhere around the cat gymnasium, but where? I pottered over and stepped onto the base. It was here somewhere. I had a choice between a scratch pole in front of me, which wasn’t necessarily designed for climbing, but it was an option, or the ramp behind me.

  I tossed caution to the wind; reason had abandoned me the minute I smelled that sweet herb. I scrambled up the post to an inch of the top and then leaped off, thrusting myself backwards mid-flight and landing deftly on a five-inch square platform opposite.

  I paused just long enough to get my bearings and noticed that Mr. and Mrs. Rogers were giving me their rapt attention. Didn’t they have anything better to do? But that smell…

  I sauntered across a suspended bridge, once again demonstrating my flair for cool, (well, someone had to). It was just a hop from the landing at the end of the bridge to the tube that sat atop this playground, a few inches higher. The smell was absolutely tantalizing now. My nose was aquiver with excitement. I may have been dribbling a little.

  I stalked the length of the tube, all fifteen inches of it. The smell became even more pungent and intoxicating, but I hadn’t found it yet. I reached the end of the tube, nothing! I lay down and pondered this peculiarity. I wasn’t going mad. There was catnip just inches away, somewhere. I crept forward and stuck my head clear of the end of the tube.

  Bingo! There it was! A stuffed “thing” absolutely dripping with the scent of catnip. It was hanging on a string, suspended from a pole that had been set diagonally on the top edge of the tube.

  I considered it for a minute. It was around three inches to the right of the tube and a couple of inches lower. Quantum physics has always been a bit of a hobby to me, and after more than 3,000 years on the planet, it didn’t take too long to work out how to land it.

  I crept forward a few more inches, leopard crawling, for those of a military persuasion. Yes, I have seen some action in my time, but we haven’t got time to get into that now. Once my shoulders were clear, I dropped my right foreleg out of the tube and swung it in a lazy arc, catching the string with my momentum and sending the “thing” swinging in something of a horseshoe. As it came up on the left-hand side, I struck it with pinpoint accuracy and pulled that “thing” into the tube, pulling myself in ahead of it so it had a place to land.

  It landed. I rolled my head over it, first one way then the other. I stepped back and flipped it with my left paw, catching it with my right. Oh, this was a little piece of heaven.

  I pulled it further into the tube and lay over it, rubbing my belly on it. What was that sound? Ah, I was meowling, that absent combination of meowing and growling. I played with the stuffed “thing” for a couple more minutes then set it back out to hang by its string.

  I could hear chuckling somewhere, ah yes, it was back in the room. I backed out of the tube and hopped down to the platform. There I lay, looking at Monica and David.

  Sure enough, they were chuckling at me, it would seem.

  Humans are so bizarre. What on earth did they expect from a cat presented with a personal gym and c
atnip?

  Monica swept past me and stepped down into the kitchen. She crouched and rubbed her thumb and forefinger together while making strange noises with her lips, like sucking kisses back into her mouth. Didn’t humans realize how peculiar and patronizing and stupid they sounded when they did this?

  Hey ho! I decided to recognize her motivation rather than her unintended stupidity. I swanned gracefully to Monica in the kitchen. Well, someone had to demonstrate some panache.

  Then I saw that she’d filled a couple of bowls, which were set in a steel frame with a rubber base. On one side was water, and the other, some choice cuts in jelly. I was going to have to exercise a little discipline here. I didn’t want to get fat.

  After dinner, I took the cat flap into the garden to find a bit of rough to relieve myself in. Once I was done and had scratched over the ground, I took a proper tour of the garden. I’d regained my senses and all my spiritual antennae were aquiver. If there was an enemy or any magical trickery afoot, I would detect it. Things were going swimmingly which meant I had to redouble my efforts to make sure I didn’t slip into complacency. That had proved costly before. It was precisely that sort of lack of attention that had landed me with Doris.

  The garden was no paradise, but it wasn’t too shabby either. There were flowers and bushes, which most certainly meant insects, and it stood to reason that if that was the case, there would be birds, too. At the end of the garden, there were a couple of owl pellets, so there were mice and voles and other critters around here. Nice!

  I was sauntering back to the house when I heard a muttering from beyond the fence that separated this garden from the next. I froze on the spot. That muttering was familiar, it had a certain cadence to it, and an other-worldly timbre.

  Someone was weaving a spell.

  I forced myself to breathe evenly so I could hear what she was saying. Hold on, it wasn’t a she, it was a he with a falsetto voice.

  It was a rudimentary spell at best and somewhat clumsy, but this chap had some will, and he was willing himself to see across three planes. The physical, which he could see already, the ethereal, which he would soon get to see with some perseverance, finesse, and better pronunciation, but he was trying to lift the lid and peer into the underworld, too.

  I had to act fast. This wasn’t funny, and a deep foreboding ran through my body like warm emotional treacle.

  I positively slunk back to the house and went through the cat flap without making a single sound. The last thing I needed now was for an ambitious, up and coming warlock with a hunger for dark power to recognize who and what I was. How hadn’t I sensed this before? There was something else going on here. I relaxed, dropped my belly to the carpet and allowed my senses to tune into the magical pulses that were making the ether sizzle. There it was again. That blasted Tomcat! He was there, directing this warlock with little psychic nudges. I “listened” for another few seconds. This wasn’t just a cat. Hell’s teeth, it was Maahes! I’d only crossed paths with this psychopath twice since I’d been in the employ of Bastet but the last thing I needed now was some Egyptian godling messing with my plans.

  OK, I had to get out and get out swiftly. My dream was starting to make more sense. This house was where I would meet David and Monica, but we couldn’t stay here with Maahes seeking to raise an army from hell next door. The cottage in my dream took on a new significance. That’s where we needed to get to without a moment to lose.

  Not only were the stakes high but the danger had just increased exponentially. The Egyptian magicians were sticky and knew how to wield the old magic. My heart was pounding like a jackhammer and there was a pressure in my temples. Relax Felicity, I told myself. You can do this. I paced the floor of the living room, rubbing myself on Monica and David’s legs every now and then. Now that might sound as though I was trying to endear myself to them, but in fact I was just helping them relax as I radiated a soporific atmosphere. It wasn’t magic, per se. More of an aural shift. I knew this would go under the radar for anyone looking for me, even Maahes.

  It wasn’t longer than half an hour that Monica and David succumbed to the atmosphere and went to bed. Ok, they would be asleep in minutes, I need to get into a trance state so that I could execute the next part of my plan.

  I’ve dream-walked hundreds of times, mostly on errands for magicians of various standing and disciplines but had rarely visited folks of my own volition. Still, I knew what I had to do. I relaxed and got as peaceful as I could, mind still, heart low and steady. As my breath slowed, I detached my spirit from my body and headed up the stairs. I tickled myself by walking to their bedroom when I could have immediately entered their heads in the dream realm, but I enjoyed a little irony from time to time.

  Monica’s mind was a hive of activity, sorting out events from the last few weeks, remembering fragments of a holiday sometime, turning away from a woman who was criticizing her sharply.

  I leaped onto a chest of drawers in front of her in this childhood room of hers and lay down, licking my front paws. I stopped and looked up at her, my jade-green eyes warming her heart.

  As she smiled and started to walk towards me, I spoke to her, saying, “Monica, excuse the sudden intrusion. I really need you to pay attention!” Talking to people in their dreams was so much easier than doing so in the waking world. “Tomorrow, tell David about this dream and ask him to take us both away to somewhere quiet and secluded by the sea. I need to speak with you properly, and I can’t do it here. Your neighbor would be able to ‘hear’ me on one level, and that wouldn’t do at all.”

  I didn’t need to tell her about Maahes and the fact that he could bind me to being part of whatever deviant scheme he was planning or about Jannes, who had bound me all those many years ago. All that could wait. Better that she feel calm and confident. No need to scare her out of her wits.

  I winked at her and was rewarded with another of her warm smiles. That was good enough. I stepped out of her dream and into David’s. He was on the sea in a small rowing boat in some choppy conditions, but proving himself to be quite the seaman, having adequate skill in navigating the waves as they rose and fell, the boat with them. I sat on the prow of the boat and stared at him for a moment. He grinned at me as he steadied the boat again.

  “Hey, David, I really need you to pay attention! Monica is going to share a dream with you tomorrow. I want you to listen to her and do exactly what she asks. It’s really important, do you understand?”

  “Got it, Felicity, got it.”

  That was good enough for me. He didn’t need to hear about any of the bad juju either. I stepped out of his dream and went back to my body. I smiled as I drifted into a deep, restful sleep.

  I was woken by Monica walking through the living room into the kitchen. I followed her and gave her a gentle meow in greeting. She bent down and stroked my head and gave me a delicious scratch behind my ears. I hopped up onto the chair back that overlooked the garden to see or sense if Maahes and his feckless apprentice had rumbled me.

  The fur on the back of my neck and all along my spine stood up. My limbs stiffened, ears pointing forward. My mouth was dry, and I could feel fear rising in my belly again. There were traces of magic flickering all over the garden next door. This had all the hallmarks of Maahes. He was Bastet’s son and was previously known for offering protection in lower Egypt, but he had been enchanted by a ruthless Egyptian priestess who had enslaved him to do her bidding. It had driven him crazy and he had gone from being a protector to a devourer of souls. I didn’t want to stick around to see where this was leading.

  Monica opened a pouch of food and set it in my bowl, saying, “Good morning, Felicity, I had the most curious dream last night.” She obviously wasn’t sensing the ominous signs I was picking up.

  I know, Monica, I thought, tell David about it. Monica busied herself with putting a pot of coffee on and gently toasting some full butter croissants. David stumbled into the kitchen, mumbled “Morning,” and sat at the breakfast bar.

&nbs
p; Monica smiled at his entrance and perfunctory greeting but didn’t speak to him until he’d finished his first mug of coffee. She poured him a second, added a spoonful of brown sugar and some double cream, and then sat across from him at the table, nursing her coffee.

  David was just tucking into a croissant, which he had slathered with butter and strawberry jam.

  “David, I had the most curious dream last night,” she said.

  David looked up from his croissant with wide eyes. “Felicity appeared to me in my dream and told me to pay attention.” He coughed and sprayed some of his croissant on the plate and table before him. He carried on coughing. I thought he was going to choke at one point.

  Eventually, his cough subsided, and he took a long draft off coffee.

  Monica continued. “Then she told me that we should get away somewhere secluded by the sea as she has something important to speak to us about, and she can’t do it here.”

  David was incredulous. His mouth was hanging open, and his pupils almost completely dilated. “But…” he managed to mumble out, “But, but…”

  Monica sensed he was trying to say more than “but.” She got up from the table, walked around to David, and gave him a hug. “What is it, sweetheart?” she asked.

  David pulled himself together, took a deep breath, and said, “She appeared in my dream, too. She told me to pay attention to you and do what you say. That it is important.”

  Monica sat down abruptly. The two of them turned to look at me as I was innocently lapping water. Once I felt sufficiently hydrated, I met their gaze, I stretched and gave them a plaintive meow. They looked at each other and back at me.

  David was first to move. “C’mon, Mon, this isn’t a coincidence. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I want to be playing my part, whatever it is.”

  “Yes, yes,” said Monica. “Let’s pack a bag for a couple of days and find somewhere by the sea where we can take this strange cat.”

  The two of them shuffled out of the kitchen and headed up to the bedroom. I purred a deep, velvety purr. These guys were just the ticket and they’d caught my sense of urgency. We would be out of here and out of the range of Maahes in the flick of a cat’s whisker.