SURE (Men of the ESRB Book 3)

by Hollis Shiloh

  He looked like he had more to say — a lifetime of not giving a shit having caught up with him, maybe, till he gave all the shits at once — but he stilled and gave me another fierce look.

  I tried to look bland and not laugh at him. I was proud of him, really, and flattered, too. He'd only started to care so much recently, I knew — since we'd had our heart-to-heart and had become a kind of reluctant kin. I think maybe diving into my mind had given him new perspectives.

  Maybe he hadn't cared about any of that until he saw something in my life that showed how much it could hurt people. That was all conjecture on my part, but he did care, and I was proud of him. He'd had to face some tough realities and make changes in his life, even though it was difficult.

  "Thank you."

  He gave me a short, sharp nod. "But it's not about you," he added, practically confirming that it was. He scowled again. "I'm — I have some things to do. I'm going to go now." He pointed towards the wall, then quickly towards the door.

  Ellery watched him with wide, clear blue eyes, guileless and unconcerned, not understanding. He wasn't scared of Martin because I wasn't. Probably he would trust the man with his life from this point on. I wondered if that trust was part of it, and if it scared Martin as much as anything else.

  Martin? I sent a tendril of thought after him, through our connection. I wasn't quite bereft — I had Kev and Ell here, after all — but I didn't understand the way he seemed upset. What was wrong, really?

  Scowling, he mentally pushed me away, not roughly, but very firmly. I got the distinct impression he wanted me to leave him alone, though he sent no words or impressions in my direction. I got a bit of them through the connection, anyway.

  Oh. It hurt him to see me and Ellery together. It hurt a lot, was too painful to stay and watch. He wasn't jealous of either one of us specifically, but he was jealous, painfully and deeply so, of our relationship. The trust, level of commitment, tenderness, and pure love between us hurt for him to see and feel.

  For so many years he'd fooled himself that it wasn't what he wanted — a boyfriend, a partner — but lately, he could no longer hide from that knowledge. It was a pain deep inside him. He wanted someone of his own desperately, someone who loved him unconditionally and would move the world to save him.

  And that person was not going to be a woman. It hurt to have his illusions shattered, and to feel so alone. It hurt him a lot, and he couldn't stand to be near us right now. Couldn't stand for me to know, to look at him with pity.

  I hugged Ell tighter against my side and shivered.

  There was nothing I could say to make it easier for him, no platitudes, no promises. It did hurt to be alone when you desperately wanted not to be. I hoped he'd find someone of his own to love.

  But surely it would be easier to find someone — hundreds of times easier — now that he'd finally admitted what he wanted. I sent him no pity, no words, and I turned to Ellery, hugging him closely.

  "What did he say?" demanded Kevin, still being my fierce protector. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

  "No," I said. "He didn't." I doubted he ever would. He was very close to being a brother to me, and I was pretty sure it was an unbreakable bond, whatever terms you wanted to use. Even if it wasn't, I didn't think he'd ever wish me harm, much less make it happen. "Everything's okay now," I promised. "But I want to go home."

  Kevin relaxed subtly. "I'm glad it's still home," he said quietly.

  "It is," I promised.

  We looked at each other. I saw the promise in his eyes. Felt the certainty. There'd be no more rules about staying inside, not being allowed to go wherever the hell I wanted.

  Apparently Martin had told him something of how I'd been going crazy, locked up in that house. How desperate I'd felt. And Kevin was never going to let me feel that trapped again, even if it meant hiring a thousand security guards to make the world safe for me.

  He no longer cared what the higher-ups wanted, if he ever actually had.

  Ellery's arms tightened around me gingerly, still careful of my ribs. "Are you all right, really, Peter?" he asked softly. "I feel like you're . . . you're not." He looked up at me with trepidation, worry and dread in his eyes.

  Poor Ell. Life hadn't taught him anything but dread for so many years. I kissed him tenderly.

  And, because I loved him, I told him the absolute truth. He could handle it. He could handle so much more than most people realized. I would protect him from some things if I could, but I wouldn't lie to him about how I was doing.

  "I'm feeling relieved and much better. I'm lucky to have made it, and very grateful to you, Kev, Martin, and whoever those SWAT guys were — except that one with the big gun, who — never mind." I cut myself off hastily, seeing his eyes bulge in fear. I took a deep breath. "But this was a big ordeal, and I have a feeling it's going to hit me hard sooner or later. I really want to be home when it does."

  Kev stood up immediately.

  Ellery gave me an encouraging squeeze, his thoughts warm towards me, protective, kind, non-judgmental. He seemed to be hoping he'd be able to handle it, if I needed to tell him all the details. He wasn't sure he could, though.

  #

  "Ell?" I asked cautiously during the plane ride home.

  My captor had gotten me as far as England — I wasn't still in France in that house. I wished I'd been able to tell; it would've made me feel smarter about at least one stupid thing. Instead, I hadn't even been able to keep from antagonizing a killer.

  I leaned closer and nudged Ell slightly. He'd held my hand protectively for most of the flight so far, but had just released it a while ago to fiddle with his console.

  He looked at me inquiringly. "Yes?"

  "Was this . . . was what we just went through the time from your vision when we were separated?" I whispered it guiltily, wondering if I should even dare ask him. His moment of aloneness and despair, had it taken place because of my kidnapping? I was afraid to know, but I thought maybe I needed to.

  His gaze dropped to the floor, and I felt a rush of pain go through him. "Yes. It was . . . difficult. I had to keep reminding myself that you were going to survive. The feelings were as bad as I'd known they would be, from the vision. Now I knew the reasons for my despair and misery, but knowing didn't help. It almost made it worse. And I had to hold it together."

  He drew in a fortifying breath and forced himself to face me. "I asked myself what you'd tell me to do. I kept coming back to, 'Tell Kevin.' It was really hard — they said you'd be killed if I told anyone — but I knew you trusted Kevin with your life. I knew I couldn't save you on my own, whatever anyone expected of me. And I knew you had to survive — you had to."

  The certainty in him on that point was a little scary, but it was true. He'd always been able to know his visions were true. If that changed, suddenly nothing in the world would make sense.

  "So, I told Kevin. But it was a hard decision to come to. They scared me pretty badly with the threats against you. I'm not going to forget that for a long time, Peter."

  "Me either." I thought of my captor and his dangerous rage — and his dangerous calm. "I don't think I'm going to want to go anywhere away from home for a while," I admitted.

  "We'll face that when it happens," said Ell, more calm than I felt. "We won't let you become a shut-in." He caught my hand again and squeezed it, looking into my eyes. "I'm going to look after you, no matter what. You're safe now."

  I realized that that was just the sort of thing I said to him when he had panic attacks, when his whole world felt unstable and dangerous and upside-down. I always gave him my words to hang on to, and my hand, wanting him to believe in me when he couldn't believe in anything else.

  Now he was doing it for me, and it was the truth, too. I could rely on him in every way that mattered. And, more than I could ever possibly deserve, he would keep me safe.

  "Thank you," I whispered, and leaned across and kissed him, filled with peaceful gratitude.

  I was still dreading
the nightmares, the counseling, the fear that had come with the knowledge of what I'd experienced and learned. I dreaded seeing my captor's face, looking for him in a crowd, if he wasn't locked up for life — and maybe even if he was. It wasn't going to be fun, but it was worth getting through all of that.

  Because the other stuff? The rest of my life? That, I didn't dread. It stretched cool and clean and beautiful in front of me, looking as welcoming as a clear pool of bright water. There might be good times and bad, but there was usefulness, beauty, peace, and love all there, waiting for me to dive in.

  Life was a beautiful thing.

  #

  About six weeks later, we were having unusually warm weather, and I was taking advantage of it. I was sitting on the roof, stretched out on a canvas deck chair, wearing nothing but sunglasses, a little tanning oil, and a Speedo. I was going for a tan.

  Ellery, who couldn't tan if his life depended on it, had shaken his head at my outfit, but I could tell he thought I was hot. He wasn't even good at keeping the admiration off his face. He was wearing a slightly distracted look, like he was trying to be cool and think of other things. But he kept almost-smiling, that look I loved best from him — not nervous at all, just consumed with thoughts of me.

  So far, they all seemed to be of me. Maybe someday I wouldn't do it for him, but so far I did, and I could handle that.

  He was sitting beside me in a show of support and togetherness, but he was wearing lots of sunscreen and light layers covered him over top of it. The only things we had in common were sunglasses and canvas chairs.

  I'd had some bad nights. Ellery had been there for me, the way I always tried to be for him, only perhaps more effectively. I felt useless, stupid, and relieved a lot. I replayed scenes in my mind painfully, more often than I liked. I sat through a whole buttload of counseling, and some of it helped. They even gave me a prescription, but I wasn't comfortable taking it. I hated the way I felt on drugs — floaty and missing — and these turned out to be no different. Unlike the pain meds I'd required after my car accident, I didn't require these; they were just to smooth the way. So I'd let the way stay unsmoothed and had relied on other support, at least so far. I was staying away from big forks, too. They still made me break out in a cold sweat.

  Otherwise, things were becoming more normal again.

  Kevin and the legal team were going over contracts that had been signed under the duress of my captivity with a fine-toothed comb. They were still looking for the issues, but they had a chance now of fighting them if they ever found the problems.

  Somewhere, in a clause, an intention, or a telling little detail, someone had tried to do something terribly wrong. Ell must've stopped it at least once before, but we still didn't know what it was. Ell wasn't sure if he'd have even known something was off this time if he hadn't been threatened, which seemed ironic and awful to me.

  I didn't have nightmares every night. I could do my job. I could laugh, smile, enjoy myself. There were just hard moments, too.

  Martin had disappeared from my life again, for now. I knew he'd be back if I needed him — and that I'd go looking for him if he ever needed me. I used to want a brother when I was younger, and part of me was sure I'd gotten my wish, in perhaps the worst possible way. Whatever; I would try to stay in contact and stay close in whatever way I could, as often as I could. But right now, he needed his space as much as I did. He needed to work out the whole 'being attracted to men' thing, and anything else in his life that was changing.

  Today was a good day so far.

  "Ell." I pushed my glasses down and looked at him over the top of them. He looked back at me inquiringly, mirroring the gesture, and arched one pale, perfect brow. I felt a rush of affection for him, and I grinned as I spoke. "Let's just do it, okay? Let's tie the knot. I'm not ever gonna leave you or want anybody else. And I know you love me, too. So let's just do it."

  He looked startled at first, then grinned. His jolt of surprise, followed by a mellow enjoyment, made me stare at him. He tried not to laugh — and almost made it.

  "What? Did I ask wrong?"

  "No. It's very sweet of you. I think we're not both ready, though. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I have the feeling we'll know. The time will present itself, and it'll be easy. I don't want you asking because you think I want you to — that we might as well. We'll be ready when it's time, I think. And if I'm ready before you are, then I'll ask. Okay? So, don't worry about it. We'll get there, or we won't — and I think we will. But maybe not today?"

  In the history of turning down marriage proposals, that had to be one of the best. It was a lot better than my asking. I nodded, feeling ashamed of myself. "I guess that was a pretty dumb way to ask, wasn't it?" As usual, I'd said what had popped into my head, not what would go over best.

  But Ell was staring at me affectionately, a smile on his face, as if he didn't mind at all. "No, it's not that. I thought — ah — when you asked, that you were going to suggest something else."

  It was my turn to raise my brows. "Oh! Did you . . . want me to suggest something else?"

  He pulled his sunglasses back down to cover his eyes quickly and tried to smother his wicked grin. "Kind of."

  Mm. I could work with 'kind of' — especially since what he really meant, on the inside, loud and clear as a shout, was YES.

  "Shall we move this indoors?" I asked. "I'd had to see you burn that cute ass of yours."

  He ducked his head, almost suppressed his giggle — and nodded. I hopped out of my chair and reached a hand down to pull him to his feet, grinning.

  The day had just gotten even better.

  The end

  More stories by the author:

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  -Hollis

  Men of the ESRB

  The Extra Sensory Regulatory Bureau rates talented individuals like empaths and clairvoyants. They have special gifts — and often some extra burdens that go along with them. The ESRB takes care of its own, but these guys still have a lot to figure out about life — and love. Stay tuned for more tales from the men of the ESRB.

  More stories in this series:

  SAFE

  Afraid of being outed, Neil Hunter, "Hunt," dreads meeting the new "human lie detector" at the precinct — a registered empath who can sense truth and falsehood.

  But Skyler Zane is more of a mess than any closeted cop could ever be, with an abusive ex and a history of mental issues. And instead of avoiding him, Hunt ends up taking him under his wing, looking out for him.

  And maybe falling for him, too. Everything is going well — including their unexpected feelings for each other — until Sky's skills come to the wrong attention. Now it's up to Hunt to find him — and figure out how to keep them both alive.

  KEEP

  Pete might always know when people are lying, but that doesn't make him a good judge of character. Will he ever find a man who wants to keep him?

  Pete's the kind of guy who gets on people's nerves. He can't sit still. He talks too much. He doesn't know when to shut up. And he always knows when people are lying.

  While his talent wasn't strong enough to get an empath rating from the ESRB, he now has a second chance with the new testing methods they're using. If he makes it, he'll have some well-paying job offers from people who actually appreciate his gifts.

  Maybe this time things will work out. Maybe his life will finally take a turn for the better. With some hot guys in it, too.

  64,000 words

  gay paranormal fiction

  Book 3)