Space Unicorn Blues

by T. J. Berry

  She tapped her teeth with a fingernail and thought through options.

  “I have an idea,” said Gary. It was rare that he offered a plan. Jenny was intrigued.

  “I think you can convince him if you speak to him as Cheryl Ann,” he said.

  “Oh no,” said Jenny. “You said yourself invoking Cheryl Ann before was cruel. Pretending to be her would be awful and wrong and a disguise like that would require a shapeshifter.”

  “I’ve seen what you’ve been doing. Your jumpsuit, the flowers, and a few other things you thought no one had noticed,” said Gary.

  “Party tricks. I can do them for a few seconds. You could probably do better.”

  “Shapeshifting is not a skill I possess,” said Gary.

  “Then have Boges do it,” she said.

  “Dwarves can’t shapeshift,” called Boges from behind the dwarf door where she was listening in. She opened it a crack. “It’s a learned skill that only a few Bala master. It’s unique for a human to have the ability to access nullspace energy at all, let alone shape it into intentional forms. Are you sure you’re not part Bala?”

  “Definitely not,” said Jenny. “Maybe Ricky has some spell up her sleeve.” She hit the intercom to Ricky’s room. “When you’re done stashing contraband, join us in the cockpit.”

  “I have a few of Cheryl Ann’s things in storage,” said Boges, disappearing through the dwarf door. Jenny called after her.

  “Don’t bother. I don’t need them. We’ll figure out some other way.” Boges didn’t answer. “Listen, I have no love lost for James Bryant, but this is needlessly sadistic,” she said to Gary.

  “It is heartless, but not needlessly so. There are beings counting on us to get through the checkpoint. Possibly millions.”

  “At least one,” said Jenny, absently. Her finger paused on the tablet as she lost herself in some memory. Gary wanted to offer a consoling sentiment, but he couldn’t assure her that everything would be all right without lying. A flicker of despair shadowed her face like a passing cloud.

  “You’ll find her. She’ll be fine,” he said. Jenny made a tiny snort through her nose. It was kind of him to lie.

  “Of course,” she replied. “She’ll be fine.” The shadow passed. “What I’m most worried about right now is Jim. When he figures out it’s me under there, he’ll kill me. No hesitation, no questions, he will straight up murder me where I stand.”

  “We’ll be right outside the door,” he assured her.

  “I know, but you are nowhere near as fast as a man who has nothing to lose.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  The Ghost of Cheryl Ann

  “I am deeply uncomfortable with this plan,” said Jenny in the cockpit, looking down at the blue dress that used to belong to her best friend. Wearing it, she felt like a centaur on a bicycle. She smoothed down the skirt as it rose around her in zero G.

  “How do you keep this thing down?” she asked.

  “Wires, sometimes,” said Ricky, putting Jenny’s hair up. “Magnets work too. Zero gravity couture is a whole subgenre of fashion. Just let it float. It can only help you.”

  Between the dress, the hair, and the perfume that Boges had dug out of storage, they’d gotten Jenny as close to Cheryl Ann as they could. It was up to Jenny and the nullspace energy to do the rest.

  “You could really use some makeup,” said Ricky, looking disdainfully at Jenny’s bare face.

  “Don’t even think about it,” said Jenny. She was just about at her limit as it was. “I’ve never done anything like this,” she warned. “I made a few flowers grow and changed the color of my jumpsuit. Nothing this complex.”

  “Then speak quickly,” said Gary.

  “When you’re trying to convince someone, the devil is in the details,” said Ricky, slipping one of her sturdier heels onto Jenny’s floating foot. “Mention something that will bring back his memories of her. Something he’ll remember fondly.”

  “Again, I am deeply uncomfortable lying to Jim,” Jenny repeated. Gary and Boges nodded. Ricky put two hands on her shoulders.

  “Don’t think of it as lying. Imagine you’re giving him the gift of one last conversation with his lovely bride. Let him say the things he’s waited ten years to say. If you can get him talking, he’ll probably go there on his own,” said Ricky.

  “How can you be sure?”

  “Because that’s what I would do,” said Ricky. Jenny got a brief glimpse of something pained behind Ricky’s unflappable facade before it went up again and she was tucking Jenny’s hair behind her ear.

  Jenny checked her tablet. They were ten minutes from Borstal. It was now or never. Jenny pulled up the file of Cheryl Ann’s engineering school ID and studied the picture. She turned her awareness to the nullspace energy surrounding her. It pulsed along with the ship. She gathered it up like a sponge sucking up water, more than she ever had before. She had that feeling from the engine room, of being swollen with unspent energy. It made her as jittery as seven cups of coffee. She cracked her neck to release some of the pressure building in the back of her head.

  “You all right?” asked Ricky.

  “Just choice,” said Jenny. She imagined Cheryl Ann’s long honey-colored hair parted in the middle, her funny little turned-up rabbit nose, and her eyes the color of the twilight sky. She shook her head to move the energy into her features. She didn’t need to ask if she’d gotten it right. Gary’s pained face said that she had. She practiced Cheryl Ann’s toothy grin and the look on Gary’s face nearly broke her heart.

  “I think I got it, bud,” she said in Cheryl Ann’s perky cadence.

  “Nicely done,” said Boges. Gary didn’t, or couldn’t, say a word.

  Jenny pushed off into the hallway. She floated down to Jim’s door and knocked. She’d thought impersonating her best friend would be hard, but as soon as that voice came out of her, all the goofy little phrases Cheryl Ann used to use came right back to her.

  “Jimmy? I wanna talk,” she said. There was quiet within.

  “Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey,” she called at the door. The voice was uncannily accurate. It sent shivers down her arms and she knew it was fake.

  Jim’s door opened. He stood there bleary-eyed, his shirt covered in dried blood. She gathered one last breath of nullspace and touched his crusty cheek.

  “Oh Jimmy, what happened to you?” she asked.

  Jim blinked the sleep out of his eyes. It didn’t look like he was fully awake. All the better.

  “Damn unicorn hit me,” he said.

  The real Cheryl Ann would have chided Jim for picking on Gary, but Jenny had an agenda.

  “Baby, we need to get that bastard off our ship. Let’s drop him at Fort J and…”

  Jim’s eyes narrowed, like he’d just become aware of what was happening.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, putting his hand over her own and squeezing it to see if it was real.

  “We’re in FTL, cowboy. Anything can happen.”

  He pulled her into his cabin and slammed the door shut.

  “Did anyone see you?” he asked.

  “No.” Jenny started to get nervous. He was more frantic than she was expecting. His eyes darted around the room, as if he expected someone to jump out and ambush him. This was a man on the edge of reason.

  “Good,” he said. “I need someone on my side around here. I think Gary is trying to kill me and Jenny is helping him. I think we need to strike first.”

  Jenny had imagined she’d spend most of the time convincing him she was really Cheryl Ann. She hadn’t dreamed that he’d accept it right off the bat and pivot directly to murder.

  “Oh, bud,” she said, as disarmingly as she could. “I think you’re jumping to conclusions. They just want to make their meeting time and drop off the boxes. We could really use the cash, hon.”

  “I don’t want to go to Fort J,” he said, putting his ear up to the door to listen to the hallway sounds.

  “You’ll be fine there. Yo
u have no warrants and you’re not Bala. It’ll be a piece of cake.”

  “But if Jen gets there, she’s gonna find out that I turned Kaila into the Reason patrol for the reward money.”

  Jenny couldn’t breathe. She gasped and clutched the front of her dress, which was suddenly two sizes too tight. There was a thunk out in the hallway. Thankfully, Jim pressed his ear up to the door and didn’t see as her illusion flickered. For a moment, she was plain old Jenny, floating there, aghast. She got a breath in and reconstructed Cheryl Ann’s face around her own.

  “You did what?” she asked in mostly her own voice.

  “We were low on cash and Jenny had us running on fumes between Earth and Mars. Kaila was always shedding leaves everywhere and drinking up all the water. It just made sense.”

  “Oh,” said Jenny. She was afraid that if she tried to say anything else, she’d give herself away.

  Jim floated up to her and grabbed her shoulders.

  “I’ve missed you, bug.” He leaned in to kiss her and Jenny turned her head away. He left a wet mark on her cheek instead.

  “Hey, I can’t remember the name of that bull cow who gave you so much trouble. The one that knocked you into the pond?” she asked.

  “Tank. We called him Tank,” said Jim.

  “Ah, that’s right. Tank. I was thinking, Jimmy. When you set up shop on some planet with a lot of grass, you should find one of those bull calves that looks like Tank and make a little ranching concern of it. Maybe get a momma cow too so you can have real cheese for your grilled cheese sandwiches. It’s been a long time since you had real cheddar.”

  “Yeah. That’s a good idea,” he said, a wistful smile spreading across his face.

  “It’s just what we wanted, bud. And to get that plot of land you’re going to need the help of every creature aboard this ship. You can’t make this delivery alone. Make the drop, get the cash, move on with our lives. Trust me, bud.”

  Jim’s eyes went wide in realization. Jenny felt victory within her grasp.

  “You know what?” he asked brightly.

  “What, hon?”

  “I can make this delivery alone. I don’t need a single damn one of them.”

  “No, that’s not what I said. Just get everyone through Borstal. For me.”

  “The ship’s in my name now. The rest of them can go to hell. I’m not letting you go again.”

  He reached out and stroked her hair. Jenny flinched and he narrowed his eyes at her. Her disguise flickered, like a flame sputtering. She ducked under his arm and pushed off toward the door. Jim froze with his hand in mid-reach.

  “You don’t move like my Cheryl Ann,” he said.

  “It’s the null. I can’t–”

  A bony hand reached out and slammed Jenny against the wall, knocking the breath out of her.

  “Which filthy Bala are you under there? One of the dwarves? Gary?”

  Jenny wasn’t ready to give up just yet.

  “Jimmy, stop,” she said, doing her best to mimic Cheryl Ann’s pleading voice as her heart pounded. She lost her grasp on the nullspace energy and her disguise flickered into nonexistence. She was just Jenny wearing a dead woman’s dress.

  Jim’s eyes hardened into black coals of fiery anger. He lifted his hand to strike and Jenny slammed him in the jaw with her elbow. He grunted and let her go. The door to the room opened so fast it banged against the wall. Two bare human feet kicked out and hit Jim in the shoulder. He flew away from Jenny and rebounded off the far wall. Ricky hung onto the doorway and held out her hand.

  “Come on.”

  Jenny let Ricky pull her along the hallway, back to the cockpit. Jim came roaring after them, an antique six-shooter in his hand.

  “I don’t care if I bust a hole in this ship as big as a man, I’m going to kill you, Jenny Perata,” he shouted, taking aim at her and Ricky. Boges popped out of a door in the hall and tried to block Jim. He floated right over the top of her.

  “Where’s Gary?” asked Jenny.

  “He’s a bit of a mess right now. I told him to walk it off,” said Ricky.

  “Don’t move or I’ll shoot,” said Jim. They stopped and Jenny held up her hands.

  “Hey, I’m sorry. We just needed your help and you wouldn’t come out. We couldn’t think of any other way to get you to open the door.”

  “So you impersonate my wife?” he cried, dragging himself slowly along the hallway. “That is the lowest. I know the rest of them hate me, but I thought you were my friend.”

  “You are no friend of mine, James Bryant. You turned Kaila into the Reason for cash. You are a dead weight hanger-on who I only bring along because you can get us through Reason checkpoints. No one likes you, no one wants you, and after this, I’ll be delighted to get as bloody far away from you as possible.”

  The triple-click of a cocking revolver echoed off the stone walls. Ricky grabbed Jenny and shoved her down, bending over her like a shield. Jim pointed his gun in their direction. With no more than a few meters between them, even a shaky old guy like him couldn’t miss.

  He pulled the trigger and Jenny braced for the impact. There was a hollow click, but no shot rang out.

  “Shit,” said Jim. The gun clicked three more times. Every chamber was empty. Jenny started to breathe again. Ricky floated away from her. Gary came up behind Jim and slammed him into the stone wall. The old guy floated inert for a moment, then spasmed back to life with a wheeze.

  “All of you are dead. Every single damn one of you,” he said, pulling himself slowly along toward the cockpit, his face crumpled in pain. He shut the door behind him and the deadbolt slid home.

  “That went well,” said Ricky brightly.

  “How are you doing?” Jenny asked Gary.

  “I must admit that I’m feeling more emotions right now than I have names for,” said Gary.

  “Me too,” said Jenny. “Ricky fucking Tang was going to take a bullet for me. Nothing in the universe makes sense any more.”

  “Maybe you owe me one or maybe you’re just starting to grow on me, Perata,” said Ricky, with a grin. Jenny turned to Boges.

  “I’m curious why Jim’s gun, which he keeps loaded at all times, was suddenly and mysteriously empty,” she asked.

  Boges opened her tiny fingers. Inside her palm were six gleaming bullets.

  “I wouldn’t let him shoot any of you,” said Boges.

  Jenny tugged on one of the dwarf’s braids.

  “Well done, Boges,” she said. Boges ducked her head, but not so fast that Jenny didn’t see the color creeping into her cheeks. Jenny pulled out her tablet.

  “We’re five minutes from Borstal. Jim intends to punish all of us by dumping us with the Reason. He’s going to make the drop alone.”

  “So the cargo will get to Fort J,” said Gary.

  “And so will you,” said Jenny. “They’ll bring you to the harvesting center.”

  They exchanged a long look.

  “You’re just as bad as I am,” said Jenny.

  “Indeed,” replied Gary.

  “What am I missing?” asked Ricky.

  “Jim is accidentally bringing us right where we need to be,” said Jenny.

  “Only not in the way that we intended,” said Gary.

  “Unamip’s path is a labyrinth,” said Jenny. “Some roads are unclear until the heat death of the universe.”

  Gary smiled at her – except for his eyes.

  “I heard through the door. It’s unconscionable what he did to Kaila,” he said.

  “What did he do?” asked Ricky.

  “He turned in Jenny’s wife for the reward,” said Boges.

  “What a shithead,” said Ricky. “So how do we keep from getting arrested at Borstal?”

  “Don’t fight the current of fate,” said Gary. Jenny laughed at the ridiculousness of the two of them quoting unicorn gods as they were about to be boarded, arrested, and tortured.

  “Go with the flow,” she giggled back.

  “I don’t un
derstand you two,” said Ricky, exasperated. She kicked at the cockpit door, which sent her flying against the far wall. “How are we going to get out of this?”

  “We’re not. We’re going to let the Reason take us to Jaisalmer. Jim is going to take the cargo there too,” said Jenny.

  “Oh perfect,” said Ricky, her words dripping with sarcasm. “We only have to break out of both the rehab center and the harvesting center. People do that all the time. You couldn’t have come up with an easier plan.”

  “You have to admit, it’s a very Jenny Perata plan,” said Gary.

  Ricky pushed off toward her cabin.

  “I’m not going to sit around and wait to be taken in. I’m going to hide… and if that doesn’t work, I’m going to fight.”

  “I’m a little overdressed for incarceration,” said Jenny, slapping down the gauzy skirt. “I’m going to change, and then wait for the boarding party in the cargo hold. Boges, can you help me out of this?”

  “Of course, Captain.”

  “I’ll meet you in the hold,” said Gary. “I’ll find Kaila at Fort J. You get yourself and Ricky out of the rehab center. If you can get to us on Jaisalmer, good. If not, we’ll come to you.”

  “You sound quite confident.”

  “It’s all I’ve got, Jen,” said Gary.

  They both chuckled. Jenny had heard that laugh before – on ships carting away Bala prisoners-of-war from Copernica Citadel. It was the mirthless laugh of fighters who knew they were about to die.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Borstal Checkpoint

  Gary floated over to the cargo boxes. They had eighteen hours to get them to Fort Jaisalmer. He wondered what would happen if they opened while they were in the air. It had occurred to him, with the Sisters’ ever-shifting allegiance, that he could be delivering a weapon of mass destruction to the Summit. That would explain why it was so important to have it in the right place at the right time.

  Jenny floated in after him. She’d quickly changed out of Cheryl Ann’s dress and back into her usual flight jumpsuit and boots. She’d put her nest of hair up in an ornate braid that he suspected Boges had some hand in. Jenny was more likely to leave it floating. She had her tablet out to listen in on Jim’s progress through the checkpoint on the public comm feed.