by Jenna Bernel
"Wow, you really are fast," I said, smiling at the Gifts he retained.
"Yeah, I'm psyched; that Gift is still just as good as ever. It's too bad I can't use it in a meet," Henry said enthusiastically, sitting next to me and pulling me in for a vise-like grip hug. I wrapped my arms around him, afraid to let go. I felt so protective of everyone I turned. I was responsible for them, and I let them down. I let me down too. I was thankful that they retained their vamp Gifts even after I turned them back to humans. At the very least, in a time like this, it was comforting to know they had some means of protecting themselves, if called upon.
"What are you doing here?" Henry asked, his voice slightly muffled in the thick material of my coat. I detected the hint of unease in his voice, probably because he was noticing how I kept clutching onto him for dear life.
"I'm sorry to say that I'm here to deliver some bad news," I replied regretfully. I was sick of being the cloud of doom today, the one who came to destroy everything Eli and I had worked so hard for. I pulled away to look at Henry and offered a sympathetic smile. I loved his blonde, curly hair, which gave him the perfect amount of boyish charm, even more so now with just the ends sticking out from under his woven hat. His face was etched with worry, as I'm sure he remembered that it was Eli who usually checked in on the Reborns. He looked too terrified to even ask.
"Eli has been taken by the 7th Circle, and we are all in danger. I'm sorry, Henry, but you're going to have to leave town for a while." I blurted it out all at once, ripping off the Band-Aid with a single, painful swipe. I swear, I felt Henry's insides scream, as his face blanched in crumpled despair. We sat there silently as I let it soak in. The disappointment on his face was unbearable.
"Is Eli alive?" Henry asked quietly.
"I don't know," I said honestly, my voice shaking as if an earthquake had ruptured in my throat.
"But… but I just got home," he said in the smallest voice. He sounded like he was no more than eight years old. I felt sick with guilt.
"I know, I wish there was another way, but it's not safe for you or your family if you stay. I'm so, sooo sorry to do this to you, Henry…" I said, my voice cracking at every word. I took off my glove and put my hand on his cheek, feeling his pulse thump below his ear under the tip of my pinky finger. I looked at him with as much confidence as I could muster.
"I know this is hard. I know this is the last thing in the world you want to do, but I promise I'm going to get Eli back. I promise you'll get to go home again," I said with conviction, and I meant it. I didn't care what it cost. I intended to keep those promises. He looked down and sighed, nodding his head in compliance, and I dropped my hand from his face.
"What do I need to do?" Henry asked, keeping his eyes on the ground. He couldn't even look at me, and I was grateful because I was on the verge of losing it. I slipped the manila envelope into his lap.
"Everything you need is in here. Just follow the instructions, and they will take you someplace safe. I'll give you an hour to go home, pack, and say goodbye to your family before I come by and Trance them," I said with a sigh, hating every second of it.
"What will my family think happened to me?" Henry asked with predictable concern.
"They'll think they sent you to a boarding school. They'll even have the papers and receipts to back it up, which I'll leave with them. I was told that, where you're going, you can occasionally contact them, just to keep up your cover, but that's about it," I said, chewing the inside of my cheek, and knowing what was coming next.
"Where am I going?" Henry asked, picking up the stuffed manila envelope from his lap and knitting his eyebrows together.
"I'm not sure, and it's best that I don't know, because I will do whatever it takes to get Eli back, which could mean my own surrender. Wherever it is, Eli wrote that you'd be safe there, and that's what matters," I said with firm resolve.
"You should get going. I'll meet you at your house soon," I said. He looked up at me, pinching his lips together.
"I'm not going to pretend this doesn't suck, but I trust you, Daniella. I'd do anything for you after what you did for me, and I'm sure that's how Eli feels too, so please be careful. I'll always owe you my life, and I'd lay it down for you any day. Don't ever forget that," Henry said. He gave my cheek a little peck before standing and running like The Flash back to his car.
"Thank you, Henry. I really needed to hear that…" I whispered, even though he was already gone. I couldn't believe how amazing he and the other Reborns were when I delivered the bad news. All of them reacted similarly to Henry, and all showed their disappointment, but they also were grateful to me and said they owed me their lives in some way. It was touching, really, which made the whole experience all the more painful. Their gratitude only emphasized how much they meant to me, and to our cause.
I suddenly had a flashback to a year ago, curled up in a filthy chair when I held Eli's hand in mine. I had fallen asleep in the chair, but my head was lying on the bed with my ear on his palm. It couldn't have been more than an hour or two after we arrived at the motel room, where I waited out whatever was happening to him. I remembered being jolted awake, when my temple, resting on his hand, suddenly felt his pulse jumping back to life. I bolted upright, and felt it again with my fingers, just to make sure I wasn't delusional.
I stared at him the rest of the night with my hand wrapped around his wrist, feeling the beat resonating through me, listening, waiting. The sun rose and still, he hadn't opened his eyes. After only one sip of my blood at The Basement, he somehow had a pulse? I promised myself I'd rot away in that horrible motel room, for days, or even years. I didn't care. I wasn't going anywhere until the five-hundred-year-old vampire, whose skin held a new, rosy hue, as the blood pumped through his beating heart, opened his eyes and looked at me.
Late into the morning, as if sensing my desperation, he stirred ever so slightly. My hope regenerated, more and more with each movement. I couldn't believe it. The emotion was too great as his eyes began to move beneath the lids. At that moment, I allowed myself to turn. I felt an electric shock radiating through me, and my heart thumped once again as I took in sharp breaths. Eli gripped onto my hand as he felt the real me coming though, as if he knew me all along, before his eyes fluttered open. They shone brightly with blazing amber light when he looked at me, appearing more human and full of life than I had ever seen in any soul before him. My mouth fell open. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even understand how my blood could make such a thing possible.
"How do you feel?" I said stupidly to Eli, unable to find the right words for what I had just done to him.
"Grateful, Daniella. I am forever grateful to be blessed with your Gift," Eli said lovingly as he pulled me in for a hug that marked the beginning of our partnership.
A hand gently squeezed my shoulder, surprising me out of my memory haze, and I jumped up to a defensive stance.
"Sorry, Dani. I thought you'd hear me coming," Alec said carefully, putting his hands up in mock surrender. I slumped back down on the bleachers.
"How'd it go?" Alec asked tentatively, sitting beside me.
"How'd it go? My heart has officially been broken twenty-two times today. Scratch that, it's really been broken forty-four times. Every time I take a Reborn’s freedom back, I'm sure Eli feels it too, wherever he is. So I break twice, once for him and once for me, and with no thanks to you," I scoffed bitterly.
"Dani," Alec reprimanded me, the hurt evident in his voice at my insinuating he was the source of all my pain. He looked at me sharply, his prominent brow sinking into a deep V as he squinted at me. I felt he was surely trying to find the smallest hint in my expression that suggested I didn't mean what I said. He wouldn't find it, though, because I meant every word. His face dropped, the line of his jaw flexing as he swallowed down his resentment.
"You know it's been a week, and you still won't let me explain. You're only hurting yourself by not hearing me out," he said, agitated, and turning the tables on me.
"Well, taking it is getting hard to swallow, when I know I did the right thing and you insist upon refusing to hear my reason why." He looked at me, daring me to ask.
Oh hell no. "You still don't get it, do you? It doesn't matter what you say, or that you think you're right. No matter what, I will never think it was right for Eli to take my place as Stella's scapegoat. And God help me, even if by some miracle you keep your promise and get him back, if he's even alive, that won't change the fact that you deceived me. You distracted me by instigating a fake relationship, and pretending you cared for me, when all the while, you were concocting a plan to stab me in the back. I will never forgive you for what you've done! Do you understand? Never!" I shouted, standing up.
I knew my words were harsh. Even I didn't like the person I'd become. As human, or even vamp, I was never one to be purposefully nasty, maybe a little bratty, but never outright cruel. It was as if I were a different person walking around in someone else's skin that didn't quite fit me right. Even as I felt my soul growing darker, something in me was becoming so bad, I had to project my pain outwardly and onto Alec. I couldn't bear it alone. It felt like I was slowly dying inside, and whatever once made me good and kind was the first to go.
He looked up at me. The sting in his eyes was palpable, and I could tell my words had finally hit home. I thought it would make me feel better, but somehow, I just felt worse. I couldn't look at him or his perfect mouth, which hung open now as he tried to formulate a response to my icy words.
I turned and began to walk back toward the stairs, but I felt a breeze passing by me as Alec leapt over my head, spinning to face me. He blocked my path. He gripped onto my waist, and I could feel each of his fingers clutching my sides, even through the thick wool of my coat. He pulled me into a hug, clamping down my arms so they were pinned to my sides, knowing I'd immediately try to wriggle free. I fought against his embrace as he calmly swayed us, while breathing into my hat.
"Alec, this isn't going to work. Let me go," I said, my face pressed against his coat.
He ignored me and soothingly continued to rock us. I let out a frustrated sigh and tried to maneuver my hands up to his chest, to push him away, but it was like a Chinese finger trap. His embrace only held me tighter if I moved.
"Just let me say one thing, and I'll let go," Alec said softly, and I grumbled, holding still.
"I won't push you anymore. I won't say another word to try to explain myself, but know that I'm here to stay, if only to protect you. Whether you like it or not, we're stuck with each other, so I only ask one thing of you. Please don't say anything between us was fake or pretense. No matter what you say, or how much you deny it, we both know what we had was real. It's important that you find your forgiveness. That doesn't mean I ever expect you to take me back, but you need to find forgiveness. Stella lost hers. I'm never going to let that happen to you, Dani." Alec whispered the last words into my ear and stepped away.
"No, I don't know that our time together was anything, but a big facade," I said, putting my hands on my hips, judgmentally. He tilted his head and pursed his lips, dismissing my failure at acting out a blatant lie. He knew better.
"Stop. Stop trying to take it away from me, if that's all I have to remember us," Alec said darkly. Everything about how he looked at me told me it was true. I dropped my hands from my hips and looked away.
"What do you mean, Stella lost her forgiveness?" I was still looking out at the field, not at all understanding what his comment might entail, or how anything about Stella affected me.
"It's all a part of the explanation you won't let me give," Alec whined. Damn he was good, trying to reel me into his web with that intriguing tidbit.
"Would knowing your explanation help me get Eli back?" Having already asked that many times over the week, I already knew the answer.
"Not exactly, but..."
"Nope! You said you wouldn't push me anymore, and I still don't want to hear it." I crossed my arms stubbornly.
"You are so bull-headed. It is absolutely infuriating!" Alec threw up his hands in defeat.
"Good!" I pushed past him to walk to the car.
"A week ago, all you wanted were answers, and now I can give them to you. Aren't you curious about why I'm here to protect you from Stella, even though I work for her? Don't you want to know who you are? And why you and I are so different?!" Alec shouted to my back.
"No!" I yelled, as I continued to walk away. Actually, I was dying to know, but none of that mattered to me right now, only Eli mattered. I didn't want any distractions to interfere with getting him back. Besides, I didn't want to know why Alec was so different, and so alike me. Why was he the only vampire on record who still had human emotion and could transfer it to other vampires permanently simply by tasting his blood? Anything that could bring us closer together I didn't want to know about. All I wanted was more distance from him, as far and vast as the ocean in my dreams.
I wished Eli had entrusted me with the manila envelopes that held the instructions to ensure our Reborns’ safety. Alec refused to give them up until I agreed that he could cart us both around Illinois and other surrounding states for almost two days straight. We hadn't spent this much time together all week, and the trip was utterly draining.
I clipped on my seatbelt and sat back, waiting for Alec, ready to go to Henry's house for my final Trance, and say goodbye. Today wasn't about Alec and me, going at each other's throats, but about them. I needed to do this. I wanted Eli to feel confident and have the strength to hang on, knowing that I did exactly as he asked. His final, selfless act was complete, and they were safe. My insides roiled and churned as I chewed on what Alec said. I was afraid… afraid there was no forgiveness left in me.
Chapter 2: School Daze
Honk! Honk!
I felt like I was launched from my bed. I sat up so fast, a cold sweat broke out across my forehead. I swore I could still feel his long, chilly fingers wrapped over my shoulders as he whispered once again, "It's going to be okay." I clasped my hand over my wrist, where I could still feel the heat from the bodiless hand stirring me from my sleep. The dream of me reaching out to the ocean while my maker tried to comfort me felt so real, it seemed like it was actually coming to life. What was happening?
I brought my palm to my throat and palpated my speeding pulse. I knew I must’ve turned vamp before bed. I did it as soon as I returned home on Sunday night, after sending away all of my Reborns. Had the dream brought on such deep angst and emotion that I involuntarily restarted my heart in my sleep? Turning back to human while dreaming… now that was definitely something new. I immediately wanted to talk to Alec about it, but sharing the dream would be something personal and intimate, so that option was out of the question.
Honk! Honk! Honk!
The familiar sound of Kate's car horn obliterated my thoughts. What time was it? I looked over at my clock to see that she wasn't early. I was running very late. That was also not like the usual me, and I was tired of this unfocused, dizzy side that I never knew I had. I grabbed my cell phone off my nightstand. Sorry, two minutes I quickly texted Kate. As I set my phone down, my bedroom door burst open. Dad's girlfriend slash Conner’s nanny, Missy, stood there, and she somehow looked even bitchier than usual. She and my grandma switched places last night, when Missy picked up Conner from my mother's house, on her way back in from the city. She was probably partying on my dad's dime all week, and uber-pissed to have to return to the ‘burbs, and "take care of" my little brother, and I use that phrase loosely.
"Are you deaf? Kate's here. Go to school!" Missy snipped, with her hand on her hip and a twisted scowl on her face. I glared at her.
"First of all, knock before you enter. Second of all, get out," I replied dismissively. Right then, Conner ran past her, proudly wearing Batman pajamas with his arms splayed out like wings, as he jumpe
d onto my bed before scrambling into my lap.
"Get up, get up, get up!" he sang, bouncing around, shaking us both, and I laughed. He was the only one who could still manage to make me laugh.
"I'm up, I'm up, I’m up!" I teased back, tickling his sides, as he thrashed and giggled wildly.
Missy made a disgruntled sound in her throat, like that was way too much noise to deal with, while still recovering from her harsh weekend hangover, I'm sure.
"Come on, Conner. Dani needs to get ready, and you need some breakfast," Missy chimed, in a much nicer tone. Conner jumped off the bed and out the door, right before Missy slammed it shut. Man, I hated her. I ran to my closet, and put on a simple green sweater and dark jeans before bolting to the bathroom to pull a comb through my hair while brushing my teeth. I grabbed my bag and was out the door less than a minute later.
"Hey, sorry,” I said to Kate. “My alarm didn't go off." I was slightly breathless as I slipped into the car.
"No biggie," Kate shrugged as she pulled out of the driveway.
"Look at you! All dressed up," I said, taking note of Kate's perfect hair and makeup, black tights, fitted sweater dress, and killer heels.
"Yeah, you too," Kate said sarcastically, since it was pretty obvious I spent no more than one minute getting ready.
"Ha! Yeah, it's for my photo shoot later," I said, digging around in my bag for the few bits of emergency makeup I kept stashed in there. I pulled down the visor mirror and swept some compact powder over my tired face, brushed on a coat of mascara, and dabbled on some light pink lip gloss. I wiped the excess gloss from the wand onto my index finger and gently dotted it along the top of my cheekbones before blending it in. A little trick my mother once taught me to achieve a dewy, fresh skin look whenever you're in a bind. Not great, but certainly better.