by Marla Monroe
“What the fuck is going on?” he demanded.
Laredo didn’t look up from stirring the milk on the stove. “Nothing. What’s got you all in a twist?”
Laramie’s mouth worked trying to form the words without sounding like a raving lunatic. This wasn’t his brother standing in front of him. He might look just like him and have the same face as he did, but Laredo wasn’t at home.
“This isn’t you, Laredo. You don’t jump into anything and you’ve been jumping ever since she got here.”
His brother turned off the heat and carefully poured the milk into a coffee mug before he said anything. Then he set it down on the counter and looked him straight in the eye.
“I’ve never fallen in love before. Dad was right. When it hits you, nothing else matters. We’ve got a ranch to run, a breeding business to keep alive, and a woman to make it all worthwhile now. What are you so screwed up about?” Laredo’s voice never grew louder and his face remained serious.
Laramie just nodded his head and stepped back. What could he say to that? He watched his brother pick up the mug and carry it into the bedroom. Either he was in complete control and really was in love with Billy Jean, or he’d broken under the constant stress he’d kept himself under the last ten years of his life. Laramie honestly couldn’t tell which was the truth right then. He followed Laredo back into the bedroom to tuck Billy Jean into bed.
Chapter Eleven
The next day Billy focused on the kitchen and making sure everything turned out perfect. She couldn’t let her mind drift for even one second or it latched onto the twins and what they wanted from her. No, she couldn’t go there. She had a job to do.
Shaking her head, Billy Jean put the finishing touches on lunch and nodded for the girls to start carrying it out to the guests. She glanced at the clock and sighed. She’d managed to keep to her schedule despite her wayward thoughts. She quickly gathered the dirty dishes and washed those she didn’t put in the dishwasher then set out what she would need to work on dinner that night.
By the time the meal was finished and the dishes taken care of, she needed a break. She fixed a cup of coffee to carry up to her room. She’d read for an hour or so and put her feet up. When she walked out of the kitchen, she nearly ran into Laredo.
“Sorry,” she said, cupping the coffee cup in both hands.
“Did it spill on you? Are you burned?” he asked, checking her hands.
“No. I didn’t fill it that full. I’m fine. Did you need something?” she asked.
“Where were you heading off to?” he asked instead of answering her.
“I was going to take a short break and put my feet up in my apartment.”
“Perfect. I had some ideas I wanted to talk over with you. I’ll follow you up.” He smiled as he settled his hand at the small of her back.
Billy Jean sighed and tried to keep the irritation that he was joining her from showing on her face. Besides that, being alone with him wasn’t a good idea considering all he had to do was touch her and she had trouble remembering her own name. Already her pussy had grown wet from his nearness.
When she opened the door to her apartment, he stepped in behind her and closed it behind them. He startled her when after she’d sat down, he knelt by the chair and took off her shoes and began to massage her feet.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m sure your feet hurt after standing on them all morning. I’m just rubbing them for you. Once I’m finished, you can put them up on the stool and we’ll talk.”
She couldn’t do anything but gawk at first, but then as her feet relaxed, so did the rest of her and she leaned back in the chair. His hands were magic. She’d almost closed her eyes when he propped them up and got up to sit on the chair across from her. His chuckle had her opening her eyes all the way once again.
“What?” she asked.
“You looked like a cat that had just swallowed the canary.”
“I felt like one after that foot rub. Thanks,” she said. “What did you want to talk about?”
“The wranglers who’ve worked at other ranches that catered to guests suggested several things when they first came on board, but I wanted to take things slow before we added too much to the mix. One of the suggestions was to have a couple of meals outside each week. Maybe a breakfast and a dinner. Do you see any problems with that?” he asked.
“No. Not at all. I think it’s a great idea. Do you have a picnic area close by?” she asked.
“There’s a covered area that we used to use for family gatherings when we were teenagers. It’s about two miles from here. We’re thinking that we’ll give them a short wagon ride there and back for the meals. What do you think? It has a gas grill as well as an open fire grill. We could even have cookouts when we aren’t under a fire ban.”
All she heard was wagon ride and connected that to horses. She made herself calm down. She would need to carry her supplies and food in a truck or van. They wouldn’t expect her to ride in the wagon. Billy Jean could feel her heart struggling to keep in rhythm.
“I–I think that would be a good addition to their experience. Of course I would need either a van or some sort of covered truck to transport everything for the meal.” She stared down into the coffee, afraid to meet Laredo’s eyes for fear he’d know something was wrong.
“Of course. We’ve got several SUVs so that won’t be a problem. Do you think you could come up with a few meal options in time for the next round of guests?” he asked.
“Yes, of course. That won’t be a problem at all.”
“We may even do a trail ride for them that ends in breakfast. There are a lot of options.”
She shuddered at the thought of a dozen horses milling near the meal area. She wasn’t sure she could handle that and do her job. It would depend on how far away they were tethered. She glanced up at Laredo and saw the question in his eyes. She’d given herself away. He already knew she wasn’t comfortable around horses. She’d made that clear from the beginning, but he didn’t know why or just how bad it got.
“Is something wrong, Billy?” he asked. His eyes missed nothing.
“Um, the horses won’t be close to where we’ll be eating will they?” she asked.
He smiled. “We need to introduce you to the horses, darling. I can’t believe that living in Kentucky that you are afraid of horses.”
She felt all of the blood leave her head, as her hands turned ice cold and grew numb. Surely he wouldn’t force her to get near them. He’d promised that she wouldn’t have anything to do with them when she’d taken the job. The ringing in her ears warned her that she was going to pass out if she didn’t do something. To her embarrassment, Laredo took over.
“Easy, Billy. Put your head down. Breathe for me, precious. Take a deep breath. Christ, you’re shaking like a leaf.”
He’d been rubbing her back in small circles, but he suddenly moved away only to return with one of her throws. He covered her with it. She could barely hear anything he said for the roaring in her ears that had replaced the ringing. She did hear him yell out the door for someone though.
The next thing she knew, she was on the bed with Laredo wrapped around her. Laramie walked into the room carrying a glass of water.
“Hey. Are you feeling better?” he asked, concern etching lines on his face.
“What happened?” she asked trying to get up.
“Be still, honey. You passed out on me. Let’s take it slow,” Laredo said.
“Here, try to drink some water, sweetness.” Laramie held the water to her lips as Laredo held her head up.
She took a few sips then shook her head that she didn’t need any more. “I’m okay now. Let me sit up.”
Laredo slowly released her and Laramie helped her sit up on the side of the bed. Both men sat on either side of her.
“This is twice now that you’ve passed out, Billy Jean. What’s going on?” Laramie asked.
Laredo took her hand in his. “You’re afraid
of horses, aren’t you?”
“Horses?” Laramie asked with an incredulous look on his face. “But there’s no horse in here.”
“We were talking about them though. I had mentioned that we wanted to start having a couple of meals outside next week with the new guests. She was fine until I mentioned that they could ride horses to and from the meal. She was asking how close they would be to where we would be eating when she turned white as a sheet and started shaking all over.” Laredo squeezed her hand.
“Just talking about them scares you that much? What in the hell are you doing working on a ranch then?” Laramie asked, making her cringe. It was obvious that he regretted the comment as soon as it was out, but he was right.
Laredo glared at his brother. No doubt they both felt her stiffen at his comment. She was embarrassed and hurt that Laramie probably thought she was crazy. It wasn’t something she had any control over.
“Look. There’s nothing to be afraid of with the horses, sweetness. We’ll show you how gentle they are and how to stay safe around them.”
The tremors started up almost immediately. She fought to regain control, but just the thought of being near a horse no matter what the circumstance terrified her. Maybe terrified wasn’t the right word. It was more like horrified her. She’d lost so much because of a horse and it hadn’t even been the horse’s fault.
“Hey, hey, Billy Jean. Look at me.” Laramie held her face in both of his hands. At some point he’d slipped off the bed and was now kneeling in front of her. “You don’t have to go anywhere near a horse if you don’t want to. We won’t force you to do that, okay?”
He held her gaze, seeming to study her reaction to his words. She slowly nodded her head. As much as she wanted to be able to get past the road block that ruled a part of her life, she just couldn’t do it right now. Maybe one day, but it wasn’t that day.
“Tell us what happened, honey. Help us to understand,” Laredo said softly.
She opened her mouth to refuse but realized that talking about it might actually help. At least it would let them know that she wasn’t just a wimp, afraid of her own shadow. But she couldn’t go through with it right then. She needed to be able to prepare dinner in a little while and if she talked about it right then, she wouldn’t be able to do anything except wallow in self-pity for the rest of the night.
“I–I can’t talk about it right now. I have to go back downstairs and start dinner.” She looked up at Laredo before turning to Laramie. “I’ll tell you after dinner.”
Laredo nodded and brushed a light kiss over her lips. Laramie turned her toward him and pulled her into a fierce hug before kissing her on the nose and helping her to her feet.
“How about a fresh cup of coffee before you get back to work?” he asked.
She smiled, blinking back the tears that were fighting to fall from her eyes. “That would be nice. Thanks.”
“I’m going to get back to work. Laramie will get that coffee for you and make sure you get back to the kitchen in time to fix dinner. We’ll talk later, darling.” He patted her shoulder and left them in the bedroom.
“Come on, sweetness. I could use a cup myself.”
* * * *
Both Laramie and Laredo helped her clean up after dinner that night. Even though the waitstaff bussed all the tables and filled the dishwasher, there was still a lot for her to do before she could close the kitchen for the night.
While they finished drying and putting her cooking utensils away, Billy set everything up for breakfast the next morning and checked the pastries she’d prepared ahead of time. She also made sure she had the sandwich requests for sack lunches for the next day’s outings.
“Is that everything, Billy?” Laredo asked, drying his hands.
“Yes. Thanks for the help.” She knew why they were helping her. They wanted to hear what had he so frightened of horses that she wigged out on them.
“What would you like to drink, Billy Jean? I’m getting us a couple of beers.” Laramie stood at the door leading to the dining area.
“Um, Corona, please.” She was sure she could use a little liquid courage.
Laredo locked the kitchen up and followed her up the stairs to her apartment. Seconds later, Laramie walked in and closed the door behind him. He handed her the ice-cold beer before handing one to his brother. She sat down in the comfortable club chair and took a sip of the beer. The cool liquid soothed her throat as it tried to tighten up on her. Already her body was trying to shut down with just the thought of remembering that day.
“Breathe, Billy. Don’t let it overwhelm you again. We’re just talking. You’re not there anymore,” Laredo soothed as he leaned closer to her.
“We’re not going to let anything happen to you, sweetness.” Laramie knelt beside her chair instead of sitting on the other side of his brother. “Just relax and tell us what happened.”
“I’m not sure where to start,” she admitted.
“Start somewhere that isn’t threatening to you. We would love to hear more about your life, honey.” Laredo’s eyes seemed so sincere to her.
Billy drew in a deep breath and focused her attention on the bottle in her hands. Its cold glass surface was comforting. She let the chilly, wet sensation ground her.
“I grew up in a little town in Kentucky that barely had its own post office. I was an only child and loved it there. Most of my kinfolks lived close to us. We didn’t have much, but we were happy and everyone looked out for each other.” She relaxed some as she shared the part of her life where she was happy.
“My dad’s brother had a farm and raised horses. They didn’t call them ranches there. My cousin, Millie and I rode horses all the time. We cleaned out the stalls after school every day and rode horses after we finished our chores. She was my best friend in the world. We would joke that nothing would ever keep us apart.” Her happiness drained away as the memories of that horrible afternoon surfaced once again.
“Breathe, Billy Jean. You’re holding your breath.” Laramie took the beer bottle from her hands. “Here, hold my hand. We won’t let anything happen to you, sweetness.”
She heard him but didn’t really see him though he was kneeling right next to her. All she could see was the dull brown barn door and hear the screams coming from behind it. It pulled her closer. She knew she had no choice but to open the doors and go in. Everything else fell away as she grasped the handle and pulled. She knew the horror she would find inside, but she couldn’t stop herself from going in.
She and Millie had walked home from the bus stop after school that afternoon and dropped their books off in the kitchen after sneaking a cookie from the plate on the table. They’d giggled all the way to the barn, skipping like young children despite having each turned fifteen the previous summer. Life was good and the world was their treasure box. Marty Thomas had asked her to sit with him at the school football game. She was equal parts thrilled that he liked her and scared of what her parents would say if they found out.
“Are you going to do it? Sit with Marty?” Millie asked her.
“I don’t know. I want to, but he’s a year older than I am. My dad would have a cow.”
They’d both giggled and pulled on the coveralls they wore when they cleaned stalls. They kept them and a pair of boots in the tack room for that reason as well. She’d stepped into her boots and watched as Millie had struggled into hers.
“Do you think he really likes me or is he just messing around with me? I’m not going to do it with him just because he’s paying attention to me.” She had frowned.
“Naw, I think he really likes you. He’s been watching you for weeks now,” Millie had assured her. “Come on. We need to hurry or we won’t have time to ride.”
Billy Jean had dragged her feet thinking about Marty as Millie had hurried to move Warrior from his stall so she could clean it. In her haste to get started, neither of them had realized at the time that she hadn’t secured the door to the stall she’d moved him to. They each got to w
ork, chatting about stupid stuff as they each took a stall. She’d moved Dover and was working on his while Millie cleaned Warrior’s.
Her heart pounded as the entire scene unfolded before her eyes as if she’d just been standing there watching when in truth, she’d been working in the next stall. She guessed having heard about what had probably happened over and over her mind had pieced it all together.
Millie turned to drop the manure from her shovel into the wheelbarrow only to hit Warrior in the back hip with the shovel instead. He’d managed to back out of his stall somehow and was standing next to the wheelbarrow when Millie turned. He immediately reacted by kicking back, catching Millie in the shoulder and sending her backwards. She screamed and Billy Jean had immediately dropped her shovel and raced around to see what was wrong. Warrior was wild with fear, between having been hit with the shovel and cut on the hip and Millie’s scream, his eyes were rolling frantically in his head.
Billy Jean reacted without thinking and raced to help her friend get up, but Warrior was terrified and her sudden movement behind him set him off again. He began bucking and kicking, catching her in the side and knocking her to her knees, then he kicked her, clipping her head and sending her flying across the stall. She’d been unconscious after that, but came to as her uncle and one of Millie’s older brothers ran into the barn. They grabbed Warrior and pulled him out of the way, but they’d been too late. Billy had turned her head to find a lifeless Millie, covered in blood, lying next to her. Her friend’s hand was clutched in hers, but Millie didn’t squeeze back.
“Almost every bone in her body had been broken. They were afraid to move me because of all the blood on me and the fact that I couldn’t say anything. I had to lie there next to her, holding her limp hand until the doctor arrived to check me over.” Billy finally looked up and realized she was no longer back in that barn next to her dead friend.