Been There Before

by Cecilia Fyre

  This was exactly the kind of night they should have more often.

  Ricco was quiet during the second half, and as they waited to file out of the box at the end of the play, he suddenly gripped the back of the nearest seat, staggering. Lea scanned his face. “Ricco, are you okay?”

  “Dizzy.” He was ghostly pale and a thin layer of sweat covered his brow.

  “Sit down.” She took him by the arm and steered him into a chair on the aisle. “Is your head hurting?”

  He shook his head. “My heart’s trying to beat through my ribs, though.”

  It had to be side effects from the Amitriptyline. Ricco had had only one drink, but it was the first time he’d had any alcohol since starting the new medication.

  “Wait here.” Lea hurried toward the exit where Daniel was just about to disappear from sight. “Daniel, Ricco isn’t feeling good. I’m not sure I should be seen helping him, with the fans out there. Would you give us a hand?”

  “Course.” Daniel retraced his steps, stopping by Ricco’s seat. “Hey, mate. You okay?” He put a hand on Ricco’s shoulder.

  Ricco had trouble focusing on him. “Been better.”

  “Are you feeling sick?”

  “Mostly just dizzy.”

  Daniel gave them both a thoughtful look. “We’ve got dinner reservations nearby, to celebrate with Miyoko, but maybe you guys should head home.”

  Ricco nodded miserably. He glanced at Lea. “Sorry for ruining another night, doc.”

  Lea patted his shoulder. “Don’t be silly. But how do we get you home without people seeing us together?”

  Ricco rubbed his face and straightened up. He was looking somewhat less pale, and there was a new determination in his expression. “I don’t care who sees us, babe. You’re my girl, and I want the world to know. If you’re ready, that is.”

  Lea nodded, a lump in her throat. “I am.”

  “Let’s get you two a taxi.” Daniel helped Ricco to his feet and held him by the arm as they made their way out of the box and down into the foyer. Ricco seemed steadier on his feet with each step, and Lea breathed a sigh of relief.

  Daniel stopped by the entrance, glancing outside. “You think we can flag down a taxi, or do we need to call one?”

  “Nah, there’ll be one going past every few seconds.”

  Daniel studied him. “You’re looking a little bit less green. Feeling better?”

  “Yeah…thanks, man.”

  “Hey, no problem. I’ll wait with you, and keep the vultures distracted.” Daniel turned to Lea. “Don’t worry if they swarm us. Take Ricco’s other arm and stay with him. I’ll deal with the fans.”

  Lea’s stomach fluttered but she nodded. “If you say so.”

  Ricco took her hand and held on tightly. Lea gave him an encouraging smile.

  “Meant it, what I said,” he murmured. “About time they know.” They walked to the curb with Daniel, who raised an arm to flag down a yellow cab.

  A gaggle of people eyed them curiously. Lea gripped Ricco's hand hard. Hopefully, Miyoko and the others had gotten away okay.

  Daniel spotted the fans too. He moved between them and Ricco and Lea. “Not tonight, guys. Excuse us, please."

  The fans seemed taken aback. Lea smoothed her hair. They stared at her. Most of them seemed to be women, and an angry buzzing rose from them as they whispered together, pointing at Ricco and Lea’s intertwined hands. Cameras flashed just when a cab pulled up at the curb.

  Daniel opened the door. “I’ll explain to Miyoko. Make sure he rests, okay?”

  “Of course,” Lea said. “Thank you, Daniel.”

  “Yeah, thanks, man.” Ricco let go of Lea to hug Daniel.

  A middle-aged woman called, “Hey, Ricco. Where’s Anna tonight, eh?” There was malice in her voice. “And who’s that?” She threw Lea a nasty look, but then Daniel took Lea’s hands, shaking his head.

  “Ignore her,” he mouthed quietly. And to Ricco, who was looking pale again, “You two need an early night.” He held out his arm to help Ricco into the back of the cab. Lea followed, and Daniel leaned into the door. “Take care, guys. I’ll see you soon.”

  The door closed and the cab wended its way into traffic. Ricco sighed and leaned his head back.

  Lea chewed on her lip before bursting out, “Why would that woman ask about Anna?”

  Ricco didn’t meet her gaze. “My fans are crazy, that’s why.”

  “Ricco, what’s the matter?” Lea tried to take his hand, but he drew away. Lea frowned. What was it now? There was never a normal day for them. Only minutes ago he’d told her he wanted them to be open about their relationship, now this. All right, he was feeling rough, but why did he have to run so hot and cold?

  She didn’t want a fight in public, so she just leaned back in her seat and said nothing.

  They didn’t speak until they got back to the penthouse. Lea felt hurt and confused. When they got inside – Ricco needed three tries to unlock the door – Lea couldn’t keep quiet any longer. “Listen, Ricco—”

  “What?!” He glared at her. Lea shrank back.

  “M…maybe I should just go home.”

  His face crumpled. He sank against the wall, carding his hands through his hair and massaging his temples. “I’m taking the pills, just like you said. They make me feel terrible, but I’m taking them. And still, I’m no better. Let’s just go to bed. I can’t take any more of this tonight.”

  He pushed away from the wall and made for the bedroom without another word.

  Lea hesitated. She had half a mind to leave, he was being such a bastard. But he was also suffering, and she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him to fend for himself. So, after a moment, she followed, hoping that a good night’s sleep would help with his mood as well as his head.

  3

  Lea parked the car two blocks away from Ricco’s apartment. She grinned as she hurried past the other pedestrians, a skip in her step. Not only had she managed to escape from work early, but their weekend plans were definitely on this time. Ricco was finally well again, and nothing had come up last minute for either of them.

  He’d even called her at lunchtime to double-check they were still on. He’d begged her again to tell him what the big secret outing was going to be. But she’d refused to budge. Their weekend getaway had been her idea, and she wanted it to be a surprise.

  They could even set off tonight. She’d called the little bed and breakfast in the Catskills, and the landlady had confirmed she’d have the room ready early if they wanted it. So Lea could play it by ear.

  Of course, just hanging out at the penthouse would be a great start to the perfect weekend too. Order Chinese food and watch DVDs, talk and cuddle and… Lea’s grin widened. It had been too long since they’d last had sex. She’d been too sore from the accident. Then Ricco had been sick again, and after that, the side effects of the new medication had been wearing them both down. This week, finally, he felt like himself, and Lea knew he was eager to ‘rock the sheets’.

  That really was what he’d called it on the phone at lunchtime, making her giggle and blush deeply right in front of Dr. M. She thought of the text he had sent after the call. Lea pulled her phone out to read it again.

  Bf romantic getaway guarantee: I make you scream my name n forget ur own, else we go back n do it all again next weekend… X

  Lea blushed and was glad that she’d reached the building. While she waited for the lift she tried to decide whether she wanted Chow Mein or duck from the takeaway.

  Hope he’s home. He doesn’t know I’m early. She had the key, of course, but she really wanted to see his face when he opened the door.

  Sleeping, and catching up with social media had been his plans when she'd enquired at lunchtime. She didn't really know what it was he did on his Twitter and Facebook accounts. She didn't look anymore. She accepted that this kind of thing came with the job of being in the public eye, but after the mean comment on the photo from the gallery, she felt it was better to sta
y away from that part of his life.

  Still, maybe she should’ve let him know she was early. What if he didn’t like surprises? It was too late now, though. But at least she could make it a proper surprise. She’d let herself in and sneak upstairs. If he really was napping she’d crawl into bed with him and they could rock the sheets before dinner. She stepped out of the lift with a smile on her face.

  She was sorting through the keys when the lock on Ricco’s door clicked from the inside. Lea looked up.

  Later, the seconds of shocked realization seemed like an eternity that kept playing over and over in her mind.

  The back of a blonde head appeared, hair caught up in an untidy bun. Ricco’s shaggy curls were just visible behind the woman.

  Her fingers caressed his face.

  His arm lay around her slim waist.

  They shared a kiss while Lea stood frozen.

  “No.”

  Only when the blonde head whipped around did Lea realize she’d spoken aloud. She recognized the other woman instantly. It was Anna Becker.

  You’ve been so stupid!

  Lea wheeled around the expression of shock on Ricco and Anna's face seared onto her retina. Before she was halfway to the lifts, Anna's soft laugh assaulted her ears, worse like a scream.

  Ricco cursed. His footsteps were right behind her in seconds. “Baby girl—”

  He grabbed her arm. Lea yanked it out of his grip. Her blood felt cold as ice as she wheeled around. His pale, shocked face was very close. “How dare you call me that,” she spat.

  He didn’t say anything, just stood, his face a mask of horror. She took a step back, snarling. “Don’t you ever call me that again!” She still had his keys in her hand. With as much force as she could, she threw them on the floor. They clattered toward Anna. Maybe she’ll get to move in with him right away. “I never want to see you again!” As she turned away, she became aware of the iPhone in her hand. “And never call me again in this life!” She was shrieking now. She didn’t care.

  Anna laughed again, but Lea ignored her. Instead, she locked eyes with Ricco. Tears had formed streaks down his face. Lea hated him with all her heart.

  She lifted the phone as high as she could. “Never!” The cell phone crashed onto the tiles, shattering into pieces with a sound like a collapsing building.

  Lea wheeled around and strode toward the elevator, not looking back.

  4

  She threw herself into her work, trying to cram her days so full that all she could do afterward was stagger home and crash. She hardly knew what she was feeling.

  Her eating disorder reared its ugly head again. She wouldn’t eat at all during the punishing twelve-hour shifts, then stop at a different bodega each night, load up her car with junk food, and cram her face until she passed out on the sofa. The fact that a guy could make her do this to herself was making her as furious as the cheating. Hating herself, feeling tired and irritable Lea was unable to stop the cycle of bingeing and fasting. Some days, when it had been especially bad, she put a finger down her throat afterward, hating herself even more.

  Ricco didn't call or contact her in any way. Lea had been prepared for him to ring her phone off the hook and had braced herself to block his number and ignore him. When the calls didn’t come she expected him to show up at work or her house, pulling some ridiculous stunt or sending an expensive gift she’d be happy to throw back into his face. None of that happened either.

  After a week of complete silence, Lea came to the conclusion that Ricco just didn’t care. It made her feel even more humiliated. Why had she ever kidded herself into believing he was different? Here was just another nasty, cheating scumbag of a guy.

  What a fool she’d been. The signs that he was getting a bit on the side had all been there, but Lea had ignored them.

  The nurses at work kept throwing her covert looks. Maybe the break-up had made it into the gossip rags. She kept herself apart from her colleagues. She had too much pride to google Ricco again, even though that was becoming harder and harder. When the urge to boot up the computer threatened to overwhelm her Lea got a tub of ice cream from the freezer, ending the evening with her head over the toilet.

  What a stupid situation to have landed herself in. She cursed herself for letting Ricco get into her head, and her heart. She’d known it could never work. He was surrounded by beautiful women every day, why would he stay with her? Of course, he would cheat at the first opportunity he got.

  And Anna hadn’t been the only one, Lea knew it. Aurora kept popping up before her eyes every time her mind strayed down that path, which still happened more often than she’d like.

  That conversation about the necklace Lea had overheard between Aurora and Saige in Nevada, how could she not have realized then? Lea thought about throwing out the Love necklace but stopped short. She should sell it instead and use the money to go on vacation. Maybe a cruise, or yachting, just out of spite. That thought made her giggle bitterly.

  The fact that he’d cheated on her with Anna Becker of all people made things so much worse. Even if the famous actress hadn’t meant for Lea to get seriously hurt when she’d fallen down the stairs, she’d laughed and walked away, leaving Lea lying on the floor. She was cold and callous - and that didn’t even take into account the things Anna had said to her before the fall.

  And yet, incredibly, Lea’s brain sometimes tried to make excuses for her. Maybe Anna really hadn’t realized how badly Lea was hurt. And maybe she’d misunderstood Anna’s comments about Ricco.

  She refused to believe that Ricco would be with someone whose soul was so black. Surely he must know, on some level, that Anna wasn’t a nice person. He had worked with her, after all.

  But maybe Lea had been simply blind where he was concerned. Who knew what else he’d lied about.

  Once a liar, always a liar.

  What would she have done if he’d asked if she would agree to an open relationship? Would she have said yes to that? The thought made her feel slightly sick.

  But he hadn’t asked, that was the point. He’d let her believe that she was the only one.

  Or maybe she had just assumed… Her head was spinning with it all.

  Had Jake been a fuck buddy as well? She’d felt that vibe between them. Would she have reacted differently if it was a man? Maybe Ricco just needed variety. Still, it didn’t excuse cheating. Nothing did.

  Lea didn’t talk to anyone about what had happened. Between Ricco and work, she’d not had time to find friends in New York. And she wasn’t good at opening up to others, anyway. Better bury what had happened and hope that time would help close the wound.

  About ten days after the fateful night, Lea received a call from an unknown number. Her gut feeling was to block the number straight away. It might be him, using a different phone. but why would he call now, after all those days of silence?

  She told herself that she was being ridiculous. Taking a deep breath, she took the call. “Hello?”

  “Hi Lea, this is Siobhan Greene. We met at the theater a few weeks ago.”

  Lea was too stunned to speak for a moment. Then she stammered, “Oh, hey… hi, yes, we did. Wow.”

  “How are you?” Siobhan’s voice was gentle. Too gentle, perhaps.

  “Um…well—” Lea didn’t know what else to say.

  “I heard what happened. That’s also why I'm calling. I thought maybe you'd like to go and have coffee and talk. You’re new in the city, and I was worried you’d have nobody to talk to, especially since he’s well…famous. It can be hard to find people to trust. There’s always the danger that someone will sell your heartbreak to the gossip mags.”

  Lea felt touched. Siobhan was famous herself, and this was more than a kind gesture. Taking her up on her offer felt like an imposition, but Siobhan was right. She had nobody to talk to, and now that the opportunity presented itself she suddenly really needed to let it all out.

  They talked for a couple more minutes, then agreed to meet uptown after Lea’s shift
the next day. When they hung up, Lea felt cheerful for the first time since the break-up.

  She had a friend, after all, and one that she could confide in about what she was going through. Siobhan knew the dangers of gossip, and would never betray her confidence.

  “Lea! How’re you doing?” Siobhan greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and a hug, and Lea found herself close to tears for the first time since the break-up.

  Siobhan guided her into the chair at the table in the café’s window. “Sorry, that was a really dumb question. Here, I got you a latte… though now I’m thinking we should’ve gone to a bar for something stronger.”

  "Oh, Siobhan.” Lea wiped away the tears. Siobhan took her hand.

  “Hey, it’s okay to be sad. I don't know what exactly happened, but of course, people do talk.”

  Lea’s heart sank. “I haven’t looked online… what is it people are saying?”

  “You really wanna know?”

  Lea nodded. “I have to face it, whatever it is, or this will never go away.” She tried to make her voice firm but couldn't prevent it from trembling.

  “From what I can tell. Ricco and that woman—”

  “Anna," Lea interrupted her resolve hardening. “We can call her by her name. I can take it.”

  “All right. She’s been after him for ages, apparently. She’s telling people that it’s over with her husband. He’s an actor, too. But after…well, after you gave Ricco his walking papers, he kicked Anna to the curb. She’s spitting mad, apparently. Badmouthing him everywhere. Going on about promises and stuff like that.”

  “She’s not a nice person.” Lea swallowed. She wanted to tell Siobhan everything, but was it a good idea?