Abandon (Shattered Hearts, 3.5)

by Leo, Cassia

  “She’s on a respirator,” she whimpers. “It’s really bad. You need to come home.”

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Don’t leave the hospital. Just stay there, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Senia and I get dressed and leave our belongings behind. I’m the only one in the band that doesn’t have an assistant, but that’s because Jake and Chris’s assistants have always been more than willing to provide their help free of charge. I’m sure one of them won’t mind packing up my stuff and bringing it back to Raleigh. But, after this, I’ll definitely have to get an assistant of my own. I can’t pay other people’s employees in sexual favors any more.

  Luckily, the plane I chartered for Senia and me to fly back to North Carolina today is equipped for long flights and will get us there in a little more than five hours. Once the plane is in the air, Senia unfastens both of our seat belts and leads me to the lounge area in the center of the plane. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I’m not in the mood for sex right now, so I just go with it. She leads me through the lounge area and into a bedroom near the back of the plane.

  “Lie down,” she says as she closes the door behind her.

  I do as she says. I fully expect her to start stripping for me, but all she does is kick off her heels then she lies down next to me. She laces her fingers through mine as she stares at the curved ceiling.

  “My grandma passed when I was ten. She lived with us from the day I was born until the day she died. When I lost her I thought that I was being punished for all the bad things I’d done. I was ten so that was a very long list of despicable things like pinching my sisters, lying to my parents, and cutting off my Barbie doll’s head.” She takes a deep breath and I can’t decide if she’s trying to calm herself or gather strength. “It took me a while to realize that my sisters’ sins were much worse than my own and there was no way God would punish my sisters by taking my grandma’s life. But before I figured that out, I went to my mom and told her I was afraid I’d killed Grandma with my petty crimes. She laughed and told me that Grandma didn’t die for my sins. She died because she was too old.”

  She turns to face me and I’m not sure I understand what she’s getting at. “My point is that even the people who love you, with all their good intentions, don’t always know the right words to say in these kinds of moments. I wish I knew what to say to ease your mind. I wish I could say that your grandmother is going to be fine and that you’d actually believe it. I wish I could say that Molly’s going to be fine. But I can’t predict the future and something tells me that you don’t want to hear meaningless words of comfort right now. So, I’m sorry that I don’t know what to say. But if there’s anything I can do, I’m all yours.”

  I lean over and kiss her forehead then pull her closer so she can lie her head on my shoulder. “You can just lie here with me.”

  I turn my face into her hair and breathe in her scent. She still smells a little like the champagne that was practically raining down from the heavens after Chris and Claire made their big announcement yesterday. Everyone is so happy for them to have a child after everything they went through. I’m even happy for them. But I’m sure Senia probably felt a pang of longing for some of that excitement to be directed toward us.

  I wasn’t that drunk when I told her that her wedding would be better. When everything calms down with Grandma and Molly, and Senia and the baby are settled in with me in the condo Chris just offered me last night in exchange for the house I gave him … then I’ll ask her to marry me and we’ll be able to plan the kind of wedding she deserves. It won’t be a surprise wedding, but I’ll make sure to have plenty of other surprises planned for her along the way.

  I glance at the tattoo on my wrist and smile as I realize I got this tattoo because it has three meanings. But now it has four.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The hospital parking lot is full at 7 p.m. on January first. Somehow, this doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure there are dozens or hundreds of people who are here to grieve the loss or injury of a family member, but all I want is to push past all their grief and declare my grief more important than theirs.

  How do I even begin to grieve when I can’t accept what’s happening?

  We enter the intensive care unit and the woman behind the information desk directs us to my grandmother’s room with a grave expression. Why can’t she muster a cheerful expression, just for this single moment? Why do I have to bear the brunt of her pity? I’m sure she gets so much bad news all day; it must be difficult to appear to be anything other than completely exhausted.

  When Senia and I enter the critical care room at WakeMed, my head nearly explodes at the sight of Elaine and a man I assume is her new boyfriend standing at Grandma’s bedside. Molly is seated in a chair on the other side of the bed next to a woman with grayish-brown hair and a purple sweater who appears to be taking notes on a clipboard.

  “What’s going on?”

  Molly whips her head around at the sound of my voice and she runs to me, throwing her arms around my waist. “They’re saying I have to live with her.”

  “What? That’s ridiculous.” I pull away from Molly as the woman in the purple sweater turns around to look at me. I look straight at her as I speak the next sentence. “Molly has never lived with Elaine and she never will.”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. …?”

  The woman rises from her chair and holds her hand out to me as if I’m going to shake it. “I’m Molly’s older brother and I can take care of Molly until our grandma is better.”

  She looks slightly perplexed by this statement. “You’re … Tristan?” she asks as she continues to shake my hand.

  “Yes.”

  “I’m Mrs. Rathbone. The social worker assigned to your sister’s case. We just need to make sure your sister is taken care of while your grandmother is in the hospital.” She pushes the chair aside so I can squeeze in next to Grandma’s bed, then she continues to write something on her clipboard. “Molly told me she would rather live with you, but your mother does have the authority in this situation. Is it true that there is no custody agreement that says you or your grandmother have custody of Molly? Because, if so, I need to know if there is any reason why I should believe that your mother is not equipped to care for her?”

  I laugh through gritted teeth as I keep my eyes locked on Elaine’s skinny face. “She’s not my mother and the reasons why she shouldn’t be allowed to call herself Molly’s mother are endless.”

  “I’m not sure I understand. Do you care to explain that in more detail?”

  Molly knows nothing about what happened the three weeks I lived with Elaine when I was twelve. She doesn’t know the things I did and I hope she never does.

  “I can’t say more than that. But, come on, she hasn’t taken care of her own children for twelve years. All Molly knows about her is that she’s an addict.”

  “Recovering addict,” Elaine interjects. “I’m clean. Right, Joe?”

  The guy standing next to her with his shaggy blond mustache and green and white trucker hat nods. “Clean as a … she’s real clean.”

  “You’ve gotta be kidding me?” I say, addressing the social worker. “These two have about as much parental instincts as a fucking dingo. You can’t make Molly go with them.”

  “Please watch the language,” Mrs. Rathbone says, looking annoyed with my choice of words.

  “Fine. I’ll watch the language, if you promise me that Molly is coming home with me tonight.”

  Elaine clears her throat to get everyone’s attention before she speaks. “Mrs. Rathbone, I hate to tell you this in front of everyone, but Tristan has a history of violence. I don’t think Molly should be allowed to live with him.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I roar, incensed by this ridiculous accusation. “If you want to get into
our histories, we can do that, but don’t you dare make up baseless lies to satisfy whatever agenda you’re trying to see played out here. Is it the house you want? You can have it. You don’t need Molly to get the fucking house. I’ll give it to you. Just leave us the fuck alone!”

  Molly squats down next to me and covers her face as she sobs. Mrs. Rathbone appears conflicted as to whether she should believe Elaine’s accusations or if she should go with her gut, and Molly’s request, to come home with me.

  I kneel next to Molly and place my hand on her shoulder. “I’ve got a place in Chapel Hill. I know it’s far from your friends, but I’m sure Jackie will help us so you won’t have to change schools.”

  “I don’t want to leave. All my friends live in Raleigh. Why do I have to leave? Why can’t you just move back in?”

  I glance up at Senia and I know she’d probably tell me to do whatever is best for Molly, but I don’t think becoming embroiled in a custody battle with Elaine over my grandmother’s house is what’s best for her. Molly’s not thinking. Besides, I highly doubt that it’s just Grandma’s house Elaine wants. I’ve been padding her bank accounts for months and Molly is probably listed as the beneficiary on those accounts. I’m sure Elaine knows that Grandma wouldn’t leave me anything I didn’t need – and there’s nothing I need any more. I’ll hire an estate lawyer first thing tomorrow morning.

  Even stronger than my desire to keep Elaine’s hands off Grandma’s assets is my desire to not live in the house I grew up in. I can’t imagine waking up there every day, feeling as if I’ve stepped into an even more depressing version of Groundhog Day. I sure as hell don’t want to raise my child in that tiny two-bedroom house where Elaine grew up. And there’s no way I’m going to live in a place where Elaine feels she can visit us every other day.

  “How about this? We’ll scrap the place in Chapel Hill and we’ll get something near Grandma’s,” I say and Molly looks up at me with interest.

  Her eyes are puffy and glistening, but her face lights up instantly as she realizes I’m serious. “You would do that?”

  “I’ll do anything to keep you away from her.”

  A crease forms between her eyebrows, and I know she’s wishing I wasn’t so angry with Elaine. Her expression makes me think of the times I used to read her to sleep. I’d stroke her eyebrows sometimes. They were wispy and soft, and she had a habit of scrunching them up while she slept. I thought if I smoothed her brow, the nightmares would go away.

  Mrs. Rathbone clears her throat to interrupt our discussion. “Unfortunately, Molly will have to go with her mother until we can find some kind of living will or custody agreement that precludes her mother. Since it’s New Year’s Day, we’ll have to wait until tomorrow to settle this. It will probably only be a couple of nights. Or, if she prefers, we could put her in a temporary foster care facility.”

  I grab Molly’s hand and pull her up so we’re both standing. “No, you don’t understand. She’s not going anywhere with her or any damn stranger. Ever. Not for any amount of days or seconds.”

  “Well, I’m afraid that it doesn’t work that way. She needs to go somewhere.”

  “Yeah, I’m—”

  I point at Elaine and she stops speaking. “Don’t say it. You’re not her mother. You haven’t been her mother since she was a year old and probably even before that. So you can quit this little act.”

  “I am her mother and she won’t be staying with me a couple of nights. She’s coming to live with me.”

  This is too much for me to handle right now when I’m hungover and Grandma is lying in a bed four feet away from me with a machine breathing for her. I run my hand over my face and take a deep breath. I need a drink.

  “Maybe she can stay with Jackie until you guys settle this?” Senia offers.

  “Who’s Jackie?” Rathbone asks.

  I can’t believe I never thought of that. Chris’s mother, Jackie Knight, hasn’t taken in any foster children since Claire came to their house, like, six years ago. I wonder if there’s some kind of license or certification she needs to maintain to be a foster parent. If so, she’s definitely let that lapse since then.

  “Jackie is the mother of a friend of mine. She used to take in foster children a few years ago.”

  “That doesn’t change the fact that her mother wants her and we have no evidence of wrongdoing on her part,” Rathbone replies, and I want to wipe the sympathetic look off her face. “Unless you have specific accusations to make against her.”

  I glance at Senia and Molly then I close my eyes. I wince as the images assault me. The woman in the corner smiling. The black tears running down Ashley’s cheeks and soaking the pillow. The blood on the sheets.

  I shake my head and open my eyes. “Let me at least say goodbye to her in private.”

  Molly looks horrified as I pull her into the corridor. “You can’t let me go with her.”

  I shush her as I continue to drag her away from the room. Senia walks next to me, but I can’t bring myself to look at her. I don’t want to know what she thinks about what I’m doing.

  “You can’t do this. This could be kidnapping,” Senia whispers as we turn the corner and the sliding exit doors appear at the end of the corridor.

  “I can’t let her go with Elaine.”

  “It’s just a couple of nights. Don’t do something you’ll regret the rest of your life for a couple of nights.”

  “You don’t know shit about Elaine, so you should just shut up about things you obviously don’t understand,” I bark at her.

  The moment we reach the exit doors and they slide open for us, a deep voice shouts, “Stop right there, sir!”

  The sight of the two security guards in their gray uniforms throws me into a panic. I grip Molly’s hand tighter and race outside into the parking lot, which is now covered by a fresh dusting of snow.

  “Tristan, stop!” Senia shouts, but I don’t look back.

  I’ll never look back.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  “You’re crazy!” Molly shouts as I peel out of the hospital parking. “What if they arrest you? Then I’ll have to live with her forever!”

  “They’re not going to arrest me because I didn’t take you against your will.”

  “I’ve watched enough Law and Order to know that doesn’t mean shit. You’re so stupid.”

  I turn into a residential tract and turn on my GPS to help me get out of here from a different street. The first place they’ll probably look for us is my house, but I’ve watched a lot of cop shows, too. I’m not that stupid. And no one other than me, Chris, and Claire know the address to Chris’s condo. They’re on their honeymoon. I’m sure they won’t mind if Molly and I crash there for a few days until we get this sorted out, or until Grandma wakes up.

  Oh, God. What am I going to do if she wakes up and we’re not there? What did I get us into?

  I ask my phone to Google estate lawyers and I leave voicemail messages for four of them while I drive. I try not to drive fast, but I know that if they do put out an all-points bulletin on my car – I highly doubt it – that my British electric sports car is too easily recognizable. I need to get to Chris’s condo fast.

  As I turn onto Franklin Street, surrounded by all the UNC hangouts, I think of Senia. This is the home that Senia and I are supposed to move into so she can be closer to campus. I hope I haven’t completely fucked that up.

  “Thank God,” I whisper as I pull up in front of the condo high-rise and find they have underground parking. I wonder if Chris will respond if I text him asking for the code to enter the underground lot. I shoot off a text, ignoring the notification of a voicemail from Senia, as I drive across the street to the Quickee Mart and hide my car between a couple of trucks.

  Me: Can I get the code to your underground parking? I’m showing Senia the p
lace and I don’t want to park my car on the street.

  “Who are you texting?” Molly asks as she looks around the car.

  The parking lot is pretty full. It’s about 8 p.m. on New Year’s Day. People are probably still celebrating the New Year. I have nothing to celebrate tonight.

  “No one.”

  Chris: 49852. Use space number G45. Door code is 8992.

  By the time I pull into space number G45 in the underground lot, the snow has transformed to freezing rain. The lot is heated, but it’s not enough to stave off the chill that penetrates through the slats of the gated entrance and the fabric of the white dress shirt I wore with my tux last night. It will probably be even colder tonight without Senia in my bed.

  I should call her and apologize, but I don’t know if she’s with those security guards, or the cops. I don’t want to risk bringing her into this. I just need to find out who drafted Grandma’s will so I can get my hands on a copy of it. If Grandma Flo left everything to Molly, then I can present that as a motive for Elaine’s sudden interest in getting custody of her. And, if necessary, I’ll tell them everything about her twisted ways.

  Once we enter the condo, Molly heads straight for the kitchen. “I’m hungry.”

  “Get whatever you want.”

  She opens up the refrigerator as I look around. The condo is impeccably clean and modern, like it’s hardly been lived in. Of course, Chris and Claire have lived here less than a month. It’s nice. Senia would like it here.

  “They don’t have anything except Capri-Sun, bacon, and water,” Molly calls from the kitchen.