Ministry

by Jourgensen, Al

  I called the front desk, and it turns out it was a room for the handicapped, and all the poles were there so they can hold themselves up. But Gibby loved it and kept making sex jokes in this heavy Texas accent. I immediately loved the guy and knew right away he was really out there. You can have a whole conversation with Gibby, and he’ll nod and answer you while not absorbing a single thing you’re saying—kinda like Lemmy, my dog—only I think Lemmy understands more. So of course Gibby and I became good friends.

  Ministry was in Europe during the first Gulf War, and that’s where I met some other crazy Texas motherfuckers—Pantera, who I love to this day. Except they’re always talking about how they were the kings of drinking and partying. And Dimebag—may he rest in peace—named a drink after himself, the Black Tooth Grin, which is Crown Royal with a splash of Coke. Being from Texas, of course they could drink, but I’ll always take pride in the night Mikey and I drank them under the table at the Columbia Hotel in London. They were stumbling around and puking. And after we won the drinking competition, we said, “Let’s get rowdy!” So we went up to the fifth floor, took all the furniture, put it on the roof, lit it on fire, and threw it in the parking lot. There were TVs, chairs, tables—everything that wasn’t bolted down. I read the Stephen Davis Led Zeppelin biography, Hammer of the Gods—that’s all pussy shit. They threw TVs out the window. We threw entire floors’ worth of shit off the roof, and it was on fire. There were big fines for that, but we were making lots of money, so we didn’t care as long as we didn’t get arrested.

  Our RevCo show in Southern France was ridiculous because nobody wanted to go because the venue had received bomb threats. We were a bunch of cowboy hat–wearing Americans during the Gulf War coming to France, which was near the tip of Africa—which had a big Muslim population. Everyone was afraid, so only about eighteen people showed up at this big club. We took all our equipment down and put it on the floor, where we played, and then had the audience dance on stage. The fans there found the backstage catering table in our dressing room, brought out food, and started throwing oranges and bologna at us while we were playing. I was pelted more than I’ve ever been pelted in my life. I don’t know if these guys had good arms or what, but they were hitting me hard, and I’m usually good at dodging shit. The rest of the European tour was more typical of the touring experience: shoot and nod, shoot and nod; play louder than fuck; drive to the next town; shoot and nod. It was all pretty much a prelude to my second near-fatal overdose.

  That happened on New Year’s Eve 1991. Killing Joke opened for RevCo at the Vic in Chicago. It was the only time the two bands played together and there were some weird circumstances. Patty used to go out with Jaz or fucked him a few times. She was a Peter Murphy freak, then there was Jaz, and I was third runner-up. That was the first time I had met the Killing Joke guys. Of course we had heard of each other before. I loved their music, and they were a big influence on what Ministry became, but on that night there was a lot of tension. It was only the second show we did with Phildo, and Killing Joke is opening for us? Shit, I would have opened for them in a second. I was weirded out and couldn’t handle it; Patty was freaking out. Somehow both sets went really well, and we all went back to my loft afterward to party. But I was still anxious and stressed out, so I shot up a bunch of heroin—too much—and overdosed. I was out for ten minutes. No pulse. Nothing. Flatline. They called the paramedics, but they all thought I was a goner. It sounds like a cliché, but I literally saw a white light and went toward it. I believe I actually left my body. And then I saw my grandmother standing there, and she told me, “It’s not your time yet. You have things left to do.” And suddenly I gasped and woke from my unconscious state and realized Phildo was lying on top of me with his mouth pressed against my lips. So I slugged him in the face because I thought he was making out with me, that he was trying to date rape me while I was passed out—when he was actually doing mouth to mouth, trying to save me.

  A couple years later I did try to kick heroin. Phildo and I were both addicts, and we knew it was holding us back, so we decided to take a trip to Mexico to try to get clean. We brought a thousand hits of ecstasy over the border and drove all the way down to Mexico City and back up the West Coast to Puerto Vallarta on the Pacific coast. We spent two weeks there. Then we ran out of money and gas. We were stuck in Manzanilla with nothing to do. We were sleeping on the beach and saw that all these crabs came up at night from the ocean. They had one big claw and one little claw. So we caught a couple of these suckers and found a few Styrofoam coolers that were left on the beach. We made a fight pit out of the Styrofoam coolers and put the crabs in the middle to spar. The locals saw what we were doing and came over to bet on the crab fights. If we lost, we had no money to cover the bets, so we would have gotten killed. Fortunately, our crab, this big fucker with a giant claw, won every tournament. We made enough money from two days of crab fights to save up enough gas money to drive home. We didn’t eat or anything—just gas money. Both of us returned craving drugs worse than ever.

  photos

  Margarita Brouwer Jourgensen with me.

  If she only knew what was in store.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  October 9, 1958, Havana, Cuba.

  I guess I felt like showing up.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Me with Ralph before a baseball game.

  He was my favorite dog until Lemmy arrived.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Senior year in high school.

  WTF happened to me?

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  At Wax Trax! in the ’80s. Danny and Jim

  ad to keep me away from the public,

  so they gave me a desk job!

  I eventually invested in their company.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Slicin’ and dicin’. “Hey I need a white grease pencil in here!!!”

  Chicago Trax, 1985, during Land of Rape and Honey.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Special Affect opening for Iggy Pop at Waves Chicago.

  With Frankie Nardiello (Groovie Man),

  I never wanted to be Robert Plant,

  I wanted to be Jimmy Page.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  With Adrienne, April 13, 1985.

  My only child was born.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Fishing with Mom, 1992. Fishing therapy in Florida,

  during the Lollapalooza tour.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Mike Scaccia and me, circa 1995.

  We were on set for the Just One Fix video shoot

  with William Burroughs in Lawrence, Kansas.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Just One Fix. Here I am with

  Burroughs on the set for the J1Fix video.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Timothy Leary and me. We were on stage together

  with Anthrax performing “Thieves.”

  Rick Gould/ICP

  Me with Leary. I lived at Dr. Leary’s

  house in Beverly Hills for two years in the 1990s before his death.

  Scaccia Family Archive

  Filth Pig era.

  I’m wearing an authentic Chicago cop hat, which

  I eventually gave to Rick Nielsen.

  Scaccia Family Archive

  On stage with Mikey. This is during the Lollapalooza tour.

  Scaccia Family Archive

  Me with Ministry, 1996.

  I was tripping my balls off.

  Paul Elledge

  At Sonic Ranch, 2002.

  Kicking dope, crack, and methodone

  during the recording of Animositisomina.

  Angelina Jourgensen

  With my daughter. Adrienne was about ten at the time.

  Paul Elledge

  At Grace
land, September 6, 2002.

  This is Pastor Bear and our ring bear(er).

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Man’s best friend. Lemmy sleeps

  with one eye open all the time.

  He has the best ears in the music industry

  and helps me with my mixes.

  Steffan Chiraz

  Reunited with my family. Here I am

  with my dad, Ed Jourgensen,

  backstage in Florida, in 2004.

  My snake-eyes contacts didn’t even phase him.

  Angelina Jourgensen

  10 Million Ways to Die! We were recording RevCo’s

  Cocked & Loaded, our first 13th Planet Records release,

  at Sonic Ranch, in 2005. Gibby’s one of

  the funniest guys I’ve ever known.

  Angelina Jourgensen

  Mi hombres. Gibby, Phildo, Baker, Jello, Rick, and me,

  in the Cocked and Loaded promo, 2005.

  Lawton Outlaw

  Ass clowns! With Jello Biafra, backstage

  at the Vic in Chicago, in 2004.

  Don’t know why I was wearing a diaper. . . .

  Oh, yeah! It was my birthday!

  Paul Elledge

  There’s always room for more Jello!

  With Biafra in Chicago, 2008.

  Steffan Chirazi

  Punkvoter.com! I’m a big advocate of voter registration.

  In 2006 I exercised my rights,

  in El Paso, during the midterm elections.

  Angelina Jourgensen

  Smoke ’em if ya got ’em.

  Rehearsals for the MasterBaTour in 2006.

  Steffan Chirazi

  Live on stage during the MasterBaTouR

  with Ministry and RevCo, 2006.

  I did two shows a night and had several

  nervous breakdowns on that tour. It sucked!

  Angelina Jourgensen

  Band of Brothers . . . Tommy Victor, Raven,

  Sin Quirin, and me in LA.

  This is the promo pic for The Last Sucker.

  Raven passed away a few months later.

  Steffan Chiraz

  Paul Vincent Raven, RIP.

  Working with Ministry

  brought out Raven’s “inner pirate.”

  We terrorized Europe. It was awesome!

  Steffan Chirazi

  The Jourgensens by Paul Vincent Raven.

  A lot of people don’t know Raven was a great painter.

  Paul Vincent Raven

  Will sing for wine.

  I busked in New Orleans with this sign

  and made 26 bucks.

  No one believed I was Al Jourgensen.

  Steffan Chirazi

  Class act: Robin Zander and Rick Nielsen of Cheap Trick.

  It really doesn’t get any classier than these two guys.

  Oh! Except Billy F. Gibbons is missing here.

  Angelina Jourgensen

  My custom Schecter Coffin guitar.

  This was the prototype that accidentally went smashing

  into pieces at the Hollywood Bowl with Cheap Trick.

  Mike Ciravolo of Schecter was in the audience

  when it happened, but he came backstage and was cool.

  We got everyone to sign it and auctioned it off for charity.

  Steffan Chirazi

  With my custom Schecter Coffin collection

  getting ready to head out on tour with Ministry, in 2012.

  Omar Mena

  “OUCH!” During my longest stint of sobriety in 2011,

  I went a little crazy with the tats and piercings.

  Omar Mena

  "OUCH!" again. I was with Russ Fisch,

  getting head tattoo before the 2012

  Tour. Angie did not approve, but it was our

  compromise...I really wanted to

  get my eyes tattooed black. .

  Classic. Me.

  Allan Amato

  Another classic. Posin’ for the

  DeFiBRiLlaTour 2012 promos.

  Whenever I record a new record or go on tour,

  Angie turns me into a promosexual.

  Allan Amato

  The 13th Planet family! Yes, we dress like

  this every day around the compound because

  every day is Halloween, of course.

  Allan Amato

  Mr. and Mrs. Jourgensen. Ten years later...

  this is my favorite photo of Angie and me, in LA,

  June 2012, on the Ministry DeFibRiLlaTouR.

  Janet Rossi

  London Calling! Angie and me in swinging

  London on the 2012 Ministry Tour.

  Jourgensen Family Archive

  Paris, July 2012. We were at the Emergency Room at

  the Paris Hospital after my collapse on stage . . .

  with injured Ministry fan. We both had a really bad night!

  Angelina Jourgensen

  Buck Satan . . . rides again. With Mike Scaccia

  during 2010 Buck Satan sessions.

  omar mena

  Mike Scaccia and me backstage in Moscow, Russia, 2012.

  I’ve done tours without Mikey, but I don’t know how.

  Angelina Jourgensen

  RIP Mikey, my brother.

  Enjoy the quiet. Now.

  Omar Mena

  Intervention 6

  Revolting Cocks Vocalist Phildo Owen—

  Crazy Is as Crazy Does

  Like many who have entered the Ministry and RevCo camps, Phildo Owen was an unseasoned lump of clay that Jourgensen molded into a vulgar, charismatic performer and a conduit for chaos. When they met, Owen was spinning records at the Cave Club in Austin, using the name DJ Fear, and Ministry were headlining the show. Knowing an impressionable degenerate when he saw one, Jourgensen convinced Owen to start a band to open for Ministry next time they came through town. The experience proved so entertaining that he was later invited to join Revolting Cocks, which he toured with for Beers, Steers + Queers and returned years later for Cocked and Loaded.

  Al said you, Gibby Haynes, and El Duce are the three craziest motherfuckers he has ever met. How is Al crazier than any of you?

  phildo owen I think the fact that he makes friends with people like us makes him a little crazier than us. He comes a lot closer to being a blue blood than any of us. We’re more the mutt type. But Al chooses to be in the gutter with the rest of us. Some of us have never been able to get out, and he’s just chosen to jump in. He didn’t start out there. I’ve described him before as a genius bastard prince.

  When did you first meet the bastard prince?

  po Ministry was touring Twitch, and they were still basically known as a pretty high-quality disco band. He was keeping company with groups like Depeche Mode, New Order, The Police. But Al didn’t fit in so well with them. Down here they have a magazine called Busted. Everyone who gets busted gets their picture taken, and they get put on the front of this magazine so you can see if you can recognize any of your friends each week. The guys Al was touring with looked like they were straight out of Busted—picked up at a bus station and taken on tour.

  When did you and Al first hit it off?

  po I was a deejay. A girlfriend of mine put up the money for the deposit for Ministry for the club I worked at, The Cave. And when they came to play, we hung out. He was really into Scratch Acid and all this stuff, and I was too. When Revolting Cocks came through Texas he wanted me to deejay, opening up for the Cocks because they didn’t have an opening band. Then Ministry came through town and he gave me a call and told me to get an opening band. Ministry has never had an opening band. I called around, trying to get the Big Boys to reunite, which would have been fantastic. I didn’t have any luck. Then Al said, “No, I want yo
u to put a band together and open up for us.” I said okay. So I got a bunch of lowlifes together I knew who played instruments, and we wrote six songs and had five or six rehearsals before the show.

  How did that work out?

  po It was a mess. We knew we couldn’t match up in sound or quality to Ministry. We were basically comedy relief. Then Al asked me to put together something for another show, so I did a performance-art thing called the U.S. Mos. I came on stage in a Red Riding Hood outfit and a basket full of all nasty cooked animal organs. We had a barbecue grill in the parking lot, and we cooked all these kidneys and hearts. One of the managers came up to us and said, “Barbecue! Alright!” We were like, “Yeah, you want some?” He took a piece of kidney and bit into it, and it was all burned on the outside and frozen inside. When we went onstage and I threw meat at the audience, I got my eye split open when someone threw a rack of ribs back at us. That was the beginning and the end of the U.S. Mos. We were like the bullfight before the rodeo. Then Skatenigs did a few shows with Ministry, and we played actual songs. But at three of the four clubs we played in Texas there was so much damage that Ministry lost their deposit. Al thought that was pretty funny.