Should Have Been Her Child

by Stella Bagwell

  Emotion knotted her throat, forcing her to clear it before she could answer. “I’m afraid not, Jess. The disease is too far progressed. You might as well get used to the idea of her being pricked with a needle because she’s going to require injections for the next few days.”

  “Will she have to be hospitalized? She’s so little. I don’t want her to be scared. If there’s any—”

  Returning to the examining table, Victoria shook her head. “She doesn’t have to go to the hospital, Jess. We can treat her at home.” She inclined her head toward the listless child. “Would you turn her onto her side? And you might want to hold her while I’m doing this. Just in case the sting of the needle rouses her.”

  Jess gently maneuvered Katrina so that her hip was exposed. He watched Victoria quickly swab a spot with antiseptic, then after that he had to look away.

  “I notice your daughter is wearing training pants, not a diaper,” Victoria mused aloud. “Is she already potty trained?”

  “Yes. And she rarely has an accident. But with her being sick like this I can’t promise she won’t.”

  A strange lump of pain gathered in Victoria’s chest as she watched Jess’s big hand swipe at the golden red curls on the baby’s forehead. For a long time she’d dreamed of having a child of her own—with Jess. She supposed that doctoring Katrina was as close to her dream as she would ever get.

  “I wasn’t worried about her having an accident,” Victoria told him. “I was just thinking she’s very young to already be out of diapers. She must be a smart little girl.”

  “She is. Smart enough to know she doesn’t like her clothes wet.”

  Victoria found it hard to imagine this man changing diapers, much less potty-training a toddler. He’d always been an outdoorsman. His big hands were made for handling horses, roping and branding cattle, shooting a rifle or revolver. And loving a woman. She’d not ever pictured him dressing a baby girl in ruffles and lace. But then she’d never expected him to be the father of a motherless child.

  “The penicillin will start to work now.” She pulled the needle from the baby’s hip and tossed it into a nearby disposal. “In the meantime, I’ll sponge her down with cool water and see if that will lower her temperature a bit.”

  When he didn’t respond, she looked up at him, and for the first time this evening, she allowed herself to take in his nearness and to wonder why he’d brought his daughter to her rather than rushing her to the emergency room in Aztec. She wanted to think it was because he still cared for her, that he trusted her with the life of his child. But with Jess it was difficult to read his motives.

  Reaching over Katrina, she touched his forearm. “Don’t worry,” she gently placated, “Katrina is going to get well.”

  The knot of anxiety in Jess’s stomach eased somewhat, but it didn’t go away entirely. It wouldn’t go away until he saw his daughter laughing and playing. “How long will it take for her to get over this scarlet fever? What kind of care will she need?”

  Victoria thought for only a second before she answered. “You don’t need to worry about that, either, Jess. I’ll take care of Katrina for the next few days.”

  Jess’s mind had been so fuzzed with worry for the past hour it took him several moments to realize exactly what Victoria meant.

  “You?” he asked incredulously. “You can’t take care of my daughter!”

  His outburst brought a wry smile to Victoria’s face. “If an M.D. isn’t qualified to care for her, then I don’t know who would be.”

  Still skeptical, he stared at her. “That’s not what I mean. I know you can treat her, but—”

  She crossed the room to gather water and a washcloth. “But what?” she asked, her back to him as she filled a plastic basin.

  His eyes slid down the length of her. She was wearing a mint-green skirt and matching sweater. Both cleaved to her curves just enough to be tempting. Her dark hair was loose against her back, the front kept away from her face with a twisted scarf. She was a woman with everything. Beauty, brains and money. She was also a Ketchum. And he’d once made the mistake of thinking that didn’t matter. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

  “I can take care of my own child, Victoria.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment and reminded herself she was a doctor in need, not a woman scorned. “You have a job that can call you away at any given moment.”

  “Ma will be there to help with Katrina.”

  She looked over her shoulder at him. “Your grandmother isn’t a young woman. She already has plenty of work to do around the ranch without the added stress of caring for a sick baby.”

  Victoria was right, of course. But that didn’t mean she should take care of his kid, Jess reasoned with himself. “If I’m lucky I won’t be called out on an emergency. Besides, you have your own medical clinic to run. You can’t stay home just to take care of my daughter,” he argued.

  Carrying the basin of water, she crossed the small space to him and the baby. “Would you please put her on the bed where she’ll be more comfortable,” she instructed, then added, “You might feel like arguing about the matter, Jess, but this little girl needs relief from whomever she can get it.”

  His features tight, Jess lifted Katrina over to the single bed. Victoria quickly eased down beside her and after wringing out the wet cloth began to wipe it over the child’s red face and chest.

  “Do you know the last time she was given a fever reducer?” Victoria asked, acutely aware that Jess was watching her every move.

  “No.”

  “Would you mind calling your grandmother to find out? I don’t want to overdose her. There’s a phone over there in the corner. On the desk.”

  Jess went to the instrument and punched in the number. Alice was relieved to hear from him and after a brief explanation as to what was going on, he hung up and rejoined Victoria, who continued to sponge Katrina with the cool water.

  “She said she gave Katrina a dose of acetaminophen at four this evening,” Jess told her.

  Victoria glanced at her wristwatch. It was only seven. Dear Lord it seemed like midnight. But Jess had a way of draining her energy. Even so, his child was in desperate need of medical care and Victoria’s heart had already made a decision to give it to her. In spite of her disturbing reaction to Jess’s presence.

  “I’ll give her something in an hour,” she said for his benefit. “In the meantime, this should help cool down her body temperature.”

  Uncertainty swamped him. “Maybe I should take her to the hospital.”

  “I’ve already done what a doctor there would do for her, Jess. And you’re right, it’s traumatic for a child this young to be in a strange environment like a hospital.” Her mind set, she glanced up at him. “I have a friend who’s a retired doctor. He sits in for me when I need time away from the office. He’ll be glad to take over while I care for Katrina. He misses his work.”

  Jess let out a heavy breath. “Why are you making this so easy for me?”

  Victoria’s gaze fell back to the baby. “You came to me for help. That’s all I’m trying to do, Jess. Help you.”

  Maybe so. But why, he asked himself. His daughter was no different than any other patient that came through her office. He told himself he should feel honored, grateful, that she was willing to do so much for Katrina and forget about what, if any, motives she had.

  “I didn’t expect this much from you, Victoria. And I’m fairly certain you don’t normally bring patients home with you.”

  She was going above and beyond the call of duty where this child was concerned, Victoria silently admitted. And she wasn’t even sure why. Except that the moment she’d glanced down at the little girl and saw the resemblance of Jess in her tiny features, her heart had been stolen.

  “That’s true. But like I told you, scarlet fever is infectious. There’s no need to take her elsewhere and spread the germs even more. And if you’re thinking—” She paused as her expression suddenly turned rueful.

&
nbsp; “Thinking what?” Jess urged.

  Victoria squeezed the excess water from the cloth, then carefully draped it over Katrina’s chest.

  Her eyes on the child, she said, “That I’m doing this for future favors. If you are, then I’ll remind you that I’m not stupid.”

  He scowled as he mulled over her words. “Future favors. What do you mean?”

  She looked up at him, her gaze unwavering. “You’re the undersheriff. You could pull legal strings.”

  For a moment her comment stunned him. He’d not been thinking in that direction at all. It disgusted him because he hadn’t. Because he’d been fool enough to think her compassion toward Katrina might have something to do with the closeness the two of them had once shared.

  “I don’t pull strings for anyone,” he said gruffly. “And that includes myself.”

  His stony features cut her even more than his words. “You don’t have to tell me that, Jess. I know the sort of man you are.”

  Did she really, Jess asked himself. He didn’t think so. She hadn’t understood him four years ago when he’d loved her so much he’d wanted to give her the world. She hadn’t understood it was important for him to step up the ladder, to be admired and respected by his peers and the folks of the county, not just for himself, but for her sake, too. If he’d given in to her wishes and become a hired hand for her daddy, he would have wound up being Mr. Ketchum rather than Victoria being Mrs. Hastings.

  “That’s why it should be plain to you,” she went on before he could make any sort of reply, “that I’m not taking care of your daughter for any sort of favors. I simply want to do it. For her. And you.”

  He stepped closer as warring emotions tugged him from one side of the fence to the other. “I can believe you would want to help a child. Any child. But not me. So let’s leave me out of it.”

  Victoria told herself she was an idiot for letting his comments hurt her. After all this time and all these years of nothing from him, she ought to understand that Jess didn’t even like her, much less harbor any sort of tender feelings toward her. But she was a sucker for children. And Katrina being his child just made her all the more special.

  She blew out a heavy breath. “Now isn’t the time for this, Jess. Getting Katrina well is all that matters. Don’t you agree?”

  Long moments passed without a response from him. Victoria finally glanced up to see him wiping a hand over his haggard face.

  “You’re right,” he agreed in a low voice. “I came here for your help. I should be thanking you. Not questioning your motives.”

  His admission not only surprised her, it also touched a soft spot deep inside her. Shaken, she did her best to hide it by smiling and making light of the moment.

  “You’re a lawman, Jess. Questioning people’s motives comes naturally to you.” Desperate to get off the subject, she lifted the basin up to him. “Now if you’d like to help, you could pour this out and fill it with fresh water.”

  Glad to do something other than stand helplessly by, he took the plastic basin and carried it over to the sink.

  “You were saying Katrina’s fever is contagious,” Jess said. “I don’t want her being here to cause a problem for your brother or anyone else on the ranch.”

  “Scarlet fever is mostly a child’s disease. And anyway, Ross is going to be out of the state for the next week or two. Marina and I will be the only ones staying here in the ranch house. Having Katrina here won’t cause any problems,” she reassured him.

  He carried the water back to Victoria. “Then I guess it’s settled. She stays with you,” he said, his gaze dropping to his daughter’s flushed face.

  It suddenly dawned on Victoria that it wasn’t having Katrina staying on the T Bar K that was bothering him. It was the idea of leaving her.

  “Jess, you didn’t imagine I expected you to have to leave, did you?”

  His eyes suddenly darted to Victoria and he stared at her with disbelief. “I sure as hell didn’t plan to stay here!”

  “Why?” she asked quietly.

  His upper lip curled with mockery. “Do you have to ask?”

  Ignoring his pointed suggestion, she replaced the thermometer under Katrina’s arm. “I am a qualified physician,” she stated firmly. “I can take care of your daughter’s medical needs. But you are her father. She’s going to need you, too. Especially when her fever starts to drop and she becomes aware of her surroundings. I expect she’s close to you?”

  Victoria’s question brought a faint smile to Jess’s face. Katrina had always been a daddy’s girl. As soon as his daughter had become mobile, she’d followed him from room to room and yelled loudly if he went outside without her.

  “You could say that. It’s only been this past month that she doesn’t scream when I leave for work.”

  Victoria smiled with understanding. “Then I have a feeling you’d better be around here or she’s going to do a lot more screaming.”

  Victoria was right. He couldn’t just leave his daughter here without any of her family to make her feel safe and anchored. He needed to be here for Katrina. At least, as much as his job would allow. But staying under the same roof with Victoria? And on Ketchum land? Both were unsettling thoughts. Other than his visit here as the undersheriff, Jess hadn’t been on the T Bar K in probably five years.

  When he and Victoria had first started dating, he’d tried to be sociable with her family. And on the surface, Tucker had welcomed him into their home. But Jess hadn’t been fooled. He’d felt hard resentment running beneath the old man’s outward friendliness. He’d seen the disdain in Tucker’s eyes when he thought Jess hadn’t been looking.

  The whole situation had been humiliating for Jess and eventually he’d refused to submit himself to Tucker’s subterfuge, and had stayed away from the ranch entirely. Victoria had never understood why. But the old man was gone now, Jess reminded himself. And he’d do whatever it took to make his daughter well again.

  “What is your brother going to say about me being here?” Jess asked. “He might not like it.”

  Victoria waved her hand dismissively. “Ross has enough problems of his own to deal with right now. And anyway, he never held any ill will toward you. He simply regards you as…my old flame. Nothing more.”

  Old flame. The two words mocked Jess. Each time he thought of Victoria or looked at her, the heat of desire flared up in him like a blowtorch. For him, the fire had never died. In spite of all his efforts to douse it.

  Jess grunted sardonically. “Hmmph. I don’t know whether to be insulted or grateful. Maybe I should just be thankful Tucker isn’t still around or he would have already thrown me off the place. My daughter, too, probably.”

  Victoria glared at him. “My father loved children. He wouldn’t have done something so heartless. But I guess it makes you feel good to paint him a monster.”

  Slightly ashamed of himself, Jess quickly shook his head. “Forget I said that, Victoria. It was out of line. I guess…having Katrina sick like this is making me say things I wouldn’t ordinarily say. I shouldn’t be lashing out at you. You’re only trying to help.”

  “You’ve already said that once. And I know you’re worried. You don’t have to say it again.”

  His gaze focused on a spot between the toes of his boots, Jess jammed his hands in the pockets of his jeans, then realized as he did that he was still in his work clothes. Dust covered him from head to toe while cow manure had dried in splotches on his jeans and was caked on the soles of his boots. Once his grandmother had met him at the fence to tell him about Katrina, he’d not taken the time to even take off his spurs much less change clothes.

  “I have a diaper bag in the truck with a few of Katrina’s clothes. But if I’m going to stay here tonight, I’d better go back to the ranch and get a few things. I smell like a feedlot,” he said after a moment.

  “There’s no need for you to make that long drive tonight. I can find something of Ross’s for you to change into.” She checked the thermometer on
ce again. “Good. It’s dropped a couple of degrees.”

  Victoria rose to her feet. “Stay here with her. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  A short time passed before Victoria returned to the room. This time Marina was with her. The cook inclined her head toward Jess before turning her attention to Katrina.

  “I’ll keep watch,” she promised Victoria, then took a seat on the edge of the bed beside the little girl. Her large, work worn hand gently soothed over Katrina’s fevered brow. “You go take care of things. Nothin’ will happen to this little chica while Marina is here.”

  Victoria motioned for Jess to follow her out of the room. Once they were in the hallway, she said, “Marina will watch her closely, let me know if there’s any changes. Right now, I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping tonight.”

  He was more than grateful for the care the two women were giving his daughter, but he still felt awkward and out of place in this house that, in size alone, would equal four or five of his grandparents’ home. Coupled with his passionate history with Victoria, he doubted he’d ever be able to relax as long as he was under this Ketchum roof.

  “I don’t need a room or anything. I doubt I’ll be doing any sleeping anyway. Not until Katrina gets better.”

  Dismissing his comment as foolish, she started down the hallway, forcing Jess to follow.

  “Don’t be silly. You can’t sit in a chair all night. That isn’t going to do your daughter any good. Besides, I expect her to continue sleeping through this worst part. Tonight the medicine will begin to work. Tomorrow she’ll start rousing around.”

  Jess didn’t question her prediction. After all, she was the doctor. And like he’d told her earlier, he trusted her ability as a physician. What he needed to do the most was forget she’d once been his lover.

  After passing several openings to other rooms, she entered a doorway to her left. A lamp was burning at the head of a four-poster bed, illuminating the intricate patchwork quilt covering the mattress. At the foot, a neat stack of clothes was ready and waiting for him.