Somebody to Die For

by Kris T. Bethke

  “We’ll introduce you once things are further along in her training,” Johnson continued. “If you suit as well as we think, then we’ll move the process along. She’ll have to complete her training, but we can make use of you in the meantime.”

  “Sounds good.” Jameson was proud his voice didn’t belie his true feelings. He wanted a partner, he reminded himself. That was the whole reason he’d been working so hard.

  “Excellent.” Johnson stood, so Jameson did too. “Until then, keep up the good work. You’re doing well. And by the time she’s ready to join you, you’ll be an accomplished anchor.”

  Jameson blinked, surprised by the words of praise. It was nice to hear he was on the right track. Even if he knew damn well he could be doing better.

  “Thank you, Director Johnson.”

  She nodded and motioned toward the door. “Tyler is otherwise occupied, or I would have asked him to come up again. I expect you to be helpful to anchors in your home group as they care for their ghostwalkers.”

  Jameson had worked with Tyler three other times since that first day, and while it had gone fine, Jameson knew Tyler was waiting for his permanent anchor. Jameson and Tyler worked well together, but it wasn’t perfect, and Tyler deserved someone who could care for him better than Jameson did.

  “I appreciate that.” Jameson moved toward the door that Johnson held open. “I will offer the best assistance I can.”

  Johnson gave him another smile. “I know. Get going. Sam and Dominic are waiting to get started.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”

  Jameson left the office and headed toward the room where his home group did their ghostwalks. This was a good thing. He knew it was. But that didn’t stop him from feeling wary about what was to come.

  Chapter Seven

  “I’M really happy with everyone’s progress, especially that Jameson kid. He’s really stepped up his game.”

  Avery had been morosely picking at his food—which was a shame because Derek’s cooking was amazing, and Avery wasn’t giving it the attention it deserved—but his ears perked up at the mention of Jameson’s name.

  “Yeah? That’s great to hear,” Michael said, pleasure evident in his tone. “Tyler has said Jameson is good. Not right for him in the long term, sadly, or I’d snap him up for Ty. But he’s done well.”

  “He has. They all have.” Sam grinned. “I’m really excited about tomorrow. These guys are ready. Their first case. Now they’ll really get to see what this whole thing is all about.”

  “I remember my first case like it was yesterday,” Blake chimed in with a wistful smile. “Ten-year-old named Robert. Leukemia took him, but he was so damn brave. Only reason he was sticking around was to make sure his mom and dad were okay.”

  “Avery?” Derek said his name quietly. Avery jerked his gaze to Derek’s and hated seeing the concern in their warm brown depths. “You okay? You’re not eating much.”

  Michael squinted at him, but Avery ignored his friend and nodded.

  “I’m just tired. It was a long drive.”

  It wasn’t precisely a lie. He’d been back home for more than a week, but he’d driven up that afternoon so he could be in the office tomorrow. Renata had asked him to come to help debrief the new ghostwalkers after their first actual case. Avery was happy to do it.

  But the real reason he wasn’t eating was because it was so damn hard to be there. As much as he loved his friends, being in the presence of two happy and committed couples was hard. All that love, while so wonderful to see, made him remember what he’d lost.

  And then there was Jameson.

  Avery wasn’t sure what to make of his feelings for the kid.

  He set down his fork and sat back. “I’m sorry. I’m not very good company.”

  “Do you want to go lie down for a while?” Michael immediately suggested.

  “I can keep a plate for you, if you feel like eating later. Do you need anything else? Just let me know, and I’ll get it,” Derek added.

  Avery chuckled, and Sam and Blake joined in. Michael and Derek were consummate caretakers. They both had the gene. They couldn’t help themselves, and a part of Avery loved it. He needed to be taken care of, and it was nice to have that again, however small and temporary it might be—even if it reminded him what he no longer had. He was used to that now.

  Mostly.

  “I think I’ll take a shower and maybe a nap.” Avery really just wanted to be alone to think, but the rest would be good too. “Don’t worry about leaving anything, Derek. I know your kitchen well by now, and I’m not afraid to rummage through it if I get hungry.”

  “If you’re sure….” Derek looked a bit anxious, and Avery knew he needed to do something.

  “I’m sure.” Avery stood up, squeezed Derek’s shoulder, and then picked up his plate. Derek immediately took it from his hands. Avery let it go. He moved around the table to Michael and leaned into him for just a moment.

  “You’re okay?” Michael always checked. Long years of friendship had given them a good relationship.

  Avery knew Michael would want to read him. He kept his mind as blank as possible and projected calm. Michael stared into his eyes for a long moment and then nodded.

  “Enjoy the rest of your dinner, guys. I’m sure I’ll be better company tomorrow.” Avery left before anyone could protest.

  He appreciated their concern. He just didn’t think he could deal with it right then. When he entered the bedroom he always used when he was there, Avery sat on the bed, toed off his shoes, and then lay back without removing anything else.

  He couldn’t stop thinking about Jameson. All week long his mind kept wandering back to him. He told himself it was because of how he treated Jameson. He didn’t actually regret what he said, just how he said it. He wasn’t Jameson’s superior, and he didn’t have any sort of authority over him, but he thought they were becoming friends, and friends called each other out when they behaved badly. Didn’t they?

  Besides, from what Sam said, it had worked. Avery knew Jameson had it in him, after that first meeting, anyway. They might have started out wrong, but Jameson had quickly shown his heart underneath. When Avery saw the way Jameson cared for Tyler, he knew Jameson could be great, which explained the surge of jealousy he felt at the time and refused to acknowledge. He didn’t want to ghostwalk anymore. The thought of it without Luke was still a raw open wound. But the care Jameson had shown? Avery wanted that.

  Feeling more settled and wishing he’d thought of it earlier so he wouldn’t have spent the past week in a state of mental turmoil, Avery pushed himself off the bed. A shower and a nap, and he’d feel 100 percent again.

  THE next morning Avery made sure to get to the office early. He waited in the lecture hall so he could catch Jameson before the day started. Slowly the trainees trickled in. Anxious and a little nervous, Avery jumped every time the door opened. He breathed deeply and did everything he knew to calm down. He was well practiced in the art of meditation, but it only helped a little.

  The door opened again, and several people walked in, Jameson among them. Good lord, he was tall. And fit. And his profile was stunning. Avery shook his head. Where had that thought come from?

  “Jameson?”

  Jameson whipped around, and his face broke out in a wide grin. He jogged over to Avery and stopped just in front of him, a little closer than was strictly appropriate for normal social rules, but Avery didn’t mind.

  “Hey. You’re back. How are you?”

  “Good. I’m… good. Listen, can I speak with you for a moment?”

  Jameson’s eyes lost a little of their shine, but he nodded immediately. “Of course.”

  Avery led the way back into the hall, headed straight for one of the empty classrooms, and turned to find Jameson shutting the door behind them. Another wave of nerves washed over him, but he shoved them away. He was too old to be so nervous.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yes.” Avery nodded once. “I w
ant to apologize.”

  Jameson’s brow creased. “For what?”

  “Last time we spoke, I….” Avery blew out a breath. It shouldn’t be so hard. “I should have said what needing saying in a better way. I was harsh.”

  “You were right.”

  Avery jerked his head up to stare into Jameson’s dark eyes. He only saw sincerity there, but he didn’t know what to do with that.

  “I shouldn’t have looked at your file, and you had every right to call me out on it.” Jameson gave him a small smile. “And what’s more, your words really hit home. You gave me the wakeup call I needed. Thanks to you I’m doing better. I want to succeed at this, and you helped me.”

  Avery blinked. That wasn’t what he expected. He cleared his throat, unable to take his gaze off Jameson. “I hear you’ve been doing well,” he said, though it felt a little hollow. So he shifted his feet and tried again. “I mean, everyone is impressed with your progress, and I’ve been hearing good things.”

  Jameson beamed. “Thanks. That’s great to hear. I’ve been working hard.”

  “It’s paying off.”

  A strange, unsettled silence stretched between them. Neither moved or spoke, and Avery wasn’t sure what to say.

  “They found a ghostwalker for me,” Jameson eventually said, his voice low.

  Avery’s stomach bottomed out. That should be good news, but Avery cleared his throat and forced himself to say, “That’s great.”

  Jameson nodded, but his face fell. “Yeah, it’s… I don’t know who she is yet. She just started training, but I’ll meet her when she gets through the first part. Then we’ll see if we work.”

  Avery nodded as he studied Jameson’s face. “Aren’t you happy?”

  “I guess.” Jameson blew out a breath and straightened up. “No, I am. I thought… doesn’t matter. I’m glad they were able to find someone. There’s only so much I can do for the company if I don’t have a partner, and I want to be valuable. So yeah. It’s good.”

  Avery didn’t believe him. Well, he believed Jameson wanted to be of value and do his job well, but he didn’t think Jameson was actually happy. Avery had a strong urge to fix that, to question Jameson until he told Avery what was wrong. Maybe they had become friends after all.

  He reached out and touched Jameson’s arm. When Jameson sucked in a breath and his gaze shot to Avery’s, he couldn’t stop looking back. The spark of electricity between them was unnerving, and Avery thought he should pull away and put distance between them. But he couldn’t. Instead he took a step closer, not sure what he was going to do or say. He just knew he needed to be closer.

  “Jameson, I—”

  A rap on the door interrupted Avery, and he blew out a relieved breath. He backed up several steps as Sam stuck his head in the room. “We’re starting in five minutes. You two better get in there.”

  Avery nodded, and Jameson turned around. But just before Jameson stepped through the door, Avery grabbed his arm again, not willing to lose the connection between them quite yet, even if it made him uncomfortable. Jameson looked down at his hand and then at Avery’s face.

  Taking a deep breath, Avery gave a shaky smile. “Meet you for lunch?”

  Jameson’s expression softened, and he smiled. “Yes.”

  AVERY wasn’t surprised when the cheesecake hit the table a second before Jameson sat down. He smiled his thanks and pulled the plate closer. When he abandoned his salad in favor of the delicious dessert, he made sure Jameson saw how much he enjoyed it.

  “How’s your day been?” Jameson asked.

  Avery swallowed his bite. “Good. I worked on my lecture for tomorrow and bothered Michael for a while.”

  Jameson laughed. “I’ve only met that guy in passing, when he’s come up to see Sam, but he’s intimidating as hell.”

  Avery chuckled too. “Not really. He might be a big guy who has a thing for glowering, but he’s really a softie. I mean, he’s a Guardian, right? He cares about everyone.”

  “He might be a Guardian, but he’s nothing like Director Johnson.” Jameson pulled apart his sandwich and then picked off the cheese and tossed it aside.

  “No, he definitely isn’t.” Avery savored a few bites of cheesecake. The normalcy between them felt good after the strange encounter that morning. He needed them to be back on an even keel, so he kept the conversation going. “He’s one of my oldest friends.”

  Jameson’s eyes went wide, and something passed over his face that was gone too quickly for Avery to name.

  “Really?”

  “Yes. He trained with me and….” Avery had to take a breath. “Me and Luke. He’d just started developing his talents when Luke and I were assigned to Hackettstown. Michael came a few months later, and we were glad we were all close enough to visit.”

  Avery’s stomach jangled, but he was surprised at how much it didn’t bother him to talk about his bonded. It had always been so hard before. For a long while he couldn’t even think Luke’s name without crying. Maybe time really did heal all wounds, or at least scab them over enough that they didn’t bleed all the time.

  Jameson was quiet. He stopped eating and stared at his tray as though it had the answers to the universe. Avery watched him for a long moment and steeled his resolve. They were friends, and friends talked about that kind of thing.

  “It’s okay. You can ask.”

  Jameson met Avery’s gaze. “You and Luke. You were bonded?”

  “Yes.” Avery swallowed hard and then reached for his water bottle just to have something to do with his hands. “He died. Pancreatic cancer. By the time we found it, it was too late.”

  Jameson slid his chair closer and lowered his head. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Avery.”

  “Thank you. I’m okay.” Avery sucked in a breath, surprised at how true that was. He gave a wavering smile. “I wasn’t for a long time. But now I’m okay. It still hurts, and I still miss him. But I always will. And to be honest, I wouldn’t want that to change.”

  “And it shouldn’t.” Jameson’s voice was low and comforting, and Avery found himself leaning toward him. Then Jameson raised his hand, looked directly into Avery’s eyes, and gently cupped Avery’s cheek. “Thank you for telling me. I know how hard that must have been.”

  Avery closed his eyes and reveled in it. The warmth from Jameson’s hand felt good on Avery’s skin. When was the last time he’d been touched like that? It seemed like forever. The last time he tried to get close to anyone, he panicked and ran. But Jameson’s touch felt good.

  Avery was careful as he pulled away. Not ready to think about what his emotions meant, he smiled at Jameson.

  “You’re going to do just fine,” Avery whispered. Then he patted Jameson’s knee and sat back in his chair.

  Instead of sliding back over, Jameson pulled his tray closer and began to eat. Avery didn’t mind. Jameson was like a furnace—even though they were no longer touching, he could feel the warmth. There was a comfort in that, but no pressure, no expectation, just a supportive friend, offering compassion.

  Avery picked at his half-eaten cheesecake and smiled.

  Chapter Eight

  AVERY found a quiet corner to go over his lecture notes while he waited. A glance at his watch showed he still had plenty of time to kill. Even after they pulled the new group of ghostwalkers back from their first walks, they’d have to recover. It would be hours before he met with a pair to deconstruct what had happened in the spirit plane.

  He’d done that on several occasions before, so he knew what he was in for. He also knew how helpful it was. Debriefing the case and getting critiqued on how to make the next one better was vital. Avery just hoped he was assigned a pair who wanted to improve and didn’t see it as some kind of criticism. Requiem worked to weed out those people and to impress upon everyone just how important the process was. But egos tended to creep up every now and then.

  The door to the conference room banged open, and Avery whirled around in his seat to see a very anxious-
looking Renata. Her dark eyes swept the room, and when her gaze landed on Avery, she blew out a breath and hurried toward him. He stood and waited for her to approach.

  “Avery, we’ve got a problem.”

  Avery’s heart lurched, and his first thought was of Jameson. But there was no reason for Jameson to be in any kind of danger, so he pushed that away and focused on Renata.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Lucy’s missing.” Renata looked calm and in control, but Avery could see the worry in her eyes. “No one’s heard from her, and she’s approaching the time limit. Sam’s still in, and he’s still looking, but he sent word back through one of the mediums that he can’t find her. We need help.”

  Avery’s stomach dropped. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what Renata wanted. He opened his mouth, but his heart jumped into his throat, and he couldn’t make himself speak.

  Renata’s gaze softened, and she took a step closer. “I wouldn’t ask. I would never make you do this. But Sarah’s had to leave for a family emergency, so I don’t have anyone else.”

  Avery’s ears were buzzing, and he felt light-headed. “Maybe someone downstairs—”

  Renata’s headshake cut him off. “I’ve exhausted all other possible options. Everyone is either still out or just back, and I can’t send them in again. Believe me. I would never ask this of you if I had any other choice.”

  Avery nodded. He knew that, at least on some level. But the thought of ghostwalking nearly made him throw up.

  “I would just pull her back, but I don’t know what kind of situation she’s in. If she’s trapped by a spirit, then it’ll be detrimental to us all. If she’s just lost and confused, pulling her back when she doesn’t know what’s going on can damage her mentally. I will do it if I have to, but I’d much rather go the safer route.” Renata stepped closer and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Avery, I know how much you don’t want to do this, but I need your help.”

  His stomach threatened to rebel, but Avery nodded slowly. Someone somewhere else could do it, he knew, but it would take that much longer to get them up to speed. And every moment wasted was another moment Lucy was in danger. He pressed a hand against his middle, swallowed down the bile trying to rise, and said, “Okay.”