Somebody to Die For

by Kris T. Bethke

  “Excellent.” Renata sounded pleased. “In fact, perhaps you’d like to go down to his office today. He can do a regular walk, and King will be sure to take care of you both. I think you’re ready.”

  “No.”

  Only when everyone turned to look at him did Avery realize he’d spoken out loud. The shocked faces were a surprise. And Avery hadn’t meant to say it, but the thought of Jameson working with Tyler again made him uneasy.

  Jealous. It was jealousy. He felt it burn through his veins. What the hell?

  “I mean,” Avery continued as he walked a little closer. “I’m right here and available. I’d be happy to help Jameson out.”

  Jameson’s gaze was laser focused on him, and then suddenly his face broke into a grin. Avery was certain Jameson knew what was going on, and he found he didn’t even care. He couldn’t stand the thought of Jameson anchoring someone else, not when he was right there and could do it. In the future, when they were apart, he wouldn’t have any say. A sour feeling twisted his stomach, but he pushed it away.

  “Umm, Avery,” Sam began gently. He glanced between Avery and Jameson and then focused back on Avery. “You don’t have to do this.”

  “I want to.” Avery couldn’t look away from Jameson and that bright smile on his face. “Jameson needs the practice, and I’m right here.”

  Vaguely Avery registered the murmuring around him, but Jameson took a step closer. He didn’t touch, but he lifted his hand like he wanted to. Avery gave him a shaky smile.

  “Would you all mind giving us a minute?” Jameson asked politely. He didn’t wait for a response as he guided Avery away to one of the low couches on the far side of the lobby. Jameson sat and patted the seat beside him, and Avery joined him.

  “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

  “I’m sorry about this morning,” Avery blurted. He flushed and then took a breath and willed his embarrassment away. “I am. I was being rude and weird, and you didn’t deserve that.”

  Jameson’s smile gentled. “I’m sure you were freaking out. I was going to give you a little time before I made you talk.”

  Avery gave a relieved little laugh. He couldn’t believe that Jameson was so understanding. No, that wasn’t right. He knew Jameson would get it. He’d shown that before.

  “Still, it wasn’t fair.” Avery kept his voice low, and Jameson leaned in a little. He caught a whiff of Jameson’s scent, and that settled his nerves even more.

  “You did warn me that it would happen.” Jameson sounded like he’d expected it. “And I told you it was okay. Feel what you need to feel. Take some time to figure out your thoughts. I’m not going anywhere. And I know it’ll take time for you.”

  “You’re just perfect.”

  Jameson chuckled. “I’m not. But I understand, and I get you.”

  Avery grabbed his hand and held on tight. “That means so much to me.”

  Jameson laced their fingers together and squeezed. Then he leaned back into the couch. “So. Tell me what that was all about, hmm?”

  Avery couldn’t help the scowl. “I don’t want you anchoring for Tyler. I mean… uh… I’m right here and—”

  “You’re jealous.” There was no judgment in the word, just total understanding—and if the little quirk of Jameson’s lips was any indication, a bit of pleasure too.

  “Yes,” Avery whispered, but not ashamed. “Ghostwalkers get… I get attached. It’s partly because of how I’m wired—my DNA. But also it’s just me. The thought of you anchoring him when I’m right here makes me positively green.”

  Jameson grinned. “I probably shouldn’t like that as much as I do.”

  “When you go,” Avery had to take a breath and force himself to say it. “When you have your own anchor and you’re somewhere else, that’ll be different. But I’m here. And I want to be the only one you take care of.”

  “That’s so very good to hear.”

  A hint of arousal flashed through him, but Avery ignored it. That wasn’t what it was about. At least not fully. But Jameson was his, for however long they could make it last, and he was adult enough to own that.

  “Anchor me?”

  “Absolutely.” Jameson stood and used the hold he still had on Avery’s hand to pull him up too. “It would be my pleasure.”

  Together they walked back to the group, and Avery saw the surprise on every face. Renata looked concerned, but he ignored that as well. It didn’t matter what they all thought. He needed to do this for Jameson. He couldn’t have it any other way.

  “I haven’t looked at case files yet, but I’ll do that now. I’m sure I can find something easy, and then Jameson can get the practical experience he needs.”

  “Avery,” Renata began, but Avery caught her gaze and held it. He pushed his thoughts at her, knowing she was already trying to read him. They both remained silent for a long moment, and then she blew out a breath and nodded.

  “All right,” she said and took a step back. “Do you want to use one of the empty offices downstairs? King will be happy to assist you, and you might be more comfortable having privacy.”

  Avery blinked. “You wouldn’t mind?”

  Her smile was kind. “My primary goal is to get the trainees as ready as I’m able. If that means sending you downstairs, then that’s fine. I’ll still be reviewing Jameson’s postwalk report, and I’ll still be handling his debrief.”

  “Then, yes, please.”

  She nodded and turned to Sam and Dom. “You have one less in your group today, then. I’ll let King know he’s got another pair to watch out for. You two, head downstairs.”

  Hand in hand, Jameson and Avery took the stairs and had just set foot in the lobby when Michael burst out of his office. He took one look at them and sighed.

  “Jameson, last door on the left. Avery will be there in a minute.”

  Jameson gave him a concerned looked, but Avery smiled, squeezed Jameson’s hand, and pulled away.

  “Go on. I’ll be right there.” He raised up on tiptoes and lowered his voice. “He’s all bark. I just need to assure him it’s what I want, and then I’ll be in.”

  Jameson nodded, touched his cheek, and then strode down the hall. Avery watched him go for a minute and turned his attention to Michael. He was scowling, and Avery smirked.

  “Yes?”

  “What are you doing?”

  Avery considered his words and smiled serenely. “Learning to live again.”

  Michael blinked, mouth agape. He nodded just once and gestured down the hall. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

  Avery had a bounce in his step as he followed after Jameson.

  Chapter Eighteen

  AVERY wasn’t surprised that he was nervous. What did surprise him was that he was only a little nervous. He expected to be overcome now that he was shirtless and sitting in the chair. But he wasn’t. Jameson was there, and Michael would be killing him. He was as comfortable as he could be.

  Only one thing would have made it better, but even thinking about Luke in that context didn’t make things worse.

  Jameson had laid out all the supplies on the counter, checked Avery’s med kit, and then sat in the chair beside him. Avery immediately reached out and smiled when Jameson took his hand. For a long minute, they sat just breathed and stared and shored each other up.

  “You ready to do this?”

  “Yes.” Avery’s grin grew when he realized just how ready he was. The thought of going into the spirit plane and helping a lost soul galvanized him. The anticipation was building in his stomach, and he was actually a little excited to get to do it again.

  “Good.” Jameson slid his chair a bit closer. “Take your time. There’s no rush. I’ll be right here waiting for you. If you need to come back early, then do it.”

  Avery’s heart swelled, and he leaned toward Jameson just to be closer. Having Jameson’s complete attention, knowing that Jameson was focused solely on him and his care, settled something deep inside him. It was different from w
hat he’d had with Luke. Luke had the gene, and Jameson didn’t, but Avery was made to be taken care of, and Jameson cared.

  “I have done this a few times,” Avery teased. He reached out with his other hand, and Jameson obligingly bent down so Avery could cup his cheek.

  “I know.” Jameson smiled and placed a quick kiss on Avery’s palm. “But you’ve never done it like this. I know this is supposed to be about me getting practical experience, but it’s a bigger deal for you.”

  “Ah, but this is giving you experience. You’re focused on your ghostwalker’s needs, and that’s such a big part of what we do.” Avery’s throat tightened, but he made himself continue. “When you finally meet your partner, she’ll be lucky to have you.”

  Jameson moved fast, grabbed Avery, and pulled him in tight. “Don’t think about that or about her. This is all about you… us.”

  Avery nodded against Jameson’s throat, took a deep breath, and then slowly pulled back. He would do as Jameson said because, if he thought too much about their impending separation, he wouldn’t be able to do his job. He settled back in his chair and gave Jameson a soft smile.

  “Call Michael.”

  Jameson did that and then resumed his seat, and Avery immediately reached out again. He needed Jameson’s touch to ground him. They were still like that when Michael walked into the room with his sword in hand.

  “I’ve always enjoyed killing you.”

  Jameson started and glared, but Avery laughed.

  “Ha-ha. Very funny.” He knew Michael was teasing, and Michael’s answering grin made him chuckle again. Then he closed his eyes and centered himself. He’d done it a thousand times. He could do it again with no problem. And Jameson would be there to take care of him when he came back to life.

  “Don’t let go,” he whispered, and Jameson tightened his grip.

  “I would never.”

  Avery nodded. Then he opened his eyes and looked right at Michael.

  “Do it.”

  IT took Avery a few seconds to get his bearings, but he wasn’t surprised to see Luke’s grave. He smiled, kissed his fingers, and reached out to touch the headstone.

  “See you later, babe.”

  He moved, his mind focused on the spirit he was there to help—Colin Smith, forty-three years old. A horrific car accident had taken his life, and he’d been lingering for several months. The medium who first spotted him had reported that he liked to hang around his home. By all accounts he was just as in love with his wife as the day he married her, twenty years earlier.

  Avery knew the feeling.

  It didn’t take him long to find Colin. Avery had his destination firmly fixed in his mind. The house was a sweet little bungalow with a saltbox roof and gray siding. The yard was awash in fall color. Mums and salvia lined either side of the front door. It was a cheery home, and Avery could understand exactly what drew Colin back there.

  Avery found him in the backyard. There were even more flowers and shrubs back there. The landscaping immaculate, the atmosphere peaceful. Colin was staring at the back of the house, where a huge picture window overlooked the yard. Avery couldn’t see inside, but that didn’t matter.

  “Colin?”

  The man turned, glanced at Avery for just a second, and then returned to looking in. Avery approached cautiously and made sure to keep a respectable distance. He let the silence stretch for a few minutes before he spoke again.

  “Is Lindsey in there, Colin?”

  “She’s at work. I’m waiting for her to come home.”

  Avery stared at the spirit, because the lack of emotion in his tone was a little troubling. He took a moment to center himself, because he needed to engage Colin.

  “This backyard is beautiful. Absolutely stunning. Is that your doing? Or hers?”

  Colin gave a little start, and Avery smiled slightly.

  “Or both of you together?”

  “She wanted a haven back here. We created it together.”

  Oh, good, a little more emotion. That meant they were moving in the right direction. Avery took a step closer.

  “I’m sure she looks out here and sees you in all the flowers. I bet she feels close to you out here.”

  “She does.” Colin’s voice broke. “She talks to me out here. I answer her back, but she can’t hear me.”

  “No,” Avery agreed. “But she doesn’t need to.”

  “I can’t leave her.”

  Avery’s heart broke, and he felt his eyes sting. If he were able to cry, he would have.

  “Can I tell you something, Colin?”

  The man glanced at him again and gave a half shrug. Avery took it as permission.

  “I lost my love. Cancer. It was fast and brutal. And I didn’t know how I could go on.” Avery was carefully playing the pronoun game, because he wasn’t sure how Colin would react to a same-sex relationship. And Avery didn’t need that kind of fight. He’d lose Colin if he was a bigot. But that didn’t matter, because Avery was there to help Colin, no matter the man’s inclinations.

  Colin looked at him again and held Avery’s gaze. Avery smiled.

  “It just about broke me. I couldn’t function for a long time. But the one thing that kept me going, the one thing that gave me peace, was knowing my love was at peace. Not lingering. My love crossed over, and that made it easier on me. I knew he wasn’t suffering any longer.” Avery snapped his mouth shut, but thankfully, either Colin didn’t notice or didn’t care, because he didn’t react.

  “So you’re saying I should just go? Leave her?” There was some heat in his tone, but he didn’t seem angry… exactly.

  “I’m saying that if you linger, then you aren’t doing her or yourself any favors. I’m saying that if she knows you’re at peace, it will soothe something inside her.” Avery had to take a second to rein in his own emotions. “I do this for a living—help people such as yourself cross over—and the one thing that got me through was knowing he wasn’t trapped, that he’d crossed and was waiting for me. When my time eventually comes, I know he’ll be there for me.”

  Avery tensed. No way Colin could miss all the hes in there. But Colin didn’t react. He just went back to staring in the window. And Avery didn’t interrupt his contemplation. He let Colin think.

  “You know what she feels.”

  It wasn’t a question, but Avery answered it anyway. “I know how it feels to lose the person you love more than breathing.”

  “And knowing your guy was at peace helped?”

  So Colin had caught it, and he didn’t seem repulsed. That was good. Avery took one more step closer, not quite within touching distance, and moved to the side so Colin could see him more directly.

  “Yes. I promise you, there’s a solace in that.”

  Colin nodded and pursed his lips, seemingly lost in thought again. Avery waited and tried not to get impatient. Spirits sometimes took time. They couldn’t be rushed.

  “And….” Colin’s voice shook, and he had to clear his throat. “She’ll know? That I crossed over or whatever?”

  “We can make sure she’s told, if you’d like.”

  Colin went silent for another minute and turned bodily to face Avery. “Can you give her a message?”

  Avery’s stomach jolted. Company policy didn’t exactly forbid passing messages on, but surprisingly few spirits asked for it. Avery himself had never passed along a message in all his years on the job. But in this case, Avery didn’t even hesitate.

  “We can.” Avery cleared his throat. “I will.”

  Colin nodded but didn’t say anything. Avery’s stomach knotted, but he made himself stand still.

  “Tell her I love her, that I wouldn’t have left her if I could help it, that I’ll always love her. And… tell her I’m at peace.”

  Avery hadn’t expected anything more than that, but hearing it made his heart squeeze tightly. He had to take a minute and get himself under control so the emotions wouldn’t overwhelm him when he spoke.

  “I’ll tell her.
” He held out a hand. “Are you ready to go?”

  Colin moved slowly, reluctantly. He kept glancing back at the house, but eventually his fingers made contact with Avery’s. Then he grabbed Avery’s hand, and when Avery began walking toward the shimmery light at the edge of the property, Colin went willingly. He heard Colin’s gasp and knew he could see the light. But just as he was about to step through, he stopped and looked at Avery.

  “Is there something you want me to tell your guy? If I see him?”

  Avery’s heart gave a painful thump, and his smile felt shaky. “He knows, I’m sure. But if you see my Luke, you can tell him I’m happy. Finally.”

  Colin smiled back, took a step, and was gone.

  Avery collapsed to his knees, and his hands shook. If he could breathe, he was sure he’d be hyperventilating. But after a minute, it eased and he was able to stand.

  He felt lighter than he had in years and whole in a way he hadn’t since Luke passed. With determination, he headed back to the Duncan Moor branch and went in search of a medium. He didn’t know them as well as he did the ones at the Hackettstown branch, but he was sure he could get his message across.

  He’d met Alli on occasion, and he liked her snarky smile and her bright green eyes. He stood in front of her desk, where she was typing, and suddenly she looked up. She pushed a lock of hair off her face and squinted.

  “Nolan?”

  Avery rolled his eyes and tried to protect his thoughts. Hopefully it wouldn’t take her long to pick up on his aura and what he wanted.

  “No. Not Nolan. Where’d I even come up with that?” She blew out a breath, closed her eyes, and relaxed her shoulders. “Ghostwalker, definitely. You’re a ghostwalker, right?”

  Avery nudged a green water bottle, hoping she would get that as a yes. She cracked one eye open and stared at it. He pushed it a few more inches.

  “But I know all the ghostwalkers at this branch and you don’t feel like anyone I know. Wait. Wait a minute. You…. Michael? Oh. You must be Avery! Okay. So, you’re ready to come back, huh?”

  He nudged the bottle again.