The Song

by Chris Fabry

  “It’s weird seeing Paw Paw like that,” Ray said.

  “Mom said you were there in the vineyard when it happened.”

  Ray nodded. “I thought it was funny. I thought Paw Paw was playing a trick.”

  Jed hugged his son. “It’s okay.”

  “Mama couldn’t stop crying.”

  “I know. We just need to give her some time. Let her grieve.”

  There was a commotion in the hallway outside the room, voices whispering in angry tones. Jed told Ray to just rest, that he’d be right back, and the boy nodded.

  In the hallway he found Rose’s brothers holding a document.

  “Did you know about this?” Zack said to Jed.

  He took the paper and saw it was Shep’s will.

  “He made Rose the executor,” Will said. “She makes the call on the property.”

  Jed handed it back. “Guys, you should hash this out after the funeral, okay?”

  The two were clearly upset with him, but Jed slipped back into the bedroom and found Ray asleep. He sat on the floor and put his head in his hands. He needed something to drink.

  The grave was dug beside Shep’s wife on the hillside overlooking the pond. It was a cool day, and Pastor Bingham stood before them, a comforting figure in their time of grief.

  “Shep would have loved this day,” Pastor Bingham said. “He loved the outdoors. He loved the vineyard. The way it changed through the seasons. He loved the spring and summer and fall—the harvest. He loved being with nature and cherishing the gifts God has given us.”

  Jed found the spot where they had buried the old dog, Duke, a few years back. It had been a turning point, of sorts, in their relationship, Jed thought. Shep had always seemed a little suspicious of him. But when Duke had been put down and Jed walked through that with him, and then when Ray had come along, all of those fears had gone from the man. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so trusting after all, Jed thought.

  Pastor Bingham looked at Jed as if he knew something was wrong. He took a breath and said, “A wise man once wrote, ‘There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot.’ And that time has come not just for Shepherd, but for us as well. It is time to say good-bye to our friend and enjoy the harvest of a life well lived. It is time to give back to our Maker one of his finest creations. One of his most beautiful creations. A hardworking, life-loving, faithful husband and father.”

  The words cut Jed to the core. “Faithful husband and father.” He shook them off and helped Rose make it through the rest of the service.

  When everyone had left that evening and the house was silent, Rose crumbled on the couch and Jed held her head in his lap and watched her sleep. As she slept, his head hit the back of the couch. And he dreamed he was awake. He dreamed he heard a noise outside, like the firing of a rifle, and he rose and walked into the darkness toward a light near the vineyard. The air was filled with the night sounds of crickets and frogs. He came to the chapel but it only had the framing up, and at the far end hung the carcass of some freshly killed animal. It was hanging upside down from the rafters, blood spilling into a silver bucket on the floor and spattering the boards around a man’s feet.

  The man stepped back and saw Jed. It was Shep. His face was beet-red and filled with fiery anger. He pulled the knife from the animal, blood on his arms and clothes, and moved toward Jed with a look of determination. Three steps and he was on him and there was nothing Jed could do. He was paralyzed with fear.

  “Don’t! Shep, no!” Jed yelled, but Shep overtook him and plunged the bloody knife into Jed’s stomach.

  CHAPTER 35

  SHELBY SAT SMOKING in the bar, staring at Vivian’s open mouth.

  “And you don’t feel any remorse?” Vivian said. “I mean, her father died and you were—”

  “I was taking care of her husband the way she should have taken care of him. It’s obvious he’s not getting what he needs at home.”

  “Really? And how can you tell that? Did you look in his eyes? Do a blood test?”

  “I don’t have to test. I can tell.”

  “Shelby, you know me. I’m not a prude. I like to have fun. But come on, the guy is happily married. His whole career is based on his family, his religion. You and I may disagree with him about God and all that Jesus stuff, but you’re not just stealing his fidelity. You’ll wreck his life.”

  Shelby glanced at her from the corner of her eye. “I’m not wrecking anything. I’m trying to free him from the prison he’s in.”

  “Prison? You call his life a prison?”

  “His art. He’s trapped. He has to fit into the little box they’ve made for him. That he’s made for himself. He could be so much more. With me.”

  Vivian took another sip, then downed the rest of the drink in one gulp. “And who says he’s going to ditch his wife and his career for you? You think that’s actually going to happen?”

  Shelby smiled. “Judging from the other night, I can guarantee it. Once a man has seen that the grass is greener on the other lawn, he’ll be back. And eventually he stays.”

  But as the days wore on and shows were canceled, Shelby wondered if Jed had changed his mind. She thought about calling or texting him, but she knew it was better to wait, to let Jed be the one to make the next move. Be patient, she thought. It will make his return that much better.

  After she knew the funeral was over, Shelby met with Stan in the hotel lobby.

  “I think we need to cancel Amsterdam,” he said.

  “You cancel another show and we’re toast,” Shelby said. “The momentum was so high after London.”

  “And his father-in-law died, if you hadn’t noticed.”

  “I know his wife’s dad passed away, Stan. But life is passing us by out here. You haven’t even called him, have you?”

  “I want to give him space. Pushing him right now is not the thing to do.”

  “Somebody needs to present him with reality. And reality is this: The tour is hemorrhaging money. Canceling shows ticks people off. They want to see us play. I don’t care how good the reason is. There’s a time to mourn and a time to sing and this is the time to get on with life.”

  Stan looked at his watch. “What time is it over there now? It’s gotta be late morning, right?”

  Shelby shrugged.

  Stan dialed the number and apologized for waking Jed. He asked the time and mouthed, “It’s 6 a.m.”

  Shelby leaned closer to the phone but couldn’t hear Jed’s response.

  “We are certainly anxious and excited to have you back out here. Friday is Amsterdam. Everything is a go . . .”

  Jed said something and Stan pursed his lips.

  “Brother, we have lost six shows. Now I know that was an emergency, but we have an emergency here.” He looked at Shelby. “Okay, here’s the truth: we are hemorrhaging money. Hemorrhaging money, man. People are getting upset.”

  “Stan,” Jed said, and Shelby could hear him now. “This is my life.” There was passion to his voice and a bite to it.

  Shelby raised her eyebrows and urged Stan on.

  “And this is how you pay for your life,” Stan said. “Now, if you were a nobody, if you were still just David King’s kid, I wouldn’t care what you did. No one would. But I don’t think that’s who you want to be. Or is it? Because you can always just walk away.”

  Stan looked right at Shelby and she nodded. This was the pep talk Jed needed. This was the push she’d hoped Stan would give to bring him back to the tour. To bring him back to her.

  CHAPTER 36

  ROSE AWOKE under the same cover her father had loved. Jed was close, looking at her. She had cried herself to sleep on his lap and didn’t remember him getting up. The funeral, the fight with her brothers, dealing with Ray and the questions about the farm—it was all a blur and she felt like her life had spun out of control. She prided herself on staying on an even keel, but the events since
her father had died had put her in a whirlwind.

  Jed was looking at her with a pain of his own as if there was something he couldn’t tell her. She pushed the thought aside and coaxed him to talk.

  “I have to go back,” he whispered.

  Rose melted into tears again. She didn’t want the emotion, didn’t want to seem needy, but she couldn’t help it. “Please,” she begged.

  “I don’t have a choice,” he said.

  “Yes, you do. Please, just stay.”

  “If I stay, we’re going to owe a lot of money.”

  Her eyes bolted open and the tears stopped. She knew what she had to do. “Take me with you, then.” She was resolved not to let anything come between them.

  The look on Jed’s face told her something was wrong. Something more than just her presence on the tour.

  “I can’t do that, Rose,” he said so softly she could barely hear it.

  “Why?”

  “All the reasons you said. I can’t do that to Ray.”

  The tears came again and the regret. “I should have gone with you then. I’m so sorry, Jed.” She was crying like a wounded child now. “I’m so sorry. I should go with you.”

  “You have a lot to do here,” Jed said. “Just help me get through these next eight weeks. I have a show in Cincy. Then I have a break.”

  “How long?”

  She saw a hint of a smile on his face. “We’ll start with a year.”

  The plane left the next day and Rose and Ray drove Jed to the airport, just to spend a little extra time with him. Ray held on to his father’s neck and did that thing he used to do with his grandfather, holding on as long as he could and Jed leaning down so Ray would touch the ground as soon as he let go.

  “After Cincy,” Jed said to Rose, then kissed her on the cheek.

  Jed had been especially kind while he was home. He hadn’t even brought up the issue of intimacy and she guessed it was because of the trauma of her losing her father, that he wanted to be sensitive to her.

  They watched him disappear into the airport, a few people recognizing him and pointing. Jed sauntered past them and waved.

  Rose drove toward Nashville and met Denise at a park that was halfway between. It was always great to process life with her friend, and they talked about her dad’s death and the big changes she was going through with decisions about the farm and her brothers.

  “There’s no question you’ll keep the farm, right?” Denise said. “I mean, the family burial plots are enough to settle that.”

  “Dad left that open for us. He said we could move their graves if I wanted, but I don’t want to do that. And I’ll never get rid of the vineyard.”

  “What about your brothers?”

  “I don’t even want to get into it. They were so upset with me. They think I put him up to this.”

  “You never asked to be executor.”

  “Exactly. I’m going to split the land into three parcels and deed their share to them. They can do what they want.”

  “And how is it with Jed?”

  “I wanted to go back on the tour with him but he said no.”

  “What? I thought he was begging you to go.”

  “He was, but he said it wouldn’t be fair to Ray.”

  “Odd,” Denise said.

  “Why do you say that?”

  “He was putting all this pressure on you and suddenly . . .”

  Her voice trailed and Rose pressed her. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m not saying anything, okay? I’m just hearing something I don’t like.”

  “You think something’s going on with Jed?”

  “I think saying no to his wife who wants to go with him on tour is odd, especially when he was gung ho about it. And especially after you’ve been through this huge loss.” Denise looked out at the playground, where Ray was climbing the monkey bars. “Have you seen any of the live videos of the European tour?”

  “I’ve seen some of them.”

  “And what did you think?”

  “I don’t know much about music—”

  “Not the music, Rose. Jed and Shelby.”

  “Nothing’s going on between them. She’s this wild-child, tattoo-wearing, smoking—you know. They have nothing in common.”

  “They have music in common. And the way she looks at him when she sings—”

  “I don’t need to hear this right now, Denise.”

  “I’m not trying to make you paranoid. But I have to tell you, those videos concerned me.”

  “You think Jed would go for somebody like that over me? I’m the mother of his children.”

  “Children? As in plural?”

  “Yeah. I’m having another baby.”

  “That’s fantastic! What does Jed think?”

  “I haven’t told him yet.”

  “Oh, boy.”

  “Stop it, Denise.”

  “Look, I’m excited for you. You’re a great mom. And I’m sure Jed is pure as the driven snow. I just think any red-blooded guy who’s away from his wife—”

  “That’s disgusting.” Rose stood and called Ray. “I can’t believe you’d say that.”

  “Rose, don’t leave.”

  “I’m not going to sit here and listen to you drag my husband’s name through the mud. I get that enough with the tabloids.”

  “Please, sit down.”

  “No.” She looked at Ray. “Get your stuff, honey, we need to go.”

  Denise stood. “Rose, calm down.”

  “Don’t tell me to calm down.”

  Denise held up her hands. “All right. You’re right. I’m sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong. From now on I’ll keep my observations to myself.”

  “We haven’t had a picnic yet,” Ray said behind her.

  “Get in the car. You can eat on the way home.”

  Rose walked to the car, loaded the stuff, strapped Ray in, and got behind the wheel, not even looking at Denise when she drove away. She pulled over at the entrance to the park and looked for some napkins in the picnic basket.

  “Why are you crying, Mom?”

  She looked at Ray in the rearview mirror and smiled through her tears. “No reason,” she said. “Sometimes moms just have to cry.”

  It was the first time she had lied to her son. Denise’s words had struck something deep inside she didn’t want to consider. Rose was sure she was right about Jed, that there really was nothing going on between him and Shelby. But what if . . . ?

  She looked back at Denise finally, still sitting on the bench near the playground. Then she drove away.

  CHAPTER 37

  AFTER THE NIGHTMARE about Shep, it was hard for Jed to sleep. On the plane to Amsterdam he kept waiting to nod off and see the grim reaper with Shep’s face under the hood, walking down the aisle. He had a couple of drinks to take the edge off, then listened to some music and fell into uneventful sleep. He awakened as they were touching down. Maybe the worst was over.

  He had to admit that getting back to the tour felt exciting, like he could breathe again. He’d get back with the band and things would be normal. He’d make music and money. And he would see Shelby. His resolve to call the whole thing off had wavered. He had discouraged Rose from accompanying him because of Shelby. Though he felt guilt about what had happened, he also felt excitement every time he thought of her. Shelby wanted him, she wanted to be with him, and she was good at keeping secrets. She hadn’t called, hadn’t texted. She had freed him by saying, “Do what you want and don’t feel guilty.” It was obviously working for her, so why couldn’t it work for him?

  So that was it. He would decide not to feel guilt and move forward with life and things would work out.

  Somewhere in the back of his mind, however, something deep inside bugged him. If he kept up the relationship with Shelby, at least the physical part, it would affect his relationship with Rose. It already had. They hadn’t been intimate while he was back for Shep’s funeral, partly because Rose was so undone by he
r dad’s death and he wanted to be sensitive. But also because of what had happened in London.

  How would his relationship with Shelby affect their music? Would she cling to him? No, Shelby just wanted to have fun. She enjoyed life, got tattoos, drank to the bottom of the bottle, and laughed till it hurt. She was a fresh wind blowing through his life and he envied her. He wanted what she had.

  Another part of him shouted that what he was doing was wrong, that it wouldn’t end well, that someone like Shelby could be a trap. That was the old, paranoid part of him, of course. The one with God trying to kill his pleasure. He deserved to be happy and he would take what he wanted and he wouldn’t feel guilty. Period. End of song.

  Stan greeted him at the front of the auditorium and led him backstage. “I was getting a little worried about you making it. It’s good to see you, man.”

  “Good to be back.”

  Stan asked about Rose and Ray, but it sounded obligatory. He went over the itinerary for the rest of the European dates. Johnny Paugh saw Jed and shook his hand as Stan took a phone call.

  “I’ll take him to the stage,” Johnny said. “Sorry to hear about Rose’s dad. That’s a big blow.”

  “She took it really hard.”

  “She was with him when it happened?”

  “She was. Ray too.”

  “Death stinks, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah.”

  Johnny stopped in the hallway. The two were alone. “Jed, I gotta ask you something. Straight up. We’ve been friends a long time and you know I respect you.”

  “Go ahead, Johnny.”

  “The night before you left, I couldn’t help noticing you got a little wasted. That’s not normal for you.”

  Jed nodded. “It wasn’t the high point of my life.”

  “Everybody was having such a good time. It probably wasn’t the high point for any of us.” Johnny looked down. “Jed, I know you’re serious about what you believe. And you’ve always lived it.”