Collars 'N' Cuffs

by Wayward Ink

  I feel like I accomplished something.

  After a few more spectators came and went, Daniel whispered in Robert’s ear. “You have to decide whether you’ll allow me to take you upstairs. Keep in mind, whatever happens up there, whatever is asked of you, you can say no, and there is always the safeword.”

  “What exactly is the difference between ‘no’ and the safeword?”

  Frank never used a safeword, as far as Robert knew. One submitted to his whim. Period. It was the reason for Robert’s question. Daniel grabbed Robert’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. “I’m glad you finally asked. If you hadn’t, the safeword, for me, would’ve meant that I take you straight home. It can mean something else, if you want it to.”

  “I do. I want it to mean that we go down to the first floor and have a drink.”

  Daniel nodded his head slowly. “Okay. What that means then is that ‘no’ would signal to me that I can try to push you out of your comfort zone. You need to be aware of that.”

  “Okay. I accept that.”

  Daniel hacked out a single cough. “You do realize you just agreed to go upstairs with me, right?”

  Robert nodded. Daniel turned Robert around and, with a hand to Robert’s back, steered him around the crowd and up the stairs. When they reached the top, Robert stopped. His shoulders and neck tensed. He felt the hair on his arms rise.

  This is where it all happened. Well, what I remember of it, anyway.

  Daniel’s breath was cool on his neck, relaxing him.

  “They’re only memories, nothing more. You’re going to be happy with the surprise, or at least, I hope you will be. Many of your friends, and your uncle, have prepared something. Have the strength to look at it. Please.”

  Robert mumbled, but he walked forward at Daniel’s urging. In a corner, there were portraits. Robert knew they were images of past presidents of the BDSM club. Frank’s portrait had been removed. A large, empty space remained as a reminder of his wrongs. On a near wall, along with a few others, was a familiar image—his. Robert gasped.

  Daniel chuckled in his ear. “Your portrait is among those the club wants to honor. You showed immense courage throughout your ordeal, including showing up tonight. Revel in it. You deserve every ounce of praise.”

  Robert turned to face Daniel, his face heated. “How can you say that? I barely survived. I’m still feeling the effects of that night.”

  Daniel smiled. “Well—”

  Thomas appeared beside him. “Exactly, honey. You lived through it. You survived. It was hard. You’re trying to cope. You aren’t done trying. It was a mess that people should have stopped, but they didn’t. I didn’t. Your picture needs to be a reminder to the rest of us that we must do better. Can you give us that, at least?”

  Robert lowered his head and blushed.

  Daniel grabbed Robert’s shoulder and turned him around. “Many people are so proud of you. Not everyone could have coped as you have. You’re special.”

  No, I’m not.

  “We both know I’m not exactly coping.” Robert looked into Daniel’s eyes. He also saw Daniel’s lips quiver. “You don’t mean it in that way. Do you?”

  Daniel shook his head. “You lived through something that should have killed you. Frank wanted you dead. You didn’t die. You proved how strong you are just by surviving. You deserve a hell of a lot more, but, for now, you get a picture on the wall and a plaque.”

  A plaque?

  Robert glanced to his right and cringed. He shook his head and strode to the opposite wall, directly to his picture, and read the inscription underneath.

  To Robert MacMillan: Thank you for opening our eyes and being the catalyst of change. Thanks to you, our safety protocols have been revamped and all of our members are safer for it. You will forever be one of us.

  Ottawa Chapter BDSM Club

  Thomas approached and handed Robert a document stating Robert would, henceforth, be a lifetime member of the club, with full voting rights and a veto on certain issues pertaining to policies regarding membership re-admittance and activities concerning specific master/slave, Dom/sub faux-torture rituals.

  Robert glanced again at the other wall. He let out a slight gasp. Daniel must have noticed, as he stepped up to Robert, put a hand to his back, and pushed him gently to the wall.

  Robert balked. “No.”

  Daniel leaned in and whispered. “Just take a peak. Things have changed.”

  I will not look. Things can’t have changed that much!

  “I can’t believe you haven’t gotten rid of it! I almost died on that thing.”

  A hand grabbed the back of Robert’s head and turned it gently. He tensed his neck muscles and shut his eyes hard. He wanted to plug his ears to tune Daniel completely out, but he couldn’t.

  “It’s not what you think. Not exactly. Things are different. We can’t change what we are, but we can change how we operate. We can give power to those who need it. Give people choices. Open your eyes.”

  “No.”

  Daniel stepped in front of Robert. His shoulders were slumped a bit forward. His cheeks and mouth weren’t as tight. He looked less aggressive.

  “Please look at me. You can trust me. Please trust me in this. There are failsafes now. The apparatus is different. Please allow yourself to see with your own eyes that things have changed. I am here with you. Please allow me to hold your hand. I just think you need to look at it. Please. I know you’re strong enough for this.”

  Why is it that when Daniel softens, I tend to believe him more? Maybe it’s a reminder to me that he isn’t Frank. Maybe I need to be in control around Daniel.

  Robert opened his eyes. He gasped. His eyes went wide all on their own. He was expecting a metal rack with spikes, some tiny and some not, fitted out with leather bonds. What he saw was similar, but not as sinister looking as he remembered. It was shinier. The spikes looked less sharp.

  Daniel’s voice had deepened, thickened with assertion. “This contraption is meant to simulate the original. There is much less chance of getting hurt. The straps have a failsafe, so anyone who wants to can escape at any time, whether the Dom listens to the safeword or not. No one will ever be put in the position you were in. Not here.”

  Robert breathed in and sighed forcefully. “It still looks horrifying… and if you think I’m going to let myself get strapped into that thing, a certain half-moon-shaped fruit will come shooting out of my mouth.”

  Daniel chuckled. “I know better than that.” He smiled shyly and averted his eyes. “You aren’t ready. You may never be, and that’s okay. I was hoping you might strap me into it.”

  “You can’t be serious. No way.”

  “I’m very serious. I want to show you that you have nothing to fear.”

  Daniel grabbed Robert’s hand and led him to the contraption. Robert shivered as Daniel stepped up, spread his legs and arms, and put them in the holds. “Please strap me in. Everything is fine.”

  Everything is not fine!

  Robert reached for the leather straps near Daniel’s arms. His legs gave way and he collapsed to the ground.

  “No. No. No. No. No.”

  Strong arms hugged him. He tried to push them away. They enveloped him. He heard his uncle’s voice.

  “Damn it. We pushed him too far. If he or you won’t call it, I will. Banana, damn it. I reserve the right to use it, as his uncle. He needs to go home.”

  I want to go home, but if I do, I know I’ll regret it. Going home is safe. Too safe. I need to trust Daniel. I need to trust myself. I made a commitment. I need to stick to it.

  Robert sniffed. He breathed to calm himself. “No. ‘Banana’ means to go downstairs and have a drink. That’s what I agreed to do.”

  Robert felt another set of arms surround him over his uncle’s. “You are amazing. We’ll give you a minute to calm down and then we’ll head downstairs. You’re a good little switch, Robert.”

  I’m beginning to think that’s what I want to be. F
or you. And for me.

  Chapter Six

  THE FIRST FLOOR was beginning to come alive. Robert, Daniel, and Thomas were in one of the booths. Thomas had gotten them each a drink from Marco at the bar. Robert was silent. He’d said nothing since his little breakdown upstairs.

  Daniel sat beside him, an arm wrapped around his shoulder, his fingers twined in Robert’s hair. Robert stared at the wall, trying to calm himself down. Daniel reached into Robert’s pocket, pulled out his phone, and showed the messages to Thomas, who reacted like the protective uncle he was.

  “That bastard! How is he able to do this? I thought we’d be rid of him since he was sentenced to twenty years imprisonment. I’ll call my contact at the police department to see what we have to do.”

  As if by some act of fate, Robert’s phone rang. Thomas answered it. Robert turned his attention from the wall to see his uncle’s frown deepen. “Officer Franklin. This is Thomas MacNeil. I was going to call you. Yes, he’s here with me, but he’s had a little bit of a—I see. Yes, I’ll tell him. You need to know someone has been sending him threatening—I’ll bring him by tomorrow.”

  To Robert’s surprise, Thomas handed Daniel back Robert’s phone. “I don’t know how to say this without alarming you, Robbie. Frank escaped from prison earlier this evening.”

  “What? Shit! Shit!”

  Robert’s instinct was to run, but he was wedged in between Daniel and the wall. He used his hips to try to shove Daniel out of the way. It was like hitting a roadside barrier.

  Daniel leaned in closer to Robert, trapping him further.

  “Calm down, little switch.”

  “Damn it. I need to go!” Robert looked deep into Daniel’s eyes. He saw determination. Daniel wasn’t going to budge. Robert clenched his jaw and was about to say ‘banana’ when Daniel smiled at him.

  “I know you’re scared. Anyone would be. However, your instinct would be to hide in your home or at your uncle’s. Frank knows those places. He doesn’t know mine. Besides, I don’t want this date to end just yet.”

  Robert’s jaw dropped.

  Thomas coughed. Daniel turned to fix Thomas with a reassuring stare. “I won’t do anything he’s not ready for. Anything that happens will be up to him, under my guidance of course.” Daniel turned back to Robert. “I’d like you to come home with me, but first I think we should mingle.”

  “Mingle? Why do I need to mingle?”

  “I think it’s important you meet people. You’re usually alone or stick yourself in a corner. You need to interact. I’ll help you.”

  Robert twitched and clenched his fists.

  Daniel semi-frowned. “You’re worried about something other than Frank. What is it?”

  Robert shrugged.

  Daniel’s eyebrow rose again. “Tell me.”

  Fine!

  “The police never caught everyone. I know they didn’t. I’m afraid I’ll recognize them and they’ll try to hurt me. All I want to do is forget.”

  Daniel patted one of Robert’s knees. “If you find you recognize anyone, keep them in mind when we visit the police tomorrow.”

  Robert squinted.

  Daniel smiled. “If you want me there, I’ll be there.”

  After agreeing to mingle, Robert and Daniel worked the crowd for an hour, talking to people. Daniel kept a hand on Robert’s back at all times, sometimes stroking it. Robert didn’t recognize anyone from his ordeal. When he started to yawn, Daniel suggested they head to his place.

  They took a taxi and, as it turned out, Daniel’s apartment was only a block away from Robert’s. When they stepped onto the sidewalk, Daniel grabbed hold of Robert’s belt strap. He guided Robert into the building. They took the elevator to the penthouse floor.

  When Robert walked through the door, he gasped.

  This place is gorgeous!

  The entranceway looked out to an open space where a few elegant couches and chairs faced a glass wall. The view of the city was quite beautiful, even in darkness. Daniel removed his hand away from Robert’s pants, and Robert stood there, waiting.

  Daniel snickered. “You’re doing well. Have a look around. Would you like a drink?”

  “Do you have any scotch whiskey?”

  In response, Daniel walked to an ornate cabinet tucked in the corner. He grabbed two glasses and a decanter. He walked back, presented Robert a glass, and held out his own.

  Robert chuckled and clinked the two glasses together. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”

  “It’s not over yet.”

  Oh no. What does he want?

  Robert looked at Daniel, who strode over to the nearest couch, sprawled across it, and winked. Robert flinched when he felt his groin stir. He dropped his gaze and slumped his shoulders, turning his head slightly. “I don’t want to sleep with you.”

  Daniel’s brow lifted. His lips turned into a rueful smile. “You’re lying.”

  Robert scowled. “Fine. I don’t want to want to sleep with you. Better?”

  Daniel shifted and sat upright. He straightened his back. For a second, he shut his lips tight. He stared. “What are you afraid of? Be honest.”

  Why do I have to say it? I’m sure you already know.

  Robert sighed. He didn’t want to say it aloud, but something inside propelled him to do it. “If I give in to my desires, I’ll lose myself. If I give up control, I’ll get hurt. I’ve worked hard not to let that happen again.”

  Daniel stood and walked the few paces to Robert, who involuntarily took a step back, while keeping his eyes lowered. Daniel reached for Robert’s chin and gently pulled it upward until Robert’s gaze rested on his face.

  “Have I done anything, so far, to indicate I’m going to hurt you?”

  Robert shook his head.

  “I’ve stated before that you should be cautious but not wary. We can take this one day at a time, even one minute at a time, if we have to. If you think I’ve done something untrusting, then let’s discuss it, or you can talk to someone else about it. Until then, can we operate as if you trust me?”

  Robert’s eyes welled up. He wanted to shake his head, but didn’t. “I’m scared.”

  Daniel gently pinched Robert’s chin. “I know. Fear of giving up control is natural, even under normal circumstances. In your case, it’s more than understandable.”

  Daniel adjusted his grip on Robert’s chin. His hold felt surer, but strangely less constricting. Daniel sighed. Robert wasn’t sure what to expect next, but he waited.

  “I could give you control over me.”

  No way. I can’t handle that!

  Robert’s eyes bulged. He tried to take a step back, but found he couldn’t. Daniel grabbed his waist and pulled him close. Unable to look away, he tried to find words to express his horror, but found few.

  “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  Robert’s eyes blurred with tears. “I couldn’t do that. I’d lose control. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You think you’d do the same things that were done to you?”

  Robert nodded. “I’m angry. All the time. I might lash out. If I was the one in control, I might do something stupid out of fear… spite.”

  Robert felt fingers beneath his eyes. His blurry vision became clear as Daniel wiped away his tears.

  “I’m almost certain you wouldn’t do that, but I’m glad you’re thinking of others. It’s a good sign. It’s something you’ll need to discuss with your therapist when you get one.”

  I’ve been so afraid of getting hurt or hurting others that I’ve locked myself into a shell.

  Daniel squeezed Robert’s waist. “I know you can’t trust me completely, Robert. I wouldn’t expect you to. Just give in a little. Bit by bit, you’ll find you’ll be able to trust more and more. Eventually, I’m hoping I’ll be able to give in to you. Can you at least try?”

  Robert nodded.

  Daniel smiled. Robert gasped. His felt his pulse quicken and blood flowed to his loins. He clenched his fists i
n an effort to control himself. If a simple smile could do that, not to mention the hand gripping his waist, what would other things do?

  Can I control myself?

  Daniel leaned in. “I’m going to kiss you.”

  Oh God. Okay. It’s been so long.

  Robert tilted his head in anticipation as Daniel’s lips met his. He felt a fire in his belly and in his groin, the desires he’d ignored for two years rising up. A hand gently cradled his face, and fingers threaded through his hair, causing his lips to open slightly. A tongue breached the opening and started dancing inside Robert’s mouth. He moaned into the kiss.

  This feels so good. I want more.

  Robert brought his arms up, sliding his fingers into Daniel’s hair to knead his scalp. Daniel gripped his hips and squeaked. As the two men continued their oral exploration, Daniel’s hands traveled up Robert’s back to rest on his neck.

  Robert wanted more access to Daniel’s mouth. He tightened his fingers around Daniel’s hair and pulled. Robert had wanted Daniel’s head to be pulled down forcefully in order for Robert to have control and better access to those full, luscious lips. It didn’t happen.

  Damn it!

  Instead, the hands at Robert’s neck were gone. He felt them on his own hands, and suddenly his arms were pinned behind his back. Robert was about to start struggling free, but before he twitched even one muscle, he raised his gaze to Daniel’s, and instead of the anger he’d expected, he saw Daniel was smiling.

  “Trying to gain control, were you, my lovely switch?”

  Robert cast his eyes downward. He knew he’d lost control, or, to put it another way, he had tried to gain more than he was ready for. Before he could apologize, Daniel lifted a hand to his chin.

  “Robbie, look at me.”

  Robert raised his eyes and met Daniel’s gaze. “I’m sorry.”

  “There’s no need to be. You’re doing quite well, considering. We’re on a first date, however. I wouldn’t necessarily be averse to a more intimate evening, but you are definitely not ready for that.”

  “But… I want to be.”

  Daniel let go of Robert’s arms and stepped back. “I know you do. I want you to be… eventually, but for now, I think we need to slow down. I’m going to go make up the spare bed, but before I go, I need you to know that our kiss was the most amazing kiss I’ve ever had. Thank you.”