I wave my hands, which is less of an acting choice and more a way to stall for time while I figure out my next words. “Yeah, but … I have no idea what I’m supposed to do now,” I say, which is true for me as well as for my character. Maybe I can make this work, I think. Sally was pretty much thrown off guard by Harry, too, wasn’t she? And Lizzie Bennet didn’t even accept Mr. Darcy’s love just like that. So maybe my stuttering can yet sound like cool aloofness. I mean, probably not, probably it just sounds like stuttering. But at least I’m trying, right? I clear my throat because my voice is all scratchy and quiet and that just won’t do. “Maybe it’s best if I just … leave,” I say in a louder voice, sounding angrier than I meant to. I take a step back, not quite sure what direction I’m supposed to pretend to walk off in since there are people on three sides and a solid wall on the fourth.
But Danny grabs my sleeve before I can take more than two shaky steps anyway. “Wait!” he calls out. “You can’t just … I mean, please don’t just go. Don’t you have anything at all to say to me? If you need space or time or whatever, I get that, but please don’t tell me that my words meant nothing at all to you!”
And oh my god, I need to react to that. What would Elizabeth Bennet do? What would Sally do? I have absolutely no clue. Linus Hanson’s impulse is to either faint or run screaming from the room, but that simply won’t do. I blink at him. “It’s—not that simple?” I try, and okay, I’m fairly certain that I sound absolutely nothing like Sally or Elizabeth. Sally and Lizzie were strong and confident characters. I feel like the perfect opposite of that. Also, there was way more text in their scenes. I take a breath and do my best to reassemble either scene as well as I can. “I mean—you can’t just—show up here and expect that to fix everything. You haven’t really been behaving like a best friend lately. You can’t just tell me you have feelings and expect that to make everything okay. It doesn’t work that way.” Well. That was completely over the top, I’m sure of it, but Danny breaks character for just a fraction of a second to nod and flash a smile at me before his face is back to serious and desperate. So apparently it doesn’t have to be perfect.
“Then what do you want me to do?” Danny asks. “I’ll do anything.”
“I don’t want anything from you.” This line I’m pretty sure is the lamest cliché ever, but at least it sounds fairly dramatic. Maybe I am slowly getting the hang of this after all! “This is just all a bit sudden.”
“It’s not so sudden for me,” Danny says. “I’ve realized some things lately.”
I swallow. “What kinds of things?”
Danny takes a step closer, his fingers brushing my sleeve again for just a second. “Things like.… The fact that I’ve never met anyone like you and that you’re the first person I want to talk to every day. Things like the fact that I love the way you stare at me when I’m being an idiot.” And, okay, that makes me realize that I am kind of staring at him, so I make myself blink, can’t quite keep in the embarrassed grin. And Danny just keeps on improvising. “I love that after we’ve spent a day together, my clothes smell like coffee.”
“You work in a coffee shop,” I can’t stop myself from pointing out, which earns me a few laughs around the room. I bite my lip.
“Yeah, well.” Danny lifts his shoulders. “It’s not just all that, though. I just really like you, you know? You’re my best friend. And you’re also kind of more than that. You’re completely awesome and you’re so kind and funny and just the best person I know. I can’t stop thinking about you. Like, ever. And I know I’ve been a jerk. I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t know what to do with all these feelings, with all these thoughts I’m having, which is not an excuse, I know. But the thing is, I’ve realized that I don’t want to stop thinking about you. Because when I think about you I’m—happy. And I thought … I just had to let you know. If it doesn’t change anything between us, then that’s the way it is, but I had to let you know. Because this isn’t just going to go away for me. This is the real thing. And you deserve to know. And you don’t have to say anything back, and I’ll stop behaving like an entitled idiot now and leave you alone, but I needed to tell you. That you’re the coolest, nicest, most amazing person I have ever met in my life and that I’m sort of head over heels in love with you.”
I sigh, close my eyes, and shake my head to gather my thoughts. I need a moment after listening to that speech. “Oh,” I say finally. “That’s—that’s just … Um.” I look at him, and my voice is sounding all scratchy again. “Are you sure?” I wince.
“Of course I’m sure,” he tells me. “I ran all the way here just to tell you this, didn’t I?”
I have to grin, I can’t help it, even though my heart is pounding. Acting is nerve-racking work. “You did.”
He tilts his head at me, which has no right to look as adorable as it does. “Do you hate me now?”
I shake my head emphatically. “Of course I don’t. I—well. Maybe a little. But it’ll pass.”
“So … where does that leave us?” he asks.
I heave a sigh that sounds actually really put-upon and dramatic, and for a moment I’m very proud of myself. “You’re an idiot,” I say. “But it’s not like I didn’t know that already.”
“So we’re okay?”
“Yeah,” I say. “We’re okay. We’re very okay.”
He laughs and he sounds relieved. I offer a small grin, which feels like an appropriate way to end the scene. We don’t kiss. That would be taking it too far. But he does hug me and I just squeeze my eyes shut again for a moment, don’t really know what to do with my own arms, and finally just settle for patting him awkwardly on the back.
He lets go of me with a small smile to the sound of our friends clapping all around us, and I’m surprised to discover that I’m still in one piece and no one’s throwing rotten fruit at me. If that’s a thing that actually happens to actors these days. Which it’s probably not.
He’s still smiling at me and I’m sort of smiling back and can’t figure out how to look away when Stella’s voice jostles me out of my semi-frozen state and back into reality.
“You guys!” she calls out to us, still clapping enthusiastically. “Good work! I think even Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal would have approved!”
I laugh along with Danny and catch Meg’s eyes across the room. She’s bouncing in her chair a little, giving me two thumbs-up, and okay, I am a little bit proud that I made it through this. It was just about one of the most mortifying things I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. But you know what? It was fun. Sort of. At least … I can definitely see the appeal of doing this more often. Or maybe that’s just the leftover floaty feeling from having Danny say all those things to me, even if none of it was real. But I don’t care. I’m going to count this as a success. I did something new, and it was pretty awesome.
I am happy to be allowed to sit back down now, but it’s weird—it’s giving me a real sense of accomplishment, having been able to pull this off. I’m starting to think that maybe a tiny little role in the play wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, and I know that Meg really wants me to audition with her. It seems important to her. And if she keeps insisting, I guess I could at least try it.
No one’s laughing at me, so they’re probably not going to laugh at my audition. And also, I’m not exactly sure how this club works yet, but I’m a little bit afraid that it might be rude to simply show up for all the rehearsals and then refuse to participate in the actual play. I don’t want to be rude.
The rest of rehearsal goes by pretty quickly. Everyone else is so great at this. It’s fun, watching them. Meg does a really good job, too, and I can tell she’s having a lot of fun with it. She also looks really cute together with Alyssa. They seem to work well together. It’s good to see her happy. So I make up my mind to say yes to auditioning together if she asks again. Maybe she’s right. Maybe we do need to take more risks and try new things. Because this is our last year of high school and it seems like the perfect time
to live a little before things get serious out in the real world.
* * *
“That was fun today, wasn’t it?” Meg asks, digging through her bag for the car keys as we’re walking out to the parking lot that afternoon.
“It was,” I confirm. “I really liked you as Shrek.”
“You made a great Sally.” She grins at me. “It looked like you were kind of enjoying it.”
I shrug. She’s not completely wrong. Even if it was embarrassing. “I think I’m slowly getting the hang of this.”
“So, does that mean we’ll audition for parts tomorrow?” she asks, voice hopeful.
I sigh and roll my eyes at her. “Fine. Yes. We’ll audition.”
“Oh, thank you!” She bounces a little on her feet before throwing her arms around me in a hug. “You won’t regret it, I promise!”
“I just hope you’re right,” I say, hugging back quickly before we resume walking. “So, how does this work?”
She finally pulls her keys from the bag, waves them triumphantly. “Ha! Found them. Um. I don’t know. Alyssa gave me a bit of advice earlier. And I was hoping you could ask Danny for help?”
“We’re not meeting up today, actually.”
“Oh. Uh. Okay. In that case—want to come over so we can rehearse something?”
“Sure.” I like this plan. I like not having to prepare for this by myself. “We can do that.”
Chapter 39
Meg
THE PLAY THAT THE DRAMA club is putting on is not based on an actual Arthur Conan Doyle Sherlock Holmes story, because apparently that would be unoriginal or something. Some of the more experienced drama club members have written their own story and also updated it into the twenty-first century. It’s all a bit insane but I love it.
Linus and I audition together with a scene from the Benedict Cumberbatch BBC version because it’s our favorite, and everyone laughs and seems to enjoy it. We had a lot of fun rehearsing it the night before, and I really like performing in front of other people for our audition. Even Linus seems to have fun playing Inspector Lestrade while I play Sherlock Holmes. I’m excited for the play. Of course I don’t want to be Sherlock, though. I don’t want a lead. But something small with a few good lines would be wonderful.
For a moment, I imagine Sophia in the audience. I don’t know if she’s going to come to the performance, but she’ll most likely be home for the holidays, so there’s a very good chance that she’ll be there to see her old friends. I think I’d like her to be there, and I’d like to impress her with my acting abilities, even if I’m new to all this. It would give us something else to talk about.
“That was really good,” Danny tells us once we’re done. He’s already waiting backstage in the auditorium; he’s going to audition, too, today. For a bigger part, probably, since he’s a lot more experienced than Linus and I are.
“Thanks,” I say. Linus just blushes.
“Are you sticking around later until they put up the cast list?” Danny wants to know.
I exchange a look with Linus. I had no idea they were going to put the list up today, but I really want to be here for it, actually.
Linus shrugs, nods. “Sure.”
“Absolutely,” I agree.
“Cool, I’ll see you then.” Danny turns for the stage when they call his name, looking incredibly calm for someone who’s about to audition for a play. I guess he’s done this more often than we have.
“Good luck,” Linus says quietly, but Danny hears him anyway and offers a grateful smile.
“Break a leg,” I throw in. I remember this from the time I accompanied Sophia to these things.
In the usual rehearsal room we find almost the entire club assembled, waiting for the list to go up. We sit with them and talk, and I really do like these people. I can’t believe I didn’t try this earlier.
“I’m just saying, it would have been a great musical,” Stella says loudly, waving her plastic cup at Malik enthusiastically enough to spray Katie and Linus with large drops of iced tea. “You can’t deny that it would have been a great musical!”
“Yeah, okay, but…” Malik shakes his head at her, rolling his eyes. “Everything makes a good musical in your opinion.”
“Well, everything does,” Stella insists.
Katie frowns at her. “A Sherlock Holmes musical? For real?”
“Why not?” Stella huffs out a breath. “We could have done it.”
“Not all of us can sing, though,” Katie reminds her.
Stella shrugs. “I think everyone can learn to sing with the right training.”
“I couldn’t,” I jump in, and they all look at me. “I mean, I’m good enough for the shower, but I wouldn’t want to put any of you through that.”
“I can confirm that,” Linus says, grinning a little crookedly. “I’ve heard her sing. I mean, not that I’m any better.”
I shake my head at him. “You’re actually not that bad, you know?”
Malik tilts his head at us. “I feel like the only way to settle this is dragging you along to karaoke one of these days.”
Linus looks like he’s considering it, but I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t think I am. Karaoke was Sophia’s and my thing. I almost forgot it was a drama club thing, too.
It’s about an hour after our audition when Mr. Walsh walks in with a piece of paper and pins it to the bulletin board next to the door. I surge forward with the rest of our new friends to get a look at it.
I see Linus’s name almost immediately—he’s Mrs. Hudson, the landlady! Well, Mr. Hudson, the landlord, in this case. He’s also really very, very red in the face and I know he’s probably freaking out internally because he didn’t even want a speaking part. But I know he can do this.
I keep scanning the list, then scan it again, and then a third time, my stomach sinking as realization slowly sets in.
My name isn’t on it. I didn’t get a part.
Joining drama club and auditioning for the play was my idea, and I didn’t even get cast.
Chapter 40
Linus
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO say. I have no idea what happened. But people are patting me on the back and congratulating me and Meg is kind of staring at that list hanging up there on the bulletin board and … that’s my name right there on that list. Next to an actual speaking part.
I can’t believe this.
I mean, sure, I knew that in theory this could happen. If you audition for a part in a play, then there is a slight chance that you might actually get one. But the thing is, I told them I was looking to maybe be an extra or something. Just something in the background. Not a speaking part. Not Sherlock’s landlord.
This is insane. I’m not really sure how I feel about this. But … it is exciting, I have to admit that much. And that they thought I was good enough, that they trust me to do this, and do it well … I can’t lie, that makes me feel really, really good.
“Linus!” Danny calls over the crowd of people, and I look up at him. He gives me two thumbs-up and grins excitedly and I flicker a smile back at him.
This just needs to sink in a little before I can actually believe it.
I scan the list again. Danny is playing John Watson. It seems fitting. He’s going to be so great.
Meg’s name isn’t on the list.
I look it over again, and again, but no, she’s not on there. I swallow, turn my head to look for her. She really wanted a part. I know that, even though she pretended it was no big deal when we were practicing last night. But she was good! I’m not an expert at these things, but I think she was really good. And I know she was really excited about it.
She deserves some good news. Maybe we can switch. She can have my part. It’s not that important to me, and it seems really important to her. I have no idea why I got it in the first place. But it doesn’t seem very fair to me.
Meg’s standing a little way off, arms wrapped around herself, and she’s smiling but I can see the sadness behind it.
&
nbsp; “Hey,” I say, walking over to her.
“Congrats,” she says. “I told you you could do it.”
I shrug. “I’m not sure I want it, though. You know I didn’t aim for this.”
“Oh, shut up. You’re gonna be great. This is a good thing.”
“Yeah, but—I don’t know, do you want to … We could switch? If you want?”
She laughs. “That’s very sweet of you but they obviously didn’t think I could do it. I don’t think you can just exchange your part for another one if you don’t like their decision.”
“Meg—”
“Besides, you’re really going to be great in it. You have to do it.”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
Suddenly, she looks almost angry. “Of course it’s a good idea.”
“But you want it more than I do. You should have it, I—”
“I’m fine, Linus,” she interrupts. “It’s all good. Seriously. It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about me.”
“Of course I worry about you. I really wanted you to get it. I don’t want to do this without you.”
“That’s not up to me anymore, though.”
“Maybe we can—”
“Linus,” she says, finally uncrossing her arms to put a hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay. And you don’t have to do this by yourself. You have Danny, right? I’m sure that he’s going to be happy to help you out. And if he’s ever too busy, you can come over to my house to rehearse your lines or whatever. It’s okay. Really.”
I give her a quick hug and don’t really know how I feel about all of this. Mostly I just feel really bad that I got something that she wanted. I already feel so guilty for spending so much time with Danny instead of being there for her like a good friend. I know she’s still going through a lot and maybe I haven’t been the most supportive friend over the past few weeks.
“Let’s go home?” I suggest. “You could come over and we can watch the rest of the extras on the Firefly box set. I have chocolate chip cookies.”
Meg & Linus Page 17