MetaGame

by Sam Landstrom

  The queen’s son was already standing beside her and also looking very unhappy about the intrusion. Pheobah saw in his eyes that he was about to obliterate the mortal, but she put up her hand to stop him. She then walked through the portal.

  D_Light was impressed with how NeverWorld rendered Queen Pheobah. His optic nerves were nearly overloaded with input as the radiant goddess stepped into the chamber. The text of his heads-up display said, You are overwhelmed with the queen’s splendor! but he scarcely needed the warning to role-play appropriately. He averted his eyes.

  The dwarf was on his knees, blubbering, “Please don’t-I’ve worked for years on this character.”

  D_Light looked over at Lily, who had fallen on her back. She was staring slack-jawed, and she seemed unable to breathe. D_Light decided he had better get this over with before she had an aneurysm. Although it hurt, D_Light forced himself to look directly at the unearthly face of the queen. He then took a deep breath, and with the most haughty and casual tone he could muster, he said, “You don’t look like much.”

  It was at that moment that the three of them-the witch, the dwarf, and Lily’s character-were eviscerated by a blender of long, blue blades that appeared from nowhere. D_Light saw this view as his ghost left behind the explosion of blood, bone, and chunks of flesh that had been, only moments before, his female virtual body.

  The queen had never felt such rage. She had been insulted, violated by a worm! Oh, how she regretted killing them so quickly, which only enraged her more. Now, out of her remote lair, the stench of mortals filled her nostrils.

  “This place is crawling with vermin,” she seethed to her son, who was now smiling broadly over her statuesque shoulder. Although he loved his mother in his own way, Salem enjoyed seeing her suffer just the same.

  “Truly, Mother, let us burn them,” Salem hissed lovingly in her ear.

  “Take your time. Make it slow,” his mother commanded.

  “I want to hear the music of their screams.”

  The instant after D_Light uttered his last words as the witch Ascara, he was forcefully logged out of NeverWorld. Only a second later he heard cries of panic echoing through the halls.

  “Holy Soul, it’s her!” he heard someone shouting from down the hall.

  Soon there was a second voice screeching, “Run, run, run like hell!”

  “Mercy, no!” pleaded a third.

  Individual voices rose into a cacophony as the alarm spread, quickly becoming a chorus of pandemonium. D_Light smiled to himself, but the smile was quickly wiped from his face as he stumbled forward from a rear blow that nearly knocked the wind out him.

  “Flippin’ pisser, you cost me two years of play!”

  D_Light turned and blocked the next punch from the man. No longer as short as the dwarf he had been skinned as, Spookle was still plenty stocky and did not seem worried about getting charged with assault.

  “No sweat, you’ll get paid!” D_Light yelled as he blocked another punch. But Spookle was not listening. He was crying with anguish as he rained down blows on D_Light.

  Lily, still rubbing her eyes in an attempt to recover from the bizarre world from which she had emerged, looked over at the two men who had now been reduced to rolling around on the ground. She yelled, “Stop! Stop that or…or I will hurt you!”

  “Hurt him,” D_Light panted. “He’s hurting me!”

  Lily walked around the combatants for a moment, looked for her opening, and then gave a soft kick-at least it was a soft kick for her since her legs were stronger than most men’s, but what the kick lacked in force it made up for in accuracy, making perfect contact with Spookle’s scrotum.

  Like a spring toy, the man immediately disengaged and rolled up in a ball, groaning. D_Light rolled away on the spongy floor and stood up. He laughed while rubbing the side of his head. “Thanks, but I could’ve taken him. I was just afraid I’d hurt him too bad and I’d have to pay restitution.”

  Lily shrugged and chuckled. “I don’t even know what in Stag’s name that was about. You-you males are stark raving mad!”

  It was the first time D_Light had seen Lily smile. Her teeth were unreasonably straight and white. Something told him that it was her nature to smile, or maybe it was just that he hoped to see her do it again.

  As Spookle continued to writhe on the floor, the other two looked up as some distant commotion suddenly got nearer. Down the hall, running as though chased by the devil himself, mobs of spankers thundered toward them. D_Light and Lily barely had time to flatten themselves against the wall before they flew by, eyes wide, some of them shouting, although most seemed to be saving their breath for the mad dash.

  Spookle’s groans of lament for his scrotum soon turned into cries of terror as he was partially stampeded by the mob. More spankers poured through the tunnel. Many more. It was like a rats’ nest set on fire. Spookle finally had the good sense to roll over next to the wall.

  D_Light laughed. “My Soul, would you look at that!” He aimed his LED torch down the long tunnel behind them. Spankers were streaming into the main tunnel from countless arterials, all of them with the same agenda-to get the hell out, now!

  Lily did not look amused. “What’s wrong with them? What’s going on?”

  In this moment of triumph, D_Light wanted to say something clever and memorable, but there was too much noise, too many legs and arms flailing and pumping. He settled for shouting, “Let’s go!”

  With that, he grabbed Lily’s hand firmly, and the pair ran into a gap in the mob, joining them. D_Light ran as fast as he could, and that was just fast enough not to get trampled because spankers were, as a rule, very fast runners. After all, NeverWorld was a physically demanding game.

  The sniffer bot was guarding the nearest exit of the ghetto, so naturally, all the spankers who did not want to be fragged by the rampaging Queen Pheobah and her devil child ran straight at the bot. The bot was not designed for processing samples this quickly. Worse yet, the AI onboard was not very advanced and so was not adept at improvisation; it did not prioritize the samples taken from the people rushing past it. Having been instructed to sniff everyone who came by, that was what it did, processing the samples in order of appearance. The spankers were completely heedless of the bot’s authority, and they would have knocked it out of the air and trampled it underfoot had it not been for its sophisticated maneuvering system.

  Nearly an hour passed before the bot finally found a DNA trace of the target. Being a heavily utilized tunnel-especially recently-the target would be difficult to track. Better equipment was required.

  During that hour head start, D_Light held the hand of his prize and ran. Due to Rule Seven and a wish to keep his health contract dues to a minimum, D_Light had trained hard for years and was in excellent shape, but after an hour of scampering through every random side tunnel and chamber he could find in a sincere attempt to get lost, he was exhausted. Of course, he couldn’t really get lost; Smorgeous’s GPS kept him apprised of his location, and he was gratified to see that they had made some excellent progress. Presently, they were several communities away.

  The two fugitives and the cat familiar were no longer running. Lily looked somewhat flushed, but her breathing appeared steady. D_Light struggled to stop panting so loudly. Next to her, it was embarrassing.

  Lily twisted her hand, and D_Light reluctantly let it go. He spoke to her in bursts between great gasps of air. “You can swing a sword…kick a crotch…and run all day…Will you marry me?”

  She rolled her eyes and did not answer, but the corners of her mouth turned up ever so slightly.

  D_Light decided that this girl might ditch him at any moment, so while wanting nothing more than to just curl up on the spongy ground in the middle of this thoroughfare, he decided he better cash in on his prize.

  He allowed himself to indulge in a moment of exhilaration. What a long shot, but I beat them! I beat the Divine Authority! Damn, I’m good, and now I’m soooo going to get paid! Smorgeous, open a line to the
Divine Authority.

  The blink went through. A voice on the other end, conspicuously absent of gender, greeted him. You have reached the Divine Authority Triage Center. You are citizen #AZ324082394829, common alias D_Light. Please be advised that your legal status has recently changed. Your status of “citizen, level eighty-three” has been updated to “suspected demon.” All correspondence between entities of your status and the Divine Authority will be monitored. D_Light, please state your business.

  Although not surprised, D_Light felt a rock thud down in his stomach when the disembodied voice referred to him as a “suspected demon.” He figured it would not take long for the Authority to link him to the girl; nevertheless, he did not like to hear his expectation confirmed.

  I wish to provide valuable data to your enforcement division, restore my previous status, and apply for a merit award.

  The voice replied, This appeal will require a legal hearing. Would you like to schedule a hearing now?

  Yes, I would like my hearing immediately.

  Very well, if you have a legal representative, you may add him or her at any time.

  The blink cut out for a moment, and then the voice returned. D_Light appreciated that the Authority did not even try to pretend that he was blinking with a living thing. You, the defendant, D_Light, are charged with aiding and abetting a convicted demon. This charge is a sin under Article #35631 and may result in a status demotion to “demon.” Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

  Not guilty. D_Light could not help but send some emphasis with his words even though he knew the court would not be swayed by sincerity of tone-real or feigned.

  Your plea has been noted. Do you have an opening argument? As a reminder, legal representation is recommended at this time.

  Yes, D_Light answered. I wish to submit my full archive of the time in question, between the time of 05:12 this morning and the present.

  Very well, please upload your archive now.

  D_Light took a deep breath as he gave Smorgeous the order to upload. The archive being sent was a deep archive, which meant that it included all brain activity, including thought content. It would prove conclusively that although D_Light did help the demon escape immediate capture, this was only to test the Authority’s search algorithms. By beating the system and then telling how he did it, they could improve their protocols. This sort of out-of-the-box opportunistic thinking was what got D_Light to level eighty-three at only age fifty-four. How may sermons had he attended where the theme was “Calculated Risks Are Divine”?

  Of course, now that he had achieved this objective, he needed to turn the girl in. That would be necessary; otherwise, there would indeed be a case against him. This fact settled uneasily on him. After all, he had nothing against the girl, and to betray her trust was not something he relished. However, she was a demon, and although he did not know her sin, she must deserve her fate. Besides, she would have been caught with or without me, he thought.

  It would take a while to get his verdict. The archive included a huge amount of data, so the upload time alone would take several minutes. D_Light would have had Smorgeous hook into a nearby data socket to speed up the process, but he did not want to raise any suspicion with the girl.

  “You know what? You smell great,” D_Light said to Lily nonchalantly. He wanted to start up a conversation, and this was the first thing to pop into his head. He hadn’t really noticed her scent before, at least not consciously. Maybe because there was too much else on his mind until now. But since they had been running so long, the enticing aroma was now excreted in her sweat. Perhaps her sweat was enhanced by a chemi skin product, or maybe her blood contained nanobots or a virus that excreted the perfume through her pores. Whatever the case, it was absolutely intoxicating.

  Rather than react the way he expected-laughter, a smile, or even one of those eyeball rolls he had seen her do earlier-Lily started to cry. She cradled her face in her cupped hands, her shoulders shuddering gently with each sob.

  “Er…what I just said? That’s a compliment, you know.” D_Light spoke feebly. He was not sure how to react. He was not even sure if he should react. He had scarcely seen any grown man or woman cry. Members of his family and of any other house he knew of would never show such a sign of weakness.

  He looked around to see if anyone was watching. Fortunately, there were only a few people in sight, and they appeared to be in their own remote worlds; their eyes scanned their surroundings as though blinded in a fog. This has to stop, D_Light thought. If someone sees her acting this way, they will surely investigate. She would probably get scanned, and then… He was not sure what would happen.

  Perhaps coaxed by a video feed he had once seen, D_Light placed a hand on her shoulder. She did not remove it, but the action seemed to only intensify her weeping. D_Light then slid an arm around her and tried to steer her toward a deserted arterial tunnel, but she pushed him away with surprising strength.

  “Why did you help me?” she demanded. Her voice was nearly normal, only a bit throaty. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face wet with tears, but she was no longer crying, as though she had simply turned the faucet off.

  D_Light did not answer. Instead, he motioned for her to follow him to the side tunnel, but she did not move. “You let him be taken, but not me. Why?” she demanded.

  “I’ll explain, but not here. Please, this way.” D_Light mechanically repeated his coaxing motion to follow.

  Lily shook her head in refusal. “Why?” She breathed out the word with such ferocity that D_Light felt compelled to answer, lest she escalate into shouting and make a scene.

  D_Light tried to mix just enough truth with his lie to sound convincing. “I already told you, my friends and I did not come for you. We were sent to get him. We didn’t need you. You seem nice, like…like a good person. I feel bad about your friend, but I had no choice. Now I want to help you.”

  She stood silently for a moment, regarding him with a long, penetrating look as though trying to peer into his heart. “Forgive me if I don’t thank you,” she finally said. She then straightened up and started to walk away.

  “Where are you going?” D_Light asked quietly. He followed behind her, took a quick glance over his shoulder, and whispered, “They are still looking for you.”

  “ They? ” She turned and faced him. Her vulnerable countenance had been replaced by something that looked slightly dangerous. “From what I can tell, you’re one of them.”

  She turned again and resumed walking, only with greater determination. She then hissed over her shoulder, “Go back to your spank game-or whatever the hell that was.”

  “You can’t find him, if that’s what you’re thinking,” D_Light stated without emotion. “They killed him. They’ll kill you too.”

  D_Light knew nothing of the other demon’s fate, nor did he know what they would do to her, but he was desperate.

  Lily shot an intense look back at him over her shoulder, lightning flashing across her vivid blue eyes. D_Light tensed up, ready to dodge a blow, but she did not strike. Her lips curled upward with obvious disgust, she took one hard look into D_Light’s eyes-a look that made him feel exposed-and then turned her head forward again and continued walking.

  D_Light hesitated, but then he followed, lacking any better ideas. At first he tried obvious questions like, “Do you know where you are?” and “Do you know where you’re going?” but she did not answer. D_Light finally resigned himself to silently walking a few paces behind her. He figured he would just keep following her until she bolted or did something else. He had to keep an eye on her, at least until he got everything squared away with the Authority. He wondered what Lyra and Djoser were up to, but he did not dare to blink them for fear that they would demand his immediate return.

  Lily did know where she was, for she too had a GPS in her chip, but she did not know where she could go that would be safe. For now, she felt she needed to just keep walking. Walking with purpose was something she had been taught to do, and she c
ould sort things out as she went.

  The fact of the matter was that Lily knew better than to trust this human. As she reflected on recent events, she had to admit to herself that her trust was based only on a hunch, a mysterious and surprising feeling about this human that had been creeping in the back of her mind since the moment she first caught him staring at her from under the tree. It was like she had met him before, perhaps in a dark vision or in another life. Todget had always cautioned her against her hunches, although her instincts had never failed her before. But this human, with his insipid name and stupid comments, had stood by as an eager spectator while her dear Todget was killed. Instincts or not, how could she abide him?

  On the other hand, as far as she could tell, the human had lived up to his promise. She was still free. She remembered Todget speaking of the many technologies possessed by those who hunted them. He said that their powers were so great and destructive that if the two of them were ever found, they would not escape. Yet escape she had, at least for the moment.

  D_Light, are you prepared to receive your verdict? The androgynous voice in D_Light’s mind startled him, having been wrapped up in his own internal dialogue.

  Yes, D_Light replied.

  The Divine Authority has found you guilty of the crime with which you are charged. Your status is hereby updated from “suspected demon” to “demon.”

  “Impossible!” D_Light sputtered the word out loud involuntarily. He suddenly felt dizzy, his chest tightened, and a high-pitched ringing sounded in his ears. Lily, upon hearing the unexpected exclamation, peered back at him, but D_Light did not return her gaze to read her expression. Suddenly, she no longer mattered to him. He was alone with his fear.

  There has been a mistake! Review the evidence again! he commanded to the voice in his head.