MetaGame

by Sam Landstrom

  D_Light could not believe Smorgeous had misread the situation like this. Pickup lines? I’m way past that. On the other hand, the line “I don’t gotta grok what’s gotta be good stock” was sort of funny.

  I always have your back, master. This last comment had been programmed into Smorgeous years ago when D_Light had fewer friends. He spent hours trying to teach his computer to be more of a companion. Back then, one of the roles D_Light wanted Smorgeous to play was that of “wing man.”

  Never say that again, D_Light said to his familiar. Smorgeous pinged confirmation.

  D_Light spoke first. “I’m going to kiss you tonight.”

  “Oh my!” Lyra’s lips opened in an exaggerated O as though shocked. “Are you sure? Do you wish to assert sexual dominance over your team leader?”

  Surprised by her unusual follow-up question, he stumbled a bit over his response but did so with a confident smile. “Er, I do,” he replied.

  D_Light took her hands and stood up, directing her to follow.

  Lyra giggled. “What about what’s his name, the priest? He’s coming back you know.”

  D_Light shrugged and started walking toward a nearby path between the hedges. Lyra resisted halfheartedly, but D_Light pulled her along. Outside of the clearing, the garden was dark. Lyra fired up her glow stick, causing the miscellaneously shaped plants and trees to cast long, perplexing shadows. D_Light was not sure where he was going, but he wanted to get out of earshot of the dining area. The last thing he wanted was the priest joining them. For D_Light, this was a momentous moment. I’m about to perv my mother! he thought. To establish an intimate bond with a noblewoman was a most excellent tactical move, to say the least.

  He looked back at her. Lyra was returning his gaze steadily. Her large green eyes were blurred with alcohol, but her vivacity was undiminished. An impression of Lily with a smile and a cocked head flickered across his mind. How he would like to be holding her hand now.

  D_Light realized his mood was fading. Smorgeous, seizing on the importance of this encounter, gave his master a boost/aphrodisiac cocktail. D_Light felt the slow tingle of lost inhibition and heightened attraction spill into him, at which point he turned back and embraced her. They were not in a private grotto like D_Light had planned. They were not even hidden under any vegetation. Rather, they stood groping and moaning right there on the path.

  Lyra broke away, but she kept her face only centimeters away from his and whispered, “If PeePee were alive, she would tell me this is not proper decorum.”

  “Thank Soul she’s dead! Listen to a machine and you’ll end up no better than one.”

  “I have a reputation-”

  Lyra found herself unable to finish her sentence as D_Light’s lips hungrily latched onto hers, their curious tongues meeting with the gentlest of caresses. The kiss was moist and delicious and possessed an addictive quality that rendered them slaves to the hormonal rush that followed. Slow, passionate kisses quickly gave way to frenzied, lustful ones, and the two fell to the ground as they groped, grabbed, bit, and pulled each other closer. After much of this intensely disorganized fumbling, they made love, or to better describe the act, had sex. The kind of sex that is found in the wildest of places, places like this, where copulation of all forms reigns supreme and the very fabric of the world is dependent on it. And at the height of it all, after D_Light had finally gone over the edge, there was a long seven seconds when everything in his world made sense as he stared into his beautiful mother’s bottomless eyes.

  And then he thought of Lily.

  CHAPTER 29

  The angel Jacob was standing deep inside the synthetic shell of his mother ship. Although a few of his kind resided on ships that floated in space, Jacob’s ship carved through ocean waves just outside the sight of land. Waterborne ships were far more resource-efficient than the space-going variety, and so when conducting missions on earth, they were often an optimal choice.

  As Jacob had his systems checked and re-checked by a team of bots, human technicians, and human-based products, he briefly reviewed the case of the demons who had escaped into the inner sanctum of House Monsa. The human agents who had been coordinating the pursuit in Jacob’s absence had done an adequate job of tracking the demons but had failed due to what Jacob regarded as “unlikely events.” Therefore, the angel sent them a stipend covering half of their expenses thus far. In addition, the angel agreed with Katria and Rhemus that sending lesser agents than Jacob himself into the inner sanctum could likely result in further resource losses.

  Jacob set a flag of “moderate importance” on the case and went to sleep to optimize his repairs. He would get to them soon enough.

  D_Light woke up alone. At some point in his sleep he had rolled off the stone pathway and into the multilayered folds of a soft, leafy plant, the very species of plant the doctor had told him the night before made for good toilet paper.

  A ferret on its haunches stood nearby, staring at him unblinkingly. It had a long white stripe down its abdomen. It was Lyra’s familiar, PeePee; she cocked her head as D_Light blinked into the artificial sunlight that filtered down through the tree leaves above. Smorgeous sat nearby communing with the ferret.

  Mother Lyra pinged him with a blink request, which D_Light accepted. Good morning, stud. Her voice was amused.

  D_Light rubbed his eyes and asked, Hey, is that Pretty Princess, your familiar? I thought it was-

  Lyra interrupted. Yeah, PeePee was in bad shape, but the doctor had his techs fix her. I suspect he feels guilty about the whole culler incident and wanted to try to make amends.

  Lyra paused momentarily and then said, Anyway, let’s get something straight right out of the gate. What happened last night is between you and me, right?

  Right, of course! D_Light sent the thought back without hesitation.

  Naturally, I’m not ashamed, but I would hate to see anything on the Cloud.

  Lyra meant to continue, but D_Light sent his thoughts back nearly on top of hers, exclaiming, No! No, you can forget about it. I mean, don’t forget about it, but don’t worry about me doing anything like that. That, I mean, like you said, that was just between you and me. D_Light wondered if anything that he had just transmitted made sense.

  The blink was silent for a moment.

  I mean it, D_Light added, unable to handle the awkward silence. By Soul, I’ll even submit a contract on it.

  D_Light thought for a moment in order to come up with some suitable words and then pinged his familiar. Smorgeous, I hereby swear to not knowingly and willingly disclose to anyone directly or indirectly the, er, events of last night between Mother Lyra and myself. Smorgeous pinged confirmation, which was also received by PeePee.

  Master, what is the point penalty for breaching this contract? Smorgeous inquired.

  Let’s make it two hundred-no, make it five hundred thousand points.

  Artificial intelligence was quite adept at detail-oriented tasks like drafting simple contracts, so after some clarifying questions Smorgeous read back the finalized and verbose refinements to ensure it was what the two had agreed upon. The contract was then digitally signed, encrypted, and submitted to the Game. Essentially, the contract created another rule for D_Light to follow in the Game. If he broke the rule, half a million of his points would be taken from him and deposited into Lyra’s profile. It would be a huge loss.

  As the last confirmation of the contract pinged, Lyra spoke, highlighting her thought with a warm signature. Thank you, D_Light. That was a generous sum, and your gesture puts my mind at ease. You are more than a great player, you are an honorable man.

  I thank you, Mother, for your kind words, he responded.

  Lyra’s tone then became casual. Now, why don’t you join us for breakfast?

  The team members met again at the great table where they had eaten dinner the night before. A servant, bearing tattoos marking it as a product, was busy setting the table, fully focusing on the task at hand. The breakfast table boasted antique bronze va
ses full of colorful and unusually shaped flowers, many of which were unfamiliar to the guests. At the center of the table were a variety of exotic dishes that D_Light also could not identify. There were roasted cephalopods that appeared to be derived from grasshoppers, large soft-shelled beetles that were filled with some sort of bread stuffing, orangish eggs scrambled with colorful things that looked to be engineered mushrooms, and giant nut bowls filled to the rim with a gray, steamy broth. D_Light, having simple tastes in food, was wondering if there was anything he could eat, when his eyes caught sight of the more traditional fare further down the table. The colorful nectar blocks, breakfast sausages, and tea biscuits were a welcome sight. There he also spotted a large tray of beautifully arranged exotic fruits, many of which were foreign to him, but D_Light had never met a fruit he didn’t like.

  Djoser was already gnawing with great attention on the carapace of one of the giant grasshoppers. Lyra, who sat next to him, looked up at D_Light briefly, smiled, and quickly returned to her meal, although she only picked at it. Lily was also present, happily devouring a skinless peach. Her face lit up upon seeing her friend. “Good morning, Dee!” she exclaimed genuinely.

  A smile involuntarily snapped over D_Light’s face as he said, “And good to see you.” My Soul, it is good to see you, he thought.

  The blond beauty looked like a fey woodland creature as her skin glowed in the warm morning light. She was feeding a nubber, one of the light brown teddy bears with gigantic soulful eyes that Lily had shown him the night before. Its ears curled back and forth in what D_Light guessed was appreciation for the scraps of fruit and nectar cubes Lily dropped to it. Two of the Monsa daughters were seated next to Lily, one on each side. They were educating her on the finer points of the nubber diet. Watching Lily with loving eyes, D_Light thought she looked like she was in her element, as though she had been born here, had been grown from one of the giant flowering fruit trees that punctuated the immense garden. She seemed to be at home, or perhaps it was just that this was the first time he had ever seen her look truly happy.

  Lyra, seated beside the priest, directed her attention to D_Light. “I was just apologizing to Our Holiness here about last night, how, in our thoughtless exhaustion, we did not say good-bye to him before retiring for the night.”

  The priest, dabbing his lips with a napkin between every bite, wore a poker-faced expression. “I assured your mother that there was no need for apology. MetaGames are intense affairs, and a player need not ask an old priest like me to be excused for a much earned rest.”

  D_Light bowed. “Nevertheless, I am ashamed and in your debt.”

  The priest smiled faintly as he bowed his head in deference to D_Light and then went to work replenishing his plate.

  D_Light could not help wondering if the priest believed the story, wondering if his face gave away the truth of last night’s shenanigans. The man would have had to be blind to not see the chemistry between the two of them last night, not to mention that he had left to take a leak, only to return to find them both gone. Priests were not stupid. Still, D_Light thought he saw a look of relief on the man’s face when he confirmed Lyra’s story. D_Light often had to remind himself that people would go to great lengths to believe what they want versus that which is probable. And D_Light was sure the priest preferred not to believe that the noblewoman he had been ogling all that evening had actually ended up in the arms of a young, upstart player like D_Light.

  Having filled their bellies and engaged in an adequate amount of chatter with their gracious breakfast company, D_Light, Lyra, and Djoser speculated about the next quest. They expected it to have something to do with hunting since the theme of the game was “the hunter and the hunted,” but that wasn’t exactly an encouraging thought. They hoped they would not be pitted against something awful that lived in the inner sanctum, the cullers that had chased them earlier coming to mind. In any case, Lyra was certain that the next quest would be the last, given how rapidly they were progressing through them. “Since the quests we have been getting are significant, I’d only expect three or four of them, and this will be our fourth,” she said.

  Lyra tried to get Djoser and D_Light to bet against her on this, but there were no takers. Normally D_Light would have taken an interest in the wager, but he was only half listening to the conversation, desperately trying to eavesdrop on Lily and the clones.

  “Yes, I have two daughters,” Lily said with a faint smile.

  “You have children?” Curious_Scourge looked confused.

  “You are not gene-clamped?”

  Lily did not understand the last question, but she did not have a chance to ask for clarification because the other girls clamored to hear what it was like to be pregnant. Lily briefly indulged them in the retelling of the good, the bad (mostly bad), and the ugly of her pregnancies and births.

  “You miss them? Your daughters, I mean?” BoBo asked gently.

  “Oh yes, very much.” Lily’s voice quavered just a little.

  “And your mate? He must miss you terribly.” BoBo squeezed Lily’s shoulder.

  “My what?” Lily asked, furrowing her brow. “Oh no, there are no men, no men of my kind in my tribe back home.”

  This spurred a general clamor of questions around how campers got pregnant.

  Lily’s eyes bolted wide open as it dawned on her why they were so surprised. “Oh no!” Lily exclaimed. “My sisters and I do not use sexual intercourse to make babies.” As Lily said “sexual intercourse,” she made thrusting motions with her hips. The girls covered their mouths with their hands and giggled, but it was apparent from the expression on Lily’s face that she was not making a joke; she was simply trying to be clear.

  “You see,” Lily said, “when I reached what you call ‘puberty,’ I became pregnant. This happens for all my sisters, and we call it the Stag’s gift. And every six years afterward, the Great Stag gives us another.”

  “And your daughters look exactly like you and your other sisters?” Curious_Scourge asked.

  “Yes,” Lily answered.

  Curious_Scourge squeezed Lily’s hand with gentle excitement. “Yes, that makes sense. Your designer gene-clamped you. Sex is only useful for creating variation in a species and spurring evolution over a long period of time. It is actually divine law to gene-clamp all products once their design has been finalized. Otherwise, mutations could compromise the integrity of the product design over time.”

  “How does the wetgineer who designed campers get points for additional products? It seems like the reserve could just buy one and make more themselves,” BoBo said.

  “Like the goose that lays the golden egg,” Curious_Scourge said.

  BoBo looked over Lily’s body, fixing momentarily on her abdomen, and then she returned her gaze back to her face. “I’ve never heard of a reproductive strategy like yours. The products we create in House Monsa do not reproduce at all. When our clients want another one, we grow them a new one-that is, if we don’t already have a pre-grown model in stock.”

  “Yes, Father then reaps additional points from return customers,” Curious_Scourge added. “My guess is that your owners are doing what is called ‘leasing the herd.’ They pay an annual flat fee, an unusual and outdated business model, but a few bioengineering houses still use it. Even some of Father’s early contracts were herd leases.”

  D_Light expected Lily to appear quite uncomfortable in this conversation, but just the opposite was true. Lily’s eyes were burning with intensity as she asked of the identical girls a series of follow-up questions. The girls were just as anxious to answer her. Their feverish discourse was only interrupted by the intermittent pitiable cry from the nubber begging for additional table scraps. D_Light was about to leave his side of the table and join the throng of animated females when he heard Lyra calling. “You coming? We’re getting a tour of the garden.”

  D_Light reluctantly followed.

  CHAPTER 30

  Dr. Monsa’s garden was enormous, although it was m
ore of a collection of smaller gardens than one large one. There was the English garden with its traditional, orderly plots of roses and symmetrical walkways; the Japanese garden with its stonework, well-manicured tree branches, and hidden brooks; the French garden, sporting dense hedges sculpted into ornate geometrical patterns; and a walled-off paradise garden that featured waterworks like fountains, canals, ponds, and waterfalls. As it were, these labels were little more than vague descriptions, as the gardens contained very few original plants from those olden times; this was fitting considering that the nationalities themselves-English, Japanese, and French-had long since faded into irrelevance.

  Many of the plants found in the garden had been designed in the inner sanctum itself and were either being tested or served as living reminders of past successes. The priest pretended to lead the tour, but it soon became evident that the child-framed clone girl named Pueet was the most knowledgeable, and she would often cut in whenever the priest seemed to stammer over the answers to questions.

  Although the entire garden was nothing short of spectacular, perhaps the most glorious of the plant life were the colossal nectar trees. These marvels of engineering were ten stories high and bore massive trunks and beefy branches that supported immense orbs of leaves and flowers. The soothing hum of countless collectors buzzing or crawling about was always present. These insects were designed to harvest the abundant sugars produced by the nectar trees and bring this precious juice by way of a pheromone trail to a place determined by their master. After taking their fill, the coin-sized insects set off, bobbing uncertainly under their load, along the chemical trail set down for them. Once they reached the invisible trail end, they would deposit their load into catch tubes, and the sugars were then shunted off to locations where they could be metabolized.

  The dro-vine that made up House Monsa required a constant supply of food. It needed energy to regulate its temperature and to optimize its air quality and humidity. Whatever the house did not eat could be fed to the countless creatures that inhabited it, including those people who were either too frugal or too busy to obtain food in some other manner. There was no shame in eating and drinking nectar. Indeed, nectar optimized for animal consumption came in many flavors and contained all the essential proteins and vitamins for optimum health. Even the highest scoring players did not shun nectar, although it did become boring over decades of consumption. Nectar could even be used to fuel organic machines like familiars or robots that were responsible for mundane industrial work. However, such machines typically consumed the most potent nectar (and most terrible tasting to humans), which was super-compressed into dense cubes.