Heroes in Uniform: Soldiers, SEALs, Spies, Rangers and Cops: Sexy Hot Contemporary Alpha Heroes From NY Times and USA Today Bestselling Authors

by Sharon Hamilton

  He looked at her, then away, picking up his shoes and socks and sitting on the bed by her knees before he answered.

  “I have something to tell you. I shouldn’t. But I’m going to. And then I’m going to tell you that you have to do what I’m not doing – you can tell no one. I know it’s not fair, but...”

  She sat up, using the covers as her shield against a sudden chill. Not so much from his words but his crisp, distant manner.

  “Okay. I won’t tell anyone whatever it is you’re going to tell me.”

  He finished tying one shoe and put his ankle across the other knee to draw on his second sock.

  “Fort Piney is closing.”

  “What? Why? But you’ve just gotten there! Can’t they give you a chance to make it worth keeping? Or – ”

  “There’s no question of making it worth keeping. It’s on a list that will be announced any day now. I’m there to close it. I knew that was the job when I took it.”

  “But if you knew, why would you take a job like ...” Her heart thundered with the hope before her head found words for it. “You did it to stay here with us.”

  “No.” His harsh tone drove the hard word home. “I took the job because there’s a chance that with me in command, the transition won’t wipe out the economy of Far Hills and everyone here.”

  He finished putting on and tying his second shoe. His foot met the floor with a thump that brought her back to life.

  “But that still means you care, about Far Hills, about – ”

  “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t hope.” He took her hand, the one not holding the covers to her, and laid it across his other palm, then stroked it, as his voice changed completely, yet lost none of the iron beneath it. “I have always, will always care about you, Ellyn. Every day of my life. It’s you...”

  “It’s me? What does that mean, it’s me?”

  “It’s not right for you to care about me.”

  She tried to hold back the pain that threatened to flood her, trying to operate by the lesson he’d taught her. To not interpret every word as criticism. “Why?”

  “Because of who I am.”

  “Who you are is the reason I do care, the reason I care so much! You’re Grif. You’re – ”

  “John Griffin Junior. United States Army officer. Devoted to his career. Just like the old man. A chip off the old block.”

  Still holding the covers to her, she came up on her knees, to bring her face closer to his.

  “You’re not your father, Grif.” She’d known him so long and thought she’d known him so well, yet she’d never seen any of this. “I never met your father, but from everything I’ve heard, from the little you’ve told me about him, you’re nothing like him. Not in the way you are with people. Not in personality. Nothing.”

  “Don’t fool yourself, Ellyn, I’m just like him.” His smile was grimmer than a frown. “What were the chances I could be anything else? When it comes to nature and nurture, I’ve pretty much covered the bases. I look just like him. I was brought up just like him. And I’ve lived just like him.”

  “But ... but you chose the army.”

  “What else was I suited for? Except for the summers here, I’d spent my whole life on bases. The army was what I knew. It didn’t ask things of me I don’t have to give.”

  Oh, God. All this time she’d blamed the army for making him feel that he wasn’t meant to have a family or a home. But he’d gone into the army because he felt that way

  She sat back on her heels, dismayed, but with a strange sort of excitement running through her, too. If she could make him see –

  “Ellyn ...” He smoothed her wild hair back from her cheek with a slow, gentle stroke of his palm. “You are... You are the best part of my life, the best part of me. I won’t let you and the kids suffer for that.”

  “Suffer? How could we possibly suffer from having you in – ?”

  “I saw my mother miserable for years because of my father, and God knows the man wasn’t much of a father to me. You and Meg and Ben deserve a hell of a lot more than that. A hell of a lot more than a man who couldn’t even make himself go into the hospital room where his wife was dying. But night after night sent his young son in there alone to fill visiting hours. That’s when I learned the real truth of what she’d said.”

  He fell into a silence, his eyes unfocused. “What she said?” Ellyn prompted gently.

  “It was before she got sick. Maybe a year or two. I heard them arguing. I got out of bed and went down the hall. I don’t know which base we were at, I only remember the dry smell of that dark, narrow hall, and the lights on in the living room. My mother crying, and my father looking totally blank, like his mind was a thousand miles away. Then Mom got real calm, each word so clear ... Some men never should get married, never should have children. They don’t have the heart for it. You’re one of those men, John Griffin. Like father, like son.”

  Through the man before her, Ellyn felt the pain of that boy. How could a mother say that, even not knowing her son was listening? How could she even think that?

  “Grif...”

  She reached to him, but he was already standing and heading toward the door.

  “I have to go.”

  He didn’t look back.

  * * *

  Her timing sucked.

  A fine time to realize she was in love with John Griffin Junior, when he’d just declared himself unworthy of being in her life or her kids’ lives, and walked out, determined to protect them.

  She’d loved him most of her life. She’d fallen in love with him ... when? When they’d kissed by the school? When she’d seen him walk in the classroom, coming to her son’s rescue? When she’d kissed him on the cheek in the kitchen for being so wise and patient with Meg? Or a little at each of those moments and a thousand others in these weeks since he’d come home.

  Home...

  She’d been sure for so long that he considered the army his home, but now... She wasn’t sure of anything.

  He was here, but he held himself apart from her.

  He was staying, but only to close down their fort.

  He confided in her, but he thought that knowing he was going to close Fort Piney would make her turn away from him.

  That last thought finally lifted a corner of her gloom. Grif wouldn’t bother with trying to make her turn away from him if he wasn’t running out of strength to turn away from her.

  * * *

  He’d stayed away more than a year, why had these past ten days been so damned hard? And why did coming back to Ridge House now make his heart hammer like a carpenter on fast-forward?

  The closings list had come out this morning, which should have made Ridge House his one refuge, since Ellyn was the only person the announcement hadn’t caught unaware. He’d spent the morning making and answering tough phone calls.

  That had delayed him and Luke on their way to Sheridan, so they’d returned to the ranch nearly two hours later than they’d planned. Which was the reason Ellyn’s beat up Suburban was in the drive instead of still parked by the Banner as he’d wanted it to be when he and Luke wrestled this new dryer into the house.

  They’d bumped the thing up the back steps on the dolly Luke brought, and were crossing the threshold when Ellyn came running from the far side of the house.

  “What on earth – Luke? What are you – ?”

  Her words stopped abruptly. Grif didn’t know if it was because she’d spotted the dryer that answered her questions or because her eyes had met his and she’d felt a similar jolt of joy, lust, regret and longing.

  “Back up, Ellyn,” Luke ordered.

  She obeyed automatically, and he rolled the new dryer into position to block the doorway between the kitchen and the back hall, the way they’d planned when they realized Ellyn was home. Grif helped tip the dryer so Luke could free the dolly, then Luke passed it over the top of their temporary roadblock.

  Grif got the do
lly into place under the old dryer Luke had already disconnected and started easing it out of place.

  “Wait a minute! What are you doing, Grif?” From her voice, Ellyn was trying to peer around the new dryer to where he was working. “You can’t do this. Luke, listen to me – ”

  “He’s the boss,” Luke interrupted. “Part owner of Far Hills Ranch, so that makes him part-payer of my wages.”

  Grif didn’t hear the rest, because he was wheeling the useless old dryer out. He brought the dolly back and handed it over the new dryer to Luke.

  As Luke passed Grif’s spot pressed against the back door to give man and machine room to pass, he said in a low tone, “Keep her occupied.”

  This, too, was part of the plan they’d put together out in the truck. Luke had read the manufacturer’s instructions, then they’d removed the packing material so installing would be as quick as possible, but he’d still need some time. Preferably without Ellyn standing over his shoulder ordering him to take it out and protesting his every move.

  Grif stepped in between Luke and Ellyn, and she stopped immediately, hands on hips.

  “Grif, I can’t take this from you – I won’t.”

  “Then I’ll pay you for feeding me and nursing me and changing my sheets and – ”

  “You most certainly will not.”

  “Why?”

  “Why? Because I did that out of ... out of friendship.”

  “Fine, then I’m doing this out of friendship.” He met her eyes at the last word, and got another jolt from the emotional cocktail they’d concocted.

  “Grif, it’s not the same.”

  “You’re right. I come out too easy. I figure I’d’ve been in the hospital two, three days, and that’s about the cost of three dryers. In fact – Luke? How’re you at installing dishwashers?”

  Luke’s voice was partly muffled by his position behind the dryer, but audible. “I could manage.”

  “Don’t you dare, Grif! That’s completely out of the question. I won’t – ”

  Grif wasn’t sure if his luck was good or bad when the back door opened to Ben and Meg.

  “Grif! You’re back!” Ben said with such open joy that Grif felt his throat close. The boy wrapped both arms around his waist and hugged tight. “I knew you’d be back. I knew it was all a lie about you being the one to close up the fort and take the army away. I’ve missed you, Grif. You haven’t heard about our game last week, and the last kids finally did their presentations and I got an A from Mrs. Hammerschmidt for you coming to class, and Bobby got a B because he made Daniel do all the work, but me and him are friends again and – boy, there’s a lot to tell you.”

  Unable to stop himself, Grif drew the boy closer with his hands on his shoulders. He’d written them a couple notes each in the ten days, but he hadn’t let himself see them. He had to start pulling back from their lives. He had to...

  “Hi, Grif.”

  He looked around to see Meg in the doorway. Wariness and hope warred on her small face. “Hi, Meg.”

  He stretched out a hand to her before he knew he intended to. But she didn’t move.

  “Can you stay for dinner, Grif?” Ben asked.

  “Don’t be stupid, Ben,” Meg said before either adult could answer. “Can’t you see he’s going away again? Just like everybody in town said.”

  He met Ellyn’s eyes. In the telltale sheen there, he saw pain. In a flash as bright and stunning as lightning, he knew the pain was for him as well as her children.

  “Meg – ”

  He reached for her, but she ducked away and ran past her mother through the kitchen and out of sight.

  Ben had backed away from him and now looked up. “Are you, Grif? Are you going away again?”

  “I’m going back to Fort Piney,” he said evenly. “And eventually, I’m going to close it down. Those are my orders.”

  “But you could – ”

  “Ben, don’t you have homework?” Ellyn asked, firm but even.

  “But, Grif, you – ”

  “Benjamin.”

  The boy gave him one more look that Grif feared might bring him to his knees, then headed slowly in the same direction as Meg.

  The silence was broken now only by the sounds of Luke working behind him. He didn’t look at Ellyn, afraid of what he’d see in her eyes, afraid of what that would do to him.

  “Grif – ”

  “I know. I shouldn’t have come. And I shouldn’t come back.”

  “I would never tell you that. You’re welcome here anytime. Anytime you can stay for a while.”

  Then Ellyn left, too.

  Grif didn’t let himself think as he helped Luke with the final installation steps. Within minutes they were trying it out. And Ellyn finally had a dryer that worked.

  They loaded up the old dryer and headed to the home ranch, where Grif had left his car – and had promised Marti he’d stop by. He’d called her as soon as the news about Piney closing was official, but he figured he owed her more than that.

  “You coming in?” he asked Luke.

  “Nah. I’ve got some work waiting.”

  “Well, thanks, Luke.” He extended his hand. “I appreciate your help.”

  The younger man studied him a moment before meeting his grip. “Glad to do it for Ellyn and the two kids. Maybe you’ll appreciate some advice, too – don’t be a horse’s ass.”

  Grif wouldn’t have had anything to say to him even if Luke hadn’t turned and walked away then.

  Braced for more of the same from his aunt, it was a relief when she merely grilled him about the closing of Fort Piney and his role in it. Only after an hour or so could he start steering the interrogation toward his ideas for Piney’s future. When he told her about the community meeting he planned, she gave his forearm a firm atta-boy pat.

  The pinch between Marti’s brows had eased and she was actually starting to look intrigued when the back door opened. Without coming in, Luke Chandler addressed Grif with his usual directness.

  “Ellyn needs you. Meg’s locked herself in her room. Won’t come out.”

  * * *

  Ellyn knew it was Grif, not Luke returning, even before she could see him, recognizing something in the rhythm of his movement despite his taking the stairs two at a time.

  He gave her a brief, hard hug. “Are you okay?”

  She answered in the same low voice he’d used. “I’m fine. Meg’s just so upset – ”

  “Do you want me to break the door in, are you worried she’ll hurt herself?”

  “No, no, I can’t believe she’d... But if it comes to that I can take the door off the hinges. But I think it would be better if she came out on her own steam.”

  The muscles around his mouth shifted as if under other circumstances he might have smiled. “Like the circuit breaker. Nothing for me to do because you have it all taken care of.”

  “Not hardly. She won’t talk to me at all.”

  He glanced toward the closed door down the hallway. “Ben?”

  “He was tired. He’s taking a nap.” She saw no need to tell him that Ben had cried himself into a deep sleep. “Maybe if you tried to talk to her?”

  His expression stiffened an instant, then slowly relaxed to an unreadable neutral. He didn’t meet her eyes as he stepped across the landing to the locked door. He stood there a moment with his head down. When he raised it, he also raised his hand and knocked briskly.

  “Meg?” His voice was steady and normal.

  “Why are you here?”

  “Because I’m worried about you. Your Mom – ”

  “Why? You’re not my father.”

  He winced. His voice gave none of that away. “No, I’m not. But I’m still worried about you. Remember what we talked about up at Leaping Star’s overlook?”

  “It doesn’t matter what I remember, because it was all a lie.”

  “It wasn’t a lie. I love you, Meg.”

  “Why should I believe you? All the things you said that day – you said you
’d always be around for us. But you lied!”

  “I didn’t lie to you, Meg. I told you I would have to leave. I told you I was here just for a while. That I’d have to go back when my leave was over.”

  “But that was before you started working at Fort Piney. You could be here, you just don’t want to be. So you lied. You could be here if you loved us like you said you did, but you don’t!”

  “Meg – ”

  “Go away. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to anybody.”

  “Okay, then you can listen.”

  “No! No, I’m not going to listen to you. Why did you even bother to come back when you’re just going to go away again? Everyone goes away. Everyone ...” That trailed off into a sob.

  “Sometimes people don’t have choices about going away, Meg. Remember what we talked about on the overlook, how your Dad – ”

  “My Dad had a choice! And now you’re just like him. I heard him arguing with Mom about a divorce the night he left.” Ellyn covered her mouth with her hand to keep from crying out in recognition of the extra burden Meg had carried all these months. “He said he was going to find something better. Something better than – ” Another sob broke the next word, but Meg defiantly repeated it in a near shout. “ – us. So go ahead and do the same. We don’t need you. I don’t need you. I don’t need anybody. I’m strong!”

  He backed away from the door slowly.

  “Grif – ”

  “This is why, Ellyn. This is ... I never wanted to hurt her – any of you. You warned me, and I knew better, but I was too – ” She stepped toward him, reaching, but he held out a hand to ward her off. “No. Take care of your daughter.”

  * * *

  Ellyn brushed her hand across the top of the headstone where her husband was buried.

  In the numbing shock when Dale’s death followed so closing on the heels of his leaving, Ellyn had gladly agreed to Marti’s suggestion that he be buried here on Far Hills Ranch in the plot that held four generations of Suslands as well as ranchhands. Marti had said it would be easier for her and the kids to visit his grave this way.