Carrying the King's Pride

by Jennifer Hayward

  He frowned. “Where was she?”

  “Emotionally, I mean. Mentally she was...gone. My father and she, they were a team when they came to America. They’d fought so hard to make a life there. But when he died, I don’t think she knew what to do. She had me...so much fear about the future. She fell into a deep depression that lasted for years. It was only because of my aunt that I wasn’t taken from her.”

  Nik’s gaze darkened. “That must have been very scary for a little girl.”

  She nodded. “I was lucky to have my aunt. She helped until my mother could function again. Hold down a job. But my mother was never the same. It’s only recently that she’s started to recover some of who she once was. She is going to marry a surgeon in the fall—a doctor who works across the street from the café where she’s worked for years.”

  “A good ending, then.”

  It was so, so much more complex than that simple statement. But it was easier to nod and agree than get into it. “What I am trying to tell you is that the ground shifted beneath my feet that morning, Nik. Life as I knew it ceased to exist. Everything I thought was predictable became unpredictable. Everything that was stable was suddenly unstable. I developed severe panic attacks I had to learn how to manage. I coped by having to have control at all times, by being self-sufficient in every aspect of my life.”

  He shook his head. “That’s impossible, Sofía. No one has control over their lives. We all have to work with the cards that are dealt to us.” He waved a hand. “This, this I did not expect to happen. But it’s what is. We all have to make sacrifices in this situation.”

  She thought about what he had just been through. Was still going through. “I know this is a difficult situation for you. I understand what you’re saying. But my business, my life in New York is what keeps me grounded, what gives me the stability I need. I’ve spent the past seven years building Carlotta up. You can’t ask me to throw that away.”

  “I’m not asking you to give it up. I will fund the business. You can hire the staff you need to help Katharine. And you can spend your free time here designing the line you’ve always wanted to.”

  “Thousands of miles away from my friends and family.”

  “They can visit. You can make regular visits to New York to check on the business.”

  She slid her hand out of his. She knew what it was like to grow up with only one parent, with an ever-present ache in your chest for what had been taken away from you. She would never do that to her child. But stay here with Nik, a man who didn’t trust her? Who thought she’d trapped him into marriage? Was that even possible?

  Nik’s gaze held hers. “You of all people will be able to understand the chaos our child will undergo as heir to Akathinia. The pressure. The need for a support system. They will need you.”

  Her stomach tightened at his unfair bargaining techniques. “Always the hard-nosed negotiator, Nik. Going for the jugular.”

  His jaw hardened. “Our child cannot be raised anywhere but here, Sofía. You know it and I know it. The only question is what you do. What I can promise you is that I will be here for you. I will protect you. Things will not fall apart. We will give our child the security and stability you were left without. We will do this together.”

  A cloud of confusion descended over her. She couldn’t deny this baby was bigger than the both of them. The part of her that had always trusted Nik knew he was telling her the truth, that he would protect her. But would it be enough for them to make this work?

  A knock at the door signaled the arrival of their dinner. She wasn’t in the least bit hungry, but Nik made her sit down and eat anyway, a few bites of each thing so she wouldn’t pass out on him likely.

  She’d expected him to go off and work in his office after dinner. Instead he made a few phone calls and sent a couple of emails from his laptop in the salon while she got ready for bed. Maybe he was afraid she was going to bolt and run? But where? His security would catch her before she got thirty feet from the palace.

  She took a long, cool shower, thinking that might help. Standing in front of the mirror afterward, about to brush her teeth, she realized she didn’t have her toothbrush. Anything to sleep in... This was insane.

  She stalked out to the salon, a towel wrapped around her. “I have nothing to sleep in.”

  Nik gave her an even look. “Abram had one of the palace staff pick you up a few things. They’re in the wardrobe. There are toiletries in the bathroom, as well.”

  She went back to the bedroom. Opened the doors of the beautifully carved antique wardrobe. Lined up beside Nik’s suits were a half-dozen dresses, a couple of bathing suits and a short, sheer ivory negligee.

  He had been that sure of her. Also seemingly assured she would grace his bed in the sexy lingerie.

  She slammed the wardrobe shut. Walked out into the salon. “Give me one of your T-shirts.”

  He blinked. “There’s something to sleep in in there, too.”

  “I am not here for your amusement. Give me a T-shirt, Nik.”

  He got to his feet, walked into the bedroom and returned with a white T-shirt.

  She yanked it out of his hands, went into the bathroom and got ready for bed. She was still attempting to get to sleep when Nik joined her. She stayed on her side, curled up, wondering how one night, one decision, could so hugely impact her life. Wondering how, even now, when she hated him, she could still feel the physical pull that drew her to the man on the other side of the bed.

  They had never shared a bed and not made love. It was a strange and alienating feeling that added to the fury she felt, making it impossible to quiet her head. But apparently, a self-righteous, convinced-that-he-was-right Nik wasn’t having any issues sleeping. His breathing had evened out and he wasn’t making a peep.

  She punched down her pillow. Tucked in again. Finally admitted what she knew to be true. Her and Nik’s child would be born into a firestorm. He or she would be a symbol of hope for a nation. As terrified as she was of what was to come, she had to forgo her own selfishness and be there for her child. So they knew they were loved. So they would carry the burden they would assume without it destroying them. It was the promise she would make to them.

  Even if it meant giving up everything she knew. Even if it meant spending her days protecting her heart from Nik. Which might prove to be the biggest challenge of all.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  NIK WAS UP at the crack of dawn for his journey to the neighboring island of Cabeirius to meet with King Idas on neutral ground in an attempt to put an end to the tensions between the two countries. Democracy and a desire for its independence had spoken in Akathinia over a hundred years ago and it would continue to be its guiding principle.

  Idas elected to be his usual provocative self in the meeting, many of his statements based on falsehoods and misleading information. Nik might have been able to counter them more effectively had his advisers been better prepared on the points in question and been able to provide him with comebacks on the fly. He had been away from Akathinian politics too long to have every fact at his disposal.

  Things went from bad to worse. By the end of the meeting, he had been left flat-footed one too many times, his fury catching fire. “Your commentary is inflammatory and untrue,” he bit out, slamming his coffee cup down on the table. “You are making the markets and people uneasy, Idas. Push me much further and you’ll give me no choice but to shut you up.”

  The white-haired, craggy-faced king eyed him, his lips twisting. “So passionate, Nikandros. So unlike your brother, who listened to reason. You are living up to your reckless reputation. I wonder what will be left of Akathinia when you’re done with it.”

  Blood pounded his head, blinding him to the room around him. He stood up, fixing his gaze on Idas. “Let me know when you are willing to act like a reasonable man.”

 
He was still shaking with anger as the Akathinian military helicopter lifted off from Cabeirius. It wasn’t until they were halfway home to Akathinia that his brain right-sided itself. He had let Idas goad him into saying things he hadn’t intended to say. Into issuing threats he hadn’t intended to issue. Perhaps he would have called the Carnelian king’s bluff eventually, but not until he had Aristos Nicolades in his back pocket and an enhanced armed forces behind him.

  It did not make his dark mood, inspired by Sofía’s recalcitrance, any better, he conceded, staring out at an endless vista of blue. She had acted like a woman wronged when he’d brought her here, determined to hang on to her story that she hadn’t planned her pregnancy. And although he’d been moved by the account of her father’s death, by where the vulnerabilities he’d always seen in her came from, she needed to agree to this marriage. He needed this particular item off his to-do list. He had only so much head space.

  Was she second-guessing her gamble of getting pregnant when it had become clear this was only a marriage of convenience for him? That he would never offer her the part of him he’d suspected she’d been beginning to want? His heart, something he wasn’t sure he even had anymore.

  Or maybe she’d realized just how far-reaching the consequences of her actions were and was balking at the prospect of becoming a queen?

  Whatever it was, he thought grimly, it didn’t matter why Sofía was acting the way she was. Dissecting her guilt wasn’t his problem. What mattered was that she accept the reality of their situation before the explosive news of a royal heir got out, causing yet more uncertainty among the people. There could be no more blows to this monarchy.

  * * *

  Sofía stood with her hand poised on Nik’s office door, a sleepless night of decision-making behind her. She knew what she had to do. Doing it just seemed so much harder.

  She pulled in a breath, knocked as Abram had told her to, then entered on Nik’s command to do so. He looked up from where he sat behind his desk, a distracted, somewhat black look on his face. When he saw it was her, he put his pen down and sat back in his chair.

  “Everything all right?” she asked cautiously.

  “Kala. Fine. Have you reached a decision?”

  “Yes.” She shoved her hands in the pockets of the capri pants she’d found in the closet and came to stand in front of his desk. “You were right to appeal to my past in your arguments, Nik, because you know I will never abandon my child, nor will I expose them to an overdose of the pressure you were speaking of. To that end, I want to have the final say on any choices relating to our child. I want to be a hands-on mother. I don’t want nannies taking over my relationship with my child. I’ll be the one to set the schedule.”

  “We will discuss that as required.”

  “No.” She lifted her chin. “That is my condition for agreeing to this, Nik. As well as that I want to be able to travel frequently back to New York to check on the business as you promised. I need to be part of it.”

  He nodded.

  “I would also like to pursue my designing, so I would appreciate it if you would find me a space in the palace to do so. A quiet space with lots of room and good light.”

  “Done.”

  “As for us, I will play the role of your wife as required in public, but until we learn to understand each other, there will be no intimacy between us.”

  “Define understand.”

  “You need to believe me when I say I didn’t engineer this pregnancy. We need to have trust between us if we are going to be able to do this.”

  He cocked his head to one side. “How am I supposed to believe a pregnancy wasn’t in your head when you suggest we forgo a condom, then all of a sudden we’re pregnant?”

  Heat stained her cheeks. “I don’t know what possessed me to say that. I don’t know, I wanted that intimacy between us. But it wasn’t planned. The doctor is fairly sure it was my migraine medication that reduced the efficacy of the pills. I had no idea it would do such a thing.”

  “Right.” He gave her a look as if to say he hadn’t been born yesterday. Her blood boiled. “Does it really matter at this point?” he suggested harshly. “It’s a foregone conclusion we’re having this baby.”

  “Yes, it does. You want to lump me in with all the other women who have abused your trust. I won’t do it, Nik.”

  He stared at her for a long moment. “My remaining celibate for the duration of our marriage is not an option.”

  “Well, then I guess we have a disagreement we have to overcome, don’t we?”

  “Quite.” He hit the button on the intercom to call Abram in. “We can get the ball rolling on an engagement announcement, then. The sooner the better.”

  “What about the baby? It’s too early to confirm that.”

  “We won’t.” His mouth curved in a sardonic twist. This is the time we’ll use to convince the people of Akathinia their king has made a last-minute, impulsive decision to pursue his happily-ever-after. A love match. We won’t confirm the baby for another few weeks, unless we have to. Abram has taken steps to ensure the confidentiality of your doctor in New York.”

  Her stomach dropped. He had everything figured out. He was totally in control. And where was she? Completely at his mercy. Completely at the mercy of a palace machine that would strip her life of everything she’d built as soon as this announcement went out.

  From this point forward, her life was never going to be the same.

  * * *

  Sofía’s stomach was still a mass of knots as she dressed for dinner with the royal family. An announcement of her and Nik’s coming nuptials was being prepared for release the next day, along with an invitation for the toast of Akathinian society to join them to celebrate the royal engagement at a party in two weeks’ time.

  She had balked at the tight timeline, but calming her as he would an overexcited filly, Abram had assured it was all easily done by the palace event machine. All she had to do was be a stunning queen-to-be.

  A thousand butterflies traced a swooping path through her insides as she smoothed the beautiful violet dress around her hips that she’d chosen from the selection in the wardrobe. The palace was flying in her favorite designer next week with a dozen dresses to choose from for the engagement party, which might seem like overkill, but when you were going to be photographed by the world, your dress pulled apart piece by piece by the fashion media, you made sure you got it right.

  Her mother had sounded ecstatic when she’d called, too happy with her own engagement to pick up on the reticence in her daughter’s voice. Dreamy, she’d called Nik. “And a prince at that, Sofía.”

  The fact that her mother and she were still so far apart emotionally had brought back a familiar ache. The resentment at never really having had a mother who had been there for all the big events of her life, so lost in herself as her mother had been.

  How some things never changed.

  Pursing her lips, she scooped her hair off her neck and twisted it atop her head rather than ruminate about things she couldn’t change. Up, her hair looked elegant; down, it looked a little wild with the curls the salty Akathinian air was inspiring.

  Nik appeared in the mirror behind her, sleek in a dark suit that made him look like a particularly lethal jungle cat. Her pulse sped up into an agitated, jagged rhythm as his blue gaze slid over her in a slow, thorough perusal. “Wear it down.”

  She pulled her gaze from him. “It channels a bit of Grace Kelly if I wear it up.”

  His mouth curved. “There is no Grace Kelly in you, Sofía. You are all fire with some ice thrown in to keep things interesting. Be yourself.”

  She reached for a clip and secured the curls into a loose chignon. Nik’s eyes glittered as she turned to face him. “If I told you you look incredible in that dress,” he drawled, “would you put something else on?�
��

  “Quite possibly,” she retorted. “So please refrain. We’re out of time.”

  She went to move past him to find her shoes. Nik caught her hand in his. A current ran through her, as if she’d curled her fingers around a dangling electrical wire, jamming her breath in her throat. Dammit. She had to get over this. Him. She hated him for thinking the worst of her.

  He lifted his other hand, a jaw-droppingly beautiful square-cut pink sapphire held between his fingers. “This could make a nice accessory.”

  Her breath caught in her throat. Surrounded by a double row of tiny white diamonds, the brilliance of the light pink stone was further enhanced by pave-set diamonds that covered the entire band.

  It was unbelievably beautiful. Utterly perfect.

  “Do you like it?” Nik prodded.

  She sank her teeth into her lip. Once, when she and Nik had been walking down Madison Avenue after dinner out, they’d passed a swish jewelry store, the appointment-only kind. She’d jokingly commented to Nik that the pink sapphire in the window could persuade her to get married someday.

  He had remembered.

  She stifled the desperate urge to tell him she couldn’t put that ring on her finger and perhaps he should take it back and get another.

  “You could fund the entire Akathinian army with that ring,” she said huskily.

  “I bought it personally. And no, I don’t think it would quite do it.”

  He lifted her hand to slide the ring on, moving it past her knuckle to sit on her finger like a blinding pink fire.

  “It’s beautiful,” she said woodenly. Minus the heartfelt sentiment behind it.

  She pulled away from him and crossed the room to retrieve her shoes. Nik’s piercing blue gaze followed her, probing, assessing. “Are you all right?”

  “Perfect.” She bent to slip a shoe on.

  “Greet my father first,” he said. “Don’t bow, he hates it, wait for him to take the lead. My mother won’t wish formalities, either.”