Ugly Duckling

by Malcolm Allen

  'So we could be looking at stabbings?'

  'Yes, it'll always involve a knife and as I said a cut or attempted cut throat'

  'Anything else?'

  'Not at the moment John, that was just my first glance but I'm fairly comfortable with it. If you get anything else let me know'

  'I'll let you know, no problem. Thanks Leon, that's actually been quite helpful'

  'Don’t sound so surprised! Ye of little faith'

  'Don't blow your own trumpet just yet; we'll see how accurate you are when we catch the bastard. Thanks again, we’ll have a drink sometime.'

  John hung up the phone and sat thinking for a while; he had that look on his face, that far away trance like look that he got when he was thinking. Ian appeared around the door,

  'Oh God, you've gone again haven’t you?'

  John sat starring,

  'Hello! Is there anyone in there?' Ian said starring into Johns eyes

  'Should I start Chanting? OMmmm'

  'Shut up you tart' John suddenly said 'We need to have a look at any unsolved knife murders or attempted, with cuts to the throat'

  'You think there’ll be others?'

  'Leon came up with it, but thinking about it, it makes sense'

  'I don’t think we have any in Dorset J.D'

  'So we have to look further a field don’t we. If you can get onto that Ian I've got to shoot, hot date tonight need to make myself beautiful.'

  'Hot date, need I ask who with?'

  'No Ian, no need to ask its Jenni.'

  Chapter 16

  Standing outside the Laughing Pig John looked at his watch, 7:57, better wait a bit don't want to appear too eager, he thought. He'd got home from work taken a shower and had a shave. Finding some aftershave and a can of Lynx for men, he'd splashed the aftershave around his face and under his armpits and emptied the can of lynx on every other part of his body, including a quick squirt down his boxers, just in case. But now it was time to go inside and meet Jenni.

  The bar was quite empty, just the odd single person dotted around here and there nursing their drinks, John scanned around the bar, No Jenni.

  'John nice to see you again, looking all spruced up' it was Phil 'Christ, and smelling like a poofs boudoir, what have you got on?'

  'Just a bit of aftershave Phil, its nice to smell nice for a change, you should try it'

  'What can I get you?' Phil never chatted too long before the business of handing him money was approached.

  'Just a half please Phil'

  'I won’t get bloody rich with you will I?'

  Phil poured the half and put it in front of John, took the money and gave the change without saying another word to him, but looking around he spotted someone else, 'Chris! Nice to see you again, looking good tonight, what can I get you?' and Phil was off to the next customer.

  John sipped his beer and had another look around, still no Jenni, oh well, what would she see in me anyway, he thought, I'll just finish this and go home.

  Moments later he heard a familiar voice 'Hello John, you came.' it was Jenni. John felt that his heart had literally skipped a beat,

  'Jenni. Yes I was just passing, I remembered you said you might be in here tonight so just thought I'd pop in to say hello, how are you?' John held out his hand as if to shake hands.

  'Much better for seeing you' Jenni said and kissed John on each cheek Continental style. John, who wasn't used to such greetings, instantly felt another erection coming on.

  'Shall we sit' he said and hastily made his way to one of the booths, sitting down trying to disguise the bulge in the front of his trousers. Jenni followed and sat opposite with the table between them, 'good' thought John 'she won’t be able to see it from there.

  'Em John, I don’t have a drink'

  'A drink er, no, what would you like?'

  'White wine please'

  'Yes, no problem, sorry' John raised his hand to attract Phil's attention; Phil looked over and raised two fingers.

  'Think I'd better go to the bar, Phil doesn't seem to do table service, won’t be a mo.'

  John shuffled out of the booth with one hand in his trouser pocket to try to cover his embarrassment and walked in an oddly stooping way to the bar, Jenni Giggled.

  'Here you are one white wine' John said on his return and slid back onto his seat 'So how’s things?'

  'I think the term is, as well as can be expected.'

  'Bit of a silly question I suppose'

  'No John, its OK, I'm fine really, what about you? Have you got any further?'

  'I can’t really discuss that with you Jenni, its not that I don't want too or that I don't trust you, it’s just the rules.'

  'I heard you made some arrests' Jenni continued

  'Yes, that's public knowledge, but they've been released, no charges. They were just helping us with our inquiries'

  'You cocked up' Jenni said with a smile, John smiled back.

  'Fancy going for a walk' John said 'it’s a nice night I could do with some fresh air'

  'That would be nice'

  They finished their drinks and left the pub. They walked towards the town centre and as they did so Jenni slipped her arm through Johns.

  'That's better.' she said

  John felt a little uncomfortable, it had been a long time since he had walked arm in arm with a strange woman and he still had to keep one hand in his trouser pocket.

  'How long is it since you lost your wife?' Jenni asked

  'Three years, it took me a long time to get over it, in fact you’re the first date I've had since'

  'Is this a date then John?'

  'Well, you know what I mean'

  Jenni smiled and gave John a peck on the cheek. If this gets any bigger its going to thrust out of these trousers and stab someone, John thought.

  'Do you like flying? The Air show's back in August' John said, trying to pick a subject that would take his mind off sex.

  'Love it' Jenni replied 'Joined the mile high club once, it was fantastic, would you like to join the mile high club John?' she had a beaming smile on her face, knowing exactly what she was doing.

  They were approaching a taxi rank when suddenly John stopped.

  'Thinking about it, you're quite resilient aren’t you?'

  'What do you mean?'

  'Well, your boyfriends only just been murdered, but here you are walking arm in arm with me talking about the mile high club'

  Jenni pulled her arm away sharply and glared at John 'What are you trying to say?' her eyes filling with tears 'That I don’t care what happened to Bill, well I can tell you I do. I thought coming out for a drink would be better that sitting around thinking about it, and you seemed a nice, kind person. I should've known better'

  'No Jenni I didn’t mean that'

  'You bastard. I would've been happy to sit in the pub on my own, just with people around me so I didn't feel alone, I only asked you because you seemed to be nice. But I know what you want, you bastard, don’t think I haven’t noticed you get a hard on every time you look at me. Is that what you do, find some vulnerable women that's had some kind of upset and play nice just to get them into bed? I bet you all have a good laugh back at the station about that don't you. You fucking bastard'

  SLAP

  Jenni's hand moved so fast it nearly broke the sound barrier and the contact with Johns face nearly broke his jaw

  'Just Fuck off and leave me alone' Jenni screamed as she climbed into a waiting taxi and sped off.

  Recovering his senses John looked around to see several people looking accusingly at him,

  'Women Eh' was all he could think to say as he started walking slowly back the way they had come, this time though on his own and not with his hands in his pockets.

  He decided just to pop back into the Laughing Pig for a quick one before going home, as he got to the bar Phil was there to greet him.

  'Bloody hell that was quick, I'm not sure that's what they mean by speed dating'

  'Could I
just have a half please, without the comments'

  'J.D! Hey over here' It was Ian at the other side of the bar, John went to join him, glad of the company.

  'Ian, what you doing here?'

  'Me and Jane just decided to pop out for a quick one, bumped into Liz and Greg. Do you want to join us? What happened to your hot date anyway?'

  'Long story' John looked over to the table where Jane sat with Liz and Gregory Pike. Greg, as Liz and the others called him, was telling a story, Liz was sat next to him, but turned to face him, John noticed how she pushed a strand of hair from her forehead and seemed to be leaning in towards him smiling. As Greg finished the story and they all burst out laughing, Liz touched Greg's hand.

  'What's Pike doing here?'

  'He's leaving tomorrow for Glasgow got a new position up there, so Liz'll be looking for a new assistant'

  'So he's just having one last try to get into her knickers is he?'

  'Don't be stupid J.D they've worked together for a long time, I know you've never liked him for some reason, what is it? Jealous over Liz? Anyway who's to say they haven't already'

  'Better not have done'

  'Why J.D? You're not interested, you've even been out chasing skirt tonight for the first time in years and it wasn't Liz's skirt you were chasing. I take it that didn't work out'

  'Not exactly'

  'Do you want to join us?'

  John took another look at Liz and Gregory Pike snuggling up to each other (he thought)

  'No it’s alright, don't want to play gooseberry, I'll just head off home'

  He downed his drink and left. It was supposed to be a good day today, but instead I've arrested the wrong people, not come up with any new leads, Fucked off the first woman I've been out with for years and watched that tit Gregory fucking Pike trying to get off with Liz. He got into his car and drove off cursing his “good day.”

  Someone as watching from a discrete distance 'be careful how you drive now, wouldn't want anything to happen to you, would we.'

  Chapter 17

  The next morning Ian arrived just as the morning briefing was finishing.

  'Well, fucking wonders will never cease, D.S Cripp has dragged his sorry arse out of bed and decided to join us, lets have a round of applause for D.S Cripp shall we?'

  A half hearted ripple of applause spread around the room

  'Sorry J.D' Ian said

  'Fucking sorry isn't good enough, make sure it doesn't happen again!' snapped John in response, and stormed off into his office, closing the door behind him.

  'I see his back to his normal moody self' Ian said to D.C Wallace as he laid his things on his desk

  'Worst than ever today' Wallace replied

  'Oh well into the dragons den then' Ian approached Johns door but before he could knock he heard a shout.

  'Cripp! Fucking get in here!'

  Ian entered 'Morning J.D. How are you this morning?'

  'Don't give me that shit Ian, Where the Fuck were you? Don't you know we've got a case to solve?'

  'Sorry J.D no excuses, I just overslept, it won’t happen again'

  Somehow that seemed to take the wind out of Johns sails a bit 'Did you get my Bacon sarnie and coffee?'

  For a split second it seemed that Ian was going to his desk but he stopped and confessed 'Sorry J.D didn't have time, too much of a rush this morning. Shall we pop out and get one, get away from this place for a bit?'

  'Bloody hell! Arrive late and don't even bring my sarnie, well I need my coffee and the stuff here's shit, so we'd better go out. But your paying'

  'No problem J.D. I'll be with you in a minute'

  He walked to his desk and spoke again to Wallace

  'I'm taking him out for a bit, get him out of your hair till he calms down, he'll be alright after a coffee,' he handed a bag to Wallace 'Here you have these, two bacon sandwiches and two coffee's just don't let him see.'

  ***

  John and Ian had large mugs of coffee in front of them and the remains of Bacon sandwiches were left on plates to one side of the red and white checked table.

  'Feeling better now?' Ian asked

  'I'm ok' came the reply

  'So what happened last night?'

  'With Jenni you mean? I completely blew it, I asked how come she wasn't more upset about her boyfriend being murdered, she slapped me round the chops, called me a few choice names and went off crying'

  'Difficult to stop working isn't it'

  'No I didn't say it in that way, I just thought she would be more upset, it’s taken me years to get over Sonia'

  'Yes but Sonia was the love of your life, you were married. With Jenni it was just a boyfriend one that had just told her he was married, it was going nowhere. She probably is upset, but you can’t compare it to you and Sonia'

  'You're probably right, and I'm perhaps not the most tactful person in the world, I'll send her some flowers later.'

  'And what about Liz? You're reaction wasn't very good last night; you didn't even go over to say hello. Poor Liz must be really confused about you; she’s waited all this time, waiting for you. I know she's had other dates, slept with some of them, but it’s always been you she wanted, it wasn't so bad when you weren't seeing anyone, but now you've started dating, but not her. Even that wouldn't be so bad, at least she'd know where she stood, but then you go and get jealous when you see her with Greg.'

  'Jealous!'

  'Yes J.D. Jealous, plain as the nose on your face'

  John thought for a moment, 'To be honest Ian, I don’t know how I feel about Liz, she was Sonia's best friend, we all went to Uni together. I never thought of Liz in that way. Well actually that's not true, I have thought about her in that way but it’s never led to anything, but the thing is, you know that night when nothing happened? Well something did happen, something changed, in me. Just waking up in the morning with her there, not in bed with me, but there, in the same house. It just felt so right, so comfortable, you know? And we just had such a laugh that morning. When she opened the bathrobe to show me her long johns I was actually hoping she would be naked, I would have shagged her there and then if she was. But I just can’t get it out of my head that she's Sonia's best friend, that part feels wrong, like I'm betraying Sonia.'

  'How do you feel about Jenni?'

  'Early days Ian, only had one date and look how that ended up. But Jenni doesn't have any of that, she doesn't know us or Sonia, and I get a hard on every time I see her'

  'Well J.D you'll work it all out I'm sure, but Liz won’t wait forever and if you're not going to be with her you can’t expect her to be a Nun'

  'No, I know, but fucking Pike, she can do better that that!'

  'Let me tell you a couple of things about Greg J.D. One. He's going to Glasgow; he couldn't get much further away. And two, he's more likely to hit on you than Liz. How you don't know is beyond me, but he's gay! I always thought that's why you didn't like him.'

  'He's Gay, are you sure?' a smug smile spread across Johns face

  John’s phone rang.

  'D.I. Dickie, What? You’re joking! OK me and Ian will be there in 10'

  'Come on Ian, Glenferness Avenue, Mr Dunn's place.'

  Mr Dunn's house in Glenferness Avenue was a large detached house with a walled front garden and trees planted at the edge to shelter it from the traffic, when John and Ian arrived they instantly saw Mr Dunn talking to one of the policemen that were there and a small covered lump in the front garden.

  'Oh no' John said as he exited the car 'Not that'

  Mr Dunn saw John and instantly marched towards him,

  'Sir! Thank you for coming sir' I don't know what to do Sir, Please Help'

  'OK Fred, threes no problem with me attending at all, we’ll see what we can do. Do you want to put the kettle on? We'll have a nice cuppa, I'll be in a moment'

  'Nice cuppa Tea sir? No problem, coming right up'

  Fred disappeared into the house. John looked around and spotted Liz,

  '
Hello Liz what's going on?'

  'Its Mr Dunn's Dog' replied Liz, John thought she looked unusually pale, even shocked, which was odd, there wasn't much that Liz hadn't seen during the course of her career, what could be so bad?

  'His Dog? You don't normally come out for animal deaths'

  'This is no ordinary animal death; you’d better come and have a look'

  John walked with Liz to the covered lump in the front garden; Liz bent and pulled back the sheet, instantly John’s stomach turned.

  'Oh fuck,' he was trying hard not to throw up, lying in the garden in a pool of blood was Patch, Mr Dunn's Dog. On its back, its front legs were up in the air and the paws at the end were bent almost as if it were begging for scraps. Its throat had been cut and stomach split wide open, intestines laid out next to it. In its mouth, grotesquely, had been placed a toy knife.

  'Fuck, cover it up Liz, not much doubt about who did this, they must have seen him on telly. At least that confirms he's local, it was only on the local news. How are you at animal post mortem's Liz?'

  'In these circumstances I'll do it. Isn’t it odd how it’s more upsetting than when it’s a person?'

  John reached out and touched Liz tenderly on the arm he knew Liz was a great animal lover even though she didn't have one 'it would be unfair while I'm working all day' she would say.

  'Yes it is. Thanks Liz. I'd better go and speak to Fred'

  Fred was in the kitchen just starting to pour two cups of tea, his cheeks moistened with tears, looking very sad, very old and very alone, He saw John coming in and instantly wiped the tears away and straightened himself up.

  'Here you are sir, a nice cup of tea'

  'Thanks Fred I need this' John very rarely drank tea but he thought it would do Fred some good.

  'So Fred, if it’s not too upsetting, can you tell me what happened'

  'Upsetting? No sir, have to do my duty don't I sir, try and help you catch the perpetrator.' Fred's eyes were welling up with tears, but his pride wouldn't allow him to cry, not till he was alone at least.